In this video, teen dating‑violence expert Mike answers a teen’s question about what happens when a partner keeps asking for sex after the teen has said “no.” Mike explains that consent must be freely given, mutually wanted, and enthusiastic, and must come from partners who are of legal age and of sound mind. He stresses that any pressure, coercion, or repeated asking after a clear “no” invalidates consent, constituting teen dating and sexual violence. Mike advises that a single “no” should be respected, that consent must be obtained before any sexual activity, and that partners have a responsibility to give the other person the opportunity to say no. The message is framed as an ideal, respectful approach to relationships rather than a legal loophole.
Chapters
Today's question is, Mike, what if I say no and then my partner keeps asking and keeps asking and keeps asking and keeps asking? I start to get scared. I start to get nervous and I start to fear the situation, so I just say yes to like get it over with. Is that still consent? This is a really important question for us to address. If somebody pressures you into sexual intimacy that you do not want to have, they pressure you or coerce you into saying yes, it wasn't freely given, this is a form of teen dating violence. It's also a form of sexual violence, so we need to discuss it. Now, the question was, is this consent? So let's quickly define what consent is. Now, the definition I'm gonna give you is not the legal definition, and here's why. Every state can have different definitions of what consent exactly means legally in their state. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you a definition that if you live by this definition, you will not have to worry about the law in states because you'll always be okay living by this definition. Here's that definition that you'll be good with. It is the following. Consent is freely given, mutually wanted, enthusiastic agreement between partners of legal age and sound mind. Now let's quickly look at that. Legal age means that if you are not of legal age, You cannot give consent regardless of what you said. Not of sound mind means that if you're not of sound mind, and that can mean for any reason— drugs, alcohol, mental health— you cannot consent. So let's say you are of legal age. Let's say you are of sound mind. Now let's go back to the other component. This idea that I said no, and this actually happens to people, I said no and they keep pressuring me and they keep pressuring, they keep pressuring me. This is not called freely given. Look at the definition I gave. I said freely given, mutually wanted, enthusiastic. This is clearly violating that. So even if you're going, well, Mike, what will happen in a courtroom? Will this be consent or not? I want you to live in relationships where you don't have to live by what is the fine line of the law and what can I get away with, what can I not get away with. I want to say what's the ideal way to treat another human being. And that means that when someone says no, It is respected. You only need to say no once and keep in mind, it's also their responsibility to give you the opportunity to say no. If they start doing stuff to you without even asking, without even giving you the chance to say no, that's not okay either. That agreement, consent means it happens before, not after, and so that's really, really important. You deserve for sexual intimacy to absolutely be mutually wanted, enthusiastic, and fun. Freely given. That's today's question.
