111. 6 Things to Try in 2023

Well, hey, Growing Small Towns listeners, welcome to the first episode of 2023. From myself and everybody at Growing Small Towns, I wanna wish you a very happy New Year. If you feel anything like I do, it's very much the holy crap, like, how did we get here already? It happens every year though, so we shouldn't really be so surprised. Today I'm coming at you solo again because I always like to share. So last year I did kind of a here's the things to think about heading into 2022. I was more prepared last year and this year is— this one too is still very much focused on some things that we could all potentially think about. And by all, let me, let me clarify a bit. This episode specifically are for people that are in a position to, to change things. So maybe they're small, maybe you're a small business owner in a community like mine. Maybe you are a nonprofit leader or an organizational leader in a small town. Maybe you are in a position, maybe you just fancy yourself a changemaker and that's cool. So it's really meant for the people who have some level of planning or execution to focus on for the year. And I've never really been a, I'm a huge fan of resolutions. I've talked about that throughout all the years of doing podcasts. I've talked about that quite a bit, but I always love the general sense of renewal and newness of focus and, you know, really just thinking about what do we want our year to look like? I appreciate and love that every single year I naturally gravitate towards thinking that way. So with that, I have a few things. I also just like to share like what I'll be thinking about, what works for me. And again, knowing that I am in a very small town, I'm in a town of 1,800 people. We live over 2 hours from— well, we live an hour from the closest Target, right? I always say these things just to remind everybody why I feel somewhat legitimate in sharing these things, because the things that I share really are about small towns because it's where I live and it's what I love. So with that, I'm going to share just a few things to try in 2023. And really, this is for anybody. It's not just for people in community development work. It's for business owners, business leaders, really just anybody. So I wanna first set this up. There's kind of two sections of these suggestions. I think that there's, when it comes to seeing different results, right? Which we, we all know, like that's the standard quote of the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting something to change, like expecting different results. So I think that the hardest part about change, Regardless of what the topic is or the thing is that you're trying to change, is that oftentimes the enormity of the problem or the enormity of the challenge, it feels like we're never gonna make any progress. And so I like to focus on kind of two main things when I think about changing something. It's subtle mindset shifts, number one, and simple process tweaks, number two. Because the truth is, if you, if you care about this thing, you probably are already doing a lot of things right. And I think any behavioral psychologist— and again, this is me acting as if I know. I'm simply saying that I think there's enough evidence to show that if we try something colossal in magnitude in terms of changing something— and you see this with people, especially— I mean, I hate to always use the standard example of losing weight or trying to get healthy, If you change, like, if you all of a sudden go, "Okay, I'm not drinking any alcohol anymore, no caffeine, and I don't eat sugar, I don't eat gluten, I don't eat dairy." Like that, like, if you were a person that consumed all of those things and you decide that you're going to take all of that away, that tends to almost be unsustainable. And again, I'm not saying, like, if you think you can handle all that change, heck, go for it. I know that for me, sustainability, right? Being able to actually keep up with the things that you're trying, those things matter more to me. That matters more to me, being able to actually maintain it. So subtle or simple process tweaks is a big thing for me. I just, you know, sometimes it's as simple as saying, okay, what if I shifted just this one little thing this much? So again, we're going to focus on two areas. One is the simple or subtle mindset shifts. So we're talking about the crap between your ears because we all know that so much of what we get done, so much of our success is an inside job, right? It's a head game. So trying to address the stuff that's going on between our ears and then looking at how we do things and simple things we could try differently. So, um, there's 6 overall ideas and I'll be sharing like how this shows up for me and if it provides some value to you, that's the only goal, friends. I want everybody that I, that I get to talk to and that I get to interact with to find the best of themselves and then give that wherever they can. And I just love the image of like all of our small towns just lighting up with individual people becoming more alive and more in tuned with who they were meant to be. So that's big vision. There we are. Okay, so let's start with some subtle mindset shifts. The first is to try prioritizing your joy. This is in particular as it relates to taking a look at all of the committees and the yeses that you've, that you've committed to, your commitments, your obligations, the things that you've said yes to maybe in 2022. Maybe if you're like me and you say yes to some things and they're like 3-year commitments, cuz that's often what what it looks like with like a board, you know, an example if you're on a board of directors. But you take a look at this and it's different than asking yourself the question, what aligns with the my best skills? Because, or even your interests, because I'm gonna tell you where this has fallen short for me when it comes to just being good at stuff. I'm not, I'm not standing here saying, oh, I'm, I'm just good at everything, but I'm good at, I'm good at some things that just because I'm good at them doesn't mean they bring me joy, right? Like when it comes to cleaning, let's say sometimes cleaning brings me tons of joy. I'm pretty damn good at cleaning. But like if you get known for doing something well, and let's not use cleaning as an example, let's use project management as an example. Like if you're organized and you can stay on top of stuff and you could get stuff done, I, that's me. I'm a, I'm, I would be a good project manager, but it would absolutely destroy my soul. Okay. So that's why it's different. Than that. It's also not just about the things that you find interesting, because I again am a multi-passionate person. I love so many things, and letting that curiosity take me where it wants to go sometimes is really fun. It's not always great though when I'm also then devoting my time and my energy to that thing. It's different from my joy. My joy feels more like an intersection of those things where I know I'm good at it, I know I really love it, and it's a need that I feel right now adds more to my life than it takes from it. Like, it feels like a good exchange. There's several things that are going to be coming off of my plate in 2023 because it doesn't meet the joy standard. And I will also tell you, because I always share this, this— that question came directly from my therapist. I just saw my therapist last week. And we would talk about lots of things. It's just the most beautiful thing. Again, I'm such an advocate for talk therapy, especially if you are a processor. Like, I process— nothing lands lightly on my brain. I shared that with a friend the other day. I was like, why do I have to think so deeply about everything? But I just do. And she said to me, you know, as you're filtering through and you're kind of looking at everything that you're committed to doing in 2023, one of the questions you can ask yourself is, Does this thing, does my participation in this, does my involvement in this bring me as much joy as it did when I first said yes? The solution isn't necessarily to drop it. It may be to say, okay, and maybe then the next question is, how could I infuse more joy into it? What would make it more joyful for me? Joy, friends, to me, it's a, it's a wonderful thing to pursue. So that's the first thing. Prioritize your joy. Especially in the— we're talking specifically how we invest our energy and our time. Okay, the second subtle mindset shift for you is to not take things personally. Oh, there's nothing subtle or easy about that, friends, is there? And I'm just going to remind you, you know, that the source of this one, of course, is One of the Four Agreements. It's a, it's a great book, it's a timeless book. And dang, is it hard. I think about my friends, maybe some of you listening that are in a position where you not only present new ideas, but then you advocate for those ideas. And when our ideas don't get accepted, it is tremendously hard to not take it personally. So I'm gonna share with you, I also happen to have it. I was coming down with whatever the current crap of the day was, and this was just right before Christmas. I happened to be standing in front of one of the boards that I interact with a lot, and we were talking about this last, you know, like the year of 2022 and just the changes we'd like to see in our working agreement going forward. And I'm saying I felt like crap because I don't know if that's what just prompted me to say this out loud because I just didn't feel good. But they were— we were talking about the fact that I tend to get defensive. When my ideas aren't landing the way I'd hoped they would. Or maybe I'm, maybe I'm having a challenging time convincing, not convincing, cuz I really try hard not to ever convince, but I try to lay out enough information that they go, oh, I can see that. There are times where I could give every piece of evidence I could possibly procure and it's still not gonna get them to see it. That's just facts. Okay. So they were like, but you know, when we don't want to move forward with one of your ideas, you know, it's not personal. And I just looked at them all and I said, I actually, you know, deep down know that when a person invests a ton of time and effort and energy and passion and enthusiasm in something, I think it's probably kind of natural that you feel pretty disappointed. I said, in fact, I think if I didn't, I'd be like a sociopath. And they all kind of laughed and I said, but it's, you know, you're right that I do have to really think about, okay, but it's not personal. And this actually then will dovetail into my third subtle mindset shift, but it's just recognizing the difference because it's, for me, I know that I'm taking it personally when I get defensive about it. And the quickest way for me out of that defensive posture is to take on curiosity, right? And ask, ask a question. And just say, gosh, like, you know, especially it's very, very hard to do when you feel— because you end up almost feeling attacked. But when you can look at the people that are either disagreeing or not understanding or they're not getting there, and you can just say— there's, there's two questions that I've gotten a little better. Okay, so I've been at this for a few years now. I'm still not great at it. But two questions that you can ask. One is, gosh, like, I just don't understand where you're coming from. Can you help me Can you help me understand why it is that that's how you see this thing? Right? That's one question. It's just like the help me understand where you're coming from. Like, why? How is it that this is what you're seeing? And then the second thing, after you hear all of those answers to that, is what other information could I provide that would potentially change your mind? Because at some point we've got to get to where we're like, okay, if it's not going to go forward and these people need to be on board in order for it to happen, then that's the question. Then you know it's dead in the water. And believe me, I don't like that. I don't like getting to that point at all where I'm like, okay, so I'm just rolling over and giving up. Maybe you're giving up. Maybe you're going to find another avenue and it doesn't require those people. And there'll be more to come on that. Uh, there's a few things I'm working on that, that's the route I'm taking right now. We'll see. We'll see what happens. Okay. So the second thing is just really evaluating our defensiveness and trying our best not to take things personally. Again, this dovetails into number 3. I'm going to suggest that in 2023 you try something that many of us are horrific at. One of my very best friends, yeah, he and I had a, had a big conversation about self-compassion. Uh, try in 2023 to show yourself radical compassion. This sounds super fluffy. I get it. The thing is, in the kind of work that, that I'm doing now, which happens to be fairly public, I can really feel beat down. By the work. Um, you got a lot of people weighing in on your value. You've got a lot of people weighing in on what they think of you just generally. And I've put myself in that position, so it comes with the territory, right? Like, I understand that. But when you think about what we were just talking about, where you invest all this energy and all this time, and you, you are, you are trying so hard to do what's right, and it doesn't— like, what's right for everybody involved, not just for yourself, right? And it doesn't it doesn't land or it doesn't move forward or it doesn't happen, and then you feel really crappy about it. Self-compassion would be a complete stepping into that, that mindset of, well, of course I feel shitty about this. Like, I need to take a little time and grieve and process all of this energy and effort and, you know, enthusiasm that I put into this thing and, and grieve that it's not gonna move forward. Before sometimes we can even think differently about how we might get it done outside of the group we've talked to. Because I think— and that's again where that isn't a negotiation with you and anybody else. It's a negotiation just with ourselves. Because I never feel good when I feel pissed off and defensive. I never feel good about that. And yet, my goodness, at times, is it such a knee-jerk response for me? And honestly, I think for all of us, there are people and there are situations, there are groups, there are times maybe that just become triggers for us. Right. And we need to slow down and analyze what those things are. And then that's when we can take on a ton of self-compassion because honestly, no one else is going to do that for us. I— it's fascinating when you're an empathetic human and you're like a good friend by most accounts, which I hope that I am. When people are really struggling, there's no depth. There's no, no end to the depth of my feelings for other people. Like, I just, I cry easily for other people, right? I wrap people in hugs. I try to love on people. I, I do that very naturally for others, and I'm super poor at doing that for myself. And so I get that that maybe doesn't seem like anything real. But I think the end of the day, when so much of what we accomplish is accomplished between our ears, I think anything that we can do to subtly think differently about how we encounter these really challenging times— because the, the thing that I would love to say is like, you know, oh God, and again, talk about tried advice. Like, there, there have been people along that might— along the way in my journey to being who I am even today that say things like, well, what's the easy way? Find the easy way. It should be easy. If it's, if it's hard, then you're forcing it and that kind of bullshit. And it's honestly, to me, it's just bullshit because life wasn't ever promised to be easy. And I think it's more about how do we learn to work with the things that happen and grow from them and get better from them. And that requires honestly a constant evaluation of ourselves. And an honesty that is really hard to achieve for most of us. Because if we aren't honest about it, then we do all of the dangerous and harmful things. And in fact, I'll just share with you the other thing that my therapist and I talked about is harm reduction. That, um, and that specifically is in the context of like, uh, substance abuse, that the goal is to reduce the harm of a substance. So, you know, if it's causing you harm, how do we reduce that, the effect of harm and make it something that's joyful and enjoyable versus harmful? Harm reduction is actually the goal, I think, of maybe of life in relationships in humanity, because we're— the harm is always there. The disappointment is always there. It's going to come. There's not any way to trick the universe. Like it's happening. So, uh, again, the 3 mindset shifts that I'm suggesting and, and I personally am, uh, embracing for 2023 are to prioritize my joy and use it as a filtering mechanism. And then also again, a question of how do I infuse this with more joy? How would I make it more joyful if I can't quit it right now? What do I need to do? The second thing is to, is to try not to take things personally and look for those moments where the defensiveness is, uh, my knee-jerk response. And then if I am feeling really disappointed, even if I learn not to take it personally, the third is to show myself compassion and recognize that it's normal and reasonable. A reasonable person would feel bad if you spent hours and hours and hours on something and it didn't come through for yourself. And surround yourself with people that will love you through disappointment, right? Okay. So onto these simple process tweaks. I'm really excited to, uh, share these three things with you. These are again, just like, I don't know if we call 'em life hacks. I don't really think they are. It's just kind of recognizing some of the things that are on the horizon and how we can use them to be better. So the first thing is an idea that I shared in our little local newspaper here last week, and, um, it's making use of the stack of holiday cards that you receive. I think every single person I know kind of has a moment where they're like, oh, I just, I feel bad getting rid of them. Or, you know, whatever. Like you take 'em down or you have 'em up for a period of time. Well, I'm suggesting you, you keep 'em all in a pile and every week randomly choose 3 from that pile and either send them a note of just appreciation, just a quick little handwritten note saying why you're so glad they're in your life. Or text them or communicate with them, pick them up, pick up the phone, call them. I just think what an awesome way to, you know, further cement the connection with these people that you clearly have in your life for a reason. Like you're on their Christmas list. So be somebody that never is in jeopardy of losing your spot on the list. So that's the first little, little hack. Uh, I think there, there is not enough gratitude going on in the world. I think we all can agree to that for the most part. And if you've ever been the recipient of a random handwritten note that was just sent because they wanted you to know how much you matter to them, it is— talk about joy. It's one of the most joy-producing things that you can receive, and it feels damn good to send them too. Okay, so there's number 1. Number 2 is to actually put down on your calendar, as in schedule it however often you think you need, but time set aside to work on the weakest area that's holding you back the most. So I'm gonna tell you what mine is to give you some context and an example. I've got several businesses. My husband has several businesses. We are like ships passing in the night most of the time. It's very, very hard to ever have a conversation about budgeting, tax planning. I get behind on my QuickBooks in all of my businesses except the one that I've outsourced. I've outsourced one of 'em. To a bookkeeper. Otherwise, I do all my own books. I get behind, and then it's like an ever-looming awful thing, and it— like, the bank statements pile up until, you know, it just— it's— and it creates a lot of freaking stress for me. So I, I looked at my husband at the end of the year, and I said, okay, I think that we should make a plan that every other month we have like a business meeting for our businesses and our family, right? And we actually commit to having our books up to date by that time so that we're looking at active numbers. And if we don't, then we cancel our meeting and we have it the next day. Like, we just keep pushing it until we make sure that we have it, you know, we have it done. And, you know, I don't know, you guys, like, we blow off stuff. We, you know, we break those commitments and promises to ourselves all the time. I don't know if this is going to work. But we've never ever done that. And I think, um, and, and I'm saying schedule your area of weakness because I know that this is an area of weakness for me. I'm good at this. It's not, again, like I'm not capable. It's just so easy to push it off and it makes me, it creates a lot of ripples of stress, which wouldn't need to be there. So, you know, as you look at, especially if you have a business, think about like, you know, maybe it's marketing. Maybe it's bringing your business into the 21st century. Looking at you, small town businesses. We have a lot of businesses that just like, maybe it's just a piece of technology and you just need to schedule some time to learn a new piece of technology. That's so doable. And again, you know that you're working on making your weakness not hold you back. Okay? I'm not, and this is weird for me a little bit because I'm not a big fan of saying, okay, double down on your weaknesses, make your weaknesses better. I'm much more of a let's work with our strengths. But this could mean that you're just— you get to do whatever you want with the time. You get to decide how often you're doing it. But it's recognizing an area that's actually holding you back. And again, if this is personal versus professional, it could be your health. It could be that you're— maybe you don't— I actually was just visiting with a friend. He was like, gal in my office doesn't feel like she has any hobbies. So maybe it's hobby development. She's just going to, like, promised to herself for the year of 2023. I should call her and tell her this, shouldn't I? Or just say, hey, listen to my, listen to my podcast. I talked about it, that she's just gonna try a new hobby, like take a class or do something, whatever. This could be literally anything, but it's recognizing that we all tend to have kind of one area of life that we wish could be a little bit better. So the simple process tweak is to schedule it, make a plan, and try it. And if what you find you've started with, like at the end of quarter 1 or quarter 2, doesn't feel like it's shifted enough, then change it. That's fine. But just find a way to schedule time to work on the area that's holding you back the most. Okay, there's number 2. Number 3, I'm so excited to talk to you guys about this. So by the time this airs, I haven't written this blog post yet, but by the time this episode goes live, I will have written the blog post. I'm gonna refer to the blog post that I haven't yet written, but that's coming about, uh, artificial intelligence. And, uh, you're gonna be like, what the hell does this have to do with anything? I promise you it does. All of you know, uh, well, if you've listened to our podcast, I only have one guest that's ever been a three-peat guest, and it's Patrick Kirby of Do Good Better Consulting. He and I are working on some amazing things collaboratively between Do Good Better Consulting and Growing Small Towns. So you better believe that I'm going to talk a lot more about him and us and what we're working on. But one of the things he and I were chatting about over the holiday break— I actually saw it in a TikTok and I was going to send it to him, and then we were talking about it and he said, that's the thing I was telling you about with contracts. And I said, oh my God, you're kidding. Okay, so then we start talking about it. Well, It was, uh, the TikTok was actually from Jordan Peterson. And if we can find the link to this video and link it right in the show notes, we'll do that, where he introduces this new open-source AI mechanism called ChatGPT. And he talks about how— I mean, he— okay, so Jordan Peterson, if you don't know who he is, he's the guy that wrote the book 12 Rules for Life. He's very conservative, but he's a public figure and he's a behavioral psychologist, I believe. Clearly I like behavior psychologist. I find a lot of the things he says to be very taxing and very challenging, and yet he's also very articulate. And so I like a lot of his stuff. Some of it I dismiss. That's what we get to do as humans. But he talked about using this open source AI platform called ChatGPT, and you essentially can put anything into a query and you immediately get a really articulate, brilliant response. So he talked about the thing that he asked it. You'll have to again watch the TikTok, but one of the things was write a 13th rule. You know, it's based on his own book. And then he also threw in like two really specific kind of ethical and morality perspectives that he wanted the answer written in. The Taoist was like, the Tao was one, like a very— I mean, and it's calm. It's super complex. And he said it was— it was— it's 4 seconds. I had a 4-page essay. It was a little bit of a doom and gloom, and as it tends to be with Jordan Peterson, is that higher education institutions are going to be broke in 5 years with this thing. Like, and so I just watched it, and then I went out and I used it. I want to explain to you what I think this means for us, because this again is a simple process tweak. I— okay, let me just tell you the specific things I used it for. I also used it to screw around a lot, which is kind of fun and delightful. Like, I asked it to write an entire blog post using my voice, and by my voice I meant I'm a published author, right? Like, I have a website. I just told it to go out and look at my website, and it can, and it can. It immediately just threw out, and all I would have to do is go in and add like my snarky comments and my ellipses and my, and my jokes, right? Outside of that, like, it's, it's written just as if I wrote it because I have a published public voice. It's crazy. Okay. But what I'm telling you, what I think this can mean for you, for every single one of us in small towns, what this kind of artificial intelligence does is it completely— well, you could use the phrase levels the playing field. You could also say that it opens up the sandbox. It's amazing. Because— so I'm gonna tell you two specific applications. I'm gonna be looking to hire our, our first full-time staff at Growing Small Towns outside of me doing this work. And I have kind of a mix of things, like I didn't know for sure what I wanted to call this position. So I ended up saying sample job descriptions and I gave it three, you know, three different titles. And in mere seconds, not only do you have the information, but it's laid out as a template that you can just work from. The second application for me is contracts, like a speaker and event organizer contract, a contract for facility rental, a contract for— I have a partnership agreement and getting some contract. And again, like, yeah, is it the same as hiring a lawyer? No. But some of these things, you know, if you have enough of the right language in it, it's still a binding contract. And so all I'm telling you is that instead of going out to Google and asking Google the same thing where you get all of these sites and then you have to sift through which ones are just ultimately gonna sell me something, which ones can I get a template? I always like a template, right? Because I like to work from something. These kinds of things where all we're asking for is a simple, and it's not simple to us cuz we don't know how to do it, but it's a, it's a proven set of information, artificial intelligence is going to nail that. And so when you think about the power that the entire— and I mean, basically this thing was designed around the entirety of human language. So when you think about the power, the computing power, the processing power alone of being able to ask things like that, so think of how much more structured our businesses can be. Even on the creativity side, it— one of the craziest things that Jordan Peterson talked about was that there was an engineer at Twitter that went out to ChatGPT and asked it, I'm an engineer and I work for Elon at Twitter, and tell me the top 10 things that I most likely would've done, like the projects I would've worked on in the last week.. And I wanted the code, the computer code that would accompany those projects. And this thing produced that. And then the computer code worked. Like, seriously, if this doesn't, if that doesn't, and again, I'm gonna say a lot of people are kind of freaked out by it. I get that there's, but I mean, come on, like this, this has been happening forever. Why, why instead of being afraid of it and being like, nope, I'm gonna swear it off. I'd never use it. I'm not gonna try it. Why wouldn't we instead say, how can we use this to do more good? Okay, so that's, I'm, this is the simple process tweak I'm suggesting is check out ChatGPT. Think about the, the things that you need to produce or create and ask it to show you a sample of it. Ask it to give you a template. Ask it whatever you wanna ask it. And then the other piece of this, so that's, that's the last process tweet. But the other piece of this, as it specifically relates to this artificial intelligence, is that we're gonna see an, an enormous difference, an enormous shift in job availability in the next decade. Gosh, probably 5 years. I mean, if we're being realistic about it, and any job that could be answered realistically, that can produce something that's realistically answered through this thing, it's going to become obsolete because it's gonna be cheaper and faster to ask a computer with that vast knowledge to do it. But I wanna just remind you all of something if you're feeling like, well, you know, okay, Rebecca, and now, like, now what? What it is is this artificial intelligence. It's not artificial humanity. The, the things that make us human, empathy, collaboration, flexibility and being iterative in nature, being focused on other people, though, you know, like other person focus. Those are things that only humans can do. So as you think about building your business, as if you're an organizational leader, if you're a community leader, we all need to get back to the fundamentals of good interpersonal skills. And so of course for me it just thrills me to pieces because this is the kind of development that, that this is what I do. But as we continue to move into this age of rapidly advancing technology, it's going to become all the more paramount that those of us with those skills step up. The best of us are gonna need to step up so that we can continue, cuz you can't even use that information for good if you don't have good foundational human skills. I wanna remind you that it might sound kind of scary, it might seem kind of daunting, but really it's one-dimensional, flat information. It's articulate, it's well thought out, and it's, you know, potentially factually correct, but it's not the same as a person. It can't convey enthusiasm, it can't convey passion, it can't, you know, you can read something that makes you tear up. It feels different when you're doing that with another human. And that is our superpower. And I'm also a big fan of how do we work with what's happening instead of fighting against it. And so for 2023, those are the things that I'd like to suggest you try. And then again, for you as continue to go forward doing your work, doing your life, you know, thinking all the time about, you know, what's a simple way I could shift the way I'm thinking about this thing and what's a simple tweak I could make to the way I do this thing? Again, those are just two simple little questions that sometimes yield all the results we need because we all know that change happens over time, usually through incremental steps. So with that, Happy New Year again, friends. Can't wait to continue to share with you the best of what's working for us in 2023. And as always, I just I can't ever leave this episode or this, this podcast without just encouraging you to do what you can with what you have right where you're at, because that's all any of us have. And you are more than enough and you are more than capable enough. And I am always, always here to cheer you on. Until next time, friends. Talk soon.