You Don't Need Permission To Start A Business! (Step-by-Step Guide)

The people you love the most are most often the people that will talk you out of your best ideas. This leads me to today's Q&A Wednesday's question from Connor. How do I build a business if my family's against it? Woo. This is a big one because I think Nicole and I both experienced this at some level when we left our jobs and became full-time entrepreneurs and started our career. You're gonna ruffle some feathers. When you do something different. And I want to start off by saying that when you are doing anything outside the norm, anything outside your character, people are going to feel uncomfortable because they know you in a certain way. They know you as the person that does XYZ. Once you start doing something else, they start to get nervous because they start to have a lot of questions they can't answer in their heads. And we're going to get into that in a bit. So, Nicole, What are your thoughts initially when you heard this question?

It's a tough one. I understand the struggle because the expectation is, is that our family supports us unconditionally, loves us unconditionally. I know that's not always the case, but when you do do something that's unexpected or you're chasing a dream or you're wanting to do something that is maybe a surprise to them, And they— you don't have their support, it's a tough situation to be in.

Yeah, and I do want to say that you have to separate the idea from the transition into entrepreneurship or leaving your job, whatever it might be, because some people might feel like, oh, they think my idea stinks and that's why they don't want me to do it. And it's not really about the idea, it's the concept of you risking everything for this idea. I know this firsthand because I was Really scared, actually, to tell my own family, my mom, my parents, the people around me that I was leaving my career in education. I was doing very well. I mean, at the age of 25, I was a head of department. I was leading teachers twice my age. I was a high flyer in what I was doing. So, for me to leave that position with the idea of being an entrepreneur, being a business owner, something I had no experience in really other than some side hustles and experiments, It sounds irrational, sounds irresponsible, and I kind of feel for them looking back at it, you know. And it's kind of hard for me to expect for them to be supportive because I haven't showed them any evidence that I can do what I'm saying I'm about to do.

Yeah, and it's hard because you go in at that time, I would imagine, with a lot of excitement. You know, you've got that excitement about this new chapter in your life that you want to embark upon. And then, you know, the immediate reaction is not one that you expect or that you hope for.

Yeah, I want to dive into why people do this. Why do families do this? Why do close ones to you express their, you know, rejection or dissatisfaction with your decision to whether it's start a business on the side, go full-time, whatever it might be? The first thing I want to address is that Some, and I would say probably most people that have family members that are saying, no, this is a bad idea, don't do this, are actually doing it with love, with a good intention where they feel like, we don't want you to suffer. We don't want you to see you not be able to pay your bills or change your lifestyle or downgrade your lifestyle because of this roll of the dice.

Yeah. And I think they don't want to see you struggle. I think the experience that I had, it wasn't so much a family member, it was a very close friend of mine who, friends that are super close can be like family. And I considered this person like family. When we were struggling in those early days in New York, you share and confide in those struggles in your closest friend. And I remember her advice being, why don't you take a waitressing job? You've had experience in hospitality. There's so many restaurants in New York. You know, just get something like that so you can pay the bills. And I knew that that came from the fact that I shared that we were struggling financially. And she, I don't know, she, at the worst case, she probably thought, I don't want to see my friend homeless or something. So there's that real fear that someone feels, you know, and I remember what we decided not to, we decided to push through. But I get where that fear comes from.

It's funny that you mentioned that story because I think the reason why Your friend told you to take that waitressing job was not for that reason, and it's actually for reason number two. I think a lot of people that are against your idea or against you taking a risk is because somewhere, even subconsciously, they don't want to see you succeed. Because if you succeed, it means that their excuses for their reasons why they didn't succeed are not valid anymore.

That's a big jump. I think there's lots of layers there to jump right to there. I can see what you're saying, and I think this it's a subconscious. Conscious thing. I think a lot of the times when there is that projection that people might have, and then it looks like it's coming from a good place, but they are maybe projecting some insecurities. I don't know if it was the case then. Maybe it was. I definitely think it's good in a way to have that lens because you do take other people's advice. That's that people that are close to you. I think that that kind of advice or that kind of lens helps you. filter their advice. Because if you just accept and think, okay, maybe you're right, then if we had decided like, oh yeah, maybe she's right. Maybe I should just do this part-time until we get some traction. I know now in hindsight, that would have been the wrong move.

I actually disagree. I actually believe that most people, I would say the majority of people, Uh, that are your friends— family's a different story because you're stuck with your family— but your friends, most of them are happy in the relationship they are with you because of who you are right now. If you start to change and you start to actually outshine them, it feels uncomfortable.

Mm-hmm.

And my proof for that is that if you've ever moved up in your career, if you ever change your social status or your financial status in some way in your life, you look around, you don't have the same friends anymore. That didn't happen by accident. Because you grew apart, and at some point, they just didn't accept the new version of you.

Yeah, I think it's probably maybe a more unpleasant or darker side of human nature, for sure. And I do think it's there. And I think it is— if we're answering this question, if someone is experiencing this, and I know it's Connor in this, but it's so many other people that have been in this situation. It's kind of good to remove those rose-colored glasses and realize, hey, where is this objection coming from? And if it is possible that people are uncomfortable with your change, with your success, with your growth, because maybe they're stuck, then that's a hard reality that unfortunately you just have to accept.

Yeah.

That your old friends maybe are not gonna be your biggest supporters. Maybe your closest family is also not gonna be your, You know, greatest supporters. And it is a tough pill to swallow, but I think it is a reality.

Yeah, and I want to get practical here because I know a lot of people that are listening or watching this episode are maybe in this situation. And maybe when we say family, these are people they live with. It could be their spouse. It could be a parent. It could be, you know, they are in very close proximity to somebody who is influencing their day-to-day. So, how do you approach the situation when the people around you are like, this is a bad idea. You should not do this. You know, This is being irresponsible, all that kind of stuff. So the first thing I want to say is that you should take ownership of this and see it as a chance for you to make your first sale. What do I mean by that? It's like you have to sell the people around you on this idea. They have to be convinced that one, not only that this is possible in terms of like, you know, conceptually, like this product can be sold or this business could be successful, but that you can pull this off, that you are able to change and make it happen. So they need to see something, some evidence that you are actually somebody that's capable of change. change and improvement and growth. And that's on you. You need to have that conversation with them. You need to sit down and say, here's my plan. This is what I want to do. This is how I want to build this business. This is where I'm heading. This is what I'm going to do every day. And then when you actually do them every day, do those things every day, they're going to start seeing, okay, this person is actually serious and they're not just hot air.

Yeah, I think that conversation, like in the beginning too, it's easier, I suppose, because there is that excitement. But 100%, I think there's a lot of confusion and there's a lack of clarity with if, say, those those family members have never been in business, don't have that experience, they don't know what that world is like.

Yep.

And so it's only fair that they're going to object. And so it is on you, because they are the people that I suppose are closest to you, and you owe them, in essence, an explanation, to be really, really clear as to what does this look like, and what the ultimate outcome is. The flip side of that is to really listen I think to them and to their concerns and make sure you're really like getting to the heart of what is the fear and addressing it. So I think that really, you know, this conversation is confronting and, you know, it's easy to get your back up, maybe get defensive. But I think that those initial conversations where you lay it all out, they lay out their fears and why they're concerned and you address them. And then you also lay out, this is my plan.

Yes.

This is what I want to do. Knowing what it's all about, I think, goes a long way.

And I think you bring up a good point. I think it's very important for whoever, Connor, or anybody who's listening or watching, to address the financial fear here. Most people are scared that you are going to take this leap of faith and you're going to fall on your face and we're not going to be able to pay our bills. We're not going to be able to pay the car bill. We're not going to be able to go on the holiday that we planned to go on, all that kind of stuff, right? So, you have to address this fact that like, what are you going to do financially about this situation? Where is the money going to go? How are you going to fund this business? business. What does it mean in terms of your current job, your current income? You got to basically have a financial meeting with your family.

Yeah.

Especially if you have like older children or something like that, where like they're part of the spending habits of the family. You need to say, hey, maybe we need to cut back a little bit so that, you know, mom or dad can try this new way of life, business, you know, so that in the long run that we're all successful. You know, you have to kind of get them on board and you can't just Leave them in the dark financially because that's not really fair. And at the same time, it's probably what's causing all this kind of angst.

Yeah, I think the tough thing there is— and I have a lot of, you know, sympathy for people who are in this situation where one, you know, partner isn't getting it and doesn't want that change of lifestyle, or if it impacts kids, for example, holidays, whatever routine That's a real tough ask.

It's a big ask.

It's a big ask to come up against, isn't it? I suppose, how do you protect then your energy to not get derailed? How do you maintain your optimism? I think that's what's really probably a struggle for someone who's got, you know, someone in that relationship that is resisting this change, this desire. Like, you know, you're promising them if this, you know, if this works out, Things are going to be like XYZ, like it's going to be amazing. But every single day that passes is really tough on the other person.

100%. And the honest truth is that a lot of times entrepreneurship costs people relationships. It costs people because one person is growing into something new and trying something new and is exposed to other types of people and other ways of life. And the other person's kind of in the same rhythm as you used to be in. just natural for you guys to kind of start to drift apart. Having said that, you know, you do need energy and inspiration, especially in the beginning, to get traction with your business. And I think we spoke about this earlier about how our environment matters so much.

Yeah.

You know, one of the things that we did when we left our teaching jobs, we left and moved to New York City. And one of the big reasons why we wanted to move to New York is because the environment. Everybody there is chasing their dream. Everybody thinks that they're going to be an actor or a musician or, you know, start a startup or whatever it might be. And when you're in that environment where everybody's going after it, it's normal for you to chase a dream.

Yeah.

And now you don't have to move to a major city like that, but you could just be around, hang around those people a little bit more, go to meetups, go to a coworking space where people are building businesses, where the standard, the normal thing is Going after something that you want.

Yes. The biggest lesson I've learned in life, like that, you know, through my experience, is any massive change or any pivotal moment in my life has required or has often been the result of upending, moving country, you know, really shifting my location and the people that I'm surrounded with— by. But I only— I'm saying but because I think that is Sometimes what it takes, but I don't want to suggest— I'm concerned that we're suggesting, you know, cutting ties, cutting relationships. I think the alternative to that maybe could be helpful is inviting people into your space. I know that when we've had celebrations with our business, our podcast, our studio launch, all of these events, we've invited our friends and family into the space. Like, normally these events are reserved for your colleagues, your peers. But I think a really good way to help someone get on side is to invite them into your world. Because again, it comes down to like, I have no idea what this world is like.

Yeah.

I have no idea what maybe other people who are also chasing their dreams are like if they don't have this, you know, friends in that space. Yeah, and I didn't want to take you somewhere else, but I do want to address the fact that I agree that a drastic change has often been, for me, the most effective way to make a big shift. But what do we say to someone who's not, you know, that is not an option?

I'll even argue that the drastic change is easier because you are making it easy on yourself by you being in the same environment and trying to do all this. It's a harder struggle You know, I thought it was easier to move, you know, cities and change your life and change your environment because I, I could be anybody I want in this new city. No one's judging me. You know, I can morph into the new person I want to be. But when you're in your own environment, you're still interacting with the same old people, and it's— I think it's harder, you know. But anyway, I think you're right. If you just physically can't do that, of course, financially, whatever it might be, it's good to get them involved and get them invited. Uh, to parties or meetups. Um, if they're even interested in doing that.

Yeah.

I think that wins cures all. You have to get some wins. Okay? So if you wanna start a business and you start on the side in your, in your job, that's going to, uh, allow you to get some traction. Mm-hmm. Get some sales. And you gotta celebrate those wins with the people around you so that they could see that, hey, this thing is working.

Yeah, that's where you, that's where you should be spending the majority of your energy, right? It's almost like that dirty fuel of like, I'll show you, I'll prove it to you.

Yeah.

Like that, sometimes that dirty fuel can go a long way because it's what you need to, A, to build momentum to get that success, and also at the same time to prove a point. That's not how you want to sustain obviously long-term growth, but I think in the early days The more of your energy that goes towards really, in a way, proving a point, proving yourself, I don't think that's wasted energy.

I want to give Connor and everybody who's listening or watching a step-by-step plan to handle this situation. But before that, make sure you're subscribed to the show, whether on YouTube, whether you're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, we're on them all. By subscribing, you'll get our next episode automatically. We have an episode coming up on how to overcome self-doubt. Self-doubt is something that many entrepreneurs go through and continue to go through. It doesn't kind of go away ever because as you move up in levels, you are doubting yourself if you can actually get to that next level. So, if you want to learn how to do that, if you want to make sure you don't miss that episode, hit subscribe so that you're getting it automatically in your feed. So, I want to get into some practical advice to handle the situation when you're trying to start a business, but your family's against it. You have to understand that anytime you take a risk, people are going to get nervous. OK? And you are taking a risk. Business is a risk. You don't know if it's going to work out or not. But what do you want to do is you want to create an environment where it's OK to fail. This is why I'm a big believer in side hustles to a certain point where you can get product-market fit. You get to basically learn how to do business on house money because you have your salary from your business and you can afford some failures. This is my experience for over 10 years of side hustling before I went full-time. And in that experience, experience, you're going to learn a lot about what works, what doesn't, what kind of entrepreneur you want to be, and you're going to get some wins under your belt. So, it's good for you to lay out a plan to your family members and say, hey, I want to start building businesses. I want to start with this business. This is my idea. This is what I'm going to do it. This is the time I'm going to do it. This is how much time on the weekend I'm going to allocate to it. This is how I'm going to make money, the revenue model of this business. This is how much it's going to cost me. You know, maybe you say, hey, I'm going to put aside $500 in savings to get started for the first 6 months, whatever it might be that number is. Maybe for you it's $5,000. But the point here is, is that you have to have a transparent plan. It's like your first pitch to investors because they're going to be with you. And, you know, especially if this is your significant other, that that's part of their income too, part of their money too. So you want to make sure that they're OK with it. Secondly, I would say that you need to get into rooms, get around people that are where you want to be. People that already achieved the things you wanna achieve, maybe a few steps ahead of you. So that means going to meetups, going to, uh, events, going to conferences, uh, going to a coworking space with other entrepreneurs or building. This is very easy. Just Google it, whatever your business is or whatever, um, market you're in. You can find a conference or a meetup, you know, in the next few months that you can be a part of. Uh, lastly, you have to commit and you need to have some deadlines to getting some wins under your belt. Whether it's your first sale, whether it's putting, you know, launching the business and putting a website out, announcing it to the world. Once it's real, people will start to believe. A lot of people don't believe you because they haven't seen you do this yet. So, you're going to have to prove it to them in some way. And I would say lastly, you should see this as a way for you to work on yourself and work on the fact that, hey, not everybody's going to be on board sometimes.

Hey.

I've been running businesses for over 20 years. There are times my own team is against me. My team is like, this is a bad idea, right? So in that moment, what do I do? Just give up and leave my team? No, I have to maybe convince them of my idea, give them the reasons why. Maybe I have to listen to them and figure out, oh, maybe they actually have a point here. Maybe I need to tweak my idea a little bit so that it's a, you know, it's going to be more successful. So this is a chance for you to grow as a person. You know, up to this point, maybe you kind of been under the radar and you've been doing your thing and everybody's happy with you because you're doing well in your career. But now you're rubbing people a little bit the wrong way. There's a little bit of friction and that's okay. That means you're going to grow.

I think the point that stood out the most there is that deadline. The idea of having that plan. Because I think it's a bit of a catch-22, right? The family's against it. So you kind of delay. You're spending a lot of your energy resisting, making everybody happy. And that kind of delays the momentum that you could have. Whereas if you get laser-focused and say, all right, the next 6 months, the next 12 months, this is the plan, lay it out and really commit to those goals, have those milestones that, you know, you're almost like using your family members as some sort of accountability partners. I think if people focused, they would make so much more traction in that, in those, say, 12 months, for example.

Right.

Rather than I get it, giving in and feeling like, oh, okay, all right, this weekend I won't work on my thing because there's a birthday party or whatever it is. But maybe a birthday is a bad example.

Yeah, I would argue that.

Just being half in, half out. But if you're laser-focused, you're committed, and there's a timeline, and it's almost like everyone's agreed that we've all signed the contract that we're going to let you do your thing for a year, then I think I think that might be a better approach than just quietly, constantly trying to convince people around you and being half in, half out. I don't know if that makes sense.

It makes sense and I want to just— it kind of leads to what I want to say as we wrap up. This is a little bit of honesty and tough love for Connor. Anybody who is listening or watching, I would just ask you to challenge yourself and ask yourself honestly, do you want to do this? Do you actually want to start a business? Do you actually want to be an entrepreneur? Do you actually want to create something in the world and see it? manifest. And I'm gonna push back a little bit and say, if you're saying yes, why haven't you done it already? Why haven't you launched that business or a website or a blog or, or an Instagram page where you talk about what you do and serve a certain audience? All this stuff doesn't cost money. It's free.

Mm-hmm.

It doesn't cost that much time. You could have done on your weekend, uh, you know, for a couple hours here and there. If you— it's crazy how much time can compound and give you momentum. Like if you just spent 3 hours every Saturday for the next 6 Saturdays, you probably could launch a pretty good product out there, you know, a pretty good business, a pretty good offering. Even if it's not like you're selling anything, you could be creating an audience around the topic or the product you're about to launch. You know, this is my question to you, like, why haven't you started already? You don't need permission for that. You don't need to even, you know, clue in your family for that. That just seems like a side project, a hobby, which no one would have a problem with because it wouldn't affect your life that much. And I'm a big believer that people that are compelled to do something get things done. Uh, one of my favorite lines is from a book called How to Get Rich by Felix Dennis. And he says, there's a big difference between, uh, desire and compulsion. You have to be, you know, so driven. You have to have a compulsion to start a business because it takes that to survive, but also to thrive in business. So I'm here to ask you an honest question, and hopefully the answer is yes. And I'm— that's my job is to push back a little bit. And, and, and to give it to you in your face and say, hey, do you actually want to do this? If so, get started. You don't need anybody's permission.

And maybe the other side of this is that acknowledging how hard it is when those people around you are very disgruntled or upset or not as on board as you want them to be. I totally get how difficult that is. So I think if I'm gonna answer this question, It's the uncomfortable truth of you're going to build the business anyway, in spite of your family being against it. That's going to be okay. You'll get through it. I think ultimately, if you've got, you know, family that love and support you and you're, you're doing it in an empathetic way, I think you have to just get comfortable with the idea that you're not going to make everybody happy, whether it's your friends, whether it's your family. And you might have to do it in spite of that. It's, it's tough, but, um, yeah, I think, um, if, as long as there's empathy there. Yeah.

And I think that this is actually a good moment to recognize the fact that entrepreneurship is kind of lonely. It's a lonely place. When you start building a business, you get busy. Most of my friends are entrepreneurs. All my friends are entrepreneurs and they're busy people. Like we don't have time to hang out that much. Right. But when I do hang out with them once in a while, It's fun. We catch up. We talk about business. Da da da da. But like, we don't hang out every single weekend. We don't hang out on Wednesday nights or Thursday nights for drinks. We don't like we don't have all this free time.

You know, so change your expectations of what like life is like.

This is a good starter program of what it's like to be an entrepreneur. You're gonna spend a lot of time in your head by yourself working on your thing, and that's just the the cost of admission, really.

And find that's why it's so important to find those people.

Yeah.

Which are out there through these groups.

Hopefully that was helpful, Connor, and everybody who's listening and watching. Let us know in the comments, whether it's on YouTube or leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. And of course, if you're a part of our newsletter, just hit reply on any of the emails that you get. I get all the emails personally. I read them all. I try to reply to as much as I can, but I definitely read every single one. If you love today's episode and want to continue learning and you want to start a small business, That is not gonna cost you a lot of money, time, energy, commitment. I highly recommend you create an event. An event is a great microcosm of a business, and if you wanna learn how to do that, uh, we have an episode we published recently talking about the 5 mistakes I made, uh, creating and selling live events. Just scroll up, you'll see the episode, uh, recently published on whatever app you're on right now. Go ahead and check it out and continue your learning. Thanks so much for being part of Q&A Wednesday. Thanks Nicole for helping me out today. And again, we'll be back next Wednesday to answer your questions here on Q&A Wednesday. If you've got a question you want to ask, just send it over to 100mba.net/q and we'll answer it right here on the show. Thanks.

Thanks.