Mike Domitrz answers whether pausing mid-kiss to check if someone's okay counts as consent. It doesn't. Consent must be explicit and mutual before any contact happens, not after. Asking for forgiveness instead of permission violates bodily autonomy.
All right, today's question from a student after the Can I Kiss You show that we're going to talk about is, hey, instead of asking first, you kiss the person, then pause to see if he or she is okay with it. Does that pass as consent? We're going to talk about that in today's video. All right, so this question comes to us from a student at the Can I Kiss You program that they sent to us via an online survey we provide. Here's today's question. Instead of asking first, you kiss the person, then pause to see if she or he is okay with it. Does that pass as consent? The answer is no, it does not pass as consent. The key to consent is that it's mutually agreed upon before it happens, not afterwards. When you say, Michael, well, how about I just kiss them and then find out if they're okay with it? You've already done it to them. You can't reverse what you've already done. And they deserve to have a choice before you did that with their body. And a good benchmark to think of is, what if it was a more advanced sexual activity? Would you just do it to them and afterwards go, hey, are you okay that I just did that to you? No. Hopefully the answer would be, no way would you do that. So consent should be consistent, which means you always ask before. Look, if they really want it, they're gonna love saying yes. If they're sexually mature and comfortable with what's happening, it's gonna be fun to hear them say yes. Asking before is the key. Afterwards is like asking for forgiveness instead of agreement, and we're talking about somebody's body. So that philosophy of asking for forgiveness instead of permission is never okay with sexual intimacy. Never, ever, ever. They deserve to have a choice. Ask first. That's today's student question.
