103. Keeping Your Fire Lit in a Small Town

Hey everybody, I'm coming at you today just to share some of the big takeaways and learnings that we've experienced, um, and I personally as the leader of Growing Small Towns has experienced in the last year. I just recently wrote a blog post that seems to have struck a nerve, um, with people, and, uh, I always love it. I always love it when something that I've experienced can be spun into a lesson. It's— it seems to me that there's always lessons for me, and then if I'm able to spin them into some sort of value for everybody else, that is where I like to live. So the article— and I'm going to tell you kind of what this led me to understand and what this led me to realize, and then what we're going to be doing as a result of that learning going forward for Growing Small Towns and for you as our fair listeners. Like, we, we Love you so much. We love hearing from you. We love, I love getting personal messages from everybody. It's been such an incredible year where I've really started to see where I think we can add the kind of value that we wanna bring to the marketplace. And so a lot of experimentation, a lot of trial and error, and I think we're heading in a direction that feels really well aligned with not only who I am as a person, as the leader and founder of this organization,, but in terms of alignment with what we really believe small towns need more than anything right now. So first, let me share a little bit about this blog post. I'm gonna give some little background and, and share how this came to be. So the blog post is actually called How to Keep Your Fire Lit, and, um, I start out by talking a bit about burnout and the fact that in community development it is like only a matter of time before people get tired. It's really grueling work. It's public sector work oftentimes, right? You're in the public forum, you're in the public kind of square, the, you know, the public square. You're just visible and everybody can see you and everybody has opinions about how you should be thinking about your role or your job. And so it makes people really tired. And I will also just say, and I've said this before, that for me, I really don't even feel like I ascribe to the idea of being in economic development. And that's, it's frankly because I don't think like traditional economic developers. I, and that's, I don't see that as necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It just is, I'm just very different from that traditional way of thinking. And so, and I also, this like my setting out to do this work, my goal wasn't like to shake up an industry. That wasn't disrupt, be a disruptor. That wasn't what I was after. You know, what I was really truly after was how do we make our small towns great? How do we make 'em great places to live? And for me, again, this is always going to be, always has been, always will be about the people that are living in a community like that. The people that are leading the community from an elected position standpoint, the people that are visiting our community, the people that are building businesses in our community. It's about the people. And so I am— I've had some, I've had some really tough experiences in the last year. And by tough, I mean, none of this is brain surgery. Like, I'm not killing anybody, no one's dying on me if my work doesn't matter the way I want it to. But it's emotionally and psychologically taxing. Because you're dealing a lot of times with Oftentimes for people that do this kind of work, I think it seems as though the only time we hear anything is when people are pissed, and people are pissed a lot. That's what I've come to find. So, um, me being a fairly optimistic, positive-oriented person and really preferring to operate from a place of hope than a place of fear, I have found myself confronted with that difference of opinion and kind of difference of mindset a lot. And I am not going to lie, guys, when I'm standing in front of somebody that is so unwilling to think differently at all, like, they're just— they seem very, very closed off to ideas. They seem really quick to judge. My fight or flight kicks in, and I literally just want to, like, pack up my car and drive away and just not look back. I've had that feeling more times than I can count since returning to my hometown. And I know that even that admission right there doesn't, doesn't land with a lot of people. And in fact, I've gotten a lot of heat from people because I say that I don't love every second of being here all the time. It's been a very hard transition. I've been back in my hometown now for 14 years. It's been— it's taken all of that time for me to really figure out how to be me and do it in a way that feels still genuine and authentic and real, right? It's been a challenge. And so all of this is to say that what I realize is when that fight or flight kicks in, I don't have to fight, but I have to be willing to stand in those moments because that is when I'm growing and that is when I'm learning. And so I'm trying to embrace the challenge and embrace the difficulty that comes along with this kind of work because I want to help people that are open-minded and open-hearted and that are on fire and have a passion for the betterment of their communities. And you guys are everywhere. You are all over the country and obviously the world. I don't really see us expanding internationally quite quite yet, but I do believe in the power of individual effort. I believe in the power of individual spirits. And when you put a couple or a few or a handful of those kinds of people together in a small town, I believe in your ability to change the trajectory of the future. I believe in those things. So with, again, with all that being said, this last year has been so tumultuous and so hard and yet so rewarding and so juicy. It's been so great. And as we've been trying to figure out, you know, how do we really support people? Like, you know, initially I had the feeling of like, okay, well, it seems like the people I should support are people in economic development. But then over and over again, I would get, you know, instant, you know, instant like DMs on, Instagram or Facebook or emails or submissions through my, my website where people are asking me questions and they're, they're literally just a kind of person. They don't play a specific role. So it's not like the only people that reach out to me are like city planners don't call me. Economic development people sometimes call me, but a lot of times it's about people that are just like, we want to see cool stuff happen here and we don't know how to make it happen given the current social and cultural climate that we're living in. It's people that have a fire and a passion for their work, for their lives, and genuinely— or generally, it seems like they do also have a passion for other people. And so as this starts to become clear to me, I, you know, I, I'm going to share at the end of the podcast here what we're hoping to create and what we're hoping to launch. And then I really need your feedback. You guys, you listeners, are the ones that help us shape what we do. The feedback that I get from people helps me think about where we need to be showing up in the marketplace and what that intersection looks like so that people can get the value from us that I think we're able to provide. So with all that, let me tell you a bit about this, um, this blog post. And again, you're welcome to just go out and read it. It is actually on RebeccaUndum.com. Um, we will link to it in the show notes, of course, and you can just read the whole thing. But essentially, this idea of, again, when we're in small towns, a lot of the mainstream advice that comes our way in terms of how to live full, meaningful lives is kind of trite and oftentimes pretty much bullshit, actually, because a lot of times they're talking about energy preservation, which I absolutely ascribe to. Okay. Like, I need to protect my energy. To be surrounded with the right kind of people, all of those things. But when they say things like, "Just walk away," or, "Cut the people out of your life," that isn't practical. And I've talked about this a number of times before on the podcast because we're going to see those people again. We're going to see them at the grocery store. We're going to see them pumping gas. We're going to see them sitting down, kneeling down, 4 people down from us at a communion rail. I shared that story. It's a real thing that happens. And so it isn't that easy to just cut them out of our lives. Now, granted, you always have choices. If cutting people out of your life is what you really think you have to do, that's a choice you get to make. But there's going to be consequences. And what I feel like we're— what we aren't thinking about is burning bridges and how you end up— if you burn all the bridges in and out of your little world, then you end up on an island. We need people. A lot of times the people that drive us the most crazy are people that we need somewhat their involvement, maybe not their full support, maybe not their full stamp of approval, but we need their, we need their involvement. And so how do we do that, right? How do we go through it? So again, this whole thing is framed up for people that get ideas. So I'm calling them the fire starters in their community. So we're talking about how do you usher forward an idea when you feel really surrounded by people that don't like it and don't like change. So we talk about it like we burn out, and of course that's the end result, that's the symptom, but it isn't the diagnosis. My reframe on this is what if instead we're not actually burning out, but we're allowing ourselves to be snuffed out. What if we're letting the people— what if there are things that we could do? We're letting the people that have negativity and maybe general opposition to new stuff, we're letting them snuff out our idea before we've even really gotten the chance to get it going and vet it properly. And so then what if also, what if that's true? And then what if there are things that we could be doing and people we could be seeking out at certain times along our idea ushering, uh, progress or process that help us keep from being extinguished. So it's actually a really fun concept, right? Like, you can totally quit. You always have options, right? Like, when you're standing in front of something and someone that you can't change, you really only have a handful of options. You can quit, you can leave it, growth. Again, I said like, I— that fight or flight happens to me. I stand there and I think, I just want to quit. I want to freaking quit. I don't want to do this anymore. And I've said those words. I've said them out loud, like, I don't, I don't want to do this. But I know that my refinement of my character, of my strength of conviction, of all of it, continues to come because of these difficult situations. So that's, that's one thing. Um, you can stay and continue to hate your life and hate everything that's certainly an option, or you can try something different. We have the power and we have the capacity to change our response to people. It's the only thing we get to change. We don't get to change other people. I know I just keep waiting for the day where I come on this podcast and I'm like, guess what, everybody? I have the magic wand. I have the bullet. We're going to do it and we're going to change everybody. No, that's not going to happen. And you know that's not gonna happen. So we have choices, we can change ourselves. So just that, that even that ability to remind ourselves that we can make different choices is so powerful. And furthermore, if you are a fire starter in a community, we are literally changing the way things happen in our communities. I— the phrase that I use is that we can literally make the water that we swim in friendlier for everybody else that's like us and all the people that will follow. And I think that that is such a noble and exciting thing to consider. But my dear friend, you, the fire starter, the goal is to preserve both the spark of your idea and the fire in your heart. Both of those things need to be protected and need to be nurtured to be sure that you don't snuff out and quit. Okay, so all of us probably— I mean, if you've been— if you're a generative person, like generative as in idea generating, like that's just how you think about stuff. Like everywhere I go, I have way more ideas than time or money to execute. I mean, that's just who I am. And when you're that kind of person, one of my very favorite feelings is that feeling of like that, like you can hear it almost when the spark of an idea— like, imagine a metaphorical matchstick, and it's like you strike just the right part of your brain and you go, oh, that is an idea! And that feeling is so addicting. I love, love, love that feeling. So imagine that happens, right? So you have this little spark of an idea, and then you immediately think of all the people you want to tell, and you daydream about seeing that thing blossom. I mean, that's That's like, that's like the juice, guys. I love it so much. I can't, I can't stand it. But then the question we have to ask ourselves that early on in an idea generating kind of process is, who can I share this precious little spark with that will help me usher it forward while also protecting my energy? Because when with the tiny little matchstick flame, it doesn't take a lot to extinguish it. All it really takes is like maybe a one person saying, Oh God, that's stupid, or that's never gonna work here. And you just find yourself holding like a burnt tip stick, right? You're just like, well, crap, I thought that was a good thing. But what's cool about the matchstick too is that it's pretty— it's relatively simple to strike it again, relight it, and then continue. But it could get snuffed out a number of times as it's going. And you know what matches need, or flames need? They need oxygen. So in a small town, I really just feel like It doesn't feel right to bucket people this clearly, but I'm going to do it anyway. I think people generally are fan flame fanners or they're flame extinguishers. People walk around literally with that energy of like adding to something and making it better and bigger or taking away, stripping it down and snuffing it out. I don't know that people think about that, but I'm telling you as a fire starter to think about this. You clearly are a flame faner. That's your general way of being. But when you're thinking about protecting that little spark of an idea, we need to think about who are those people? Who are the people that are gonna help us? So early, early, early on in your process of your idea, here are some characteristics of people that you might seek out. Again, they should be generally optimistic and positive in nature, right? That seems reasonable enough. They shouldn't be necessarily devil's advocates at this juncture. You might need that later, you will in fact, but you don't need it right away. And you need to talk to people early on that actually want you to succeed. Flame extinguisher people are the kind of people that just really could care less if your ideas land or if anybody's do, because they don't really care about progress. The only goal at this stage is to keep your match lit. And so the people that we need, the people that we just described, or I just described, are champions. You need cheerleaders, you need champions. They're going to encourage you and they're going to cheer you on, and they're going to, they're going to help fan that flame instead of blowing it out. And really, I think of all the groups of people that help us get stuff done, cheerleaders are one of the most underrated groups. We often tell ourselves like, oh, I don't need that, like I don't need a cheering section, I don't need people championing my idea. We do. Yeah, you do, you do need them. And it, like, I joke, like, it's the Stuart Smalley thing from Saturday Night Live, right? Like, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, doggone it, people like me. You actually, we all need validation sometimes. Because what's cool is if you can keep that little matchstick lit long enough, you're eventually going to run out, right? Matches are temporary on purpose, and then you're going to have to upgrade it to what comes next. And so then the idea is your idea gets bigger and a little bit better, it stays lit, Now it becomes somewhat of a DIY torch. I do this whole Indiana Jones reference. You have to have watched that movie to know. But basically, they're down in the dungeons underneath the city of Venice, right? There's a river of petroleum. He takes like an old skeleton bone and he wraps it with, you know, because he's Indiana Jones and he wraps it with some torn, shredded cloth that he finds and then he dips it in petroleum and he lights it. And he's got this dripping weird DIY torch. Well, that's what your idea looks like now. Right? It's, uh, it's, it's crude and it's unstable, but it's bigger. And now you're gonna need new people again to help you make this thing grow. Um, and here is where it gets— it actually gets really fun, because the bigger and more complex your idea gets, the harder it is to sting— to extinguish. One little comment isn't going to blow out a DIY torch at this point. But I think, and I'm guessing, if you're— if you If you consider yourself a fire starter, and most of the people that listen to this podcast, in my opinion, they are. This is who they are. We all know people who appear to always have a wet blanket at the ready. Like, I don't know if they store them in their trunk. I don't know if they carry them in backpacks so they always have one on their person. But it seems like we know people that are just like, I've got a wet blanket. I'll try to put that thing out. Right? And it seems like they're ready to toss it over anything that they ate. A, don't understand, therefore don't like. B, don't like because it's new and we don't like new things. C, they don't wanna support it because they don't like the way it's being done. Or 4, they don't wanna see it happen because the idea isn't theirs. Now there are probably other reasons. Maybe they just genuinely hate the idea and that's fine. What I still am fighting to understand in the scope of my own work is if you hate an idea and I'm not asking anything of you, right? You literally don't have to use it. You don't have to go into it. You don't have to frequent it or patronize it. You don't have to do anything with it. Why are you standing in the way of it? That's something I'm— again, I'm not talking to the people that carry the wet blankets. I'm talking to the people that have to deal with the people that carry the wet blankets. So some of these things, guys, are just going to be universal puzzlers, like, for the rest of our days. I don't know, it's just the way it is. But I feel like these people are the absolute worst. And oftentimes I have also found in my experience that this is not just relegated to one type of individual. These individuals often have positions of influence, authority, and maybe elected office. So, okay, you can't have those people. So who do we look for? You know, we're at this stage again where we, we're trying to get this thing bigger beyond the DIY torch. So we need to find people to serve the next group of people. So you still need champions, you still need cheerleaders, you need them all along the way, but now we need challengers. And challengers are really the kind of people that are still positive, they still want us to concede or succeed, but they're willing to provide a perspective that allows us to see what might be creating challenges or obstacles for us because our ideas are precious to us and sometimes we just get too close to our own stuff. And we need people to help us. We need people to point out things we may not be seeing. And the difference between a challenger and a total naysayer, just like a negative Nelly, is that they still, they believe in you and they want you to succeed. They're not, they don't revel in pointing out what's gonna hang you up. You know, they just want you to be prepared for things. So they're helping. That's the difference. So again, as our flame gets bigger, inevitably it's gonna draw outside of it, outside attention. People are going to, Be watching, right? And here for me is how I suggest handling that. Number 1, just expect them to be lurking. They don't hoard wet blankets for fun. They're looking for new ideas to extinguish. So just always be prepared. Like be a Boy Scout, be a Girl Scout, recognize that they're out there. Don't walk your shaky— this is your second here. Don't walk your shaky torch out into the public square where you can't defend yourself against multiple attacks from all sides. And yes, that's fairly dramatic. But for real, you know, you're gonna take that idea out into the wider world. You have to have a plan to protect it. And that's where, again, some of the plan I'm suggesting here is who we surround ourselves with. But you also wanna be pretty on point with making sure that you're taking care of yourself. I joke at the beginning of this blog post that self-care gets us to a point, right? Taking care of ourselves, eating well, maybe moving our bodies, getting rest, but also just energetically recognizing when you're feeling good enough to engage in these kinds of conversations and when you're not. All of those things are ways that you can protect yourself and not expose yourself too much when your idea is still new. Number 3, that you are the torchbearer. You need to remember that you are the person ushering this thing forward. So when you see your flame weakening, circle back to your initial flame faners and ask them, to help you. And then here's the key question too. This is how you find more of them is, who else do you know that should know about this thing? Because our flame fanners flock together. They flame together, they fan together. That's what they do. So we want to ask them who else we should talk to. So, um, I love this part, and this is such a fun metaphor that eventually with challengers and champions, your DIY torch is going to be, um, ready to be moved towards more of an Olympic torch kind of process. Think about Olympic torches, okay? Here's a few things that are kind of fun about it. The Olympic torch gets lit in the same place every year, and in this analogy, that place is you, my sweet fire starter friend. Um, number 2, the Olympic torch doesn't take the same route each year, just as each idea doesn't end in the same place. Number 3, the level of protection you're going to need to ensure that it stays lit requires ingenuity and the involvement of lots of people. Just like your precious idea, the Olympic torch route is like a whole thing. And the last thing is that the people that are allowed to bear the Olympic torch have been chosen because of their significant contribution to their community or because they have a tie to the theme of that year's Olympics. So you don't just hand the privilege of ushering your Olympic torch forward to anybody. You're selective about it. And so this is, this is also when your flame is like lit to the level that you know you're going to see it through. And that's super exciting. Like, no matter— it's now no longer a matter of if, it's a matter of when and how. So you know where you're taking it, you know it's going to be seen through. Like, I think about this a lot with Growing Small Towns in the process of the building. The DIY torch was like all of the, the pre-planning. Once the building was purchased and we started constructing, that was an Olympic torch at that point, right? We were doing it, we were going, we weren't going to stop. Okay, so there's a few more people, types of people you need to collect at this point. First up is co-strivers. Co-strivers, as in they are striving for a goal of their own and they're doing it at the same time that you are. This is so cool because this is the kind of people that they're carrying their own torch. So they will be the ones to be like, gosh, it is hard, isn't it? It is heavy. They commiserate with us and they celebrate with us. They don't necessarily offer advice. They may say, hey, here's what's working for me, but it's not advice from a standpoint of here's— I'm on a mountain and you're down there in the valley and you need my help, right? This is, this is just we are in the trenches together. There is a magic, uh, magic and, um, kind of sometimes cesspool of a place called the internet where you can find co-drivers. It's actually kind of hard sometimes to feel like you can find people chasing down a goal similar to yours in a small town. But like, if all the people on the internet can find a Facebook group to help them with their weird things, like, you can find your weirdos too. I promise they're out there. The next type of person you're going to need are accountants. And I'm not talking about a CPA, although it's really pretty smart to surround yourself with them as well. But I'm talking about the people who play the role of holding you accountable to what you said you were going to do. So they're the ones that will literally say like, Hey, where the hell are you going? Hey, it's this way. You said you wanna go this way. Now quit looking over there. And like, I find accountants to be extremely, like the people that do this in my life, I'm just like, ugh, do you have to point out like all the missteps I'm taking? And then I remind myself like, oh my gosh, without these people, I'm like literally chasing butterflies and squirrels down every corner. I'm just, I'm so easily distracted again because I'm an idea person. So don't underestimate the significance of an accountant. And lastly, um, but certainly not least importantly, our mentors. It's so valuable to have somebody who has previously carried their own Olympic torch to help us carry ours. So they're the ones that have successfully done something similar to what we're trying to accomplish. Again, in my experience, finding a mentor can be really hard. Um, but Sometimes we just need to look outside of our own industry, and that can be really helpful, right? They, they don't have to be in the exact same business that we're in. They just need to have successfully undertaken something that feels somewhat similar to what we've— what we're trying to get forward or move forward. Okay, just a few thoughts about, about roles in general. It's not really common to see a champion also be an accountant, because T-charts and tuck jumps don't really mix. Right? We need somebody that can be analytical and the champions and cheerleaders are really just there for inspiration and support and encouragement. Cool thing, praise be to the multitaskers. You maybe aren't gonna need 5 different people to fulfill all these roles. Also, the third thing with this is that it's really important to let people shine where their gifts naturally lie. When I first started this, the scope of this project, I used to get really frustrated 'cause I felt like my husband, wasn't cheering enough. But I kind of forgot that cheerleading is not his gift. He shows encouragement. It's just not going to look like plain old cheerleading. I need cheerleaders, but I found them in other people. And that's okay, because then I can stop being frustrated that he's not giving me what I need. And I can kind of look at him and be like, well, here's what you can give me. And I still need that too. It's kind of a way to reduce some of the stress because the home front, you know, we need things We do need support at the home, at the home, on the home front, because carrying an Olympic torch is hard work, right? Um, also, co-drivers can't be mentors. They can offer cool spins and reframes, but they're not— it's not the same as somebody who's successfully done a thing. Okay, so imagine the difference, like, in this whole analogy, and knowing that once your flame gets to this stage, not only are these people going to be there to help you, but at times you get to hand them the torch to carry it. That's when, that's when our ideas become so much bigger than us and they almost take on a life of its own. I, I just, I love, I love, love, love this so much. A, because it's steeped in people. B, because it's focusing on the people that want to make things happen. And it, it really does feel like exactly the place and the way that I want to move through the world. So I'm telling you right now, Firestarter, go light something on fire. Think about these people. Think about how you're surrounding yourself, who you're surrounding yourself with, and how you're allowing yourself to be supported. And at what stage of your fire carrying kind of plan are you inviting people in? And are they the right people? Thinking about this is how we can control some of the fallout of taking an idea out into the public square. So going forward, we're going to take a short hiatus from producing new podcast episodes. And that's only because we're preparing to launch a Firestarter support network. Now, that's not what it's going to be called, I don't think, unless I literally cannot brainstorm anything more clever. Maybe you guys have an idea, you can tell me. But essentially what we're thinking about, and I, and I'm kind of floating this by you as we take this break to prepare for what's to come. I would love to get your feedback. I would love to hear from you if this is something that would be of value to you. So back, I would say 3 years ago, I was in a paid mastermind group. I had 6 women from all over the country. And we met, we met once a month for 2.5 hours. And then we met live together in for a live retreat. We talked every single day. And where I'm sitting, I'm sitting in my renovated office on this Main Street, big, beautiful building. I wouldn't be sitting here if it weren't for them and the influence that they had in my life. I want to take the best of what that experience was for me and create a safe place for firestarter individuals in their respective communities all across the country. Again, the— there'll be some criteria But the criteria is not that you have to be in economic development, certainly doesn't mean that you have to have an official elected position. And in fact, I'm guessing that as the group starts and builds, most of the people that are gonna be in this group will not fit either of those definitions. And that's all right, a-okay. But we wanna have a space where you can ask each other questions. When you come into the group, you'll actually determine and submit what— which of those 5 roles your skills and your attitude and personality naturally lends itself to. And then what we're going to try to do is help people usher their ideas forward. It'll be a place where not only you'll have a built-in network of people fanning your flame, which is super cool, um, but also it's getting new ideas. You know, maybe if you have a problem, you're not sure how to solve it, somebody else will already have solved it. And so really it's a place for community development ideas, business development ideas, but only in small towns. And by the way too, I'm not going to tell you what a small town is. That is for you to decide because that's such a point of reference. I often, or, you know, such a point of subjectivity. I often think of small towns as being under like 50,000 people, but it can be way smaller than that. My town's 1,800 and here I am. Trying my damnedest to do important, significant things to help move my community forward. So, um, the exact ins and outs of what this is going to look like, I don't have figured out yet. And that's why I need to take a break from the podcast and spend some time working on it. But this feels, um, the most aligned that I've felt in quite some time as far as how we want to show up for the world, because then this isn't just about the towns right around mine. This is about any small town that has people in it that want to see it thrive, that want to see it succeed, that want to make it better for the next generation to come back and create beautiful memories there as well. Um, so, uh, drop us a line, let us know kind of what you think about this as a concept. Um, again, when I think about the things in my life that have helped me get to what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, these were pieces that were a part of it. And so why wouldn't we create that here and create that ripple effect for all of you as well? So look for the podcast season to start again mid-September. We'll take the whole month of August off and we'll be creating content, just not producing or publishing content on the, on the podcast specifically. But we will be— I will be continuing to blog. We've got some pillar content pieces that we want to have you see. Because again, this is shaping up what we think about what small towns really need. I would love your feedback. As always, I am very open to feedback. I believe that all of you have the intentions to help us get better because when we get better, we help everybody, every other small town get better. That's the idea. So please don't hesitate to reach out and let us know what you think about a Firestarter support network and what that could mean for you in your respective place. As I leave you today, I just want to remind you again to just keep doing what you can with what you have. Your small town needs you, even when it feels like maybe they don't really want you. Your small town needs you. I see you, I feel you, and I'm always cheering you on. Go light something on fire, friends. We'll see you next time.