A caller named Barry says he has to lie to attract women. The host argues that lying about having kids, your age, or your job backfires. Honesty about who you are actually attracts people who value experience and warmth, while lies create short-term wins but long-term failure.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person, real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. And Barry, you're missing a few words here. You say you can't— oh, you can get a woman, I think is what you're saying. You're able to— you're, you're not of the group that never gets a date. You're able to get dates and get women. But you say you're too honest and you gotta lie to play the field. Oh no, you don't. No, no, no, no. What's the definition of playing the field? In order to get laid, you need to lie? Mm-mm. Um, what would you lie about? What if a gal says to you, um, uh, you know, I'll go back to your place and I'll sleep with you tonight, but dot, dot, dot, and you roll your eyes and go, yeah, sure, whatever. What if she says, if you love me, I will, after you've known her for 10 minutes? And that's where you just smile and go, I'm not going to tell you that, no. Um, and what, she then runs off crying and screaming? Then you just— you less crazy in your life. Oh well, what's a big deal? You know, I don't, I don't like the whole you gotta lie, that's the only way to get women. That's how you get really broken women in your life. Oh Barry, here we go. You cannot get matches if I tell them I got young children and you're in your 40s. Um, okay, then they're not a good match for you. Oh well, again, there's plenty of women out there who are like, yeah dude, I got kids too, big deal. And believe it or not, Barry, there are also women out there that say, oh, how sweet, you got kids, good for you. And that makes you actually a better match for them because maybe they're looking for a guy who's more warm and fatherly in that way. They're not looking for some single young single dude who doesn't have any kind of real-life experience. Maybe they say, here's the guy who's been there, done that, that's what I'm looking for. Believe it or not, those ladies exist. Don't go lying and telling them that you don't because that shows, Barry, that you are desperate enough basically to throw your kids under the bus so that you can get laid. And when they find that out, that's how they will look at you. Oh, here's a guy that was so desperate to get in my pants that he was willing to lie about his kids. Really? You know, it's kind of like lying about your profession, lying about— those things are even— those are like a minor league version of what you're talking about. You're like not even mentioning your offspring. Men for ages have lied about, oh yeah, I'm a president of so-and-so company, and look at my nice watch, which is fake. Look look at my cool car, which it's not mine, and, you know, all this other stuff to prop themselves up and give them a higher sense of status in order to win the gal. Never works out long-term because eventually you got to be honest with them, and then the relationship fizzles and they go their separate way, and the guy's like, oh well, I got laid. Not a good way to go through life, my opinion, but oh well. So I would say, um, yeah, you know, I can't tell her that, I can't tell her about my kids, they may not give me the time of day, then they are not for you. And that's cool. The old abundance mentality. It's kind of a roll-your-eyes, overblown concept that every self-help guru type talks about, but there's something to it. You know, when it comes to your professional world, when it comes to your relationship world, whatever it may be, if you go into it saying there's a lot of good stuff out there, then you tend not to settle for horseshit. And when you settle for horseshit in your life, That's where all the problems come in. So it can be argued, Barry and others, when you like lie to women so that you can get into their pants, you're in essence showing a sense of scarcity. Well, I got this woman here, she has fallen in my lap, so to speak. I can't let her go because this doesn't happen very often, so I'm going to lie through my teeth so that, so that she won't run away. Not good. It shows like you're below them, so to speak. Putting them up on a pedestal, in other words. And it's, um, not a good mental headspace to be in.
