A dating violence prevention expert says passing notes to someone you like undermines confidence and maturity. Direct conversation signals equality and healthy relationships. Notes spread easily and cause embarrassment, while rejection just means they're not a fit, not a personal failure.
Today's question is, Mike, if I'm not comfortable talking directly to the person, is it okay? Or I mean, it's got to be okay, right? If I just pass notes or give my note to a friend to get to them, that's okay, right? So let's get right into this one about passing notes. Now, when I'm talking with middle school students and high school students, they all can engage in this at times. And you ask them, well, why are you passing the note? And almost always, if they're really sincere and honest with you, Well, I'm passing the note because I'm not comfortable going to them directly. So if I give my friend the note and then my friend will give someone a note and it'll get to them, and then I can find out without looking them in the eyes or talking to them directly. That's the problem. See, if you're telling me, Mike, I think I'm at an age where I'm ready to date someone or be in a relationship, then you should at least be able to look them in the eye And talk to them about how you feel or that you're interested in them or asking them a question that, would you like to go to a movie or would you like to go somewhere? You should be able to do that eye to eye. If you cannot do that eye to eye, like, I'm too scared of how they'll react or I'm too afraid of rejection. Well, first of all, you're never gonna get a chance to date or do anything if you're not willing to take the risk that you could be rejected. That's really important. But what's Also really important here is if you take a note and you pass it to someone else, you're not potentially just being rejected by the person the note gets to, but everybody that hears about the note, everybody that touches the note, it'll move like wildfire. That can be humiliating. It can be embarrassing. And you can save yourself from all of that by going directly to a person. It's a sign of maturity. It's a sign of confidence. And it's a very That's a positive sign to the beginning of a healthy relationship, that I can go talk to you face-to-face. I don't need a note all curled up to go to somebody else. I can go to you face-to-face. So if you're asking yourself, why— how do I do that? Believe in yourself and know that you are both equals. There's nobody better than you, and you are not better than them. You're equals. And as long as you're equals, there's nothing to fear. If they don't want to, they don't want to. Okay, that's not— I don't have to be offended that we're not a connection or we're not a right fit. It's just that's not meant to be, and that's okay. That's all part of the process. But the key is showing the maturity to find out face-to-face, not bringing all the drama of other people, the immaturity of that, the games that that plays into. Be direct, be yourself, and know you deserve to have a direct conversation, and so does that person. Notes are typically signs of immaturity or people who are uncomfortable. And if you're in either of those cases where you're uncomfortable or immature, wait till you're ready. Slow down until you have the confidence to look them in the eye and recognize you are equals and you deserve to be able to talk to each other on an equal level. That's today's question.
