Speech coach Linda Yugolo explains why practice alone doesn't fix video anxiety. She shares a three-step framework: process past shame through journaling or EFT, reframe your inner critic as a wounded ally, then practice new behaviors like eye contact and breathing.
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Hello, welcome to Inside Scoop. I'm Paula Rizzo. Thanks for being here. Today we're talking about one of my favorite subjects, video. But I get it, not everyone feels so comfortable on video, and I hear it quite a lot that there's a big fear around video. But guess what? Now you can't really avoid it now that most of our interactions are happening, whether it be through work or friends or fun or whatever. It's happening here on video. So today we're going to be talking all about how to stop fearing video. And I have a fabulous, fabulous guest that I will introduce to you in just a minute, uh, who will be able to help us get over the fear. You know, even if you don't know you have a little bit of a fear, it might be what's keeping you back and ask questions throughout the entirety of this. Even if you're watching it on the replay, let us know what your questions are, your comments. Share this with people who you think might be interested, uh, in learning about this. And, uh, we would love that. And I actually have a great freebie for you. If you go to paularizzo.com/checklist, you can check out my free checklist on how to become a go-to media expert. And media now does not just mean traditional media, right? Like TV, the world that I have come from. It now means video or podcast, anything that you're putting out into the world. So that checklist will be able to help you think about, you know, how you can do this in a bigger way, get your thought leadership out there, and all of that. I'm also a LinkedIn Learning instructor, and I have a whole bunch of courses through LinkedIn. I have one that's pretty new on how to set boundaries and protect your time, and a whole bunch on list-making and how to be more efficient. So if you go to paularizzo.com/listmaking, LinkedIn. You'll be able to check out all of those there. And, you know, part of my work is as a media trainer. And the truth is that people often will say to me, uh, yeah, I'm a little afraid of video, so what should I do? And to be honest, I just say keep doing it and eventually you'll feel more comfortable, which is true, but not Always true. And so my guest today is a wonderful friend, a colleague, uh, you know, someone who I have actually had the, the pleasure of training in the past, Miss Linda Yugolo, who is a speech, uh, speaker confidence coach and an author of the upcoming book, which I can't wait to hear all about, Delight in the Limelight. Thank you, Linda, for being here.
I'm so honored, Paula Rizzo.
Of course, of course. So The idea that you'll continue to do video and you'll just kind of get over the fear sometimes works, sometimes doesn't work. What's your take on that?
Just what you said. For some people, that's just doing it works. So they realize, oh, this is easy. I can do this. Nothing bad's happening. But it doesn't always happen for everybody like that. And in fact, it didn't happen for me like that. I had been— when I came online back in 2014, I wanted to be a happiness coach. And after I fixed my website all up, I thought, okay, good, now people need to find me. So what did I do? I turned to video and I started to take a video class. You know, one of these things where you do a video every day for 30 days.
Sure, like a challenge.
A challenge. So I did one of those and I still felt, oh my God, I can never put this out publicly. So I did it again, another 30 days, and I still felt the same way. And so I did it again. And then I started to think, okay, I think I've got the hang of it. I was nervous, but I could get through it. And that's when this amazing new app came out that was gonna change the history forever. And it was called, you're laughing already. It's called Periscope.
Oh yes, okay.
So at that time, it was like you could have your own live TV show in your pocket. Anyone could get on, it was amazing. All you did was you put in your, the title of what you're gonna talk about, you press broadcast, and then suddenly scrolling on the page were people from Turkey and India and France and California, and it was terrifying.
Yes, right, it was live and happening. But I was an early adopter to Periscope too, which has now been bought out by Twitter. And I really loved the opportunity because as a person who's worked in TV news for years, We used to hold the keys. We used to be the only ones, if you were broadcast news, to be able to go live and to reach the masses like that. And so Periscope was really, really exciting. I was excited about it too, but for different reasons. So you did it. So you used it. Absolutely. To get over your fear.
Yeah, well, so yeah, so I was doing it. And so like second day I thought, okay, I'm going to do it again. I got through it, but I got to day 3 and I thought, okay, 3rd day's a charm. But my heart was still pounding hard and I thought, this is going to be tough because I heard they had to do it every day in order to build a following. How was I going to do this every day? So I reached out to Holly Gilland, was her name, my video coach, and I said, Holly, do you get scared?
Right.
And she said, oh, Linda, everyone gets scared, but by the time you've done 75, you should feel fine.
Oh wow. And by the time you've done 75?
75, okay, here I go. But I wasn't so secure that that was— I was gonna make it. So I turned to Google and I thought, okay, what does Google have to tell me how to, how to get over my nerves? I did everything, you know, every couple of days I would gather new things like jumping jacks and kicks and punches and power poses and affirmations and meditation. And I mean, you name it, I tried it. And every day I got on and I kept thinking, it's going to get better. It's going to get better. Just keep with it. You'll get over the hump. And then I got to day 75 and I thought, this is going to be it, right? And my heart was— I thought, oh my God, I'm going to end up in the hospital with a heart attack here. Right.
The anxiety was too much.
What is going on here? And it wasn't like I wasn't showing up. I was showing up. I felt like I was getting better at presenting, but the inner feeling was I just didn't want to feel that anymore. It just was uncomfortable and I thought, what can I do?
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. It's one of those things that for some people, the act of continuing to do it again and again, it will go away, right? For some people, but not everyone. What are the reasons for that because there's something there that is much bigger than just, oh, it's about practice. It's about— there's something underlying. And I know you work with clients to help uncover this, but walk me through what else could be happening here.
What else could be happening is if you feel afraid of being seen, then that means that there's something in your life that gave you evidence that it was not safe to be seen.
Aha.
Aha. So when we say about not being prepared, it's not about not having experience. I mean, look at Barbra Streisand.
Sure.
Famously didn't perform live for 27 years. 27 years. Not because she wasn't talented or prepared or expert. Sure.
And I've heard that she still gets stage fright. She still gets—
and she takes, she takes some— what is it, Xanax?
Yeah, I don't know what she does, but I'm glad she does it because she keeps performing.
You know, we want, we want her there, and we want— we— if you're listening to this, we want you there too. If you have something to say, we want to hear what you have to say.
Oh, absolutely.
Your people want to hear you.
Exactly. You should be out there. Okay. So let's dig a little deeper there, right? So the idea of being seen, I had done a training a few weeks ago for executive women on media training and how to do video and how to show up and how to make sure you look good and all of that. And one woman said, "I finally figured it out. I thought that it was the lighting." And I always say to everybody, everybody blames the lighting. Everyone says, oh, I'd do more video if my lighting was better. And I'm like, it is never about the lighting ever. For her, it was about the vulnerability of putting herself out there into the world and having people potentially judge her. Right? I mean, is this common?
This is so common. So, so common. And people who are very high in their fields, in corporate life or I mean, even speakers who have been in the speaking circuit, I've done a survey where I learned that only one quarter of people who have had more than 5 years of speaking experience feel confident.
Wow, that is a tiny number.
It's a tiny number. So they learn to manage it and they know that the rewards are there and so they keep doing it, but they don't feel good inside. Right. So what is this? It is the fear of being judged. Where have we been judged? Oh, well, let's think about this. I mean, we, we go through an educational system that grades our every move, where we probably saw other kids being ridiculed if it didn't happen to us, where we were rejected, where we were bullied. Maybe we came from homes where we weren't appreciated, we weren't listened to, we were diminished, we were punished, we were We were made to feel ashamed. We felt like our— what we had to say wasn't valued. I mean, the list goes on and on and on. And the interesting thing is that it's different for everybody. It's different for everybody. But there are patterns. For instance, people— what I've come to realize is people who have what they would term imposter syndrome, Yep. Felt like the only way that they got attention, positive attention, were through their grades.
Oh, interesting.
And the only way they felt worthy was if they were constantly getting more awards, more credentials.
That stamp of approval.
That stamp of approval. And you can never ever please that person, whoever it was they were trying to please, their mother, their father, their grandparent, or whatever. And they walk around with this sense of, I'm never good enough.
Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting. And I want to point out something too, because a lot of times people will say or think, oh, you know, I've, I've just never been good at this. This is something that I don't, I don't do. I don't speak publicly. Um, but you know, they'll look at people like me or like you who have performed in the past. Like, you are a performer for your entire life. You've been a performer, and yet there is still a struggle there with video.
Yeah, well, it wasn't just video, it was any speaking. I got to a place where I did feel comfortable dancing and somewhat singing, but it wasn't without a process that I had to go through. However, having to introduce a song, I would do whatever I could to avoid that. Even just saying the name of the next song was too much public speaking for me.
I see. Yeah.
It—
look, you know, but thankfully you've been able to get over it and you help other people to get over it. So what are some of the things that we should do? And I know it's a longer process. It's not like, boom, just do this one thing and you'll be good to go. But as a start, you know, what can people do today, right now, start thinking about to be able to get over their fear of video?
Well, let me just say that if you If you are getting on video and the stakes are high and you need to do it like right away, I really think that there is a— the best stopgap measure to help you feel more comfortable is to do some mental rehearsal. And what I mean by that is let yourself relax and envision yourself just the way you want to see yourself speaking on camera with all the dynamics or animation or calm and poise. That will, if you do that several times before you get on video, that will help you get through it and do a good job. That is what I always— if I get one of those emails that says, "Help, I've got to, you know, I'm presenting next week. What do I do?" Well, that's not really enough time to do my full process, but this is what you can do right away.
Yeah. And that's very interesting because it can work for anything, right? If you're doing video, if you're doing media, if you're doing a speech in person. And, you know, there are people like Michael Phelps greatest of all time, you know, uh, amazing Olympian swimmer who visualizes the end of every race, right? I mean, very, very, you know, high, high level. Just gets himself into the zone of seeing himself winning the race, right? And it's the same kind of thing, right?
Absolutely. It's the exact same kind of thing. And he also visualizes the things that can go wrong and how it doesn't stop him. So in fact, he— that famous race that he had, he had been visualizing what would happen if my goggles fogged up.
Wow, really?
And he ran the— you know, he, he made it. It was amazing. It was amazing. Wow. Not just athletes use it, but musicians use it. I mean, it's become more and more commonplace, and you can do it for any kind of conversation. Even let's say you're going to a meeting that's going to be not something you're looking forward to. Use this process and it'll really help you so much.
Yeah, so visualization. So that's number one. The biggest thing there is to visualize yourself, uh, you know, and we'd love to hear from you if you have questions, comments throughout the broadcast, or if you're watching the replay, you know, stick them in, in the, uh, you know, the comments below. And if you have particular questions for Linda or for me, stick them in there and we will definitely get to them. But visualization, number one. So that is a quick fix there. But also, you know, sometimes people will need to see what the space looks like ahead of time. Like I'll often, you know, when I'm media training people, if they're going into a studio, I will tell them, watch the show so you see what the set looks like. So you have an idea of where you'll be. Same thing for public speakers. When we're able to go out in the world again and be able to be, you know, in real places, that's important to really have like a real perception of what's going to be there for you.
Right. So important. I mean, the more elements that you can demystify, the more comfortable you're going to feel. So let's get into what does it take to overcome the fear of speaking if it's not about being prepared enough and if it's not about just doing it enough times so that it becomes second nature. So I have a 3-part process.
Good.
The first part of the process is to reveal and heal. So what I mean by that is to reveal what is it that actually happened in your past? What are the circumstances, the stories, the messages, the beliefs that you ascribe to the things that you happened? What are all those things? And you have to kind of like think of it as taking inventory, like cleaning out the closet. In this case, it's more like the psychic closet. You know, use the Jungian term of the psyche. So you want to clean that out. You want to like, you want to like review and dig in a little bit and find out, well, where have I been diminished or shamed or put down or not listened to or felt like, you know, people didn't want to hear what I had to say or whatever. You got to bring those up to the surface. As Louise Hay said, if you want to clean the house, you got to see the dirt.
Ah, it's very true. So it does take a little— it might be uncomfortable for people, right, to be able to—
yep. And so you need to do it with curiosity and and a lot of self-compassion, which comes in later. So you can't just like reveal it. You got to resolve it. You've got to find a way ultimately of letting go. And there are many, many ways you can get to that place of letting go there. I mean, there are— one of the exciting things about being human is that we make meaning out of all kinds of things and we make up rituals, we make up processes. And there are many processes that are available and ones that you can create yourself. To help you get to that place of looking at what happened, bringing it into some new experiences. And so you might journal about it, you might do things like Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping, you might do visualization or forgiveness, or dance. I mean, I love to dance, you know that. All these things, what it's doing is it's taking a memory that's kind of in your neurophysiology in a particular way, and it's been stuck there for decades unless you've done therapy work, and you're bringing it out and you're giving it some new experience. You're breathing new life into it with your adult perspective, which is so much wiser, more resources than you had at the time when you were young. And you go, you know what, I'm getting some understanding about this. I, I'm ready to let go of this. I see what I would, you know, what I couldn't do at the time. I see the the limitations of the other people who wasn't there. I mean, it just happened. You can't change what happened, right? Change how you— how it sits inside you, right?
And you're a different person now, you know, so you're able to— you have different tools at your disposal, you have a different perspective. But it's interesting because to do this deep dive, to do this Reveal and Heal, you have to be open to it, right? You know, not everybody is going to be able to do this, but it, it will uncover things that maybe you didn't realize were the problem. All this time. And then by doing this work, you're like, oh, I just thought that's the way things were because that's the way my whole life trained me to think, right?
I was the only one.
Ah, that's interesting.
A lot of people feel, oh, this is just me, I'm the only one like this. No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah.
So then the second thing you've got to do is to restore that sense of safety. Because I mean, think about it, when you want to express yourself, you need to feel like it's safe to do that. You have to feel like there isn't judgment. So you have to create an environment of non-judgment, at least inside you, if not around you.
Okay.
So inside you, that means the way you're thinking. What I'm talking about is the inner critic. Hmm. You know, a lot of people think, oh, you got to, like, not let the inner critic get in the way. I have a slightly different take on the inner critic. I feel the inner critic is a wounded part of ourselves that needs healing. Oh, wow. And it comes as a result of the little cuts and bruises that we get growing up.
Yeah.
It's not like that part inside of us wants something different. No, they want it to succeed too, but they have a lousy way of saying it.
Right.
And they have the voice of a bully. You need to find a way to invite the critic to speak and also to get underneath what their real intentions are, which is to be of service and to help you. So I'll give you an example. Yeah, let's say, um, I look at my video. A lot of people can't stand the way they look on video. They cringe. Yes, I have a program, How to Watch Yourself on Video Without Cringing. And if you look at yourself and you say, okay, for me, I have a tendency to lift my chin, or I used to do it a lot more. I always talk like this and I couldn't stand it. And I just thought, oh, that's horrible. But if I said, okay, if I talk to that voice in my head, which I no longer call the inner critic, I call it my inner ally. Oh, wow.
What a good switch.
I say, okay, I know you don't like it when I do that.
Right.
What would you have me do so that I can change it? Because there's some things that you can change with practice, with training, with time.
Sure.
And then there's some things you can't. So if you can, like your chin, you know, that voice inside might say, well, Linda, why don't you put some awareness into your posture?
Right.
I can say, okay, what else do you have for me?
Yeah.
Well, how about you video yourself and that's the one thing that you focus on and nothing else? Oh, okay, I'll do that too. And so I can keep asking, what else you have for me? What else for me? And then say, thank you so much for your good ideas. Yeah, so that part, there is judgment and there's judgmental. Yeah, the judge has considered responses. Judgmental is unconsidered responses. Mm-hmm. It's critical. So it's really a place in ourselves that does have judgment, but it's been twisted, wounded, that it, it invites this kind of nasty kind of a voice.
Yeah, I love this, this mindset switch of the inner critic because, uh, you know, people struggle with it. Everyone does, everyone has it. But to think that it's a gift to be looking at it in a different way and to have it reveal what it has to say via curiosity is actually a really, I mean, I've not heard that before, Linda. And I think it's really important.
You know what's important, Paula? Because let's say you've got your goals, you got your dreams, you need every bit of energy you have to go in the same direction. You want everyone in your team to be facing the same direction. It doesn't work very well if you've got like some of you here and then this other voice working, going someplace else.
Completely against you. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Wow. Okay. So we have the two things. So we have reveal and heal is number one, right? Then we're going to restore a sense of safety. That's where we're at. Okay. Now take me to number three. What's your third step?
Number three is repatterning. So repatterning is just kind of like a fancy word for changing habits.
Uh-huh.
Because if you've had a lifetime of speaking softly because you didn't feel like it was safe to speak loudly, it wasn't permitted, or you decided, in my case, Speaking loud meant anger and being mean. And I made a pact a long time ago that wasn't going to be me. So I wasn't going to speak with any volume. So that's the kind of thing that, okay, I might say I want to speak with more dynamism, but I can't do that if I am in this habit of speaking quietly. Or if I want to feel relaxed on camera, but my body is used to being tense from a lifetime of holding my body tight, I'm not going to feel relaxed on camera.
Right.
So what do you have to do is practice. And nothing, nothing is too small to practice. Just like I said, I could practice how I hold my head on my shoulders.
Sure. Every piece, every piece of presentation matters.
And practice feeling relaxed on camera. Turn your camera on and let yourself Relax from head to toe and just talk yourself out loud. I have people in my classes do this out loud, and we guide each other through relaxation. And then we practice relaxing with our eyes open. Yeah, we practice looking, where's the camera lens, and finding it. And we practice looking through. We practice feeling the energy. Everything can be practiced so that you, instead of having a habit of camera, egads. Yes. Camera, relax.
Yeah. So you can change your pattern, change the way that you feel and you think about it. It is very interesting too, because I find that with clients who are new to video and new to talking to the camera, you know, the tendency is that everybody wants to look down at themselves or look away and not make eye contact. And I'm always like, stop looking at yourself, look in the camera. And, you know, anchors and reporters in the world that I've come from, they're used to it. They're used to talking to the camera like a person, but it is not natural. It's something that you do have to work at. So I love the idea of doing it, even if there's not— you're not recording a video. You just are getting comfortable looking at the camera, get comfortable with that camera and how you feel when you look at it. That, that is a huge breakthrough even right there for some people.
Absolutely. You can just do it on your own or you can make a video and watch it back. Or like in a class like mine, we do it as a group and then, right? And then you get the going back to step 2 of safety. Then you get to have the reflections, positive reflections of what people loved and appreciated about what you do. And oh my God, you think that makes people happy to get on camera? Yes, indeed.
Yeah.
Because they know that every time they get on camera, they're going to hear what, what worked, what felt what resonated with people, and suddenly it's like, oh, I want to do more of that.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, Linda, this has been so helpful to have the 3 steps that we'll go through. Number 1 is to reveal and heal. Number 2 is to restore a sense of safety. And then number 3 is to re-pattern, right? Re-patterning. That is the 3 steps. And if you would like to hear some more from Linda, she has a freebie, her empowerment bundle. If you go to LindaYugelow.com/empowermentbundle, it's right there. And I'll make sure that it's linked below everyone can check it out. And Linda, before we go, I want to hear about the book. So tell us a little bit about your new book that will be coming out in the fall.
It's Delight in the Limelight, because I don't want just for people to just get over the fear. I want them to feel like it's their happy place, because, you know, this is our birthright. If you look at little kids, they, they love being in the limelight. They love the attention. They thrive on it. And I feel like that's That's the place I want people to get to. And because that's the place where you are your most powerful and most creative and you can be most of service.
I love it. Well, it's fabulous. Well, thank you for joining me. Thanks for all the great tips and tricks as always. And when the book comes out, we will be sure to share that around, of course. So thank you, Linda. And thank you all. Of course. And thank you all for watching and continue to leave us messages and questions and comments. We'll be checking those out. Forever. Really, we're gonna keep checking it out. So anytime you write to us, we will make sure to do that. So until next time, I will see you later. And if you have any ideas for the show, please let me know. All right, see you soon.
