When your partner says no to a sexual advance, asking why immediately feels like pressure to change their mind. Wait days before calmly revisiting it, like "the other night when I asked if I could kiss you, you said no, and I respect that." That's how you actually respect consent.
If you say no to a sexual partner, what one-word question might they ask you in the heat of the moment? Why? Isn't that fascinating? Everybody says that answer, why? The partner who typically asks why gets mad at me. And I go, why are you getting mad? They go, well, I was just asking from curiosity. Well, in the moment, does it feel like that if you're the partner? Does it feel like curiosity? Does it feel like they're trying to change your answer? What do you think most people feel like in that moment, curiosity or change? So it feels manipulative. So if you're thinking about, Mike, I'm genuinely asking out of curiosity, well then here's my key for you. Don't ever do that in the heat of the moment. Wait till the next day, wait till 2 days later, 3 days later, and say, hey, the other night when I asked you, can I kiss you? And you said no, of course I wasn't gonna— you said no, I was gonna stop, and I always will. Curious, did I do anything to contribute to that? How many agree that is dramatically different than asking in the heat of the moment? Agree that's true? Say that's true. That's what respect looks like, right?
