Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

"What questions do you ask sexual assault and rape survivors?" by Mike Domitrz, speaker, author

21 Aug 2019 · 1 min

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1:09

In a brief segment of the "One Minute of Respect" series, speaker Mike Domitrz answers a listener’s question about how to be fully present for a survivor of sexual assault without slipping into an investigative or interrogative stance. He emphasizes that the supporter’s role is not to solve or fix the situation but to provide loving, non‑judgmental presence. The core guidance is to refrain from asking any questions that could feel like an investigation, instead simply listen, affirm the survivor’s emotional needs, and explicitly ask, “How can I best support you in this moment?” This single supportive question is presented as a compassionate way to offer help while keeping the survivor’s needs front‑and‑center.

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Today's question for the One Minute of Respect segment is, Mike, when we're trying to be fully present for a survivor of sexual assault, how do we just listen in that moment for them and not ask questions that could look like we're trying to investigate or interrogate? Well, here's the answer to that question. Don't ask questions. Your role is not to fix or solve the case in that moment. Your role is to be purely there for the survivor. And I know instinct says, I want to solve this. I want to make this better. I want to fix this. But in that moment, it's about being loving and supportive to the survivor. That is key. They're the focus and their emotional health is the focus. Not your needs, their needs. So you just listen. You listen. You let them know that you're there to love them, support them, and to help them in any way you can. And don't be afraid to ask, how can I best support you in this moment? That's the one question that can be wonderful and loving.