Dr. Samantha Rodman-Whiten explains that women can experience sexual desire without emotional connection, citing one-night stands as proof. The real issue: in marriages, a woman may feel desire but won't act on it with a partner who is emotionally distant or argumentative, since those traits are turn-offs.
Chapters
Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Dr. Samantha Rodman-Whiten, psychologist. Question for you: do women on average need to be emotionally connected in order to experience sexual desire? No.
You want me to say more? Um, of course not, because, you know, women can have one-night stands and can have flings and summer flings and little, you know, romances like Every human can, right? Men and women can experience sexual desire without emotional closeness. What people may be asking when they say that is, within the commitment of a marriage, can a woman experience sexual desire without emotional closeness? Maybe, but not for the guy who is withholding or not able to give the emotional closeness. She could still feel sexual desire, but she is not going to want to do that with him because he is then seen as a mean person. That were a cold or a withholding or a difficult or an argumentative person. And all of those are tremendous turn-offs that actually do make her look at him with disgust, even if he's super hot.
But a lot of women take, uh, take it outside of the confines of the marriage, and they, they will say, um, even in the dating phase, even in the whatever casual phase, that men tend to be more, uh, primal, I guess, visceral, I don't know, in that way, sexual in that way, while women even then in that phase need to have that strong emotional connection or or else they can't cross that bridge into sexual territory. And I always kind of wince at that and say, I, I've not seen that personally. I think—
yeah, man, I've not seen that personally. I mean, I think that women could be very attracted to men if— listen, if women are raised sex negative and they are raised to think that you have to be pure and you have to be a good girl and you're only basically supposed to sleep with your husband or maybe one other guy that you thought might become your husband, then that's different. And, you know, they put sex on a pedestal and that is gonna be shit for the man in later marriage because as soon as he falls off the pedestal, then she can't have sex with him anymore because sex was this special, rarefied, wonderful thing that's two unions of souls, you know, and wrapped in each other. And then as soon as he's an asshole one day, then she's like, I can't have sex with you. So guys should steer clear of those women from my perspective if they have high libidos and should go more for women that actually can own that sex is fun and that they can experience desire. They don't have to sleep with a million guys, You know, when you're like betting that a woman who's had sex with nobody is going to turn into a wildcat in bed with you. I mean, like, would you hire like a secretary that never saw a computer and could not type and just like hope against hope, you know, and sign, and sign a contract forever that she's gonna be your secretary even if she never learns how to type? I mean, that's what these guys do, you know.
