Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Survivors deserve to have someone they can talk with.

8 Sept 2023 · 1 min

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In this brief dialogue, Speaker A and Speaker B examine a common parental warning—"if anyone ever touches you, I will personally kill them"—and its unintended consequences for survivors of abuse. They argue that such threatening statements, while meant to protect, actually teach children that disclosing harm will lead to further danger or disbelief, prompting them to stay silent. The speakers highlight how this learned silence isolates survivors, leaving them without anyone to confide in, and underscore the need for compassionate, open communication rather than intimidation.

What are we most afraid to do to the ones we love? Hurt them. Hurt them. Now, why do we think this is gonna hurt them? Well, we think it because our society makes this statement. It's an awful one. Parents say it a lot to their children when they're young, but they say it to many of you when they drop you off at college.
The statement went something like this: if anyone ever touches you, I will personally kill them. Yes.
If you've heard it or said it, say, yes, I have. Yes. Yes, and when a parent says that, the child's not sitting there going, what a loving mom. What is the child actually learning? They can't handle it. And so the child says, well, clearly I'm never telling them. And if they can't handle it, maybe others can't handle it. And if I do tell others, they might tell them, so I just won't tell anyone.
And now survivors have no one to turn to.