Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Why talking and asking is essential.

2 Jul 2024 · 1 min

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In this segment, the speaker explains why some partners tell their counterpart “just do it” instead of asking for consent. The root cause is a lack of education about expressing one’s sexual voice; the partner feels uncomfortable making sexual decisions and therefore pushes the responsibility onto the other person. This creates an unhealthy, assumption‑based dynamic where actions may be performed without true consent, leading to resentment and potential harm. The speaker stresses that consent must be explicit, that each person should feel safe to communicate their desires, and that partners should actively ask and confirm comfort before proceeding.

Chapters

If they were to say to you, don't ask, just do it. By the way, could a partner do this? Mm-hmm. Absolutely. A lot of partners are gonna do this. Do you know why the partner's doing this? What's the number one reason a partner would say to you, don't ask, just do? 'Cause they've never been taught it's okay to express their sexual voice. So they're gonna believe, no, you make the moves, so it's on you instead of on me, 'cause I'm not comfortable being sexually active with my voice, through my decisions. So I'm gonna push it off to the other partner, which is incredibly unhealthy because then you could do something they don't want done. They're still gonna be mad at you even though they said you make the move because this is an unhealthy paradigm we're building here, right? It's assumption-based. So if they were to say to you, hey, no, just go for it, just stop and go, no, no, I'm not doing anything you're not absolutely comfortable with me doing and comfortable with expressing or communicating with me. That's what I want for you. And so whatever way that means to communicate.