Ralph Brewer argues that fitness matters less for attracting women than for building the confidence and discipline that changes how you see yourself and how others see you. He dismisses exceptions as statistical anomalies, saying consistent physical effort transforms your mindset across relationships, career, and life.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Dear DSO, is it really necessary to look your best and get in great shape to turn women on? I ask because I know of somebody who has a lot of luck with women and he's in terrible shape. His personality is very outgoing and fun, but he's a real mess physically. I think putting so much importance on fitness and looks is a bit misleading. Well, any man who has luck with women will tell you the same thing. It's all about getting into the woman's head. It's all about setting the tone. It's all about putting her at ease. It's about confidence, swagger if you want to call it that, abundance, and dependence. Yes, you can achieve these things even if you're a blobby mess of a guy. But I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of you guys out there reading this would not be able to achieve that mental level of attractiveness while being a fat slob. You will feel like shit. You will act like shit. You will think less of yourself. You will show your insecurity to the world. Somebody will come along at some point to remind you of your glaringly obvious faults. Men will not respect you. Your lack of discipline will be obvious to all. Your physical state will permeate all aspects of your life. I know of guys who barely worked a day in their life, and yet still they are wealthy. They fell into some opportunity early on in life, invested money at the right time— think of the guy who purchased Apple stock back in the '80s and held on to it for 30 years— or they were just born into wealth. Their fortune doesn't negate the fact that for most of us out there, you're gonna have to put in some real time and effort to earn a lot of money. A lot of time and effort. That's just the way it is. What you've done is a pretty common thing. You pointed to a statistical outlier, and then you say that it serves to prove an entire trend wrong. This is like me saying that the average IQ is 100, and that higher IQ people tend to be more successful in life, which is a statistical fact, but you come back and say that some celebrity rock star famously has a low IQ and he's been super successful. Mr. Rock Star's success doesn't negate the fact that low IQ people overall tend to earn far less than high IQ people. Mr. Rock Star is what we call an anomaly. He may also be on drugs, and we all know that drugs don't make you a winner. The state of reaching a high level of physical fitness is just so completely life transforming. You cannot overstate this. I can't tell you how many guys I talk to lose 20 pounds, put on some muscle, and they are totally new men. Their entire sense of self shifts dramatically, and their actions reflect this. Their results in life reflect the new him. And it's not just about sex either. That's just icing on the cake. It's about being a complete man. That's a state of being that unfortunately few of us realize in our lifetime. Yes, but he's fat and it works for him. Well, this is the same as my 9-year-old pointing out that his friends get to stare at an iPad all day, so he should be able to as well. Well, son, your friend may seem fine now, but he's gonna grow up to be an idiot. I don't want an idiot for a son. I want a man. Now get off your butt, make your bed, take out the trash, and I'll see you outside for some playtime.
