WeRise Wellness Podcast Episode 23 with Deepti Malhotra

superb. Hello everyone and welcome to a new episode of Veerai's Wellness Podcast. Today we have Deepi Malhotra with us. She is an engineer from Imperial College London. From being a manager of million-pound projects in London to coming back to India and becoming a leadership and life coach, she has seen it all. She has been through a massive transformation journey of her own and found her purpose in coaching senior executives in their life journey. Welcome, Deepti. We are so honored and humbled to have you today with us.

Thank you, Neetu. The pleasure is mine. Thank you.

Great, superb. So, Deepti, from India to London to back to India, what is the story behind all this? Please share some.

Right, so I went to London to do my master's in engineering, and I learned a lot. But at one point, after a few years of working there, I was at a crossroad where I wanted to— where I had to decide whether I wanted to come back or continue living and working there. And, um, at that time it was a hard decision, to be honest, because I was— I had a good life, I had a friend circle, I could travel around Europe. I was having a lot of fun, but there was, um, a deeper purpose was missing in my life. And somehow all the achievements or the money that I was making and all of the good things, you know, that he— that we really aspire for weren't enough. And I was wondering, what is it that I really need to do to find that deep sense of fulfillment? Like I want to go to bed knowing I've actually created some meaningful difference in the world today. And that's when there was a voice inside me that said, it's time to go back. And honestly, I just followed it. I did not know what I would do, how things would go when I would come back. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna go back. And that's how I came back. And to be honest, I am so glad because I can see the enormous difference I can make here that I couldn't have made there. And I would be nowhere else than here now.

Great, superb. I mean, very few people go there, have that kind of life, and then they want to come back. It's definitely a calling that, uh, you had to hear and you had to come back. And I think God chooses everyone for that. No, not everybody is cut out for it.

Right, right. I would like to think so.

So, uh, Deepti, there must have been some incident that have triggered, uh, that in your mind, and that was the breakthrough moment for you when you said enough is enough and I need to take charge now and I just need to do what I want to do and not just go with the flow of life. What was that triggering event for you?

So to be honest, there wasn't one specific event. It was a series of not even events. So I tried working in a few different roles. So I worked in project management and fundraising, sales, then business management in a small company here in India. And every time I was not unhappy, but I wasn't happy. I wasn't thriving. I wasn't fulfilling what I believed was my potential. That was number one. And number two, I just had from my childhood this sense that I am here for some purpose. What is that purpose? I did not know for a very long time, to be honest. But I think the frustration kept building up over time that I don't know my purpose, I'm not fulfilling it, and everything else isn't just adding up. It's not enough for me. It may be for for somebody else, but it's not for me. And, um, so I went through a very difficult low in about 2015 and '16, and I really began to like introspect and ask, what am I doing in life? Like, what's the point of everything? And at that point of time, I realized that I really am done with following the models that we have been given by society. You know, do this, then do another degree, get a job, get married, and you know, like the life path that they've laid out for us. It's like, I am done. I don't give a shit anymore. I don't want to follow that. I'm gonna just listen to my heart because following that path hasn't brought me the joy I wanted. So it was that switch that I was like, no, I make my choices now, and even if nobody agrees with me, that's fine. And I just, um, started to explore a lot. I had no idea about coaching at that point of time. I started exploring art, I joined a dance class, I started meditating, I started running, I started writing, I started reading poetry. So I was doing so many things purely for like you know, what do I like, what do I want to do? And then one thing led to another, and I started writing online because I had read a lot and worked on myself, and I just wanted to share that with people, that you can do this and you can work on yourself like this. And when so many people started approaching me and I was spending so much time just helping them, working with them, I'm like, oh, maybe I can just do this. Maybe this is what I'm meant to do. And that's how I decided at one point, yes, that's it, I am going to do this full time. I was still figuring out what is coaching, how do you do it, how do you build a business, but that was the point I was like, yes, I know this is for me.

Wow, superb. So it has all been organic, it seems, uh, you know, I mean, you did not make any effort as much, and that is why I'm saying, you know, it's God chooses people with whom they want to, you know, basically become a medium to pass on that knowledge that we have gained from our experiences, from our learnings. And that is something we need to pass on, and you get chosen for that. So possibly you, because it has been so organic for you, definitely you are chosen for this, uh, now my next question, Deepthi, is that What kind of people should approach to you and with what kind of problems to get resolved for themselves?

So to be honest, all kinds of people with all kinds of problems, because a problem is a problem. I don't value one problem more than another, because when we are suffering, it's not like this problem isn't big enough to seek help for. Every problem, if you're struggling, if you don't see a way a coach is a great person to go to. Like when I was going through that low in my life, if I knew what coaches are and what they could do for a human being, I would have gone. I had no idea at that point of time. But to give you a few examples, so I work with a lot of people. A lot of people come for professional reasons. So let's say they're leading a team and their challenges every day— how do I deal with this? How do I deal with my own boss, my upper management? My client is so unhappy that the relationship is not going well. How do I change? How do I build more, uh, confident communication skills? How do I become a better leader? And then other things like people have come to me with, I want to find my purpose in life, or I want to change my career, but I have a lot of anxiety. How will I figure it out? How will I do this? Or then there are people are newly married and who are in a new home, and they're like, there's a lot of challenge of building new relationships, working on their marriage. Then there are people who come to me who are parents and they're struggling because they're like, I don't know what to do with my kid because this is hard, and I want to try and balance my work and my, um, you know, personal life. And then there are people who are starting businesses and you're like, oh my God, I— there's so much to do, I don't understand So it's just a huge variety, and no problem is too small or too big if you know how to work your way through it. So any kinds of problems, it does not bother me. The only thing that I really look for in people that I work with, that I choose to work with, is how sincere you are. And I can measure sincerity in basically 2-3 different ways. So I don't just start working with anybody who approaches me. I'm going to sit down with you, I'm going to help you a little, and I'm going to see how much do you actually go back and do the things that we talk about. Are you willing to put in effort? Because if you're not, my time is just getting wasted there. Yeah. So that's one. And two, I need people to be committed. So if you're saying I want to work on this problem, problems aren't solved like that. We have to actually work on it for a while. So are you willing to do that? And are you willing to invest money as well? Because money is an investment that people just go like, oh, I don't know. But if you're not willing to invest it, that means that problem isn't important enough for you. Yeah. So I need people who are committed and sincere. And if I find you, or if you find me, let's create magic together is what I say. Let's create magic.

That's superb. So, uh, Deepti, uh, some stories that you would like to share from your coaching sessions that have happened, and, you know, some people who have actually felt transformed. We would really love to know that kind of stories. Um, would you be able to share one of them?

Yeah, absolutely. Um, so let me share this very recent story of a client who, uh, had switched a company, and she was working in a whole new environment. And this company that she was working in was a lot more cutthroat and challenging than her previous companies. She was used to a slower pace of work and not people in your face and so competitive all the time. Now here she was learning a lot more, but there was a lot more mental stress. There was so much more challenge. The relationship with her manager itself was so challenging that she's like, oh my God, I wish he could be a bit more patient and understanding with me. And that's the reason I'm sharing this story, is because I hear from a lot of people that I struggle in my relationship with my manager, and they think that nothing is possible, no change, because my manager won't change, so what can I do? Yeah, so I helped this person change the way she thinks about her manager about her work, about how she manages her time, and what she really wants to do. To the extent that now she's like, oh my God, things have changed so much. I cannot believe it's the same manager, it's the same company, it's the same work. Like, I'm feeling more peaceful when I work. I'm— I have more of a rapport with my manager. He is more willing to actually you know, give me more time and space. I know how to really prioritize my time. Now with time management, people are like, okay, yeah, I need to figure out my priorities and do that. But you don't— most people don't know how to pick priorities. Yes. They're just trying to do it all. So now she has so much clarity on how to actually manage her time, how to actually— who to be at work, how to stand up for herself, how to deal with situations. She's like, I cannot believe it. Like, she is so happy, she is growing, and she's like, yeah, I want to tell everybody to come and learn.

I mean, I think this is a very common problem across corporates that people, I mean, just are not able to understand that what kind of thoughts to have. Because once you channelize your thought in the right direction, everything changes for you. If you keep constantly thinking negative, then you will definitely be thinking negative about the entire work environment, your manager, everything that comes across your way. But a small mind shift change that this is good for me, this is something which can bring positive, uh, ideas to me, you know, positive outcomes to me. And once you direct yourself in that direction, things starts to change, and then you start to change. I have had that kind of transformation myself because I directed my thoughts toward positivity, and that changed a lot for me. And time management, when you speak about it, I think it's more about knowing what to say no to. You know, you can keep saying yes, yes, yes, and be a yes person to everyone, but you need to know when to say no. And ever since I've learned this Life has completely changed, honestly. I was recently approached by a judge who wanted me to counsel, you know, uh, people who come to them for even with litigations. And it was after my life that you will have to, you know, do this and do this pro bono. I'm like, dude, I do not have that time. I do not have that, and I do not work on negative energies so much because it affects me negatively as well. I would rather work on personal growth. I would not work on negative energies because that's not what I want to do. I want to work on personal growth and productivity and people who want to actually go to the next level rather than people who are into litigations and amidst a lot of negative energy. So I had to like really push. I said, you're asking too much from me, you know, my time, my energy, doing it for free just because you are a judge. I'm sorry, I cannot do that, right? So like, I'll give you a summon. I'm like, keep doing whatever you want. That's a strict no from my side because I know what I want to do and what I don't want to do. So time management is basically that you just cannot keep saying yes to everyone. That's my take on it.

I want to add a little bit to what you said. You're absolutely right. So the first part, you know, in switching from a negative mindset to a positive one, so where people get stuck is first of all They don't know how to make that switch. Second of all, a lot of people don't even know how to stop feeling the way they're feeling. So let's say you're my manager and you're very controlling— a common problem again. You want me to do things a certain way. Now I hate it, I feel anger towards you. Now to simply tell myself I need to be more positive, because this is the positive gyan we get a lot on the internet. That is not easy, and I feel that it takes a lot of work on yourself to help you see who you are being, the person you're showing up as, what you are creating in that relationship, and how to slowly change it. I'm only like emphasizing on this because a lot of people beat themselves up and they're like, I'm unable to think positive. So it's not this switch. This switch takes effort, consistency, and if you get the right guidance, it can happen much quicker.

Yes, right. That is very important. So last time, you know, we had a podcast with Monalisa Kaur. She, you know, pointed out something very, very pertinent, which is we are wired in a way that we can figure out our ways. You don't need a mentor all the time, but you need a mentor and a coach when you want to do this faster. And you know, you want to do it in the right direction. And when you do not have answers yourself and it's taking you a lot of time to find out the answer, it's best to ask someone who knows it, who has been there, done that. That will make your transition really faster. And that is why I hire coaches for myself. I've been trying to fix my health for a very long time, you know, doing that evening walks and trying to control my food intake and everything, but honestly, it was not working for me. The moment I hired a coach, a nutrition and fitness coach, she told me how much calorie to eat, how to count it, what all to eat in that, you know, uh, diet plan, uh, and, and how to basically manage your micronutrients as well. And then how to do cardio. And when I used to go to the gym, I used to like do cardio a lot. She said, you don't need to do that cardio. You need to do strength training more. Cardio is something you will do with walking steps also, but what your body needs right now is strength, and that only comes with weight training. So these are the things I didn't know. I mean, I could have, you know, kept reading all my life and, you know, going through YouTube channels, but unless there is a dedicated person to guide you through that, the process does not become faster. And with her, My coach, I mean, God bless her for everything that she's done for me. I have lost 17 kgs weight, and that's just within a year, and that's very, very sustainable. I've been able to sustain my weight ever since then. So this is the power of coaching, this is the power of mentoring, and that is how you get transformed if you want to do it faster and quicker and in the right way. So this is something that I would really like to impress upon people. If you're struggling with something, You don't need to struggle, you know, find someone who's been there, done that, and just, you know, sign up and do it.

Yeah, yeah.

So, Deepti, yeah, sorry, please go on.

I was just saying that people hesitate to ask for help a lot because I don't know why it makes them feel less of themselves. And trust me, I have my own coaches and oh my God, the amount I have grown after working with them in like, let's say, a year is probably equivalent to 10 years of growth. That is the beauty of working with somebody who understands how to like do what you're struggling to do.

Absolutely.

So go ask for help.

Ask for help. So Deepti, one last piece of advice that you would want to share with our audience today with your entire experience of your transformation and your coaching journey. What would be that?

Um, so if I would have thought about being here 5, 7 years back, I couldn't have imagined. And today, what I'm visualizing for myself in the next 5 to 10 years is so different because I've consistently worked on myself, because I Continue to believe that whatever I want is possible, and I am willing to take help. I'm willing to get coached. I'm willing to get the resources I need. So the reason I'm sharing this with you is a lot of people just settle in life. They're like, nahi, essayo tha, marriage essayo thi, career essayo tha, business mein hamesha stress rahta hai, time management essayo thi, time kabhi pura nahi ho bala hai. They just accept and they settle. And I just want to encourage people, if you're unhappy, if you're not satisfied, if you don't have enough meaning, joy in your life, you deserve better, and better is possible. So maybe you don't know how, just ask, but don't settle. Don't give yourself that thinking, Mary life, my friends Let others be. People are used to settling. You don't have to, because if you choose bigger, uh, better for yourself, the universe will actually help you get it. But if you say, 'Kinnai made it, nahi possible hai,' so the universe will be like, 'Okay, good luck. If this is what you're happy for, I'm happy for you.' So just trust yourself more and take a leap of faith is what I would say.

A leap of faith. I think, yes, that is something that our audience would really like to hear today and might get inspired and motivated to ask for that help.

I really hope you do.

Thank you so much, Deepti. Thank you for coming and sharing your personal journey and your insights with us. I'm sure the audience will take away a lot from this podcast. Thank you so much.

Thank you for having me, Neetu. Thank you.

Thank