Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

You don’t owe anyone an explanation

29 Jun 2025 · 1 min

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In this monologue, Mike Domitrz addresses a common social dynamic surrounding sexual consent. He points out that many people have been conditioned to expect a justification when someone says “no” to sexual activity, leading the other party to immediately ask “why?” Domitrz argues that a refusal does not require an explanation and that demanding one undermines personal boundaries. He provides example retorts—“Because I said so” and “Do you not understand the word ‘No’?”—to illustrate how to assert the validity of a “no.” He also frames the interaction as a choice between an attitude of disrespect versus genuine respect for boundaries, emphasizing that respecting a “no” is the appropriate response.

Chapters

In the heat of the moment, your partner wants you to do something sexual. You say no. What one-word question are they about to ask you? Why? Isn't that fascinating? No one in this room was ever taken to a classroom and taught that lesson, but you all yelled the same answer. You've been taught from a young age that if I say no, especially to sexual activity, my answer will not only not be respected, not be honored, it'll be challenged and questioned. Do you ever owe someone a why? No. No. If somebody says, why? Do you ready? Here it is. Because I said so. You could follow up with this. Do you not understand the word No. By the way, is that an attitude or is that respecting your boundaries? Which one, attitude or respect? Respect. That's respecting your boundaries. Nothing wrong with respecting your boundaries.