In this advice segment, the speaker addresses a listener’s question about a partner who pressures them to continue a sexual encounter by claiming they can’t control themselves. The speaker emphasizes that consent is always the listener’s choice and that it is never the listener’s responsibility to satisfy someone who claims a lack of self‑control. The speaker identifies such statements as coercion, guilt‑tripping, and a potential red flag for dangerous behavior. Listeners are urged to seek relationships with partners who respect boundaries and can manage their own impulses. The speaker also notes that most people can control themselves and use the excuse to obtain sex, reinforcing the need to recognize and reject this manipulation. The overall message is to prioritize personal agency, recognize warning signs, and pursue healthy, consensual relationships.
Chapters
Today's question is, Mike, what if I'm in a sexual moment with my partner and I don't want us to go any farther, but my partner is saying we have to because they can't control themselves, that I got them all this worked up? What do I do at that moment? This question is really important because if a partner is pressuring you with statements like, I can't control myself, you got me this worked up, therefore we have to do this, If they're doing that, that is not okay. That's using pressure and coercion and even potentially guilt to get you engaged in a sexual act you are not ready for, you don't want, you have chosen not to. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. You've chosen you don't want to do this, and it's always your choice. So if they're saying to you, well, I can't control myself, let's explain something very clearly. One, it is not your job to sexually satisfy somebody who can't control themselves. Never, ever, ever is your job. 2, you always deserve to be in a relationship with someone who will honor your boundaries and never push you somewhere you don't want to go sexually or intimately. You always deserve that. So if this person truly believes in their heart they have no control over themselves once they're that worked up, you deserve to be in a relationship with a person who does have control. And therefore, you deserve to be in a better relationship with a different person. Because this person is telling you they're dangerous. I can't control myself. That's dangerous. If they really believe that, that is dangerous for you. All right? And if that is true of them, that they have the inability to control themselves, it's incredibly dangerous. And I want you in healthy relationships. So I want you to be able to recognize that. Now, here's the good news. Most people can absolutely control themselves in that moment. They can. It's just they're using it as an excuse to try to get what they want. That's the sad part of this. That's not the good news. But the good news is they can control. And so you need to be able to know for yourself that you deserve to always have that choice, and they should never be using this excuse, I can't control myself, to get you to do something you don't want to do. And remember, if they can't control themselves truly, then that is not your responsibility to take care of their sexual needs, demands, wants, or moment that's occurring at that time. Ever, ever, never your responsibility. I do want you to always be with someone Who respects your boundaries, who really respects you, your choices, and therefore someone who can control themselves and really owns that. Of course I can control myself. I only want to do what we both want to do together. That was today's question about not being able to control yourself.
