How Do I Deal With Negative Friends?

When you're trying to change your life, the hardest part isn't the work. It's the people that you'll outgrow. You've got to choose them or your future. Alex asks, how do I deal with negative friends? And here's the hard truth. You don't deal with them. You replace them. You get new friends. I'm going to show you how. The first thing we need to agree on is an equation. The equation I present to you is the friends you keep equals the life you keep. When I quit my teaching career and became a full time entrepreneur about 13 years ago, I had to let go of almost all my friends. Not because they were bad people or they were mean to me, but because they led me to the life I already had. And I wanted something different. I wanted something new. If you want a new destination, you can't keep driving the same route, okay? You have to change. And Jim Rohn said it best. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. That quote literally changed my life and everything for me. Because it taught me that if I want to become something new, I got to be around different people. Your environment and the people in it will shape how you think, what you believe, how you behave, and how far you're willing to push for what you want. If the people around you are always complaining, doubting, playing it safe, not pushing themselves, it's. It's not long before that becomes your default too. It's just how it is. Don't question it. Don't think that you're different. Don't think that that won't happen to you. That's just the truth. Number two, most people want you to stay the same. This is tough to admit, but most people, especially if they're negative, don't want you to grow. Not because that they're evil or they're horrible, but because your growth forces them to confront their own stagnation. If you suddenly start a business, go to the gym, start transforming yourself, start investing in yourself, you're reminding them that they are not doing that. So what do they do? They try to pull you back down. Consciously or subconsciously. They say things like, that's risky, that's not realistic. You've changed. They start poking some fun, making some jokes. Does this sound familiar? That's not support. That's fear disguised as love or friendship. Number three, what are we going to do about it? I want to give you some practical steps. So what do you actually do about this situation? Step one, I want you to accept that you will outgrow people. That's just how life is. If you're growing, you will outgrow people that are around you. The only exception to this is if you are around people that are also growing as well. It's not personal. It's natural. You don't need to make it dramatic or make some sort of, like, grand announcement. You don't need to confront them. Just gradually start shifting away from them. Shift your time and your energy away from those people. You're not cutting people off. You're not being dramatic about it or harsh or mean. You're just spending more time elsewhere. You're choosing to grow. And not everyone's going to come with you. That's just how it is. You're going to a new destination. Not. Not everybody wants to go there. Step two, make space for the right people. I always say this. I believe this in my core. If you want to win in business, hang out with people who win in business. It's actually that simple. And you can replace the word business with anything you like. If you want to win in health and wellness, then hang out with people who are winning in health and wellness. You want to be a better writer, Be around great writers. You want to build a business, Be around builders, people that are building things. You want to think bigger, be around people who make you feel like your goals aren't big enough, that you're not actually thinking big enough, you're not shooting for larger goals. One of my life hacks is to go on holiday, go on vacation, even a short weekend with somebody that's doing something great, that's doing things that you want to do, that are doing things, that are inspiring, that are stretching themselves, that are pushing you to think bigger. Recently I went to Japan. I spent a few days with my buddy Ramit Sethi and his wife, Cass Sethi. Ramit has two New York Times bestsellers. He's got a Netflix show. He's done really big things. And it made me think bigger about what I want to do in my career. Step three, Schedule connection. Be intentional. What do I mean by that? Well, you need to make new friends, right? And this is not going to happen by accident. Making new friends as an adult takes work, okay? It's not just going to happen with you sitting on the couch. So set one night a week to go to meet new people, go to a meetup, go to a conference, go to an event that attracts the kind of people that you want in your circle, that you want to influence you in a certain way. For example, Right now I want to be more creative with my work, with what I do, with the podcast, with what I do, with a hundred dollar program, with what I do when I speak on stage. So how do I become more creative? Well, I gotta be around creatives. So I'm gonna go to an event at the Art Gallery of New South Wales tomorrow night. Why again? To be around art I've never been exposed to. To be around people I don't usually hang out with, to expand, to push myself to another place that I normally don't go to. That's how it works. One room at a time, one scheduled event in your calendar at a time. It's not going to happen by accident. You got to seek out these opportunities. Nicole, my wife and partner, suggested. Hey, I'm going to this event in the Art Gallery. I'm a member. Want to come with me? My default answer would be no, I'd rather do something else. But then I thought, you know what, I should go. I think this is gonna be a good chance for me to expand myself, to push myself. It's not what I normally would do, and it would allow me to be more creative and be around people I normally wouldn't be around. What's gonna happen next will actually shock you in a lot of ways. You're gonna start hearing new ideas, you're gonna start feeling inspired again. You're gonna realize how small your thinking had become before. Right? And most of all, you're gonna start feeling seen. You're gonna start feeling like yourself and you're growing into a new self. When you start surrounding yourself, people that are doing great things, who get it, you stop feeling crazy, stop feeling like you're weird. You stop second guessing every decision that you have. You start feeling some momentum. Finally, lastly, I want to touch on this concept that a lot of people ask. What if the people that are negative around me are family? Same principle applies, but be more gentle because your family's your family. You don't need to cut anyone off. Just limit access to your energy, still go to the dinners, still take the calls. But when you go, here's my advice. Don't bring your biggest dreams to people who aren't qualified to handle them. Okay? Don't bring the big things you want to do to people that just don't know how to react. And often they react in a negative way that bring you down. Don't allow that to happen by dot not bringing it up. Right? Don't talk about that. Just have a pleasant time. If they ask you how you're doing. I'm doing great. You don't need to share things that will invite negative feedback. Look, this isn't easy. Letting go of people is one of the hardest parts of leveling up your life and your business, but it's also one of the most necessary. It's one of the most impactful. So, Alex, thank you for your question, because I know there's a lot of people listening who needed to hear what I shared today. Your future is waiting for you, but it needs you to step into new rooms and you need to find new voices, new people that can influence you in the right way. And you have to be brave enough to leave old patterns behind and people that don't serve you anymore. Choose your circle wisely. It just might be the thing that changes everything. Thanks so much for listening to this podcast and being a subscriber. If you're not a subscriber yet, make sure you hit the Follow button on the app you're using to consume this episode. If you want to go deeper with me, I have a newsletter called the Three Things Newsletter that you can sign up for. It's absolutely free. Every single week, I send you three things. One something to think about so you're growing your mindset. Number two, something to do so you're building and growing and number three, something to learn so you're skilling up every single week. It's my way to coach you from afar. It's absolutely free. All you gotta do is go to100mba.net sign up for any of our free guides or any of our free templates or anything like that, and you'll be added to our newsletter automatically. But real quick, if you have a question that you want to ask here on Q and A Wednesday, just go to 100mba.netq and you could submit your question to be answered right here on the podcast. Until next time, I'm Omar Zainam. Thanks for listening to the $100 NBA show and I'll see you in the next episode.