"The DAILY ASK for Parents" with Mike Domitrz

Welcome to the Daily Ask. This is your chance to ask questions and I'll answer them. And if you've never been to this or you're new to this, I'm going to give you a little time here for people to catch on that we're doing this. You could be coming from a few different communities today as far as it's possible you're watching us live on Facebook right now at youtube.com/centerforrespect. It's also possible you're watching us at facebook.com/mikerespects. That's actually my Facebook page. Some of you could be on my Facebook profile, and it'd be great if you actually go to the Micro Specs because that's where more of this is going to be. I'm going to be putting more on there. Oh, if you go to somebody's regular Facebook profile, they actually have a limit. Facebook only allows so many people on a profile, and we're almost at that limit. So if everybody goes to the Facebook page, we don't get that. If you go to facebook.com/microspects, We have no limitations on how many people can be there. So it's much more wonderful going down the road long term. If you want to communicate with me, that's the place to do it. facebook.com/microspecs instead of Mike Damish. So that's just a little heads up as we're getting started here. And remember, all you have to do is post any questions you have in the comments section. I'll be able to see them and then I'll be able to answer some of those questions. So go ahead and post a question. It could be, about parenting, could be about intimacy, could be about consent, respect, decision-making, any of those realms. You can go ahead and post that. I'm going to share a little bit more here in a moment about why I'm doing this and why we want to be here for you. I said you could have found us on YouTube, Facebook, and those are the main areas. Some of you found out about it through Instagram where we also posted. So I want to welcome you. This is called the Daily ask. Now you might be like, Mike, why call it the daily ask? I'm all about asking, asking first, and about respecting the answer. And by the way, that's not just true in consent as far as sexual intimacy. That's true in our lives, asking for what we want, right? And then respecting the answer and adjusting according to the answer. And a lot of times that starts with Asking ourselves, asking ourselves, what do we want? What would we like to experience? And that doesn't mean with anybody else. That means in our life. And that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about asking ourselves questions that make us think about what we want, listening to ourselves, respecting the answer, and then being willing To overcome any fears or barriers to take that step forward. And that's what I really want to dive into today. And that I'm developing a new community for parents called Mutually Amazing Parents. We have a Facebook group already there, but you might notice right above me there's a website that says mutuallyamazingparents.com because that's a mini book we've actually created, a free mini book, and it's for parents. And the reason that I've chosen to really focus in on supporting parents is a couple reasons. With everybody being home and with myself included not being on the road, what we noticed was, hey, the group who asked me the most questions the most often when I'm traveling the world is parents. When I'm in front of parents, I get the most questions. After I'm done on the surveys, I get some really intense questions. And by the way, we get intense questions from Students too, lots of them. Parents ask very specific ones that they want support with, they want help with, and it's much more available to us to be able to reach out to parents than to students as far as online social media. Facebook and other mediums are easy to reach parents. So I want to serve those we can reach, and parents get to then serve the students, the kids, the teens that we're often getting questions from. So there's a ripple effect. If we can support you parents in being able to support kids at the same time, it's a win-win versus if I'm only talking to the kids and I don't get to the parents, then they might not be getting reinforcement, those same kids. If we talk to the parents, we get consistency across the board, and that's what we really want to be able to have happen. So I'm going to step back now and we're going to talk about asking yourself. So what I'd like you to think about, if you're watching right now, you can put it in the comments right below. What is the last time you asked yourself what you wanted, heard the answer, and then were like, I don't know, I don't know if this is the right time in my life right now, I don't know if this is right with what's going on in the world right now, I've got so much going on with my kids, I don't have time for this right now, and you came up with an excuse? So if you can think of an excuse, because I've, I've definitely done this, If you can think of an excuse, just post in the comments like, well, too busy, too much that, whatever it could be, post it. I'll tell you one of mine. Mine is, what if I broadcast it to the world? In my line of work, what we do tends to go out publicly and it fails. Like, you know, how are people going to perceive if I try to go down this new road over here? They're used to me driving down that road and suddenly I go down this road. What if they backlash at me? What if they're like, "What are you doing? You belong over there in that lane. What are you doing coming over here in this lane?" And you know, you you need to be tunnel vision on what we know you've been doing all these years. And if you slide over here, well, we're just not comfortable with that. So we're going to tell you not to do that. And how would I handle that if people are giving me negative energy? Because I'm somebody that feels the world. I'm somebody that when toxic energy comes at me. I feel it. And for many decades, I'd become very defensive because I felt it so hard. My reaction was to become defensive and sort of, how dare they, or look at them and see what's wrong instead of pausing and going, oh, that might be interesting for me to consider as I still drive down my goal, the path over here, right? As I do that, not consider and stop my goal, consider how that could be helpful as I go down that new path. Samantha here, is saying, you know, I have not enough money or resources to do something for me. Oh my goodness, I get that, right? Because Samantha, a lot of people in my field right now are out of work. I mean, completely out of work. There's no income, there's no revenue coming in, and they're struggling. And they're saying, I don't have resources right now to invest in myself, which is what I need to go down that path over there, to build this new thing, to hopefully maybe give me A life that I can financially support myself on and to serve others, but I don't have any of the money that it takes to get over on that path over there. So I get this 100%, Samantha. Absolutely. And so then we have to stop and go, all right, what do I have around me that I could take with me down that path? What am I able to do? I'll give you an example. I have an older computer I'm in front of right now. And when I say older, in the world of computers, 5 years old is old in the world of computers, as far as if you're using a lot of technology like I do in my work. And this is a 5-year-old computer. Not only that, it's a notebook computer that's 5 years old, and it's a MacBook Air, which is a great computer, but it's the lighter version as far as power goes. It's not a MacBook Pro or any of that. 5 years ago. And so as I started doing all this technology, I'm like, oh my gosh, I really I need this, I need this, and I need this. Had I waited for any of that technology, and this is actually what happened here in my office and in our home when we were evaluating all of this, we're like, we need all this stuff to be able to do this new stuff down this road over here we're building. But we're not in a place where we're working, right? I was honest about that. Now, if that's changed since, we're doing a lot of virtual work, a lot of cool things. But for a while there, it was scary. And we weren't able to get our message out and to do what I love doing, to try to help impact others. So you didn't have that. And Amazon was backed up anywhere from 2 months to 4 months on technology stuff. And I'm not exaggerating. People in my field know this. You couldn't get cameras. You couldn't get a webcam. You couldn't get equipment you needed to do some stuff in your home. You couldn't get it. It was backlogged. So we had to say, all right, what's the technology that's out there that costs very little money that would work with my technology that would allow me to do something? And look, here we are, we're live streaming. And by the way, not only am I live streaming today, I've been doing a podcast with my friend Sam live streaming. We've been doing live virtual trainings with people from all over the world because we figured out what do we have that we can work with. So if you're a parent out there, you're an individual out there, I love what Samantha said about that. Look back on that again, right? Not enough money or resources. So we have to ask ourselves, all right, what resources do I have? Instead of focusing on what's not there, what is there that helps me take that step? So thanks, Samantha, for, for sharing that, because it's— I went through it, and it's important for us to recognize what we do have. Right in front of us. That becomes super, super important, right? So I started this by saying, what have you asked yourself? Now, when I ask that, a lot of parents especially will say to me, Mike, what are you talking about? I don't ask myself, hey, all right, what do you want right now? As if I'm talking to a partner. I don't have time for that. I've never even thought of that. Ah, so then I'll say, why not? I'm just too busy with the kids, keeping my partner happy, and everything that needs to be done. And one of the biggest things we see when we're traveling the world working with parents, and it's a mistake I've made, and I think every parent, if they're honest, has made, is thinking that parenting is about what we say in any given moment, what we set up as the next thing for our children to do in the next moment, about saying the right thing to our kids, setting up the right guidelines, the right principles for our kids. And we forget one of the most important lessons that we will ever display to our kids. In fact, the greatest gift we will ever give our kids is role modeling. The fact is, no matter what I say, role modeling is what kids will notice. Now, I could be role modeling poorly. They're going to notice, and we all do that sometimes. Or I could be role modeling as a place of strength and respect and love. And they're gonna notice. Now that one they might not say anything about because it's not irritating them. So you're not getting that pushback that you can sometimes get from kids. So you might not hear anything when that's happening. But how are we role modeling pursuing a mission in life, a reason in life? Because imagine if your kids never see you pursue anything outside of— and when I say this, keep in mind, I've been an at-home parent. But if they see you only being a parent and you're telling them pursue your dreams, pursue your goals, pursue this, but they don't get to see you pursue a passion. By the way, that doesn't mean working outside the home. That doesn't have to mean working for income. It could be volunteering in a way you believe. It could be serving and giving to others in a way you believe. But giving yourself the ability to pursue a passion, something you love, something you want, being able to ask yourself, what would I love in my life? Listen, and instead of letting all the pushback go, but this, but that, and all the nos, going, all right, all right, what do I have that I could start down that path? What could— what tools do I have? And by the way, you have tools already. You got them up here. You have knowledge other people don't have, or you have a passion other people don't have that could greatly help other people. And so when you think of asking first, As a parent, I want you to think of asking yourself first, what would I love to do? And by the way, you don't even have to be a parent to do this. It could be anybody. It could be a single person, a married person with kids, without kids. This is people of all genders, identities, sexual orientations. We all should be asking ourselves, being inclusive, what could I do? You know, it's— I run our— we run our own business and he is showing his son to go after his passion. I love this. All right, I love that you get— they get to watch that. And by the way, your passion could be where you work. Like, it doesn't mean doing your own thing. Your passion could be your job. Do your kids get to see you talk about that in a passionate way, right? Do they get to hear you talk about that? Because I know people will come home and go, oh, never bring your work home. And if you love your work, you're denying your children and your family the chance to see what you love doing. And taking that passion away from them. I would challenge the opposite. Come home and share your success. Share your failures. Because if you're going to pursue things in life, that means you're going to fail. And it's good for our kids to see we've failed. You know, when this all hit, we sat down our old— our kids are older now, right? And but we sat them down and we said, hey, here's the reality. Here's where things are at. Here's how it could go going forward. And we are going to do everything we can to try to build the best pathway forward with what has happened in the world. We're going to do that. We're going to work hard to do that. And we might have some struggles on the way and we might have to cut back some things on the way. But by doing that, they could see the journey, right? And they could learn that this is all part of the experience is that roller coaster going down that road. There's no flat pathway down a road, not in real life. It's a, right? It's a roller coaster. The road actually has ups and downs. Downs, and you're going to take those ups and downs. It's being willing to have that, right? And so they get to see us work too. Yes, Samantha, exactly right. We want that to be able to happen. So you're asking yourself what you want, you're respecting the answer, because by the way, that's a big thing we can do as parents. We can deny ourselves our truest answers. I don't want anybody to do that out there. So I could say to myself, what do I love doing? Well, my passion is talking about building a culture of respect that shows up via talking about consent. And my inner drive is about building mutually amazing relationships. That's my personal inner drive, building mutually amazing relationships. But it'd be easy for me to go, but everybody knows you, Mike, as consent, respect. They know you as working to reduce sexual violence, which, by the way, if we're building mutually amazing relationships, We are greatly reducing sexual violence. Well, they know you as biased intervention. Well, if we're intervening, then we're stopping unhealthy relationships, building more healthy relationships, going towards more mutually amazing. But if I listened to all the buts, right? But they know you for this, or, but you've been doing this for so long, or you've been doing that so long. I would have never pursued the conversation about what it takes to have mutually amazing relationships in your life. And that conversation has been at the heart of many of my talks With all different audiences, military, schools, corporations, for the past many years. It never would have gotten there if I didn't respect the answer I heard many years ago at an event I was at from myself, that what really drives me is mutually amazing relationships. I was willing to listen to that and follow it. And here's the key: I was willing to fail. You know, I will have people always say, "Hey, you know, what did you try new today?" Or what did you do differently today? And I think there's an interesting question to add on to that. Did you give yourself a chance to fail today? See, if we didn't give ourselves a chance to fail, then we didn't really go after something today, because the chance to fail means there was an opportunity to have impact and succeed. But there was also a great opportunity to fail because I was willing to try something. That means it really put As far as success or impact, it put maybe my own feelings on the line because it doesn't feel good to fail. But was I willing to take the five seconds of courage? That's normally what it is for me to come and do a video like this. It's really once I hit live record, we're going. It's that five seconds. My friend, the Kotekis, Jason Koteki talks about you know five seconds or twenty seconds of courage. And I love that statement by Jason because that's all we're talking about here. 5 to 20 seconds of courage, right? Sam, it's very important to network. I'm a true believer about respect. You saw that at NDCS? Yes, yes, yes, several years ago. Absolutely right. And so be willing— by the way, let's go with what Sam said there. Reach out to your network, right? Reach out to them. I can't tell you how much the last 6 Weeks, we have created some amazing things—courses, webinars—and we are building a new course right now that several of you know about that we're super excited about. You know why? Because of the network around me that I was able to turn to and say, "How are you doing this? How are you doing this?" And they were turning me going, "Mike, how are you doing that? How are you doing that?" And we supported each other. Nobody was doing this. Well, I'm not telling because if you figure out, then you might get ahead of me. Nobody was doing that. Right? We were creating a network of support that were not only when we went down that path, that roller coaster, but they were going to be behind us pushing us, cheering us on. They're going to be at the finish line cheering us on. And that's what I want every parent to know out there. I'm cheering you on, and lots of other people are, are just cheering you on right now. All right, absolutely cheering you on. And so be willing to ask yourself every day, hey, when I wake up, am I going to give myself a chance to fail today? Something where I could feel the fail. I could actually feel the failure, right? And by the way, I don't mean feel it as in shame or guilt. Feel it as an oh, all right. It didn't go the way I want, but I learned this. By the way, I just noticed I said but, and I don't like that. And I learned this. See, but makes it sound like everything that came before it is a negative or it doesn't count. And I'm a big believer of and. Yeah, I failed and I learned this. Think about how that sounds versus I failed, but I learned this. Well, that sounds like the failure got thrown off to the side. Actually, it was the failure that gave me that. So it's an and, right? And that's awesome. And if I'm willing to fail, I'm willing to succeed. I'm willing to go to new heights I haven't been to, whether that's just serving at a graver level, graver, greater level, much more important. That's what we want to be able to do. So this is today's daily ask. Tomorrow, what I'm going to do is I today I didn't come with a question because it was the very first one. I wanted to set the stage with this one. Tomorrow, I'm going to come with a question. Now there's a couple ways I'm going to get that question. Either after you see this video, you can leave me a question for tomorrow's question, right? Tomorrow's daily ask video, and then I'll address it in one of those I choose in the daily ask of tomorrow. So please leave questions for me in the comments. Even if you're watching this after it's live, please leave questions. I would love to see those. All right, so that would be fantastic. The other way you can do that is you can email me questions, right? Go to centerforrespect.com, email me questions. Another way you could do that is go up to mutuallyamazingparents.com. You're going to see our new mini book there, right? We have a brand new mini book literally just put out to the world Yesterday. That's how new it is. It's called The 3 Common Mistakes Loving Parents Make Without Knowing, uh, and every mistake in there I made. So it's— you're— it's not like I'm gonna be sitting here going, don't do this, don't do that. That's not how this is written. I've been there, I've been down that road, and I've made plenty of mistakes and learned from them. And that's what we're looking for, right? To learn from those and to grow together. I hope you'll join me on this journey of the Daily Ask. The times might be different sometimes depending on my life schedule, what's going on with work, where I'm speaking. So they might vary as much as possible. I'll try to do them in the evening for parents. So we'll try to do 7:30 Central, 8:30 Eastern, 6:30— or sorry, 5:30 Pacific. That's what we'll try. If it doesn't happen, I'll always let you know. All right. So I hope to see you tomorrow and I hope you leave me questions to answer tomorrow. Otherwise, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna pull them from questions I've been getting over the years. from my live events. The reason I want to open the door to more conversations, more questions from you, is those questions are all about a particular topic, and I want to open this up wider and farther, right? And so that can be done by you asking any kind of question, because the one thing we know at Mutually Amazing Parents is that parenting is not just about the right thing to say to our kids, it's about the right thing to say to ourselves. Hope you're saying the right things to you. Have an awesome evening.