Men with undiagnosed ADHD often wreck their relationships through procrastination, impulsivity, and emotional volatility. Sixty percent of adults with ADHD experience severe relationship problems. The host recommends diagnosis, medication, therapy, and joining a peer support community to break the cycle.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. If you are like a lot of guys that are part of my community at the Brotherhood at help4men.com, Or if you're the guys that message me on social media, let me take some educated guesses as to what your relationship life is like. Your wife says to you, "You don't listen to me. You have started 47 different hobbies and you don't follow any of them to completion." You got a notification on your phone halfway through this sentence and you forgot why you clicked on this video. Congratulations. There's a high chance if you're like many of the guys that follow me, you have the old ADHD—Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. And if your marriage is a big hot mess, yeah, that checks out. If you're like many of the men that I talk to, you have difficulties with maintaining attention, your impulse control, your time management—basically everything except hyper-focusing on the wrong thing at the wrong moment. Let's break this whole thing down, shall we? ADHD isn't just about forgetting where you parked. It's also about forgetting your anniversary. Studies show that 60% of adults that have ADHD also have really bad relationship problems. Why? Because ADHD turns you into a frustrating but lovable golden retriever of a human being. You're very easily distracted. You are very impulsive. You're very enthusiastic, but only for like 8 minutes. And you keep chewing on the furniture. Metaphorically, of course. And you say stuff like, "I meant to take the trash out, but I got distracted by this cool podcast that I found all about the ancient samurai." So what does ADHD actually look like in grown men? It's not like, you know, the stereotype of the little kid that's bouncing off the walls. It looks more like chronic procrastination. Doing a really good job of doing everything except for the one thing you're supposed to be doing. Executive dysfunction. Looking at your growing to-do list and deciding to take a nap instead. Hyperfocus. And it's focus on weird things like vintage watches, Roman history, redesigning your home gym at 3 AM. Restlessness. If you sit still for too long, your soul tries to leave your body. Emotional whiplash. You either feel nothing, or you start screaming at your windshield wiper just for existing. Bonus round! You lost your keys 3 times this week. You have 82 unread text messages. Number of projects that are currently in progress? 27. The level of shame that you feel because of all of this? It fluctuates wildly. Let's talk about the old dopamine chase. This is huge. ADHD brains tend to be low in dopamine, so you go hunting for anything that gives you that hit. This is why ADHD guys get obsessed with stuff. One week it's cold plunges. The next week it's Stoic philosophy. Then suddenly you're trading crypto online and you're wearing the blue light glasses in the house. You're not being a deep and interesting human being. You are being chemically hijacked. And yes, before you ask, this applies to sex as well. Oh yeah, ADHD and hypersexuality go together like peanut butter and jelly. You're not a pervert per se— probably— but you are chasing dopamine, just with your pants off. It may start with frequent sex, and then pornography, and then the just talking to the girl on Instagram. And then you're in a shame spiral. Next thing you know, you have a burner phone and a Reddit account that your wife doesn't know about. If you've spent 9 hours obsessing over why is it that your wife doesn't want to have sex with you, well, congratulations. You may have experienced the old ADHD plus rejection sensitivity dysphoria plus the old male ego. What a great cocktail. Now, here's where it gets interesting. A lot of you ADHD guys, you don't know it, but you know what else may be going on? For probably a minority of you, the old autism spectrum. Or as people call it, that neurospicy thing. You ever rehearse conversations in your head? Like you're playing out some kind of courtroom drama in your brain? Are you one of those guys that just does not get sarcasm? Unless it comes from you, of course. Do you melt down when somebody changes the restaurant plans at the last minute? Are you wildly passionate about one specific topic? Have you been told more than once, "You know, you're a little intense." That intensity, it can actually be a charming thing, but it can also make relationships a little bit harder than they need to be. So what can you do instead of, you know, going to the woods and living in a hut all by yourself? First of all, don't panic. Second of all, don't go diagnosing yourself just because you forgot to pick up your son from soccer practice while you're watching this video. But ask yourself, does this really sound like you? Is your brain always on but never really focused? Do all your relationships seem to crash and burn to the point where you're starting to wonder if you are the common denominator? Then it is worth a professional diagnosis, in my opinion. A lot of what you're experiencing may be minimized or even completely alleviated via pharmaceutical help. Therapy or a combination thereof. Or you just may have comfort in understanding that this is who you are and there's a reason behind it and you're not alone. I want to emphasize this. You're not a screw-up. You're not lazy. You're just running on the old ADHD operating system in a world that's running on Windows. And I have talked to men who have completely turned their lives around after they've come to grips with who exactly they are. If any of this sounds familiar to you, you look at the professional diagnosis, the professional's probably gonna say to you, it's a good idea if you get out there and work with other men like you. And guess what? In our group, The Brotherhood, and you can learn more at help4men.com/join, a big portion of our group that we have learned over the years is what we call neurodivergent, which includes ADHD, Autism spectrum, obsessive-compulsive disorder, dyslexia. And what all these guys have in common is, yes, relationship problems. So welcome to the club, and we would love to have you. We got a lot to talk about. And guys, do me a favor. If you enjoy this video, you'd like to see more of them, click on subscribe down below. Click on like. Click the little bell thingy, however it works. Give it a share. Leave a comment. I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so very much, and guys, we'll catch you on the next one.
