Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

Why Telling People Don't Makes Them Do It

23 Jul 2025 · 1 min

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In this monologue, the speaker argues that instructing people with negative commands—telling them what not to do—fails to produce the desired behavior. He illustrates this with cultural examples (parents warning teens against drinking or sex) and sports coaching scenarios (NFL and college football). When a coach says "don't fumble," players may either ignore the warning or become paralyzed, whereas a positive command like "secure the ball" gives a clear, actionable direction. The speaker concludes that negative language provides no constructive guidance, while positive framing empowers people to act effectively.

Chapters

Did your parents raise you telling you what not to do? Is that how our culture has worked over the history of time? Most parents did. They not all, but most did. Did they say don't drink to teenagers? Did they tell teenagers don't engage in things like sex? Yes, they did. How'd that work? It didn't because when you tell people what not to do, what do they do? They either do it or they're lost and paralyzed because there's nothing to do. What do I do with a negative? There's nothing I can do with a negative. I work with the NFL. I work with college teams. They will never tell a running back in any professional or college level football. Hey, whatever you do, don't fumble on this next series. 'Cause what's about to happen in that series? They're gonna fumble 'cause all you did was plant the negative to grow. What they say to a running back is, hold on to the ball, secure the ball. You're giving me something to do. It's a massive difference.