Paula Rizzo and etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore navigate post-pandemic social rules: skip direct vaccine questions unless you're close, use fist bumps or elbow greetings to respect comfort levels, and invest in good lighting and a clean background for video calls. Treat your camera like a person in the room.
Chapters
Hey there, I'm Paula Rizzo. Welcome to Inside Scoop. I'm excited to talk to you today about some etiquette, manners, things that we may have forgotten since we haven't been able to see each other in person in such a long time, right? So if you see a coworker, you're going back into the office, Do you hug them? Do you shake hands? Do you ask if they're vaccinated? I, I don't know. There's so many things now that we never had to deal with before that are now at the forefront as people are going back to work, as they're going into the hybrid work environment, and as we're getting back together with friends. I mean, imagine that. Isn't it crazy that we're talking about this weird world out there where you actually get to see people in person? I know it's a lot to navigate, and I've read a bunch of articles too where there's a lot of anxiety about this and anxiety about getting together with people again., and being able to connect in the way that we always have and what we've been missing out on. So we're talking all about post, post-COVID, um, etiquette tips today. And I have a fabulous guest to bring on in just a minute who will tell us all about the dos and don'ts and how we can navigate this together. I would love it if you checked out a resource that I have. If you go to paularizzo.com/list, you'll get my list-making starter kit. To be able to be more productive and organized. I'm also a LinkedIn Learning instructor. And so I have a whole bunch of courses that are, you know, designed to help you be more productive with list making. But also when we're talking about remote work and we're talking about, you know, being able to maximize your productivity wherever you are in the world, it's really important to be able to do that. So if you go to paularizzo.com/linkedin, you can check out all of my courses, that one on remote work, list making. And I also have one on hybrid hybrid work. So if you're doing, you know, working sometimes in the office and sometimes at home, that is going to be fantastic for you. I have to say, it's something that we're all dealing with, this, this new way of living and new way of working. So there is that. And I would love to bring on my guest, Jacqueline Whitmore, who is the founder of the Protocol School of Palm Beach. An author, and an expert extraordinaire on manners and etiquette. Thank you for joining me.
Hi, Paula. Thank you.
Yeah, of course. So tell me a little bit about, you know, the challenges now that we're facing now that we're going back out into the world again.
Well, we have to exercise our social muscles. That's the problem. We have been cooped up for more than a year that a lot of us have no idea what to do when we run into friends and family members that we haven't seen for a very long time. And so I'm getting a lot of calls from people, specifically the media, asking me, what do you do when you go to family gatherings anymore? Do you hug? Do you kiss? Do you— just what you said— can you ask people if they've been vaccinated? Do you require people to wear masks? The list goes on and on. So I have been busier than ever.
Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure. You know, people don't want to get it wrong. We're excited to be in person with people again, but it's like, let's do this the right way. So let's talk first about work. Okay, so if people are going back to the office and they haven't seen people in a long time, what is— what do you suggest that they do when they see coworkers? Should you be hugging people? Should you be shaking hands? What do you think?
Well, you know, being an etiquette expert, you would think that I would be a fan of handshaking, but I have to say, we have been so healthier when we refrain from touching one another. So what I do is if, if I meet someone I haven't seen in a very long time and they extend their hand, I'm— even though I'm vaccinated, I'm still, um, a little leery about shaking hands right now. So what I'll do is instead of shaking their hand and running to the restroom, which I, I have been guilty of doing that before, um, I will simply I say, do you mind if I give you the elbow bump? Or do you mind if I give you the fist bump? Or I'm, um, oftentimes I'll just give them the namaste, or I'll put my hand over my heart and, and nod my head. And most people get it because we're, we're in a transition period right now, and you can't expect all of us to go back to where we were before COVID because the world is not the same. It different and we have to think differently and we have to be more mindful. And what I try to teach people is etiquette is about being mindful of other people's feelings. It's about being mindful of how your behavior affects other people. It's more than just knives and forks.
Right. That's such a good point. It's true. But it is— that's a really nice way of thinking of it. It's like, you know, this is a niceness that you do for other people. Um, let's talk a little bit about Do you ask if someone's vaccinated? Is that okay or is that not okay?
It's really not okay because some people are not comfortable explaining why they chose not to be vaccinated or why they chose to be vaccinated. So unless you know someone extremely well, that's a question that I would reserve for people that I know would not be offended. And even then, you don't know. So for example, last night I had dinner dinner with a girlfriend, and we have a relationship where I tell her just about everything. And so we, we were openly talking about the vaccine and so forth. And but if my server came up to me to take my order and we get into a conversation, I wouldn't automatically ask my server, have you been vaccinated? And I know we're all curious. Sure. But oftentimes when you ask a question, people feel like they need to explain why, especially if they have a different opinion than you do.
It could get controversial, you know.
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah, you want to avoid that at all costs, I would think. Uh, I don't love confrontation, so I don't need to have confrontation, you know, when it comes to being vaccinated. Although I would ask, you know, if we're talking about something, you know, more, um, intimate with your, your own friends or family, like if you're having people over for a dinner party or something like that, is that okay to ask, you know, if you're vaccinated or not because you know these people on a different level?
Again, etiquette is not black and white, it's situational, and it depends on how well you know a person. And that's, that's what makes my job a little bit more complicated where Protocol is black and white. It's rules and regulations. Etiquette is situational, based on how long you've known the person, who that person is, who that person is married to or not married to. I mean, the list goes on and on. So instead of asking— this is very important for our viewers to hear— instead of point-blank asking someone, "Are you vaccinated?" there's a better way of approaching the subject. So you might share a story. About your trip getting vaccinated, and in turn, that other person may decide to share his or her story, and they may decide not to share. So instead of point-blank asking someone a controversial question like, are you married? Are you pregnant? Are you vaccinated? Why aren't you married? Why aren't you pregnant? Why aren't you vaccinated? Instead, share your experience, and if that person cares to share, then that person cares to share.
I like that, but that's like a nice way to open the door to be able to say, hey, here's something that I'm telling you about me. Leave that door open in case they want to say something, and if they don't, that's okay too, you know.
Right, because the whole vaccine issue can also roll into a political discussion. And that's what you don't want to happen at a dinner party. You want a dinner party to be fun. You want it to be enlightening and engaging. You don't want disagreements and heated discussions.
Sure, sure. I was reading an article the other day in the New York Times about, you know, people having anxiety about going out into the world again. And, and, you know, a lot of people using COVID as an excuse for canceling plans or not going to see people, or, you know, what is the thought process on that? Like, I've always been a firm believer, if you don't want to go, say no quick and fast and to the point. You don't need to give an explanation for why not. Just say, I won't be able to make it, maybe next time, or whatever. But what would you say to people who are feeling kind of anxious about saying yes or giving a firm answer about these post-COVID plans?
Well, I always revert back to what I said before COVID If you're not comfortable going to a party, you can say, thank you so much for the invitation. I am grateful. I'm honored that I was invited. However, I have to pass this time. I have other plans.
Right.
Period. The end. I mean, you don't have to go into a long explanation. If the person asks why, which I can't imagine, but if they do, then just say, I'm still making that slow transition into getting back into the real world. And I'll get there, but right now I'm not quite there.
Yeah, I mean, it is, it's understandable. You know, I remember the first time I, you know, I'm in Miami now and I went to an in-person event for the first time and it was a little bit unnerving. I was real nervous about it. First off, like walking in real shoes again was, was like, you know, That was, that was problem number one. And then also, you know, it was people that I didn't know. It was a networking event, and you know, you're used to going to these events and meeting new people, and it was a, it was a different feeling for sure.
I know, it's, it's the same with me. I mean, first of all, you, you talked about getting into your shoes. I can't even get into my dress, plus my shoes. And I went to an indoor concert for the time last Saturday, and you know, I felt a little uncomfortable. I mean, we were in a theater and I was sitting next to strangers. Normally that doesn't bother me at all, but I'm thinking, oh, hmm, we're all singing and we're all clapping and we're all laughing and okay, hmm, yeah, I think, and of course no one is wearing a mask, which in Florida where we both are, people have virtually almost everywhere stopped wearing masks. Yeah, so it was a very odd feeling, and I imagine people feel the same way as they're transitioning back to work and other venues.
And you do get used to the space, I have to say. You know, I went to a baseball game here with my husband, and, you know, we went to go see the Mets from New York were here, you know, playing the Marlins, so of course we had to go. And, but they had still at the time sectioned off some of the seats. So there were no people in front of us, there were no people behind us, and I was like, actually, this is kind of terrific. Like, I can't believe we used to stuff ourselves into these seats next to all these people that we don't know. You know, things are gonna change a little bit for people. Maybe you're gonna think through, you know, do I really want to go to that packed thing or whatever it is? It's just, it's an interesting time to kind of look and see what, what will work with for you going forward.
Absolutely. I mean, there were some benefits that came out of COVID I mean, we all were a little bit healthier, I think, and we all had our personal space, which was nice. And I'm like you, I got used to having all that personal space, and now it's rather unnerving to be sitting that close to somebody you don't know.
Yeah, I know, I know. It's so interesting, you know, how our perspectives have changed. You know, there's a bunch of people watching now who've left some comments and we're going to get to some of those in a minute. So if you have any questions or comments, please leave them in the chat boxes below. We'll be sure to get to those before the end of the broadcast. And if you're watching the replay of this, leave us those anyway, because we'll be checking back here and answering your questions as we continue on. But I want to talk a little bit about video because video has become such a big part of our lives. You and I have used video for, for years, so it's nothing new to us. But everybody else is, you know, obviously on the video bandwagon. Wagon. But what are some of the things that when it comes to etiquette for you that maybe people were, were not totally doing during the pandemic that they should be doing?
Well, this was one of my most popular webinars last year. As soon as the pandemic hit, my girlfriend and I— she's an image consultant— we collaborated and we came up with a virtual presence webinar, and I put it out on my newsletter and social media, and we had more people sign up for this this particular program than just about anything. And I have to say that practice makes perfect because it's with Zoom and GoToMeeting and some of the other platforms that can become, um, confusing at best on how to operate the equipment. First of all, and, and I have to say, invest in good equipment, invest in a good high-definition camera. I notice you have a microphone. Get a good microphone, get a ring light. I I have a ring light in front of me that illuminates my face so that I don't appear in this dark room. And backgrounds are so important. And that's, that's the main thing. So the setup is the first thing you should consider. And then once you've got all your bases covered on your end, then it's important to learn how to use the equipment. Don't put the camera down here underneath your neck. Don't put it up on the ceiling. Put it at eye level and get something to elevate your computer, whether it's a stack of dictionaries or something a little bit more expensive. So you have to start with the right equipment. And then next of all, next, you try to eliminate the distractions. I have two dogs. Some people have babies. Some people have UPS trucks going by. I mean, you lived in New York City, you had sirens going on.
There's a little bit of this second in New York.
Yes, some things you can't help. I mean, you just do your best and eliminate those distractions. But, um, I think just being prepared is very important. Having the right equipment is also important. Eliminating the distractions, learning how to use the platform the best you can and just practice, practice, practice, because every webinar, every video conference is going to be a little bit different.
For sure. And it is an opportunity to connect with someone. So that's the thing that I always tell my clients too, is that like, this is, this is what you've got, right? If you're not in person with somebody, you've got that camera and that's how you're going to be able to connect with people. So, you know, use it to the best of your ability. And that practice really helps for you to treat that camera like it's a person. And, and give it your all and pretend like you're in the room with them, you know, that— because this is what, what we have to work with for now.
Well, and I know you teach people how to look great on camera, and I have stressed to my clients, do not eat on camera, not sleep on camera, do not drive on camera.
Isn't that amazing that we have to say these things? But yes, don't do any of those things.
I know, but it's shocking. I'm sure you have attended a Zoom conference call where somebody is driving, or they're lying in bed, or they're eating or drinking, or they're intoxicated. I mean, all of those are big no's. What about—
well, I was actually on a call early, early on with someone who was breastfeeding on a call. What do you think of that?
Oh wow, okay. Was it, um, was it a, a mommy group, or Okay.
It was a professional conversation. I'd never met these people before.
Wow.
We were talking about a potential speaking engagement. And I mean, she did move the camera like up and away, but she didn't say what was happening. And then all of a sudden it was clear and obvious. And then she said, "Oh, you know, just give me a, you know, I'm just going to be breastfeeding here in the background." And I was like, "Okay." I mean, there's nothing you can do. It's not like I had to see it, you know, on camera or anything like that, but I was like, Wow, this is a first. Haven't had this happen before.
Wow, that is a first. And it all goes back to my definition of etiquette, being mindful of how your behavior is affecting other people. And for some people, that is a no big— that's no big deal. And I mean, it's a very natural thing. However, to some people, that makes some people a little bit nervous or uneasy. So again, know your audience.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, and it was, you know, there were other women on the call. So, you know, I don't know that the situation would have happened if there were men on the call, who knows, you know, but that was, that was sort of the great equalizer. We were all women. I'd love to talk a little bit more about, you know, if people are working remotely, because this is a big thing now, people are working from wherever they are in the world and using and doing video calls in public areas, right? So let's say you're in a you know, a coffee shop, or you're outside at a pool, or whatever, because we can work from wherever. What's the etiquette around that? Because there are people who, you know, are a little clueless and won't wear headphones, and you're listening to their entire conversation. So how should that be handled?
Oh, well, you, you mentioned a good point, wearing, um, earbuds or AirPods so that people don't hear the other side of the conversation. I mean, you should do that if you're working at home and other people are around as well. I to be by myself all day long, so I don't have to do that right now. But if someone were in the next room, I would certainly be considerate of that person. So I think that it's being considerate of those people around you. And, and by the way, July is National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. It's an event that I founded back in 2000 and 2, I think. It was 100 years ago. Anyway, that same point applies when you're talking on your cell phone. You have to be mindful of those people around you because they're hearing your conversation. And if you're in an industry where you're sharing confidential information or that person's privacy should be private, then And it's really important for you to honor that.
Yeah, it's true. It's true. I want to bring people's attention to your website, etiquetteexpert.com. They can check out some things from you there. And I want to go to some of the questions that have come in. We've gotten a lot of comments and some, some questions, you know, people have said about HIPAA, which is, you know, that people are not allowed to ask actually if you've been vaccinated. I guess that's a HIPAA violation as far as the workplace goes and things like that. But we do have a question from Serena here. She says, what are your recommendations for people that will be continuing to work from home post-COVID and have limited interactions outside the house?
So what is my recommendation for those people who work from home but have limited interactions outside the house?
Yeah, so I'm guessing, you know, the thought here is that, you know, maybe you'll still— you'll it'll be like a hybrid work environment in a way, you know, because there'll be people who will be maybe in the office, but you'll still be remote. You know, any recommendations there for how to handle that back and forth in different environments?
Well, my recommendation would be treat your home office like a regular office. So if everybody else is going back to the office environment, but yet you work from home, I would still like to see you dress as if you are still at work and take off the yoga pants and put on some professional pants. Although we can't see pants these days, right?
As long as you've got like a nice bold color. But it's true though, it does help you feel much more productive and you show up differently. In New York, where I'm from, we were used to always having snow days, right? So it would be like the snow day from work. That's when you would work from home when It was snowing a lot outside. And in the beginning, that's how the pandemic was too. It was like, oh, we get to work from home in our jammies. It's not productive. It's not great. You want to be able to show up, put makeup on. You never know when there's going to be a video call, right? Somebody might want to see your face at some point, depending on what you do. So I agree. I think you really need to just, you know, get, get ready like you're going into an office every single time.
And it also goes back to video conference etiquette. If you are scheduled to do a video conference with some of your coworkers, I like to see people's face, right? And if you don't turn on your camera, we don't— I mean, there's just something about turning on your camera that I don't care if you combed your hair or not, but I want to see your face. At least show it at the beginning of the meeting and at the end of the meeting when you say hello and goodbye and use that mute button, because if you have a lot of distractions like the dogs that are snoring in the background or the baby or the UPS person, then you have to learn how to use that mute button.
Yeah, it's true, it's true. But it is nice to be able to come to a call and see people because it, it is helpful for teams and all of that to feel, to feel that connection.
Well, especially if you do breakout rooms too, which Zoom and some of the other platforms have that option where you can actually go into these little breakout rooms and have discussions, and you can do team building and networking. And how can you network with someone when you can't even see their face?
Yeah, it's true, right? It's very hard to make that connection. And there's so many great tools now as far as video is concerned with, you know, connecting. I have an app that I love called Marco Polo where you can leave video messages for friends. And sometimes I use it with, with clients and things too, to get used— get them used to talking to the camera like it's a person. And it's a really great way to maintain relationships and keep your connections going. I have a friend who lives on the West Coast, and literally that's one of the only ways that we've been able to stay connected and see each other because you can't always, you know, jump on a Zoom call at the same time, but you can leave her, you know, a video message real quick and be like, hey, here's the thing that happened, just wanted to let you know, hope you're doing well.
That's really cool. So is that different from FaceTime and some of the other things?
Yeah, because it's something that you can use, it's on demand, so it's almost like leaving a voice memo or a voice message. She can listen to it whenever and watch it whenever she's available and then reply back to me whenever she's available.
And you just text it to her? Yeah.
So it's, it's, you know, we use it in the apps. So the app is called Marco Polo and it's just, you know, asynchronous video. And, and I have been using it in my business for a long time too. There's great, uh, some other, uh, great, um, websites like Vidyard is one of them where, you know, somebody can't get on the phone with me or on a video call, but I want to explain what it is that I do so that they can meet me. I'll make a quick little video and I'll send it over to them and they'll click on the link and be able to see it. So it's a really nice way to keep that connection. And that face-to-face when we lose it because we're working remotely.
Yeah, I think it's, I think it's great. I'll have to check it out. But I think in a way the pandemic was a positive for some of us, especially those of us who work alone and who have businesses out of our homes. And it does help us stay connected through Zoom and Marco Polo and some of these other platforms.
For sure, definitely. We have another question about in-office etiquette. Let me pop that one up here. It was from Jeff. Okay, what are your thoughts about requesting coworkers or visitors to wear masks while in the office?
Oh gosh, that, that question is, is very common right now because you can request but I'm not sure if you can require your coworkers to wear masks, especially now that the CDC came out with an announcement that you don't have to necessarily wear masks indoors, or I don't know what, what the verbiage is, but, and we'll probably get some comments on that, but to my knowledge, you cannot require Um, but you can request, but right, yeah, I mean, it's, it's tough, right?
Like, it's, it, you don't, you know, it's a hard thing unless it's, uh, you know, I guess required, and I don't know that that's legal. So, you know, you'd have to check and make sure with your, whoever it is that's, you know, with your HR person.
But, um, I do know that all the restaurants that I do go to, all the servers are wearing masks. Asks, and I appreciate that, being a patron. And, um, but time's— time will tell. Time will tell.
Definitely. Well, this has been so wonderful, and thank you to everyone who's left a comment and questions, and please keep them coming even if you're watching the replay. We'll be checking back here, uh, to, to make sure that all your questions are answered. Jacqueline, it's been a blast chatting with you. Thank you for all of the insights.
It's been fun. I appreciate it.
Absolutely. And if you want some more from Jacqueline, you go to etiquetteexpert.com, and she has some freebies there for you to check out. And I always love spending time with you. I'm glad that you were here. If you have any other questions, leave them in the comments below. Check me out on paularizzo.com/list, and until next time, I will see you then.
All right.
