In this YouTube Q&A segment, teen dating expert Mike Domitrz addresses a common concern from teenagers and preteens: the fear that past sexual choices, especially those they now regret, permanently define them and create expectations for future behavior. Domitrz emphasizes that a past choice is separate from a person's identity, asserting that making a bad decision does not make someone a bad person. He reassures listeners that they retain the right to choose how they act now and in the future, regardless of past actions. He shares anecdotes of students who, after recognizing past regrets, decided to slow down or change their relationship patterns, illustrating that change is possible and that past behavior does not dictate future conduct. Domitrz also advises listeners to reject pressure from others who cite past behavior as justification for current expectations, stressing the importance of consent, personal agency, and self‑respect. The segment concludes with a reminder that each day offers a fresh start, and individuals should never feel guilty or ashamed for past choices that no longer reflect who they are.
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Today's question from teenagers and preteens is, Mike, what if I've already made sexual decisions in my past that I'm not happy about or I regret or I wish I hadn't made? Isn't it too late now? I mean, I've already done that. People know I've already done that. Isn't there an expectation that I have to do that going forward? Let's get right into this one because this is an important question and this is a pressure that both preteens, teens, and adults of all ages often experience, and so we need to cut that pressure right off. Let's explain a couple things right off the bat. Number one, if you made a choice in your past that you feel was a bad choice, that does not mean you're a bad person. Some people think, because I made this choice in the past that was bad, I'm a bad person, and therefore going forward, that, that I have to live with that. No, no. A choice is separate from who you are. Choice is here, you are here. So a wonderful person will make bad choices at times. It happens. It's called living life. So that's the first thing to understand, that your choice in the past does not define you today. It does not define you going forward. So, so important. So that means that if you've made a choice in the past, maybe you've been sexually active or engaged in a certain sexual act that you wish you hadn't, or you really don't want to engage in right now or anytime soon going forward, well, you have the right to live right now and going forward as you want. Not based on something you did in the past. One of the things that I love is after speaking sometimes at a school, a student will come up to me and say, Mike, I've realized that I've done things that I wish I had not chose to do, and today I realized that I get the choice to slow down. I don't have to keep doing things I don't want to do. I have that choice. What's really neat is hearing them later or meeting them later when they say to you, hey, Mike, I totally changed my relationships going forward. Because of that choice I made that day. In other words, their past did not define their future. And if anyone ever tries to say to you, well, I heard you did this with so-and-so, or, I heard you did this in the past, why won't you do it with me? There's an easy answer. Because I don't want to. What I did in the past is what I did in the past. What I want to do today is what I want to do today. And you need to respect that, and you need to honor that. You can't treat me because of something I did in the past that that's who I'm going to always be. B. Every day you get to start that new day fresh and own those choices. And so please never feel guilty or ashamed that your past has to define your future. It does not. You get to choose.
