The importance of consciously cultivating your friend group & influences
In this informal, walking‑recorded monologue, the speaker reflects on a recent three‑day weekend spent surfing, walking, and connecting with friends Allison and Brittany. The experience sparked gratitude for relationships that align with his entrepreneurial goals, contrasting sharply with earlier periods of unproductive social circles while waiting tables. He describes how choosing solitude—"the law of the void"—created space for purpose‑driven connections, and recounts three pivotal 2018‑2019 decisions (joining CrossFit, Toastmasters, and a coworking space) that introduced health‑focused peers, public‑speaking learners, and fellow entrepreneurs. The speaker emphasizes that environment constantly contaminates behavior, urging listeners to be choosy about who they spend time with. He outlines practical pathways to curated networks: enduring a chapter of loneliness, consuming books and podcasts as cheap mentorship, and actively joining communities (e.g., CrossFit, coworking, coaching programs). The narrative concludes with optimism that he has outgrown former “drinking‑and‑drama” friends and now surrounds himself with people who push him toward his business and personal growth goals.
Chapters
Okay, so I want to make this podcast about finding your people. And when I say finding your people, I mean finding people that make it easier to get where you're trying to go. So, okay, there's so many things I want to say on this. Uh, I, I don't have this perfectly scripted out. I'm literally just walking to the grocery store right now. Um, but I think these are my best podcasts when I just get like or whatever, YouTube, whatever. Um, these are my best things when I just get ideas as I'm walking. But here's what's bringing this up. So last weekend I went home, uh, to visit my family, and it was the first time in a very long time that I took 3 full days capital off. Like, I don't take time like off off, but I was like, nope, I am like all the way off for these 3 days. And we went surfing and whatever, and I ended up, um, you know, when I was, when I was going down, I ended up visiting my friend Allison, and I stayed at her place on Friday night, and we got up in the next morning, we went surfing for 5 hours that day, it was freaking awesome, um, and then I visited a bunch of family at home on Saturday, um, actually also Friday night I visited my friend Britt, and, uh, we went right after we did 5 hours of surfing, she's like, oh, I gotta get my 10K steps in, so she made me come on like a another like 2-hour walk. Anyways, I was literally dead that day. And, uh, yeah, I visited a bunch of family, surfed again on the way back, blah blah blah. But on the way back, I was driving back and I was like, you know what, you know what I just love so, so much about this weekend? I mean, it was great in a bunch of different ways because it's like we, we had— we were having our best month in business and blah blah blah. But the thing that really struck me about the weekend was like, I am so like happy with and grateful for the people that I was able to spend my time with in those 3 days. And obviously I love spending my time with my, you know, family— mom and dad and brother and grandparents and all that stuff— but specifically I'm talking about Allison and Brittany and The thing that struck me at one point on this trip, I think it was on the drive home, is I was just like so grateful for the fact that when Brittany and I went on this walk, this— us getting our 10K steps in, which in it, that in and of itself, I love that she's health conscious like that. Like, I love that we did that because we share that value, you know. But on that walk, we were having a conversation about hiring people. We were having a conversation about team. She was sharing that she hired this person and there was, you know, some stuff, uh, maybe going on that, you know, she was, she was trying to navigate, right? Like, as someone who's leading a team, and I'm new to leading a team, right? This is a new thing for me just in the last 6 months, maybe even, right? Something like that. And we got to have this conversation where she was like, yeah, this is what I'm going through. And I was like, well, you know, do you want my two cents? Yes. And we had this conversation And what I love about it is like, this is both a skill that we're both trying to grow, and this isn't a conversation that I can have with everyone. If I look back to when I was waiting tables, when I was serving, a lot of the conversations were like, where are we going tonight? What are we drinking? What's the drama? And it's like, that stuff never fucking appealed to me. It never fucking appealed to me. And those conversations weren't pushing me where I wanted to go, right? It was making like— be like— and this isn't like— this isn't to be like bad or whatever, but it's just like where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do with my life, those conversations weren't helping. And if anything, they were taking away and they were making things harder, right? Being around people that had different goals than me, um, it just made getting to my goals feel like I was swimming upstream. And so I just started thinking to myself, like, wow, I'm so grateful for, um, I don't know, just for those conversations. Because it's like, wow, I have— I, I, I held out long enough. I was like, I went my own path long enough and decided in those other situations that, you know what, I wasn't going to go out with, with the people who were drinking. I wasn't going to participate in the drama, and I was going to be by myself. And that was tough in those moments to just like be like, you know what, if I have to choose between people who aren't pushing me in the direction of my goals and people who— and no one, right, at the time, at certain points in the journey, right? I chose no one. And by choosing no one, it allowed me— honestly, it was tough at the time, but it allowed me to leave the space to find people you know, the law of the void, essentially. Like, it allowed me to leave space for the people who were trying to go the same direction as me, right? By not spending my time, you know, with people that weren't going the direction I wanted to go. Yeah, it sucks sometimes because I was like, you know, I had not very many friends back then, right? Um, And at times that was probably very lonely, right? Um, but it gave me more time to work in the business and more time to, to build things. And at a certain point, just by, you know, the nature of being on the path and building a business and investing into mentorships and just, just doing the things, you start to look around and there are other people now, like, going in the same direction. There are other people, like, trying to build a team. There are other people trying to scale their coaching business, right? And the thing that really hit me about this weekend on the way back was just like, wow, I love that not only did we have that, like, you know, walk where we're both prioritizing our health, but we're talking about both developing the thing, the skill that we need right now to grow our business the most. And even when I was talking with Allison, you know, she's— it was talk— she's also got, you know, into real estate and business stuff, and I love it, I love it. And I remember on Friday night I got there— or no, it was Saturday morning before we went surfing— sitting there around the, um, on her deck by the pool drinking coffee, and she was talking about hiring these people for payroll, and I was just talking about you know, this whole situation with hiring this video editor and what I learned from it. And I just, I just love that. And I guess my whole point with this conversation is like, ah, it's for me, it's just like in the beginning, the beginning is so tough. It never gets— honestly, I think, I don't know, I think that it never gets harder. Than it is in the very beginning of building your business because you're having to like totally cultivate a new path. And some of the people that you've previously been hanging out with aren't helpful for the path that you're on. And you have to sometimes let them go and you have to sometimes go through these spaces of like, I don't know, like feeling like it's just you against everything because it kind of is, right? Like it's just you there. You don't have other people on that journey yet. And I think one of the most helpful things for me I'll tell this story. In 2018, now this is 4 years, by the way, I left engineering in like 2014. So 2018, this is 4 years after leaving engineering. And I remember having like my low, like kind of like my lowest moment in, with the coaching stuff. I was just like, God, why am I still broke? Why am I still waiting tables? Why, why, why? What's going on here? And I remember staring into this fire. I was outside in the backyard staring at this fire. By myself and just like feeling all the feels. I call it like my moment of peak disappointment. Like it was just like I was almost disgusted with myself of like, how are you still here? And I remember thinking like, okay, somehow you ended up here and you were very well-intentioned and you're really trying, but somehow this is still your fault that you're broke as a coach. So what do you need to do differently? And one of the things that I did differently was I basically realized that the reason that it was so challenging is because I was always swimming upstream. I was always the odd woman out. I was always surrounded by people who weren't going in the direction that I was trying to go, and it made it really hard because I had to be a lone wolf all the time. And then I was like, ah, God, how do I change this? It's like, well, I gotta get around the right people. And so I remember I made 3 decisions. I joined a CrossFit gym because I wanted to prioritize my health more because it was kind of a dumpster fire at that point. Not a dumpster fire. I have very high standards for that. But anyways, it wasn't where I wanted it to be. And then I made a choice to join Toastmasters, which is like a public speaking group, because I was like, well, surely if I get around people who are trying to learn how to public speak, they got to be into personal development or growing or something, right? And then the other thing I joined was a coworking space, and that was because I just wanted to get around other entrepreneurs and like-minded people.. And what's funny is that that coworking space, if I'm, you know, it's so crazy when I think about this and I look back, that was a fucking pivotal decision was joining that coworking space because I did start to find more entrepreneurs. I also found my very first mindset and business coach. I also found the girl who told me about this course that I bought. It was the first co— course I ever bought. I also got connected with the guy who ended up hiring me as a lead gen strategist for his tech startup. That was all stuff that happened in like November of 2019. 6 months later, I had my first $20,000 month. Like, it was like that, just that fire moment of me being so disappointed and asking myself what needed to change and being like, oh, I got to find people who are going in the right direction. I can't keep doing this alone. That was pivotal for me. And so anyways, what's my point with all this? I think my point with all this, there's a lot of things. One is realizing that If you want to go— if you want to get somewhere that most other people— like, if you want to go somewhere that most other people— that most other people— I can't even speak English. Don't go. You get what I'm trying to say. You have to do things differently. And the first thing means that you're going to have to be choosier about who you spend your time with. Okay. And to me, there's pretty much two options. You spend your time alone by yourself. Or you find better people to surround yourself with. And at first it might be something like this. It might be something like just listening to me talk to my fucking microphone about— like, it might just be surrounding yourself with me on a podcast version. I surround myself with Alex Hormozi and Layla Hormozi and people like Dan Martell all the time, right? I just read books or whatever. And so that's another way to do it, right? It's like the first way is like You just, you have to, maybe you have to be lonely, right? Like maybe you have to not have anyone, you know, in some ways. And maybe don't take that like crazy, crazy serious. But you get what I'm saying. You have to. It's just, it's, it's, it's at odds with your goals. And so maybe there's a, as Alex would say, a chapter, right, of loneliness that has to come. The second thing is like listening to books and podcasts and things like that, like cheap mentorship, I would say, you know, um, uh, I don't know, like a, a substitute for having, you know, like those people in your life. And then, you know, the third thing is like actually just finding those communities, finding those people. For me, that was coworking spaces. Right now I get that a lot from the coaching mentorship program that I'm in. Um, that's been a big source of like community for me. And honestly, that's for the most part what has allowed me to find these people in my life that are also going in the same direction. Like, I've met a ton of people. Like, when I went to Medellín, the only reason I got connected into an entrepreneur community there is because I'd been in coaching programs with them and I knew them. And then I got there and then all of a sudden I'm very connected, right? But anyways, that's just my point. Ah, that's just my point. So I can't more heavily emphasize this. Um, there's a quote that says like, constant— what does it say? Constant exposure always leads to some form of contamination. I forget where I got that quote, but it's really good. And it just says like, your, your environment shapes you. That could be like, you know, a nutrition example where you're leaving, you know, chips all over the place. Like, obviously eventually you're gonna eat the fucking chips, right? Um, if everyone's like always going out for drinks, eventually you're gonna cave and go for drinks. You're human, you're influenced by that. It's just like how we're built, right? We're built to fit in. And so that's my whole point with this is, yeah, number one, there just might be a chapter where you have to make some tough decisions and it might be hard and you might have to choose to be by yourself versus be with people who are not pushing you in the right direction. And the second thing is actually the easier way to do this with less willpower is to go find people that are going in the same direction and build those relationships. And that could be, honestly, it could be books, it could be podcasts, like reading other people's thoughts, listening to my thoughts right here. Um, it could be getting into like some sort of like coaching community or whatever. Like, that's what CrossFit does so well, right? Um, that's why people— best shape I've ever been is CrossFit. And just because like you just surround yourself with people that are doing those workouts and it gamifies it and it makes it fun, and you do the things because you like the community. That's why you show up and that's why you get results, right? Um, so anyways, like I said, you can find it from mentorships or whatever, and then eventually you just I don't know, once you just start knowing enough people like that, you just start to get clicked into the right communities. And I don't know, that's just one thing that I was like really grateful for this past weekend was realizing like, wow, you've come a long way. You don't really have any of those people that you used to have in your life that want to drink all the time or just want to talk about drama. Like, those people just do not exist in my life, and it's fucking awesome. So anyways, I hope this was helpful. Hopefully this gives you some something to help on your journey. And, um, that's all I got. Catch you guys next time.
