Dear DSO: "What About Menopause?"

Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Dear DSO, hey there. Definitely enjoyed reading your book, The Dead Bedroom Fix. Never read that much and I finished it in a day. Definitely related to the book in lots of situations. One question I do have for you, have you come across or spoken to anyone with women actively going through menopause? I'm in my mid-30s and married a cougar. She's got me by 10 years. Flame has dwindled down to 2 to 4 times per month. Kinda crappy, but hey, when we do, it's still a good time. Both are equally involved and it's enjoyable for both parties. Trying to navigate these hormonal waters are tough. Thanks for the good read. Yes, menopause can be a real bitch to deal with for everyone involved. There's no doubt about it. Hormones have such a huge impact on our day-to-day behavior. It's not just women that are easily molded by the effects of hormones. I can give any man a series of shots of something like estrogen or maybe even something like trenbolone, which is a very potent and toxic anabolic steroid, and these men will turn into a completely different human. You can think of menopause as a similar potent chemical cocktail. For many women, menopause absolutely shuts their libido down. For some, no amount of dead bedroom fix actions will turn things around. There's just nothing there to work with. Their body has turned the page on the reproductive chapter of their life. It's now saying to them, "Okay, time to shut down. Don't need this whole sexual body anymore. Time to take up knitting." For some women, the shift in hormones is so extreme due to the lack of estrogen that their physical appearance takes on that of a man. Again, menopause can be a real bitch. Mother Nature doesn't mess around. When your time is up, your body will let you know. Yes, though, there is hope, of course. But unfortunately, many women just flat out refuse to get help. For one thing, they've been led to believe that hormone replacement therapy for women is very dangerous and can often lead to serious problems like cancer. It appears now that the risk of cancer has been way overblown. And the repercussions for not taking hormonal treatments outranks the risks of taking it. The Economist has recently had an article that you may find interesting. Do a search for on The Economist website, "Millions of women are missing out on hormone replacement therapy." Another reason that many women may resist hormone therapy is that they feel pressured to do so by their man. While everyone around them tells them that they are just fine the way they are, Her husband is giving her information about hormone therapy so that she can, quote, "get better" and be in a more sexual mood, you know, to appease her husband's needs. She sees his request as completely selfish. Well, in a way it is, isn't it? The husband has certain needs for the relationship, and a wife's body shutting down completely doesn't allow him to have the loving and sexual validation that he desires. Let's be honest. For most men, an older woman is not the pinnacle of attractiveness. You love her and you desire her, but as she turns into a, quote, "old lady," she veers farther from the path of your ideal mate. When we look at the anonymous data of online dating and pornography, we see that youthful women reign supreme. No matter what the man's age is, he prefers the youth of a woman in her 20s to that of a woman that is more in his more acceptable age range. So when your woman's body says, "My reproductive time has come to an end and I am no longer a sexual being," well, we naturally want to change it and fix it. We want the young her back again, or we start wandering off the marriage path. We all know the older but attractive guy who runs off with a younger, prettier secretary. Your wife may not want the same thing, nor does she have to want it. It's her body. If she chooses to grow old gracefully and into the grandma chapter of her life, Well, more power to her. You don't have to jump to her chapter in the book though. You can stay behind in the chapter titled, "I'm still a sexual man with needs." And no matter what anyone may tell you, there's nothing wrong with that. Good luck, my friend.