"No means no" puts the burden on victims to refuse, not on people to ask first. Many situations lack a clear no, yet prevention programs still blame victims for not saying it. A better approach teaches people to ask for consent and respect any answer.
When it comes to consent, stop focusing on the phrase, no means no, as your main lesson. Why? Here's the problem nobody says out loud. No means no puts almost the entire responsibility on the person it's being done to, to say no, and not on the person taking the action in the first place. Think about that. Why do we expect someone to answer no to a question they're rarely, if ever, asked in the first place? But that's exactly what many prevention programs do. They focus on no means no. Well, what about when there's not a no? For a multitude of reasons, often there's not a verbal no. And then you frequently see people focus on the survivor saying, did you say no? You mean to a question they were never asked? Let's stop the victim blaming. Instead of focusing on no means no, teach to ask first and respect the answer, whatever the answer is. Your students deserve more than being taught no means no. They deserve an approach that builds a healthy choice into every situation, not only a reactive one such as no means no. This is what we discuss in schools. This is what I bring to the stages in school assemblies. If you're interested in more of this, let me know, reach out. If you want to bring me to speak, let me know, reach out.
