Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

You don't owe a secondary option after you say NO.

1 Feb 2024 · 1 min

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In this brief monologue, the speaker critiques a common but problematic behavior in sexual encounters: when one partner says "no," the other attempts to negotiate a different, secondary sexual activity as a compromise. The speaker points out that this practice relies on the person who said no feeling guilt or shame, and that it reflects an unhealthy consent system. By highlighting that people often try to push for an alternative after a clear refusal, the speaker argues that this undermines genuine consent and perpetuates coercive dynamics.

What do they do if they're really in the mood and their partner says no? They try to convince them to a yes of something, right? So, oh, you don't want to do that? Well, you would do this for me? And there's this secondary sexual option suddenly on the table after I said I didn't want to do anything. And by the way, do they usually get the second option? They often do, because people feel guilt and shame around this. All right, so it's an unhealthy system, but we just proved you're not afraid of rejection because if you were, you'd never try something else after you heard no. But people do.