Ralph Brewer reads a letter from a listener who discovered his wife messaging and flirting with an ex online. Brewer calls the wife broken, says the husband's low self-worth is why he accepts it, and warns the emotional affair could become physical. He advises the listener to protect himself and consider leaving.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Dear DSO, I caught my wife messaging another man. They flirted and talked about sex quite a bit, but he eventually grew tired of her and cut all contact. She has been pursuing him nonstop for weeks. I found out about the emotional affair because she was acting strangely. And I took her phone and I saw all the messages. They talked through Facebook. I told her what I found and she promised to stop all contact, but I can see that she's not stopping. She's basically stalking the guy. She knows that I know, but she doesn't care. She keeps lying and sending him messages. I know that the standard advice is to leave her for cheating, but here's my problem. Number 1, it was never physical. As far as I can tell, she hasn't seen this man in person in over 10 years. He's an ex. And number 2, it feels like she is a drug addict and she just needs to get over her addiction and we can work on us again. I would hate to give up on her only to find out that she gets out of her affair fog and she realizes what she was doing and she's back to normal. Well, a couple of things come to mind when reading this. Number 1, you do not value yourself very much. Where does that come from? If you value yourself, your time, and your dignity, you would recognize right away that number 2, she's just not wife material, amigo. Yes, it's really that simple. You bought a dachshund and you're upset that it's not winning any Greyhound races. No matter how much patience, diet, training, and finger crossing you do, the dachshund ain't gonna win a race. She is what she is, my man. You picked a broken one. Welcome to the club. If it's any comfort, I talk to guys in your shoes on a daily basis. I'm willing to bet that this didn't, quote, come out of nowhere. You saw red flags throughout the relationship, am I right? She probably had a chaotic childhood. And it's had negative effects on her relationships later in life. How do I know? Because I see this every damn day. I see really good, kind-hearted men getting with broken women and then paying the price years down the line. It's sad and it's avoidable. So here's what's going to happen moving forward. Eventually, she will realize that she's about to lose her family and get scared and convince you that she sees the error of her ways and wants to work on you again. Then she will put in next to no work. Her work may just mean, quote, allowing you to have sex more with her. This is the standard go-to relationship remedy for many broken women. They know what to do to shut you up. You'll feel like things are all better now, and then some of her behavior will be a little suspicious again. And this may happen a year or so down the line, but it will happen. And then you'll discover that she's doing the, quote, emotional affair thing again, probably later discovering that the affair went physical in a hurry. I understand that calling it quits is not easy. I do. But you will eventually get there one way or another. It's just a matter of time. Protect yourself and be careful.
