Coach Scott G. Interviews Coach Gustavo

Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support.

The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life.

We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching courses, all my books at no additional charge.

And yes, we get together in person, real men and real conversations.

So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting.

Well, I got a funny story for you real quick here, um, before we get started. Uh, so I had lunch with my in-laws today. My in-laws came up to our office, got their eyes checked, and they get them checked about every 6 months or so. Usually go out for lunch with them, and we did that. So my father-in-law chimes in You know, they're awesome people, really cool people, upper 70s. They're still sexually active, guarantee it. They actually gave me shit about it actually before we went to lunch. And so he goes, "So tell me about this counseling stuff you do." And I was just like, "Well, it's not counseling. It's more, it's what we call coaching." And you all know me as an assertive man. You all know me as a guy that's no bullshit and really not a whole lot of filter to me. I can filter a little bit, but fellas, I had a hell of a time talking to my father-in-law and to tell him exactly what I do with this group. This is probably the first time I got tongue-tied ever when trying to describe what I do as a coach. Because his daughter, my wife, was sitting right next to me and she was just like, she was just blushing and grinning and she was trying to have a conversation with my mother-in-law and she's like, "I'm not listening to you, I'm not listening to you." And I told my father-in-law, I was like, "I tell you what, I have coached big leaguers, I have coached very, very successful dudes. I've never been really intimidated until just now." And we all had a laugh about it. And I had a hell of a time describing what I do. So anyway, that happened today and it's a lot of fun. So is what it is. And so a couple things about this, this meeting— this wasn't really originally on my schedule, and I started thinking about it about a week ago, maybe, maybe 2 weeks ago, that I'd like to do an interview with Coach Gus here because there's a lot of things about Gus that I'm sure the whole group isn't really aware of because he doesn't have a public podcast like a lot of us coaches do. Like, um, you know, Jason's got one out there, Austin's got one with him and his wife. I mean, so it's something that you can hear. I noticed that Gus didn't have that, and so I was like, you know what, after his Vegas, uh, presentation, which was very personal, I was like, you know what, I need to give this guy a platform here to talk because the stuff that he shared in that, uh in, in that presentation, buddy, there's a lot, there's a lot that you can offer us that I, that I didn't even know about. So, um, time to, time to showcase that. And so that's why I put this on the schedule. And, uh, it's great. He's, he's awesome. He's a great guy. He's been all bro— all the BroFests, you know, hung out with him personally, uh, 3 times now, right? And, uh, really, really good dude. Um, you can hear me still, right? I just want to get confirmation. Can you hear me, Gus?

I can hear you, but before we start our meeting, you know, funny thing. Okay. When, uh, a funny story just like yours, uh, when Steve and his wife came over to the house, uh, my father-in-law said something. I don't remember what it was, but Steve goes, Gus, you got to call him out on that. So after they left, after they left, my father-in-law was like, so what is it that you do again? It's—

that was the first time that I had a— I got tongue-tied. I was so fucking nervous, man. I was just like, um, uh, normally I'd say I teach men how to fuck their wives, you know, or like I say something like that, you know. And, uh, I'm not going to say that to my father, okay? Uh, that would be very awkward very quick. But, uh, but he's the kind of dude that actually would probably find that funny, but I didn't want to I don't want to push them, push the limit, you know. So it's a lot of fun. So yeah, very good. So basically, um, so when Gus became a coach, uh, how long you been a coach now, buddy? About it, a little over a year.

We've been, uh, yep, uh, we've been recording the Spanish podcast, uh, for longer than that. Um, okay. Um, to get some, uh to spread the word amongst the, uh, Hispanics. Yes, got it.

Yeah, and that's the thing, so when, when Gus came on the coaching stable, basically he, um, I wouldn't say you pigeonholed yourself, but like you, uh, you, you've, um, displayed yourself as a Spanish speaker, okay? And that's a very valuable thing for us, uh, that's something that I can't do. I can understand some Spanish, but there's no way I'm gonna be able to speak it. And, um, so that's there's no way that's going to happen. And I mean, the population of this planet doesn't— we don't all speak English, okay? And but this masculinity problem is everywhere, so it's definitely something that's needed. And I appreciate you. I just want to tell you that real quick about that kind of thing. You and David, you usually have a podcast like together, right? Do you have like together?

Yeah! Correct. I have already put together a couple of things I'm going to do by myself because David has been a bit busy doing other projects and he's away from home at the moment, but I should be sending that over to Ralph Brewer pretty soon. Yep.

Gotcha. Now, what's the name of the podcast if anybody on the recording doesn't know? What's—

how can they find it? It is That Starting Over. Uh, en español.

Oh, there you go! Wonderful! So like I said, I wanted to showcase some of this stuff because I don't think some guys in our group really understand what you do, man, and you've been doing that for a very long time. You became a coach, you're already doing coaching by yourself, like you were doing it on your own, and then you came into the, uh, the stable later after that. So I appreciate it for sure, no question. Um, but I'm telling you, when we did the Vegas thing, I was like, oh my goodness! There's so many caveats to your story that I wasn't aware of and I was like, you know what? We really need to get that out, you know, because there's a lot of facets that you offer. It's not just the Spanish speaking, man! You're kind of selling yourself a little short there because there's a lot more to your story that you've had personal experience with and that's really what makes it powerful as a coach is that you've seen the trouble and you've seen all the bullshit and you've dealt with it and you came out better! Okay, that's, that's what makes a coach really good at what he does. Okay, because you've been there, you've done that, and you became a better dude because of it. So that's, that's, that's what we do, right? Pain is our best teacher is what I say. Okay, so yeah, so Gus, just, just introduce yourself real briefly, real quick.

Well, my name is Gus, from beautiful, living in beautiful Orlando, Florida. I was born and raised in Puerto Rico. I got to move to Orlando when I was 16 years old. And even though my lifelong dream has always been to be a big shot commercial airliner pilot or work behind some corporate office for some aerospace or airline, you know, been selling insurance for 30 years. It's been like the mafia. Once I got in, I just, I haven't been able to get out. In insurance, there's pretty much nothing I haven't done except be the actuary, the one who sets the rates. I worked for Nationwide for a couple of years teaching people customer service and salesmanship. I guess in a lot of ways you can, you can say that that was my the first teaching coaching job type thing. I would work in groups of 10 and, you know, tell people to sell me this pen and give them 2 seconds to give me their elevator speech.

Great, awesome, man. Now, um, let's do this. I want to go ahead and start at the beginning, okay? So what brought you to the group originally? What brought you to DSL?

The biggest reason why I ended up at the group was because of my wife's menopause. We went out to dinner one night, this Italian restaurant, we were celebrating something that night and she just kind of said, "I think the menopausal symptoms are here and I don't really feel like having sex." It was one of those things where I kind of made it all about me. I didn't say much for the rest of that night. And instead of just holding her hand and saying, "Hey honey, we'll figure this out. You know, I'm sure everything will be all right," which is probably what she needed to hear that night. I just didn't say much. I just wasn't very supportive that night. Kind of in line with some of the things that Scott Morales said in his presentation, apologizing to his wife for, for some of the things that he wishes he could have done differently, and that's definitely one of them. The other thing that happened right before that is I have a friend that, from college, that ended up killing himself, and in his suicide note, half of it was about the poor relationship he had with his wife. So it was one of those things, it was kind of like a wake-up call, like, um, you know, life is changing too fast for me and, uh, I need to get a, uh, I need to get a hold on, on what's happening kind of a thing. So here we are.

Great, good stuff. Um, so basically, um, the menopause thing is, is, is really what brought you here? Okay. Um, and honestly, that's, that's a facet that's really fascinating to me personally because my wife, um, we're— I'm 45, my wife is 45, she's perimenopausal. I can tell she's got— you can tell she fluctuates in her mood, um, a little bit. Um, so she's never really been super hormonal, especially since she, uh, we— she's, she's had an IUD for quite a while. Um, so her, her cycles fluctuate normally, like monthly, like that. So she's a lot more stable. So I'd say the last 6 months I noticed it a little bit more, um, where she gets more irritable kind of quickly. And, um, you know, I wouldn't say she has a short fuse, but it's definitely a difference from what she used to be.

Um, you know, basically what you saw, it's, uh, it's, you know, I've never had a dead bedroom per se, but It's one of those things where they get so anxious about everything around them, and, and they're going through this period where they're accepting those changes. And, and, you know, like I was saying yesterday in the meeting, they're going from being fertile to not being fertile. They're going from being young to not being young anymore. At least that's how they see it. So they're also going through a transitional period themselves. Which, uh, it's really one of the reasons why I kind of feel guilty about that night, you know, not being more supportive.

Sure, of course. You know, that's hard. It's hard to hear that from your wife as a man, you know, that, uh, hey, I don't want to have sex with you anymore. Like, that, that would be freaking crushing for a lot of guys. Um, so now one other thing that I was really fascinated with your story was the background of your family. Now, you grew up fairly privileged, correct?

Yes, my father was the engineer that was also an administrator of a hospital. That was his full-time job with all the benefits, medical and everything. But he was also a general contractor on the side. And, you know, so we, you know, at home we had, we had a pretty large house, a pool, the big outdoor area, etc. There's really, you know, we didn't have cable TV at the time because we were too far from the main roads and main neighborhoods that, you know, my dad just went out and bought one of those big 16 feet satellite dishes. And, you know, my father was always kind of, kind of interesting because, you know, when we went to Nashville Ralph was showing pictures of his dad's pickup truck, right? And I was like, you know, as a little kid, now that we're adults and we think about it, it's like my dad always had a thing for VW Bugs. It was always a German car, you know, or a BMW or something like that. So my dad always had, you know, several toy cars that he would, you know, toy with. But I went to private school. Um, I again— I don't have any complaints about my upbringing!

Yeah! That's great! Um, now was he an MD? Was he an MD?

I can't remember... No, no, no, no, no!

He was an engineer!

He was an engineer! Yep! And he just happened to be a administrator in hospital! Yeah!

Got it!

Okay!

Great! Uh, that was back in the day! A lot of times those kind of people, I guess well— Depends on the hospital. If it's like a big, big one, they're gonna— they're definitely gonna be educated. Um, but a lot of like regional stuff, they're typically like MDs and stuff. So that's cool. All right, so how would you describe yourself before you came here? Like, I just— generally speaking, you went through a couple phases in your life that I want to go over a couple things. Okay, so nice guy, naive, pushover, player, like Like, you went through kind of a lot of gamut here, so can you go over that real quick? Your mindset changed as you got up, as you went through your life.

Um, I, I kind of feel like, you know, and one of the reasons why I said that my story really started when I moved to Florida is because I went— at that point, there were a lot of little things that took place. Uh, all of a sudden I was watching my sisters There were a lot of little things that added up to a lot of burdens on me. You know, we move here, I end up working for a couple of months, I go out, buy a car. You know, I really had a great father growing up. It's just that— and I didn't say this in Vegas— is that when we moved here, we were so broke, my father was really looking at me like, dude, can you just give me a hand? And I just didn't I didn't see it that way, you know. So I think at that time I was just a regular kid just trying to play sports and, you know, that kind of stuff. But at the same time, I had so many other things on my shoulders, or at least it just felt like it. I used to think that after my first wife, I turned into a man. And after my second wife, I turned into this, uh, a well-rounded individual.

Yep.

I don't think I have, uh, ever been a nice guy, um, but after my wife said the thing about menopause, for those few months, I kind of felt like I was becoming one.

Got it. Okay, so I want to focus on that one too. Let's talk about your first marriage. Okay, um, very fascinating story here, fellas, um, because like I said, I didn't, I didn't know that. I didn't know that you had such a You had a bit of a shit show, correct?

Yeah, it was, uh, it was a shit show. I mean, at times I think it's a— it's a— we can describe it as a drama, a thriller, uh, action film, uh, but, uh, it was, uh, it was definitely an ill-conceived relationship in which I thought I was going to be able to change her. And I think we all know that the only ones that can change are themselves. And I just, you know, it was a mistake that led to walking in on her infidelity. Being apart for several months, getting back together, having a kid months later, to the, to the time, and, and that was the only time she ever laid a hand on me. You know, the story about going to the police. She hit me with her keys, left a bunch of little dots on my back. I went to the police, lady took pictures and everything. I didn't press charges. The next day she called the police telling them that I was the one who did it, and thank God the same officer that answered— that I saw the night before was the same one who answered her call. And so it didn't turn out to be anything bigger than what it was. But at that point divorce was— I was getting ready for to get divorced. She disappeared with my son for almost 9 months. I would— again, I've never stopped being a dad. I would take a box, I would go to Walmart or wherever, buy diapers, wipes, baby food, put a money order in there, and I would mail her a package every single week to her grandmother's house. You know, like my attorney was very clear, don't be stupid, don't go out, don't turn into a cowboy out there and do something you're gonna regret later. And I ended up with custody of him, which, and again, it's another similarity with Ralph's story because she hasn't seen her son since Ricardo was 1. And, um, it's like, from my understanding, um, Ralph Brewer's ex-wife has not been very present in their kids' lives either. So, um, it's definitely more than my first wife has ever been. But, um, but she just— she's never seen her son, um, since that day in court.

Yeah, I don't want to dwell on that too much, but I never asked for a dime. I don't, I don't Oh, oh, you're breaking up.

I actually had— I, uh, I've never gotten a dime on child support, and nor have I ever wanted a dime from her. And I never pursued that because I didn't want to deal with her. Um, interesting story, uh, when I went to— when I first met my second wife, she raised her hand to get something out of a cabinet in the kitchen, and I ducked. Um, and, uh, she was like, oh my God. And I was like, no, no, no, no, this is never gonna happen again. I was like, nope, it's— I, I— it was like a, a reaction from that incident. And, uh, um, and the only other time I, uh, gotten to relive that was in Vegas. So, and now—

yep, that's right. So a couple things now, you broke up just a little bit in there. It's, it's It's okay, you're good now. So if you can find a place where that Wi-Fi is pretty good, just go ahead and stay there because it broke up just for a second, just so you know. All right, but we're still okay. All right, so now another interesting caveat of your story was the time between your first and your second wife. Let's talk about that. Now I know that's a little painful. You don't like to dwell on that too much. The only thing I want to talk about is the dance lessons, okay? When you, when, when you're actively dating a lot of ladies, okay? So let's, let's talk about that. I want to talk about that a little bit. You okay with that?

Well, between, between my first and second, there wasn't much time. Um, it was, I wasn't even done, I wasn't even divorced yet, uh, between my first and second. Um, I had custody of a 1-year-old I didn't have time to go out anywhere, nor did I have any money to do it either. I was going to school, so, um, so no, um, my, um, again, that's— it's one of those things where I, I hadn't fixed anything from the first time around. I still didn't know who I was, and there I am getting hitched again, uh, just so that I can have a roof Uh, just so that I can be in the same house with another woman so I can have sex. I'm not in my parents' house, you know what I mean? So, um, so yeah, that's, uh, that was pretty much it. So that is ill-conceived relationship number 2. Gotcha.

Yeah, for sure. So, um, now, yeah, so we won't dwell on it too much, but you had plenty of experience picking up ladies and having the casual sex thing. And obviously that's not what— you're not very proud of that, and that's why we're not going to dwell on that too much.

Okay.

Um, and I, I understand that.

So, uh, that is something that happened after wife number 2.

So after— got it.

Yeah, after wife number 2, I started going to— I did some therapy, um, about a year and a half. At the same time, I got my own apartment. I, um, I like to think that I've always been a good dad. They both of them have always seen me every day, um, and even though my second wife did not give birth to my first son, she's been that kid's mother since day one, um, so both of my kids ended up living in the same house with her, but I got to pick them up from to school every day around 2:30, 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and I would take them back, you know, between 6 and 7, you know, in the afternoon after dinner, after their practices, etc. Um, and they always stayed with me, um, Sunday nights and Monday nights. I always did stuff with them during the day on Saturdays as well. Um, but I always saw them. I, I, I always got to see them every single day. The rest of the days, it was a different nightclub every single night. Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night. If it wasn't a nightclub, it was a Magic game. You know, back then, the Orlando Magic were on top of the world. But that's what I did. And, you know, I would— walk inside of a nightclub and, and I would look above everybody else's heads as soon as I walked in, made myself to the bathroom, and with my peripheral vision I, I knew who was already there, kind of a thing. So, um, you know, and it was just enough to, to spark the interest. So when I came out of the bathroom after washing my hands or whatever, I, I already knew where I needed to go. I always had a plan, kind of a thing. But, uh, But to answer your question, I kind of feel like it amazes me how true to life that Sex/Life TV show is. Because if you see the soon-to-be ex-husband role after the first few episodes, it's almost like he's just trying to fill that void with all the casual sex he's having. And that's really how I felt. Uh, it was easy and I just needed to get more and more of it. Um, it wasn't even the attention, it wasn't even the sex itself, it's just— it was companionship more than anything else.

Um, bingo. Um, what he's talking about is the season 2 is what you're talking about. Yeah, your season 2. I've— my wife and I just finished that one up and, uh, it is so bad. That second season is so bad. Oh my God. Anyway, um, hopefully they don't do another one because, uh, wow. Um, the acting, the script, everything. Anyway, um, it was really bad. But anyway, so now obviously you didn't find any comfort in the casual sex scene, correct?

No. Um, towards the end it got a— you know, I've seen it all. I, uh, I've been offered a lot of things. There were a couple of girls that I ended up dating for several months There was this girl from Albania that lived in New York. I dated her for about 5 months, and it's, you know, she was just beautiful and sexy at the same time, kind of like Salma Hayek, but, you know, without the loud Spanish voice, you know. But, but, but yeah, other than those two, it was, it was just a few weeks here. An overnight there. Um, you know, nothing, nothing really, uh, nothing, nothing, um, other than the girl in Albania— I, uh, in New York from Albania— I, none of them, um, said to me, hey, um, let me go call him up again or whatever.

Yep. Well, we don't— like I said, we don't need to go in all the details for sure. Um, I get it. I just want to get that on tape that, that disorganization when it comes to dating. You know, you can do what you want to, man. Like, I'm not— I don't shame anybody for what they're doing. But, uh, but generally speaking, everybody that's been through what Gus just described, I've been through it too. When you go through the casual sex phase and it's just— it is just meaningless. It's fun for a little bit and it just gets old after a while. It just does.

Um, there are so many emotions in that and you don't realize that until, you know, that you feel like you're becoming someone else.

Yeah, I agree. You lose yourself and you try to fill that void with stupid shit. But I, like I said, been there, done that. You do you. If you don't want to get married and keep up with the casual sex scene, it's all good, man. I'm not— it's just not for me personally at all. I got sick of it and, you know, Anyway, so we won't dwell on it too much. Now, when is— when was the moment that you decided to stop that shit and start dating your wife? Like, how did that— how did that go down?

Uh, well, uh, interesting story. I mean, I can sit here and, uh, and talk for hours about it. I think, uh, when Stephen and his wife came over the house, we probably spent 45 minutes talking about this. Yeah, um, I met her one— I met her one night. Um, um, I met her, um, and that night she went home, I went home. I didn't have a chance to give her my number or exchange numbers or anything like that, but before the night was over, I do remember telling her I'm going to be here next week on Friday if you want to come out. And well, next week comes around and she doesn't show up. And I used to go to salsa class just because I didn't go to learn how to dance. I went to scout the market. It was, you know, what the ladies called the meat market, right? And I would go out there to help out whenever the numbers were uneven. Um, 2 months later, um, guess who walks in the door? It was her. And that night, she— I made sure she left there with my number. Uh, thing is, is that, um, the thing is, is that she didn't text me or call me. And I was like, well, I don't want to be like that creepy guy that, you know, shows up at salsa class hoping that she's there. I was like, oh shit, I can't go, I can't go. And then, you know, anyway, I just, I ended up going back and there she was. And she thought she had sent me a message, but she didn't. And, you know, uh, 15 years later, here we are.

How about that? So she thought, she thought you had your number, like you had her number, correct? And that's why she didn't message you? Is that what it was?

Correct. Uh, that's what it was. And, uh, you know, if you— have you ever seen that episode of Friends where they talk about, uh, what are your top 10, um, celebrities you would have sex with? And, and everyone always wants to give you like the most beautiful woman out there, right? So, you know, when I met my wife, there was something about the way she walked, the way she talked, the way— just the, the way she was. Uh, I, I can't put my finger on it. It was It was all the above. And yeah, and here we are 15 years later. How about that?

Well, I'm curious. I'm going to pick your brain because you didn't really answer my first question. So when you met her, she changed you from the casual dating scene to the long-term relationship scene. So what's the catalyst on that? Because I know what it was for me.

You know what I was trying to convey while I was in Vegas was that months after we had met, I realized, and the story I told the guys in Vegas is that it was during the financial crisis and she was doing marketing for a home builder. So she got laid off. And so that morning she calls me up and she's upset and I drive back to the house and And I tell her that, you know what, well, this is going so well, we'll figure it out. And it's one of those things that after 9 months, you know, it's like, well, shit, you know, this is getting serious kind of a thing. And I just, I went to work, we went out to dinner that night or the night after, and she ends up picking up the check and paying for dinner. And, you know, she's the only woman I haven't had to rescue. I have not. I haven't had— I've never been the white knight. I've never had to be the provider per se. It's been more of a partnership than anything. If she came up to me right now and said she didn't want to work, I'll be like, okay, no problem. I don't give a fuck. Um, but then I also feel like that would take a piece of who she is if she wasn't using her creative mind into something. So I, I— that was, that was really the first time that I really thought, okay, uh, this is, this, this is the one, you know, this is the person I, I'm gonna be with.

Um, that's, that's great. Let's pause there. I don't have to go any further. That was great because you said something in here I want to repeat real quick. She's the only woman you've never had to rescue. That's beautiful, man. That is beautiful. Put that on a fucking bumper sticker, you know? Um, that is gorgeous, you know? And fellas, that's, that's the point. Now, it took you, it took you 3 marriages to get there, um, and a whole lot of ladies, and, uh, but you kind of, you learn from your mistakes, and then you finally settled down and you learned from the past and you're like, she's great, I don't have to fix her, and she's good and she's clicking all my boxes. And that's, that's, that's beautiful, man. Great stuff. So let's talk about the current marriage real quick here, just real quick, just the, um, like today, what's going on. So how are things?

Uh, great. They couldn't be any better. I really have nothing to, uh, I really have nothing to, um, to complain about. Um, there's only, uh, there's only positive things. Um, okay.

Now, how did— now she's still actively menopausal though, correct? Is she doing like hormonal replacement therapy?

Correct. Okay, correct.

Okay, let's, let's talk about that. So, so what was the catalyst on that?

Did you push the hormone replacement therapy or did she No, no, no, she's been to the— she's been to the doctor. Um, okay. Uh, the— those levels are, um, still within, um, within norm. Um, as far as mitigating some of that, um, I, I, I feel like the diet and the food we consume has gotten better since I started— since I started losing weight and and changing my diet. She started exercising after I started exercising. So it's kind of one of those things, you know, kind of leading by example on that. But the doctor has also mentioned some of those things to her. And she started going to the rowing studio, which that's, you know, she goes to that a couple times a week. Yeah. So she's been, sort of been taking a more holistic approach, a natural approach to that, and so far so good. Great!

So now— she's doing hormonal replacement therapy then? Or she not?

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, we haven't. Okay. No, no, no.

She did it naturally? Okay, so she kind of snapped out of it then sounds like to me. Like she went through a rough spot and then she came back. How long did that rough spot last? Curious.

Oh, I don't know that it was a rough spot. I think that that's one of those things where it was a bigger problem in my head than anything else.

Okay.

Well, how long was that? I think I was making the problem— it was about 4 months. I think I just made those problems bigger in my head than they really were. And I just kind of started becoming a nice guy out of nowhere. Something I've never done. Got it. Okay. Yeah. I started buying into the social— Norm.

Gotcha. Now, did you do coaching when you came in, or is it just the meetings?

And I did. I had two sessions, one with Ralph, one with Jack. Uh, both of them said the same thing. Um, uh, they just said it differently. And I don't know that I can really say that the reason is because it was any different. It's like after I hung up with With Jason, I just felt like it was time for a change. And it's one of those things like if you work at a black and white TV factory and you know color TV is around the corner, you know, you kind of have to get ready for it. And I was just— it was like me beginning to accept that something had to change, you know, in order to survive kind of a thing. You know, so that is, I was just ready. I was ready to accept that things were changing. And I think that from that day forward, it is when I just, I began to be myself again. Great.

Yep. And that is the power of coaching, fellas. OK, so I am going to do a little plug here real quick about the coaching stuff.

OK.

Facebook posts are great, you know, post it on the group, post it out there, you know, journaling, you know, venting. It's— that's what the group is for. Okay. It's great to do that. But what happens is when it comes down to comments and the threads that start, you know, the advice that you get, it kind of goes all over the place. And that's, that's okay. That's what it's for. But the problem that you, that you run into, it's really brief. So you can't really move on to really the root of the cause of the problem because you don't know all the details. When you do a coaching session with, with any of us, okay, anybody that's on the, on the, the coaching roster, you can do a deep dive into those details and then all of a sudden you start uncovering other things and then, then the light bulbs start coming on and all of a sudden you can start diving into that and it ends up kind of going down different, uh, different whack-a-moles. Okay, so that problem, that problem, that problem, that problem. Um, that's, that's ultimately what happens with my coaching sessions. It's, it's pretty awesome when, when you're actually in those things, because it's an hour long. And I don't know about you, Gus, but I'm telling you, my— those sessions go by very, very fast. And I— and we have to be fairly structured to keep it going. But that's the power of coaching. If you— like I said, the, the posts are great, but you get a very, very limited amount of information to learn from and to work with.

So, and the posts are usually one-sided and there's always two sides to every story.

Oh, that's perfect! I'm glad you mentioned that because that's something that's actually really important for guys to hear. Fellas, it's a two-way street. It's a two-way street. A lot of times, especially my new guys, when they come in the very first session, they're, they're— it's all about her, her, her, her, she, she, she, she, she, she, they, they, they. And then all of a sudden at the end of it, it's I, it's I, you, you, you know, it, it changes dramatically by the end of the session because you cannot control someone else, okay? You cannot control that. You can control you. That's what this is about. You have to work on yourself. We, we always say that and she can follow or she— and or, or she won't. That's her choice. You cannot force her to change. If you, if you set the environment for her to change, that's leadership and that's how this works. It's a beautiful thing when it works, but there's a two-way street. She has to own her side and you own your side. And I'm telling you, you said it just perfectly because there's two sides to every story. And, and frankly, The truth lies in the middle. Um, so you got the guy's perspective, you got the woman's perspective, and really it all lies in the middle. That's, that's, that's the workable ground. Um, and, uh, I'm glad you mentioned that because that is so true. So, all right, now you've been to all three BroFests. Let's talk about BroFests a little bit here. Okay, what was your favorite? I'm curious, what was your favorite one?

Um, I, I don't know that I have a favorite one, but Let me see if I can break all three down for you because—

Briefly. Briefly.

It was really cool to put the round pictures, the people to the round pictures. And it was really cool to humanize it all. And it was amazing when Ralph Brewer Brewer met everyone, he gave everyone a hug. And that's when everything became real to me. I'm not gonna lie, I had a great time in Austin. I just, I had this party mindset in Austin. I was just having fun. I was just letting loose. Garrett and Matthew and I went out one night and then we got really lit. And, but having that hour and a half, hour and 15 minutes with Dr. Glover where we were just kicking the shit was amazing at the barbecue place. This last time in Vegas, it, to me, kind of felt like it was a bit more relaxed, and I kind of felt like I got some sleep away from home, even though I had, you know, a few drinks, and it just felt like I was in the place where I needed to be. So I don't know that I have a favorite one. I think they were— they all had their pros and cons, and they were all differently Yep, I totally agree.

Um, Nashville had a different feel, Austin had a different feel, and Vegas had a different feel. So, um, and we've been learning, you know, this is— that was our third one, we've got our fourth one scheduled now, New Orleans. Highly recommend getting scheduled for this, I'm getting on the docket because I'm telling you that's going to be a lot of fun. We've made it more affordable, which is huge. I knew Vegas was pretty expensive, that was, that was a pretty expensive one, um, and we learned a lot from that. And, uh, man, I'm really excited about New It's going to be really, really awesome. So, um, anyway, I totally agree. They all had their, their own little caveats. And, um, personally, Nashville was great just because that was our first one. Um, just like you said, I was, I was joking about it. We were walking around and shaking hands with Facebook profile pictures, you know, like, uh, you know, like we all know each other kind of how we look, you know, with the coaches. People wonder, they, they recognize our voices, so it's like they kind of know us a little bit more than, you know, just, just, just some of the fraternity members. But to humanize it, just like you said, the coolest part about that whole thing is the fact that you're the same dude. I already knew you. I already knew you through your post and your story. And, you know, um, shaking your hand, it was, it was like I knew you already, you know. And especially Ralph, you know, and the other coaches, because I, I came, became a coach like a month before Nashville, and I already knew that— I already knew those guys, and it was just really cool to shake hands. And awesome, a lot of fun. I highly recommend.

Well, you know, uh, for, for the guys who've already hung out with me, uh, I don't— you know, I, I have a good time no matter where I'm at. I deeply regret spending those nights at a friend's house in Nashville and not with the group.

Oh, I see. Yeah, I agree, I agree. But yeah, And that's kind of how New Orleans is going to be. You're going to actually— you'll be free to get a place for yourself. And, um, you know, so you'll lose a little bit of this aspect, but it really cuts costs. So you can do what you need to do, do an Airbnb. We don't have to do a fancy hotel with all these fucking restrictions. Um, it's a good thing. Okay, so let's see. So how can folks sign up with coaching with you? How does it work?

Oh, same, uh, same page as anybody else. Um, Same page as anybody else. They can go in the, uh, frat page, and I'm, uh, all the coaches are on the same page. And, you know, they can always message me on Facebook or on Discord, or, um, you know, any of them tag me on a post, either one.

Very good. So, and then what can dudes expect from you if they schedule with you?

Oh, um, I have been a flight instructor. I have been, uh, I have taught people customer service classes, salesmanship classes. I have 9 employees, uh, that have been working for me for a really long time. And, um, so I've been in a position where I have to, I have to formulate a plan where I've had to listen, consult, etc. To answer your question, I can not only do that, but I can also put into perspective every other experience that I have had to live through, through all my previous lives and current life. Um, it's, you know, when it comes to coaching, it's more about having a plan of, hey, and Jack said it at, uh, in, um, Nashville, uh, Jason said it in Nashville, um, tell me where you want to be and what you're willing to do and we'll come up with a plan.

Yep, I agree. Good stuff, buddy. Okay, so I am going to go ahead and open it up to the guys that are here live. And if you have any questions for Gus, anything you want to talk about, and if you don't want to talk about it, we can talk about something else if you want. We've got 3, 4, let's see. Yeah, we got like 4 coaches in this call right now. So got plenty of opportunity. Just let her rip, Tater Chip. You want to unmute, that's fine. If not, we can continue to have a conversation with Gus here. It's all good with me. Okay, it's, uh, I am just soaking up some vitamin D. Jason's in here, buddy.

Well, you know, let her rip.

Oh, go ahead, go ahead, Gus, man. Love it, dude. Um, I did not know your full story and you, your experiential base through, uh, the fucking shit show marriages you had, number one and number two. I mean, speaks for itself, man. And I know a lot of guys can relate to that. You know, you have a false start, you learn from it. You have another false start, you learn from that. And then, you know, how you kind of found yourself. I really like that part. And I think a lot of men find themselves in that scenario. Who am I? What is my purpose? And that is one of the big outcomes here in the DSO fraternity. We want guys to figure that out. You know, I talked a lot about it in my, my meeting last night, uh, kind of on a tangent. But, um, yeah, I really love that part of your story. And I think that is, uh, you know, a lot of men go through their whole life and they don't figure that out. And if I were to, you know, pick one of the, you know, unique value propositions for you, that would be it. You know, a lot of guys don't, don't know how to do that, don't even know where to begin. Or when they look at their path and purpose, uh, they use the flawed approach of trying to tie it solely to employment, and that's never gonna fucking work. It, even with a, you know, me being a career Army guy, that filled it for a lot of years, but that is only a chapter and it's much, much bigger than that. Yeah, you can, you know, put a lot of purpose into your service-based professions like that, but at some point, It's got to be bigger than that. And I really like that part of your story. And I think you could help a lot of men out with that. But really appreciated you jumping on here short notice with Scotty G and sharing what you bring to the table. I think you'll help a lot of men. And you definitely bring a lot of value to the team. So appreciate you making time for that.

Well, you know, Jason, interesting that you mentioned that because one thing I forgot to say about my second wife is that You know, well, we got along just great, and she's a wonderful woman, and she's had a lot of health issues in the last 11, 12 years, and even today. We just, we were 10 years apart. The education was not the same. You know, because of that, we never had anything to talk about. Which is really why that marriage failed. But I tell you what, if we could have figured out a way where we could have met in the middle age-wise, who knows? That's, you know, I wouldn't want to go back and think about what it would have been, but It is what it is, but, um, you know, it's— I have nothing bad to say about her, and I have nothing, nothing but positive things to say about my current wife. Um, one thing that you just said just now, and I didn't say it specifically, uh, what you were referring to is that after 3 years of going out and having fun, I— it was in the back of my head, it's like, there has to be a bigger purpose. You know, I can't just go out and blow money like this week in and week out, day in and day out. I mean, there has to be a purpose. And it's interesting that you mention it because it was in the back of my mind there for like the last 6 months before meeting my wife. Every time I went out, it's like, holy shit, here we go again. You know? You know, if I would have saved all that money, you know, I probably could have been able to repair.

But, uh, but yeah, I want to correct it real quick here. We have 5 coaches on this call. Um, very cool. It's, uh, that's, that's, that's a good amount. It's great. So, um, I agree totally, uh, Jason just, just hit the points. There's, uh, I didn't know a lot of this stuff about you, um, because you kind of, you said it to begin with that you're not really You don't like to share those kind of details, but you did in Vegas, and I was just like, wow, you— there's a lot of facets here that you can really offer dudes, specifically the multiple marriages, you know, learning from your mistakes, going through the casual sex shit, all of that stuff. Um, I think— did you go through some substance issues too? Substance abuse issues?

Um, no, I don't think so. I don't think so. I mean, I've been, uh, I've been hungover in the past, but Uh, you know, okay, but nothing, not really. Uh, but, but, you know, even though it would be really hard for a younger person to put all these life experiences in, in perspective into their own context, Jesus, the, the price point which you can join the frat, whether it's monthly, yearly, or lifetime, the price point in for this level of support, uh, you know, even the coaching side It's, it's, uh, it's, it's relatively inexpensive for you to transform your life, um, in a, in a positive way, and more importantly, in the way you want to transform your life.

True story.

I really— and the— that's really the reason why I'm here is because I didn't have a group or anyone I could turn to at that time in my life to, to get ahead. I have felt the pain. I have lived through the uncertainty. It's not pretty, but I really wish I would have had a group like this, or, and if there was, I wish there would have been a friend that would have given me the information to go, to go look it up, etc.

Yep, totally. The, the cost of joining the fraternity or the even the coaching It's, it's really priceless information that you're getting. I actually told my coaching guy that I talked to last night, I was like, uh, I went over, um, kind of summary at the very end, and I told the guy, I was like, so most guys, 85% of guys will go through their entire life not, not learning any of the stuff that we just talked about at all. Um, because for one, they probably didn't have a great dad. For two, they probably witnessed a really shitty marriage. That's a very common story in our group. And they, they just go from shit show to shit show and they don't learn from it. Um, that's, it's so invaluable. I mean, we got so many guys in this group that have, that have been through different things. There's some pretty powerful people in this, this group, y'all. It's not just the coaches. There's— I've talked to some serious individuals in my coaching calls. Um, people, the guys really have their shit together, but they just they just don't have the emotional intelligence to keep a marriage afloat. That's essentially what I've noticed with my coaching calls is just a guy's— they're very good at the provider role, but they just have no idea to function as a lover. That's a very, very common scenario of the guys that I talk to. So very good stuff. Like I said, it's priceless information. Why not just give it a shot, right? Get on somebody's schedule. I trust everybody that's in the coaching, uh, stable. They're all really cool dudes, man. And, you know, we have got a coaching group that we talk back and forth. It's always fun to just give each other shit and bounce ideas off of each other, and we continue to make this organization better daily. It's not— the sky's the limit, and I'm excited about the future big time. So anybody else want to add something here? Let's see here.

Come on, guys, I don't, I don't bite. Come on, bring it up.

Yep, we got 5 minutes.

Talk about current events.

Um, yeah, just wanted any code.

Forward to meeting up, uh, Gus in June.

Oh, you got him. You're gonna meet— you're gonna meet Doort? What's up with that shit?

Hey, dude, he's heading for the Netherlands. Yeah, no shit. See you June 11th, 12th, or 13th, one of those three, you pick. Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll confirm a date.

Definitely, it's gonna be fun.

So jealous.

I'm so jealous, man. That's awesome, man. That is great. Really cool stuff. Um, and like I said, People on the recording, man, I shook hands with an Australian in Vegas, not to mention, you know, 6 freaking Canadians, you know, like, and what an Australian it was.

Oh yeah.

Oh man, Steve, you— are you still on this call, buddy? Can you talk? Can you, can you chime in here? Yeah, he's still—

I think he sent me a message that he was getting the kids ready for school or something.

Uh, that's fine, that's, that's cool if you can't talk. Oh, there he is. I hear him. There it is.

I'll jump in. Hang on a sec. I can be quick. Kids are watching telly, all's good.

Yeah.

Oh, look, much love for Gus. Uh, yeah, yeah, exactly. I agree, Scotty. He just blew me away too. There was a lot about him, especially when he did that big pause at the beginning. I was just like, oh, fuck, here we go, the poor guy's struggling. He was just calibrating his thoughts and then he unloaded. It was just brilliant. I loved it. But going, taking my wife to his place and being the first coach that my wife met, really, or the first actually, yeah, guy from overseas that she's met. So part of the frat, she's met one, two, couple guys in Australia, but over there. And yeah, we met his whole family. It was a bit, well, hang on, what's going on? And my wife, I said, there's the whole family's here. And she's like, What's going on? I said, ah, he's Puerto Rican, maybe that's how they roll. It's all good.

And we went in and, um, my mother lives a half a mile away, she's always here, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But my wife did say, man, afterwards she said, and his sister and his mom, that everyone's lovely, but man, they're so different from Gus. He is just— and, and I'll, and I'll put it in a nutshell, like, Gus has this aura, he has this fun vibe. It's just something— if you, if you picture someone, and, and I know this will be many, many years down the track, he will have masses at his funeral because I reckon he just has this vibe that's just going to touch so many people. And he just has this, this vibe around that you just want to be around, and it'll be dearly missed. I know, many years down the track, brother, but I, I had a great night. We had so many laughs. It was, it was fantastic. It was just such a great night. So Yeah, lots of props for Gus. Yeah, and so much experience. Yeah, he knows his stuff.

So yeah, all right, all right, let's change the subject. I'm getting a little emotional now, Steve.

But yeah, I'm jealous you're gonna see— do it. I'm super jealous. So have fun with that.

All right, fellas, uh, so anybody else want to chime in real quick? Got a couple minutes and I'm gonna shut this this thing down. Um, really awesome, man. We had a lot of coaches in this thing, so pretty good crowd, pretty healthy. Will, it's all good. All right, you want any closing comments there, uh, Gus?

Um, no, no, just, uh, don't forget to sign up for a BroFest before April 1st to take advantage of that, um, amazing pricing we got going on, early bird pricing. Uh, supercharge your journey by signing up with a coach and, uh, Hey, if you haven't put your story out there, if you, if you're not participating, get your thoughts, story, and out on the page and let's get to work.

Beautiful. All right, fellas, that is it. I'm gonna shut her down and I will see you next week and I'll keep you, I'll keep an eye on that group, man. Now keep it posting, tag people, do what you need to do, man. Um, that's what we're here for. Uh, this is a tribe. This is a global tribe. Obviously, um, Gus is Puerto Rican. You just heard from Steve in Australia, and Duarte, he's in the Netherlands. You know, here I am in North Carolina. Jason timed in, he's from Nashville. Like, we're all buddies. We're all here for each other, and it's a beautiful thing. So if you need me, reach out. Gus is available. I'm available. Jason's available, Steve's available, Scott M's available. This is good stuff. All right, so I will check y'all later and, uh, see ya.

Bye.