Mike DomitrzPresident, Author, and Speaker on Respect, The Center for Respect, Inc. · Author & Speaker on Respect for Schools, Corporations, & the Military since 1990 (has reached

You should not be afraid of disappointing your partner.

21 Aug 2024 · 1 min

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In this brief relationship‑advice segment, the speaker observes that many high‑school, college, and married individuals habitually say “yes” when they actually mean “no” because they fear disappointing their partner. He argues that constantly trying to keep a partner happy is a toxic dynamic: it erodes personal boundaries, places the speaker’s needs secondary to the partner’s, and reflects a mistaken belief that one can control or “fix” another person. The speaker emphasizes that while you can support a partner, you cannot control them, and sacrificing your own wants and limits is unhealthy.

Chapters

Do you think a few or a lot of high school, college students, even married people, say yes a lot when they want to say no? Do you think this happens a little bit or a lot? A lot. A lot. What do you think is the reason? All right, it's the fear of disappointing the partner. That I would do anything to disappoint them because I have to keep them happy. By the way, if I think I have to always keep my partner happy, is this healthy or toxic? Toxic. It's highly toxic because I can't control other human beings. You don't fix people, you don't control people, you can support them. But you can't control them. So the moment I think I have to do whatever I have to do to keep them happy, who no longer matters? I don't matter. My boundaries don't matter. What I want, what I don't want doesn't matter because I sacrifice it all for this person. Incredibly unhealthy.