Mike, a teen dating expert, debunks the idea that starting sexual activity young makes you better at sex later. Research shows the opposite: early initiation links to unhealthy relationship patterns and poor understanding of sexuality. Waiting until you're truly ready and mature enough to understand consent matters more than early experience.
Hi. Today's question is, Mike, as a teenager, isn't it true that the younger I get started with sexual intimacy, the more experienced I'll be, the more I'll know what I'm doing, and the better I'll be at it as I get older? Here's the reality. The reality is that research shows, and there's multiple different forms of it that show this, there's articles on this if you look it up, that the younger In other words, the younger you get started with sexual intimacy, the more likely you're going to have unhealthier sexual understanding as you age, which means the more likely you're going to have unhealthier sexual intimacy. Now, let me be clear. We're not saying that if you did start early, therefore you're destined to unhealthy relationships. That's not what we're saying. We're saying the likelihood. I've met people who said, hey, I started early, I recognized the danger in that behavior, I stopped. So I could get a healthier understanding of myself, and everyone can do that. So if you're worried that you already have and you're thinking, well, it's too late for me, it's never too late, right? We can always decide, hey, I want better for myself. I want healthier for myself. That can be very positive. We're also not trying to guilt you if you're saying, but I think I'm ready. I'm legally at the age in my state where I'm able to make this choice and I'm ready. We're referring to when often people are engaged in sexual intimacy before even the age of consent. Or before they feel ready or before they even have the knowledge to be making these choices. All of those can be incredibly unhealthy. If either partner's not ready, it can be very unhealthy. So we want to really recognize that. The research shows, remember, the earlier you start, the more likely to have unhealthy, therefore the unhealthy— And for anybody questioning if the odds are this is true, here's the easiest examples I have for you. When in middle schools, when in high schools, I say, if you look at the relationships of those around you who have started dating very young or being sexually intimate very young, have you seen them go through really healthy, wonderful relationships? Or have you seen them go in and out of unhealthy relationships? Overwhelmingly, teenagers say the people who got started earliest tend to be going in and out of unhealthy relationships. And they say the reason is because what they think is healthy is not healthy. And so they think they're in a good spot, they're not, and then they get out of that one and go back into unhealthy because that's all they learned because they didn't have the knowledge and they weren't ready for the decision. So they only know the standard that they started with, which was not knowledgeable, not both people totally being ready, not being mature enough, and that's the standard they know. Instead of saying, hey, I'm going to wait until I'm absolutely ready for this to happen for both of us in a wonderfully, mutually amazing experience. That's why this myth that if I start earlier, I'll get better or be more knowledgeable is dangerous. It can actually lead to unhealthy relationships. We want you to have healthy, wonderful relationships as you get older. That's today's question.
