125. 10 Mindset Reminders for Every Dreamer in a Small Town

Well, hey, Growing Small Towns listeners, it's Rebecca, and I'm here alone today to share just a few things. So I haven't done a solo cast in a while. We've had some truly incredible guests, um, in the last few episodes. I've been doing a lot of consulting. It was a really busy summer, and maybe for those of you that don't know, my background is actually in organizational development. So I often am working— so the clients or the consulting work that I tend to do is less directed at small towns actually, and more at companies and organizations. Starting to work a bit more in the nonprofit sector, which has been really interesting, you know, but essentially organizational development, it applies kind of across contexts. I mean, if one or two people are together, two people or more, not one, one, I guess a one single person could be an organization, but Whenever you put two people together, you now have the dynamics that sometimes require a different approach than just what you might be working on personally. So I care deeply about personal growth. I do. I care deeply about individual people not only understanding that they have agency, right? Like, that's— I think about this a lot when it comes to even raising my kids. It's the thing that I want them to know more than anything. And it's not exactly as woo as they get to manifest their future or their reality exactly. It really is more about you have a lot of control actually over primarily your reaction, your response to things. That's 90% of the battle is choosing how we respond. And that's agency, you know, recognizing that we have choices to make. We have options to choose. There's always a different way to look at something. There's always something different to try. And at least most often, I shouldn't ever say always, that's not accurate because there maybe are situations where you really feel like you've depleted every choice. I can totally appreciate that. So I've been doing more consulting, working with some of my favorite clients. All my clients are my favorite. What am I talking about? And I was thinking, I was like, geez, you know, there's a number of things that come up in not every single session, but so many sessions, and all of them, every single one of them, are things that I have to remind myself of, damn near every day. So I kind of want to share this list with you. It's 10, 10 things. And this isn't like my top 10 list. It's just I literally sat down and I thought, okay, what are some things that continue to come up for me in my work in community development, in my work and just trying to be an out loud person in a very small place. What are the things that I keep getting confronted with, kind of? And what do I have to keep reminding myself? So I guess I'm calling these the 10 mindset reminders for every dreamer in a small town. And by that, you know, again, I have this weird situation where I'm kind of in the world of economic development, and I guess technically I, I totally am. I just don't necessarily ascribe to the old school way of thinking about it. And I don't mean to put myself at odds with the institution of economic development. I also just know, and this is something we're gonna talk about here, it's actually gonna be our bonus mindset tip, just recognizing where I can actually shine, like where I can actually contribute. I think that's important for every single one of us to think about. So these are the things that I think about. I have to remind myself. And again, I want to just make it really clear. I think a lot about who listens to this, you know, who are you sitting there? You're either in your car, you're on a walk, you're somewhere where you've got earbuds in and you're like, I'm going to tune in to the newest episode of the Growing Small Town Show. And I think, what did they need to hear from somebody who's in the trenches right alongside them? Right. So I guess this one's for you, the dreamer, the doer, the crazy person, the person that's swimming upstream, the person that's coloring outside of all the lines, the person who is truly trying to dream about a better, brighter future for their small community. This one is for you. So here we go. 10 mindset reminders. Number 1: Don't mistake a setback with a sign that you're on the wrong path. You are going to experience setback after setback after setback, no matter what it is that you're doing. I often hear people say this, though, like, it just feels like all the cards were stacked against me, right? It just feels like I maybe shouldn't be doing this. And yep, for sure, you're going to hit these roadblocks and you're going to say at some point, if you hit, you know, problem after problem after problem, is that a test? Is that the universe's way of testing you and testing your resolve? Maybe. But is it a clear sign that you shouldn't be pursuing the thing you're pursuing? Not at all. I want to just encourage you that obstacles can be overcome. And in fact, that leads me into number 2, and I think this is really important to remember. Every single challenge you encounter doesn't need to be seen as a concrete wall or like an actual stop. And I think— I feel like I rail against this less in my own brain and more with the people sometimes that I'm trying to pitch an idea to or say, hey, you know, if it's a group and I'm saying, hey, what if we did this? And right away, cost or expense, financial setbacks or challenges tend to be the thing that gets immediately— it's the immediate flag that goes up. And I think for years, perhaps, that challenge, that flag goes up and everyone shuts down and they say, yep, you're right, it's too expensive. And then we just move on. And I think, well, sure, it's expensive, but, you know, okay, so if you're thinking about this from the perspective of a small community, think about the expense and the risk involved with starting your community to begin with. You know, whatever the start of your town looks like, you know, late 1800s, early, early 1900s, this was a desolate prairie. There was nothing here. And, you know, people showed up here, pioneering people showed up here, enterprising people showed up here and said, I think we can build something here. Think of how insane that actually is, right? If they had just said, well, that sounds expensive, and quit, none of us would even— I wouldn't be here. You know, my building is— it'll be 100 years old next year. And, you know, I don't know what the cost to construct this thing was. We have these really cool If you haven't been to Oaks to see me and you want to, like, send me a note and I want to invite you here. We exposed a whole back wall of brick and clay tile, and there's a patent stamp on every single clay tile from 1917. That's really cool, right? And again, you just think, so somebody not only built these clay tiles, but then they patented the process to build with them. I looked up the patent to see what it was, and it's actually the process to build. With this product, not the product itself. If expense is— was always— I mean, can you imagine like nothing of what we have? If you haven't, I'm just— this is such a rabbit hole episode. So, man, hang with me. There is a very incredible documentary on Netflix about the James Webb Telescope and the years, decades, and hundreds of millions of dollars that NASA and all the people involved invested in this thing. I think the number was 317. I might be wrong though, like, don't quote me on that, but it's over 300 single point failures on that thing, which simply means that if it goes wrong, everything else after it falls apart. Over 300. That was the best that they could get this thing to kind of in beta or in a lab environment. It's absolutely freaking crazy. So again, what this is all about is just the idea that someone says, Well, that sounds expensive. Don't know why we should do that. That sounds— well, that'd be too much money. And you have to just say, okay, let's talk about that, right? Because of course, building something new, renovating something old, trying something new, there— of course there's going to be— there's going to be expense involved. We have to start shifting that from cost to investment. That's a big conversation and it's hard to do. I think we aren't doing a good enough job talking about or enumerating the potential cost of doing nothing, right? So this proposal or this idea that we have, sure, it might be expensive. What happens if we do nothing? What's the cost there? And more than likely, the cost is more than just financial. It's in morale. It's in a sense of pride. It's in a sense of place. It's a sense of belonging. Like, there's just so much expense, with air quotes. That comes with doing nothing. Okay, so number 3, other people's responses and reactions are not your responsibility. Oh, that's my therapy heart at work, friends. It is so hard. It really is so hard, especially when you're in any kind of situation where you're trying to get other people on board or, you know, you need to recruit kind of the support of other humans. Oh my goodness. So my therapist, I know I've said this, but I don't know if I said it on the podcast. So here we go. I was saying, I'm so worried this person's gonna respond like this. And she said, say that again. I was like, oh, damn it, Janet. That's, I say that all the time. Damn it, Janet. Like, so I say it again and she looks at me and she goes, well, let him. And I slow blinked at her. I meet my therapist over Zoom. It is possible, by the way, even in the most isolating of places, if you're struggling, I want you to know. Telehealth, mental health services can be an excellent resource. If you have any doubts about it, please let me encourage you. So I'm staring at her over Zoom, slow blinking at her, and I said, what? And she repeated herself. She said, let him, as in let him, her, they, whomever we're concerned about, let them respond exactly how they want to respond and then deal with that in that moment. So often, and this again is one of those things I have to tell myself, like, "Let him, Rebecca, just let him," or, "Let them." When you do the, "Okay, well, I'm going to try to do this, this, and this to avoid them feeling X, Y, or Z," that's the trick. That's the trap of this thinking. It doesn't actually matter. I mean, we should be thoughtful, for sure. We should be considerate. We should be mindful. We should be all of those things when we're thinking about our approach to something. But we could deliver something actually perfectly by— I mean, I don't know whose standards is that. I don't know. Whatever we think is perfect, we could deliver it that way, and that person still might have a shitty reaction. And that has absolutely nothing to do with us most of the time. And so we have to be— again, I really advocate for learning good communication skills, learning good interpersonal skills, thinking about our tone and our body language and the word choice. All of those things are fundamental parts of communication. But even if we get it perfect, the other person's still a human. Here's the other factor, guys. Like, we could have a different reaction with the exact same delivery, like, if that were possible, like, on a Monday versus a Tuesday because you didn't get sleep or you were hungry or the other person didn't get sleep Or they're hungry. And that's why personal growth to me is so damn important. It is just a constant saying, "Okay, where can I do better? How can I do better?" Knowing that this isn't like a, "I've arrived and I can do everything perfectly," because as long as humans are involved, it's always going to be nuanced like this and it's always going to require a bit more exploration. And maybe for some that feels exhausting. I'm going to say for you, my fair Lovely listener, if you're trying to get major stuff done, this is part of the deal. And if that sounds and actually feels too exhausting for you, might I encourage you to do something different? For real. Because it's just, it's gonna always be part of it. And you will get a little burnt out. That's where we're gonna, there's another tip here to kind of help with that. Okay, so we've got 1, 2, and 3. Don't mistake a setback with a sign you're on the wrong path. Number 2. Is that every challenge you encounter doesn't need to be a concrete wall. In fact, let's problem solve around it. If you view every red flag that comes up as a problem to solve, that makes your life a heck of a lot easier. And then number 3, other people's responses and reactions are not your responsibility. Okay, number 4, and it's funny, I'm going out of order here in my own notes, so bear with me. You're gonna find exactly what you're looking for. So this in psychology is often called a confirmation bias, but every single one of us wakes up every day and we're scanning our environment looking for the affirmation and validation of core beliefs that we have. Every human does this. Happens most of the time pretty subconsciously, unless you're a nerd like me and I think about it a lot. So you think it looks kind of like this. If you are hardwired if you believe about the world— let's just take it down, not even world, let's zoom in a little bit. If you believe at its core that your town, let's say, is stifling, suffocating, not open to change, filled with naysayers and negative people, people that hate newcomers, people that are afraid— I mean, whatever, pick a thing, right? Just pick any of those things. If you actually believe that to be true, you wake up every day subconsciously scanning the environment looking for things that affirm that. And you know what? You're going to find them because you're looking for them. So this is such a— to me, it's such a psychological phenomenon that if nothing else, I just want you to be aware of the fact that this is it. And so we have this beautiful choice. To say, okay, maybe what you're trying to do is convince yourself that those things aren't true. It still will work. And then so all you're doing is saying to yourself, okay, look for the people, look for the moments, look for the humans that are open-minded, look for the good, look for the positive change, look for the hope. We can choose whatever we want to look for. And it does normally start with what we believe. This is really important, though, if we're actually trying to adopt new beliefs about something. We have to start scanning for it and looking for the validation or the confirmation of those new beliefs. It is absolutely amazing what a difference it makes. So zoom in, zoom out as big as you need. If you— again, you could look at the whole world as your environment. You could look at your home. As the environment. Whatever it is that you fundamentally believe about it, you're going to find validation of that. So you'll always find what you're looking for. So maybe start looking— either looking for something different, or start actually asking yourself what you believe that's causing you to look for that. Okay, number 5: it is totally okay to pursue something for your community that fills your own needs. I know that sounds maybe kind of dumb, I'll tell you, you know, I'm— again, I'm recording this in my office at 510 Main Avenue in Oakes, North Dakota, in a building that will be 100 years old next year that I bought and renovated in 2020. Dumped a lot of money into this thing. I did. And I speak a lot about this. This is one of the— I get asked to speak a lot about this project, about what it's done and, you know, how I did it and all of those things, which is super fun to do. And I'm very, very honest about it. But what I get asked a lot is, did you do a market feasibility study? And I said, where would I have obtained that information? Because my building, it's got a multi-use— that the purpose of it is multi-purpose. That was always part of what we wanted to do. So we kept it very flexible. So normally that question is coming from the revenue stream of coworking. Coworking in this community, it is a need. Would it pay the bills? It wouldn't even pay the light bill. It wouldn't pay the internet bill. There's not enough of that activity presently. It comes in and it comes out. People, you know, there's day passes, like it's— but it's so interesting because that's what people automatically ask. Now, I had to put a business plan together because I got a bank loan. Does our revenue plan and model look exactly like I forecasted? No. Does anybody's really ever? Usually not. So I think the thing that I tell people is I built what I wanted to see. I wanted a space that people could bring a laptop with an HDMI port, plug into a system, and everything would work for them and they'd have great audiovisual. Along with good sound. I wanted to be able to livestream the opportunities for growth and education and development and training that we host from here. I wanted my little town to be thought of as a hub for that kind of development. Now, am I all the way there? Mm, I mean, I think we're getting there. I just wanna tell you that if you're sitting there and you're thinking, well, you know what I want, only I want that. OK, first of all, you're a resident of your own community. So in my head, it's like the question of, does your community need this? I'm like, well, I'm part of the community and I need it. So therefore, the answer is yes. Now, again, I sometimes worry that when I say things like this, it somehow simplifies it. I'm not trying to at all simplify or minimize the challenges, right? I'm not. I just so badly want to reach into your ear holes and give you freaking encouragement. Because seriously, if that is not the job of what I'm here to do, then I honestly, I don't know why I did any of this. I just deeply believe that impassioned people who choose to dive in and do their own work first and the hard work of the human side of all of life, they can absolutely almost be thought of as like unstoppable. It's an unstoppable momentum. You just need to know that you're not alone. And you're not alone. Here I am. I'm right here. And I know that I'm far away from some of you listening to this. But damn it, I'm in it every single day. Every day. I have really, really great days. I have really, really hard days. And I'm still in it. So if there's something that you want to see happen in your town, that's an indicator that your community needs it. Full stop. One other thing with that. So I guess not full stop. That's— now it's a semicolon. One of the things we did for our website for our small town when we redid it, so our chamber director and I worked really hard on our website and I— we're really, really proud of it. It was beautifully done and it took a lot of effort, right? But so we actually created a tab for kind of when like start a business here, you know, when you have like move here, start a business here. One of the tabs is called Businesses Needed in Oaks. And I shared this, so I was at a conference about talent attraction in Michigan over the summer and I shared this page on our website and a guy in the audience raised his hand and looked at me and, 'cause I, I love like I'm not a lecturer. I just tell stories and again, try to tell encouragement. And then people— I love it when, like, in the middle of everything, I get asked questions. That's how I prefer my talks to go. So this guy raises his hand and he said, you know, so how did you get approval and who vetted the list? And I looked at him and I said, oh, we didn't get approval. Kasia, my chamber director, and I, we looked at each other and we were like, okay, what businesses do we not have in this town? I mean, and again, you could always recruit competition for your existing businesses. Don't feel like that's the smartest thing to do from kind of a pure marketing standpoint. It was literally just like, what are the things that we go out of town to get that if it were here, we wouldn't have to, and that'd be amazing. That's how we curated the list. It was entirely based on our own needs. And I'm just gonna tell you, there is something really magnetic about putting that out there because we made this list and I don't remember if there's like 14 kind of general businesses on there. So we did our website like 2 years ago. Since then, 3 of those businesses have come to Oaks. I'm not saying it was because of that. I'm not. I am saying that there, again, there's something about saying we want you here. And again, it can be based on your own needs and that's Totally appropriate. So now that's a full stop. You can pursue something that you feel your community needs, and if it fills your needs, the community needs it. Full stop. Okay. Oh gosh, I don't even know what number I'm on now because I'm all out of order. I think I'm on— am I on 6? Don't confuse being a beginner with sucking at something. Man, oh man. I also love the frame on this of, I'm never going to be dumber about this thing than I am right now. So this is kind of the core of what is often called the growth mindset. That's what this is. It's that attitude of like, well, of course I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done it before and I'm brand new at it. That is simply internal reframing for the human that's doing it because it will literally crush you, especially if you're a perfectionist. I mean, I'm a recovering perfectionist and probably will be my entire life. I like to do things well. I really hate looking stupid. And for the longest time, I would say before I took on Growing Small Towns and kind of got into this work, for the longest time I would have that. It's truly just that negative inner talk, like, I'm terrible at this and I probably shouldn't do this because I'm not good at it and blah, blah, blah. It's like, it's no, you're not bad at it. You're new at it. And that's going to be different. That's different. It's different than sucking at it. And so I just think it's super important. If you've never done it before, it's not gonna be pretty, and that's okay. Every single time you take a misstep and it doesn't work out, you're learning something new, and that actually means you're getting better every single day. Okay. Number 7, every new idea sounds crazy until it works. I just wanna remind you of that. I love it when people walk into my building and say, I feel like I'm in Minneapolis. I actually love that. And I'll say— and then I look at them, I'm like, yeah, you're not. You're in Oakes. And one of my best friends, he always says to me, this building makes no sense in Oakes, North Dakota. I say, yeah, isn't that great? And he says, it totally is. I've had the Nome Schoolhouse Ladies on our podcast before. I'll make sure we reference the podcast episode that that was. What those two women did in the middle— like, genuinely the middle of nowhere, in a town that doesn't even have a bar or a church. It's that small. Well, they have a bar now because it's in their building. Makes no sense. So I love to find the super audacious people that do things that actually seem crazy. It's just so fun because honestly, that's— I mean, that's where the delight is. And it's not to prove people wrong. It's just to give people hope. Okay? And that actually dovetails into number 8. So we've got 8, 9, and 10 left. Okay, look at me. I actually did it. 8, you can't operate from a place of hope and fear at the same time. You actually have to choose one, one or the other. You can be mostly hopeful and still have fears, but you can't really have mostly fears and still be hopeful. It's hard to do. The fear will always win if you let it. And so again, this is kind of her— this, there's obviously, this is a theme kind of all the way through, right? Where we're talking about like expense. So if you just go, oh my gosh, that sounds expensive. That is absolutely a statement just completely grounded in fear. Because instead you could say it is gonna be expensive, but just think about what we gain. Again, that projection of, okay, There's monetarily, but then what do we gain in morale? What do we gain in pride? What do we gain in attraction of new and interesting humans into our place or our community? And then that same question of what do we lose if we do nothing, right? So it's recognizing that there's hope in action, and oftentimes it's just fear that holds everybody back. I'm not saying you ever eliminate the fear, but you can mitigate the fears. You can mitigate the risks, but not if you're willing— if you're unwilling to have the conversation, fear wins every time. And over time, what happens with anything, we tell ourselves, well, it's okay. You know, we're just not gonna invest. We're not gonna develop. We're not gonna blah, blah, blah. Well, at some point that's just stagnation. And stagnation over time is still a death. I always say it's slow and it's with dignity, You know, we're gonna let your community die with dignity. It's still a death though. And so what do we really want for the future? That's what we have to think about. And it has to be rooted in some hope. The best days are not behind us. They're just not. And if we really feel that way, we might as well just close up shop because nothing's gonna get better with that kind of mindset. Number 9, your bold, audacious action, whatever that looks like. Like it could be starting some event that you wanna see. It could be bringing a speaker or an artist, or it could be putting a mural up on a corner in your community. It could be absolutely anything. It could be starting a business that you really want to see happen. If it's a little bit audacious, even at all, right? Which I would argue starting a business is always audacious because starting a business takes a lot of effort. That action and that audacity is inspiring somebody. Somebody is learning from you, watching you, and feeling inspired, buoyed, and encouraged by you, and you likely don't even know it. And I don't think we have to carry that around like some sort of mantle of responsibility. It's more just a, hey, people are watching you and you're doing amazing things. And even if nobody ever says anything, they're watching. So I'll share this. And I think I've shared this on the podcast before. But early on when I was trying to find supporters and partners for this big crazy idea that I had. And this guy has become just, I mean, one of my closest friends, and we're still business partners. It's absolutely freaking incredible. And this is going to be number 10, by the way. But we're still on this bold actions inspiring someone, right, that you don't even know about. So I said to him, I'm like, I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm sharing this with people, and people I thought would really get on board, like, aren't getting on board. And I'm just I'm so tired. It was so tiring. And he said, Rebecca, yeah, you're talking to people, right? You're sharing this with people. And he said, not everyone's going to hop on the boat with you and pick up an oar and row with you. He said, I will. I'm here. I'm rowing with you. And I was like, oh yeah, you are. And he said, you need to remember that everybody else is in the water and they're all going to get caught up in the current. That you're creating. And I just thought that was such a cool analogy. And I'm not trying to drown them, right? I was trying to create some sort of positive movement forward. And it doesn't have to be monumental, like a little bit of shift, a little bit of growth. And he just said, they're going to get swept up. And he said, and then you never know. As they start feeling that pull, they might say, hey, can I help us create a faster current. Can I help? Can I jump on board? And so even if you feel like everybody's saying no or everybody's not getting it, there are people that are being inspired by you. So keep going. And finally, number 10, your people, like the people that are really gonna be there for you, they can only find you if you stand up out loud and show yourself. So this is something I was actually— I was traveling this last week, and I try to exercise, guys, at the gym at my hotel. And my— like, this little program that I kind of follow, I most of the time roll my eyes at this. I'll be honest. I'm kind of a jerk about it. But she's leading the workout, right? And I'm working out alongside her, and she starts talking. She very much incorporates her motivational stuff. And most of the time, I'm just like, ugh, just stick to the workouts, lady. But there's obviously pushing yourself physically and being mentally strong and pushing yourself mentally and emotionally. Like, those are all— they're all intertwined. So she was saying, you know, it's like that— don't diminish yourself because people around you think smaller than you do. Don't be afraid to chase your goals if your family doesn't like it and doesn't get it. You know, just basically just like the people around you presently absolutely might be threatened by your audacity, by your boldness. They may not like it. They may tell you they don't like it. And so the challenge with that is that as soon as that happens, we tell ourselves, everyone's going to leave me. You know, again, this is something I'm viscerally tied to this whole concept because if you already felt alone because you're like, I just don't feel like I fit, or I just don't feel like my people are here. You know, I've heard so many people say that, and I've felt that way at times. So you already feel kind of isolated, and the idea of isolating yourself more because you're gonna fully step into who you wanna be in your small place, that can be freaking paralyzing. I can't do it. I'm gonna lose everybody. And it's, again, it's all the fear. The fear takes over. I really, really, really want you to know that, yep, you might actually people, and I'm not going to say lose people, because I think we need to remember that our lives are just like this big, beautiful continuum that ebbs and flows and of collecting people and drop— people dropping off. And so I don't, I don't know that it's ever that we lose them. If they take off or we— they drop off because they no longer like who we are, but you like who you are. Oh, like they played a role and that role is now finished. People aren't going to be ours for the entirety of our lives. Often some will, but many, many won't. And I can't express, and I've tried to express this before, but I think it's one of those things that sometimes you almost just have to experience it. The depth of friendships that have come my way, the humans that have come my way in the last handful of years since starting Growing Small Towns, since, you know, really diving into all of the things I'm talking about today with you. I have these friendships that are like absolute magic, and I wouldn't have met them had I not done this thing. And it's kind of like you're putting out a billboard to the world that you're just walking around wearing, saying, you know, Here I am. Here's what I think. Here's what I believe. Here's what I know. Here's what I value. Here's me, everybody. And the people that go, oh my gosh. Like, I think I've said that when I first started this thing, I reached out to this guy that came, you know, highly recommend, like, tell Matt, his name is Matt, tell Matt about this thing. He actually said to me on the phone, where have you been all my life? And that's just one example, but he actually said those words and that's It is that kind of energy. You put it out there, and it's true, and it's real. And when you love yourself enough to say, like, this is actually who I am. This is actually what I think and how I feel and what I believe in, all those things. Suddenly, these people— you start just collecting amazing humans that share that. And it doesn't happen if we refuse to hold up the billboard or be the billboard. And so with that, I hope that these 10 things truly deeply inspire you. And not inspire, that's strong. My job isn't to inspire. Encouragement, that's all I am here to do. I am not on some sort of mountaintop. I do not have all my shit figured out. In fact, the longer I do this, the more I realize like I don't really know anything, but I'm absolutely game to try. I'm willing to try to figure it out. I'm willing to try something new. I'm willing to risk kind of the social fallout because, again, I know deep down that we spend a lot of time worrying about the people that are never going to be for us anyway. And so if you're sitting there, again, if you're in your car, if you're working out, if you're on a walk, whatever it is, wherever you're listening to this, in whatever small corner of, you know, the world that you're in, I am here. I believe in you. I believe in what you're trying to do. I believe that your presence is already making your community better because we far underestimate what one human can do. So with that, I hope that you found not only value in it, but that you feel seen and needed and valued because you are, and you might not be getting this every single day. But that doesn't mean that you're not making an enormous difference. So until I see you again, just keep doing what you can, where you are, with what you have. You are so much more powerful than you even realize. See you soon, friends.