In this keynote, Mike Domitrz challenges the common focus on "workplace culture" and shifts the conversation to "workplace interactions," emphasizing that change starts with each individual. He argues that respect is the minimum baseline, not a lofty goal, and that true respect must be given to every person regardless of identity. Domitrz introduces the framework of the "9 Daily Displays of Disrespect," illustrating how everyday behaviors erode trust and collaboration. He spotlights one of these displays – the "fixer" – a subtle form of disrespect where a person intervenes without invitation, undermining others' agency. Through a personal story about his own fixer tendencies at a self‑development event and the impact on his marriage, he demonstrates how moving from fixing to empowering others creates a "center for respect" both at home and at work. The talk culminates in a vision of "mutually amazing" workplace relationships built on open, honest conversations, empowerment, and consistent respect for all.
Chapters
Let's welcome to the stage, Mike Domitrz. The leader of your organization is about to walk out on this stage, and they're going to discuss 2 words that are vital to everybody's success in the room. I'm going to say the first word. I'm going to go like this. You're going to yell out what you believe to be the second word. If you got it, yell, got it! Got it! Here we go. Ready? First word is workplace— what was that over there? Culture. Culture. That is the number one answer we hear in the world. If you've heard of workplace culture, say, I've heard of it. Heard of it. That's right. And nobody relates to it. 100% true. Because see, you and I are individuals, and we are not a culture. So when people talk culture, they do this. Well, you and I believe in the values, yeah, but Jesse over there, They don't follow any of them. Oh, same with Aaron. They don't follow it. So how much impact do I have on the culture if it's not about me? So today we're not going to talk about workplace culture. We're going to talk about workplace interactions. Because this is an I conversation, not a they conversation. Some of you are like, Mike, what do you mean they? You know when you're at a speaker and you think, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I know who needs to hear this. They do. Right? Some of you have done that today, right? Yeah. Yeah, but today's a look in the mirror. It's an I conversation. I don't know about you, but I know I could be better. Ask my kids and my wife, they'll tell you every day. That's a true statement. If that's true for you, say, yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yeah, so let's talk about what happens in workplace interactions. So there's our slope. I want you to yell out what is worst-case scenario involving workplace interactions. Just yell out some answers. Getting fired. What was that? Getting fired. Getting fired. It's a negative, but when you see these, it's not even on the scale. Exclusion. Exclusion can lead to this. What was that? Lawsuit. A lawsuit. This can be caused into a lawsuit. This will show you how unrealistic we like to be about our workplaces when you look on the screen. Hear the room? We were all like, oh. Because it's true. But if we don't have those conversations in our workplace, the people who are being harmed or near that direction think we don't care because we're not willing to have the conversations. And the weird part is we love telling people not to do these things. How many agree you've been to every training imaginable that is anti-discrimination, harassment, that is a no, don't do this, don't do that, whatever you do, don't? that one. If you've been to those trainings— yes, I have— have they ever worked effectively for culture? Yes or no? No, we don't like to admit it, but they don't typically work, right? Here's why. What do you do with a don't? There's nothing to do with the don't. So what's the extreme opposite? What's in that corner? What's the extreme opposite of workplace violence? Yell some answers. What we want to have happen. What's the to-do? And look how quiet we are, because we don't have these conversations. Sometimes we'll yell. Just yell, try and guess. What word do you think you want to see up there that would be a positive? Support. Support, compassion, great answers. Any others? Empathy. Empathy, promotion. Here's the one that we hear most often. Ready? Respect. Respect. But here's the fascinating part. Respect is not a standard of excellence. Respect is the bare minimum requirement. Can you imagine if I walked up to you and said, my job is so amazing, they actually treat me with respect. Isn't that incredible? You'd all be like, where did you work before this job? That is such a horrifically low standard. Here's a wild one. I want you to fill in the blank, because a lot of us were taught this when we grew up. It's a belief about respect. Here it is, ready? Respect is not given. Oh no. Respect is— Earned. Massive fail. See, if I have to earn your respect, I'm not good enough to be me. This is a power game now. I have to do something to be worthy of you. And then when I get in that role, I'm gonna do that to everybody else because that's the system you taught me. How about this one instead? Respect is given to every human being, and every means all genders, identities, sexual orientations, body shape, size, age. Every means every. That's the conversations. How do we build that in organizations? Here's the extreme opposite. Ready? We're gonna put on the screen now. When I put these words up there, I will tell you most organizations have never seen these words together. Just being very transparent with you. Here we go. Now, when you saw those words, there's one word that I saw some of your eyes just bug out a little bit. What word up there just bugged out your eyes? Be honest, yell it out. Amazing. Amazing. Our standards are so low that when we see amazing relationships, we're like, whoa. And then some of you saw mutually amazing, and you're like, Mike, Mike, let's not go too far. Now, keep in mind, we're not talking about your home relationships here. We're talking about work relationships. Key to this element. What should happen if we've built the right community in our organization? That would have gone on the screen and everybody would have done this. Of course. What other kind of relationship would you have in the workplace other than a mutually amazing relationship? So how do we get there? Well, the key to getting there is we have to be having open, honest conversations about what I can do, what you can do individually, that we all do every day. We call this the 9 Daily Displays of Disrespect. Everybody in here has engaged in at least 3 of them, probably in the last 2 days. To give you an example, if you've ever interrupted somebody in the middle of a conversation— yell, yes, I have! There we go, right? There's one of the 9. If you've ever gotten so excited you ran into the room, you're like, oh, I gotta tell you this, you gotta listen, and you just bulldoze that room right over. If you've ever been there, say, been there! Been there! Look at that, some of you are going, that was this morning. Yeah. By the way, can this apply at home and work? What do you think? Yes or no? Yes. Yeah, so we're just gonna look at one of them today, just one of them. It's called the fixer. Now some of you are going, Mike, what do you mean the fixer? You mean the person who jumps in the room and starts doing everything themselves, making it all happen themselves? Oh no, that's not the fixer. The fixer's much more subtle. The fixer's the one who walks in when you didn't ask and says, oh, have you thought about this? Very subtle. By the way, if we plan, if we are planners or in charge of events, is it possible we got a little fixer in us? Is that possible? By the way, I am a fixer, so I'm owning it. If you think you could be a fixer, say, yes, I could. Yes, I could. Yeah, so we're having an honest conversation. I found out a brutal way. It was brutal. I was at a self-development event and there was 170 people in the room and we were assigned to solve a problem by the person who was leading the room. And what happened was 3 people were late, and we as a room had to figure out why they were late when we were responsible for them. That's what happened. And for every minute we couldn't figure out the problem, we had to stay a minute past the end of the evening, which was 10 PM. 10 PM. If you agree that's a little brutal, say brutal. Brutal. That's a little brutal. So as we discuss these things today, the one thing I want you to remember as I'm pausing in this story is I want you to ask yourself, hey, when do I do this? What triggers me? Now, I know that's a dangerous word, so if you don't like the word triggers, what activates me is another phrase. And how can I catch myself? So let's see if I caught myself in that moment, right? So there I was, I'm in that room. About 5 minutes into this, I realized, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I've got the solution! I've got it! But I'm not going to jump in because I tend to do that. I tend to fix a little, so I'm not going to do that. So I'm going to bite my tongue. Bite my tongue. Now, how long would you wait before you'd raise your hand knowing that every minute you don't answer, you stay past 10 PM? Seriously, give me some times of how long you'd wait in this room today. Someone said 5 minutes. Some people are honestly going, 5 seconds, Mike. Right? That's more honest. 5 seconds, 5 minutes. I was being so stubborn, 40 minutes. The problem's still not solved. I finally raised my hand. The leader's like, Mike, come up. So I run up, I get in front of the mic, and I go, oh my gosh, I've been wanting help for like 40 minutes, I thought I had the solution. She cuts me off. Mike, of course you thought you had the solution, because you can come off as an arrogant, self-righteous jerk. It gets better. When she turns to the room and says, how many of you get that vibe about Mike? Oh! One-third raises their room— raises their room. It felt like the room was raised on me. Yeah, so raises their hand. People say to me, Mike, you must have been furious. She humiliated you. She didn't make them raise their hands. I was devastated at me, as I forgot the mic was on when I said, I just wanted to help. She said, how does that work for everyone in your life, that you always have an answer? How's that work for your wife, your kids, your coworkers, those you lead? Whew. I sat back down. I thought, do I do this? So I call my wife that night. And of course you're thinking, she's going to say, honey, never. So I called her. This was 10 years ago. We've been married 19 years. She goes, honey, we've been married an amazing 19 years. I've just never known how to tell you this. Whew. I said, never again. I'm not going to be that. I'll cheerlead you when you need me, but from now on, I'll empower you. I will not get involved. 6 months later, she goes in the job market. In 24 hours, she gets 2 dream job offers. I never looked at her resume, her cover letter, helped her with the search. Because I didn't bother to ask because she didn't ask for it. What happened? She became empowered when she found her own brilliance. That's what happens when we stop fixing and we empower. We create a center for respect right here. I can't wait till you go home and continue to build your center for respect in your families and tomorrow in the workplace. Thank you for being you. Thank you.
