Episode 9 of wellness podcast with Manish Sharma. #lifecoach #parenting #parenthood #podcast

Hello everyone and welcome to a yet new episode of We Rise Wellness Podcast. Today we have Manish Sharma with us who is a parent coach, a finance and marketing professional, and also the founder of DEEP. He has been working in coaching parents since 2010 and DEEP was started in 2015 officially which is an association of parent coaches. So welcome, Manish. Lovely to have you today here, and we would love to know about you and Deep.

Thank you, Neetu. Thanks, Irtan, and thanks to VRISE for giving me this opportunity to be here in this podcast. So I'm grateful to this organization. And so to all the viewers I'm Manish, Manish Sharma, and I started my journey in Parent Key Coaching in 2010. The organization which I represent, DEEP, it is the only association of Parent Key Coaches in India. So far in India, there is only one association, and we are working across different 16 countries over the globe. And we are— we started— when we started in 2015, At that time, we were, um, 13 coaches, those who came up together and formed this association. And today we are 1,652 coaches in 16 different countries. We are working— so that's about us. And since it's an association of parental coaches, we have objectives to take this positivity forward to parents. And in this journey of last 8 years in this organization With this association, we have trained close to 1 million parents. To be precise, 10 lakh—

1 million, superb!

So to be precise, we have trained 10 lakh 50,000 parents in 8 years, and our objective is in next couple of years, we are going to achieve a milestone of 5 million parents through our activities offline, online. We are working with schools also. Directly with parents. We have some courses going on for parents and for parents of teens, and we have also programs going on for those who want to get into parental coaching. If you wish to start your journey in parental coaching, we offer you courses. We have a very structured format where we help our coaches to, to move from intent to expertise. Only if you have an intent We will help you to get expert in this field to help the parents around how to raise their kids effectively and efficiently and help them overcome their parental anxieties and insecurities. That's what we do. Personally, if I talk about, I'm raising two daughters and my career in this field started with the birth of my elder one. The day I became father, it was on 21st of March 2010.

It's like an anchoring event, right? The whole life changes once you are a parent.

Absolutely. For me, it was a big change because I owe my career to my elder daughter. When I, like, 2010, 21st of March, I got this gift. Akshita is her name. And when I got this call that you got a— you became father, I became immediately responsible about this role. No, a moment ago I was a husband, right, an individual, and the moment I got a message from labor room that you got a daughter, I became father. For me it was a sudden, sudden shift, which usually doesn't happen with mothers.

But for a father, it's just a mother has to go through the entire journey for those 9 months, right? They are already mentally prepared.

Absolutely. For a father, it's just a moment, like an information which I got, it made me father. So, um, I felt very responsible. I know why and how, but I can't make— define that emotion. Now, what happened that day? That day, um, it was a normal delivery, so we got shifted to private room. In that private room, since at that time I was working for a corporate, I was in training industry, I was regional training head with one of the corporate bank. And that night, late night, I was working on my laptop. My daughter has been like— they shifted child in the private room. So when they asked me to hold the child, believe me, I was uncomfortable to hold.

I was trying, parent, fearful.

True, I was fearful that how she's so small. So I was delicately holding her and even not that comfortable, but in the meantime, I handed over to the mother. The mother was sleeping that night, maybe at 12:30-1:00, and my mother-in-law was also there in that room. She was also sleeping. I was working on my laptop. In the meantime, I noticed child crying, right? And I just woke up, got up and see what happened. And it was the first stool of child which got released at that time. It's very black.

Yeah.

And it has— it is— it is so. But I didn't know this. I got fearful. I started inviting everyone, doctors, nurses, come here, see what it is this. So since I was not that all aware what exactly is the process, how it happens, and they started laughing on me that it is— it's a first stool, it is mandatory, its child is healthy. And you need not to worry. And I felt like, oh, I know nothing about raising kids. So for me, it was more like a mockery of this, that, yo, you don't know this only. So immediately I started working on my laptop, started searching different, different platforms to find out more about parenting. So I felt like, you know nothing, let's get to know how to raise kids in this age, infancy. So that night I kept searching. I got a lot of material to read about, but at the same time I realized that it's a very beautiful topic, right? I know nothing and I'm getting to know through my internet surfing, reaching out to some websites, places. I heard some people speaking, and I also realized one thing, that not much people are working in this field in India. Yes, there could be people like me, those who are searching for it, and they're not finding anyone to talk about it much. Then I found that this is good. Next 9 days, when I was, I was back in my office, whenever I was getting time, I was searching for it, searching, searching, searching. 9 days I was on the search, right? And after 9 days, on 1st of April, 2010, I resigned from my job. I decided that I'm going to see my career in this way. This is my calling, and this is what I'm going to do. Though I'm not suggesting anyone to do this, that leave your job and get into it.

But I mean, I think you get it when you understand, you know, okay, this is my life's purpose. And, you know, somehow, you know, the universe makes you feel that maybe I am made for this. This is it. I mean, you know, you get that feeling. So, uh, I mean, uh, when I was, you know, first-time parent, I was reading a lot about parenting, you know, the whole that 9 months, what is the baby size, you know, now the baby is this size, this is what, you know, uh, has formed in the baby's body. And I used to really— I didn't understand that, you know, how it's just such a, you know, auspicious thing happening inside me. I don't even know what it is. And it was a whole new world for me to discover. And once you are a parent, then, you know, everything changes, you know, I mean, everything is around the baby. Uh, and, uh, I was, I'm a little guilty that with my first time, uh, you know, my son, uh, I went back to work, uh, within like 4 months. And I still have that guilt that, you know, maybe I should have spent more time with him at that time. But then when my daughter came, I ensured that I am around her all the time and I'm not going to miss this moment this time at least. So I mean, I think parenting, you know, is something which will completely make you fulfilled. And, uh, it's, it's different. It's a completely different feeling. And I, I understand your passion around parenting, you know, and coaching others. I would love to have a parent coach for myself as well, because I am right now going through a journey when, you know, my son is a teenager and it's a completely different you know, experience for me. I don't know how to, you know, manage myself in front of him right now, and there's a lot of anxiety. I see him also anxious. So, uh, I think it's a learning process.

It is, it is true.

So, you know, uh, when you are, you know, uh, coaching these trainers, these parent coaches, one observation that you have come, which is like a general observation that, you know, parents are missing out on Uh, you know, when they are actually parenting, because parenting in India specifically, it's like you should know once you are a parent, right? The moment you become a parent, right? So, uh, when these parents come to you for coaching, what is, you know, their basic most chronic problem, uh, to begin with?

Everything is problematic at their end. Most of the time when they come to us, they come with a problem only. I'll tell you, when I started my journey in 2010, At that time, 99% parents, those who are coming to me, they came with a crisis. When the mistakes which they have done in past, now it is resulting in crisis, then they opt to reach out to us. They don't come early, they come when the crisis is on peak, when they made certain mistakes and it's now resulting in that big problem. But honestly, now in last 5 years, we have seen a big change in the society. That now 20% parents are those, those who come before having a problem, which is a very positive sign for society. That now if I have 100 clients, 80 are those, those who are new parents, just became parents, and they're responsible about their role and they want to learn beforehand. They want to learn that how to talk, how to correct, how to spend time, how to, how to balance work and family. They want to learn early. Not after doing mistakes they want to learn, right? It's a good sign. So that is why I say they mostly come up, come up with problems, and problems are, are related to their bond. Problems are related to the communication approaches which they, they haven't followed properly. Their approaches to— they feel like understanding is a big problem. They are unable to understand their child in spite of knowing the fact that we are unique. We think differently, we feel differently, we act differently. We all know this, but still every parent is expecting from their child, why he is not thinking like me, why he's not feeling like me, why he's not acting like me, which ultimately gives pain to them. So there are a lot of practices which are not appropriate to the environment which we are into. We are in a different environment altogether. What worked yesterday may not work today. Yeah, that environment was different. It's a different environment, and we need to learn keeping this time in mind, keeping this environment in mind. We have to do something differently which is conducive to the environment and which is conducive to the child's personality also.

And I think, Manish, a lot has changed after, you know, COVID, because we have spent a lot of time with each other in a confined space. And I think that was also a time when people were open to learning a lot because bahar jaane ko, you know, there was nothing much to do. So people were glued to their screens and trying to learn new things. And I think that has also opened up people's mind towards coaching and learning and mentoring also. And that is why there's a huge change because, uh, you know, I have been a startup mentor for a very long time, but the kind of mind shift change that I see in people post-COVID is that earlier they had this mindset that I know everything, but now that we have suffered that, There is a mindset that, uh, you know, okay, I need to learn this. If I don't know, I need to learn this. So I also, you know, went through a lot of mental health issues in the past 2 years, uh, post that second wave of COVID I had a panic attack and I had, you know, a huge round of chronic depression and all that. So I became so open to learning at that time because I wanted to understand what is this problem, why am I going through this. And I think My mind was opened up also because, you know, uh, again for COVID. But then at that time I knew that, okay, this is something which is probably going to change my life forever, but, uh, this is right now a process that I need to get through. It will only get better. And believe me, with continuous learning, things only got better. I'm a completely different person now. I have hired mentors, coaches, trainers, whatnot for my personal development in the last 2 years, and I've seen that complete change in my whole personality. And I really urge people that if you're struggling with something, parenting is a very big issue that people are not addressing right now. So if you're struggling with something, please find out the right mentor, right coach who can help you and guide you through the process. With that, my next question is— sorry, Manish, please continue.

I was resonating with your thought that so in this era of information, A lot of infopreneurs are there, trainers, coaches are there. In this era, one thing which is positively happening is people are getting out of good and bad, right and wrong, to effective and ineffective. Earlier, what we did— like, my intent as a parent was never wrong. No parent in the world has bad intent. They all are good parents. But parenting is not about being good only, it's about being effective. Right? Same way, if there were startups, their intent was to do well. They were energetic, enthusiastic, because they were only fixed in right and wrong, appropriate, inappropriate. But they forgot there's always an approach called effective and ineffective. When you get to know about effective approaches and good only— the good approaches, maybe there is something which is effective, which can help— then they get to know there is a lot to learn. Now we get enlightened today when we come across some webinars that yes, there is something beyond good and bad, right and wrong. It's all about being effective. And that's what they teach each coach in each industry. They are helping people to be effective, saving on time, saving on efforts, saving on resources by being effective. Good, so they are already— it's all about being effective, right?

Tell us one story, Manish, where one of the parent coaches came back to you and told you, you know, the kind of impact you have created in their life. Maybe there is a story that you would like to share.

See, Meethu, maybe initially I kept those stories right on tips. Then it was one or two. Believe me, every day there is a story. People, those who know me, people, those who know Deep, right? There are a lot of stories now. There are a lot of people, right? I won't say that because of me, because of the system we have created, the community we have created. There I know, like, people, those who don't tell me those stories, but they tell the word around those stories, how they moved from nowhere to those brands. They are brands today. If you see in parenting domain, all these online, um, this Instagram profiles, right? Influencers, bloggers, mom bloggers. If you see, 80 to 85% coaches are deep, right? They are deep coaches. If you see 100 people working in parenting, 85 are from deep. That is what we have achieved. So all the stories from zero to excellence which are visible in parenting domains It's just because of the system which we have created. Like, I'm not boasting, but if you go on website, if you go and visit Facebook page of Deep Parenting, hundreds of reviews are there, and there is no review which is 4.9. It's all 5.5, 5 out of 5. Not even a single review we yet have got 4.9. Now, I'm— maybe it sounds fake, but it is true. You see the profiles of those people. They are doctors, they are NLP practitioners, they are psychologists, they are school principals, teachers, mothers, fathers, IT professionals, HR professionals, people from different domains. You read their reviews, you'll get to know. Means I won't say story is because of me, story is because of they opted a role and there is a system to support them. So I can't even, I will not be able to justify.

I mean, I think it's too much for you because if you start this, this would last all day, it seems.

For me, it's— if I sometimes, when I come across these messages which I personally receive, right, they tell their stories. So for me, it is more of a motivation to do more. I feel every day morning, right, I get up with an objective to do more, do more, do more in this field so that what we Everyone tied to this organization, whether they are parents or coaches, they shall get benefited. And even if it is a small benefit, it elevates them from one place to another place.

Yeah, I think it has a snowball effect.

Absolutely, that is what we are doing.

Great impact, Manish, great impact. Really, really so happy to see your work, honestly. And I would really like to know, I mean, any uh, insight that you would like to share with parents that, you know, once you are a parent, this is how you need to handle your child? Something which— one tip that would really help parents to, uh, take away from this, uh, instead tip, I, I will—

I'll definitely help them to have a mindset because somehow when we got into a role which is very important, we all parents know that my role as a parent is very important when it comes to development of child. And we also know that this role is getting tough, complex with changing time. If it is complex, it is tough, then why don't you come, come forward and get to know some do's and don'ts about it? Like all these roles which are tough and, and complex, we have some standard qualification for that. This role of a parent, right, the one who is going to raise doctors, engineers, lawyers Education leaders, political leaders, they are not trained. We all are applying our own wisdom. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. We don't intend to do something wrong, but not always we are effective, not always we are mindful. And there is some information available. It is available. There are dos and don'ts. At least you choose not to do something which is not required in this world. Which can spoil your bond with your child, which can impact development of your child. At least those things we shall not do it. I always ask this question to parents that there are a lot of things which you don't want to do but you end up doing. Why? Because you are not mindful about those consequences. I always ask one question, I'm asking all the, the viewers that if you are parent, that how many of you want your kids to be independent? How many of you want your kids to be bold and independent early in life?

I think we all want that.

We all want this.

I do.

Every parent want their kids to be independent and bold, believe me. But, but the kind of parenting today we are doing, right, especially if I talk about percentage in urban areas, urban and semi-urban areas, 65% parents are doing parenting other way around. They want their kids to be independent, and their parenting is making their kids dependent on parents. Why? Intent is to, to make them independent. Why my parenting is not matching my objective? Because I don't know. I'm not mindful about it. I don't know how to make kids independent. The wrong definitions of parenting is making our kids dependent on us. We are becoming helicopter parents, always looming over their head, overprotective. Yeah, looming over them like helicopters all the time, doing things for them. Something which a child can do, if I don't allow them to do, are they independent? No. A 3-year-old child can do a lot of things on their own, but we don't allow. We call it love. If mama is doing things for the child, they call it love. They call it parenting.

40-year-old grown men, they don't take water on their own, uh, you know, because they have their mothers to give it to them. And this is my own personal story, you know, my husband, his mother is always available, you know, to give him a glass of water and he's okay with that. Yeah, so I think, yeah, it's, it's, it's a fallacy in our own parenting. And I think I have a lot to take away from this, uh, you know, program. And, uh, I'll be mindful about things that I am doing for my children and how I can make them more independent now onwards. So yeah, thank you so much, Manish. Thank you for your lovely insights. And, uh, maybe I'll catch up with you on one of your sessions soon.

Sure, definitely.

Because this is very inspiring and I would love to, you know, understand more about what Deep does. With parenting. And with that, I think we'll come to a close to the program.

Thank you, Neetu. Thanks, Aatmn. Thanks to all the viewers. That every— anytime, our intent is to take it forward to maximum people. I told you our intent is to, to reach 5 million parents. If Neetu and We Rise is one medium to take it forward, we're grateful to you. Thanks.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Manish.