A man explains why husbands stop wanting sex: porn use that kills natural desire, poor health tanking testosterone, or lost attraction. He tells women to demand change directly, set concrete goals like cutting porn, and be ready to leave if he won't try.
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When I do any kind of video or podcast or something about dead bedrooms, and I do it from a man's perspective, talking about the man being the higher libido, higher sex drive, sexual desire, whatever you want to call it. And the woman being the low or no sexual desire partner. I get a lot of women in the comments and emails to me saying, um, hey dumbass, don't you realize that there's a growing population of women who are experiencing that where they want activity in the bedroom and husband says, I don't think so? And I realize that, yeah, um, there's a pretty big community on Reddit, which is— I'm not a huge fan of, um, it's a big discussion I don't know what you call it, forum, website, or whatever. And they have what are called subreddits, which are like, um, sections or sub-discussions on a variety of different topics. And one of the most popular groups on there is a group for dead bedrooms. And if you get on there, you see an awful lot of women saying, uh, I don't know what the hell's up with my man. Well, it could be several things. Um, porn is a huge freaking problem. The typical courting process to have sexual intimacy with somebody is get to know them, woo them if you want to say that, you know, do the little mating dance. Hey, I'm worthy of your time, and vice versa, get to know them, so forth. Get to the point of a level of intimacy and familiarity where you're able to eventually get naked and rub your bits together. And for some people, that's days, months, whatever. But it's like this, it's this whole process from A to Z. Porn is basically jumping right from A to Z, the finish line, in literally a matter of minutes or even seconds sometimes. So you can see how that could short-circuit the brain and make a man, um, sexually impotent or incapable of performing in the bedroom or have zero interest. And the man is basically saying by turning the woman down, um, you're too much work to get from A to Z when I could just in a matter of seconds go get it with very little effort. So that's a problem. So if you find, you know, you go on your husband's phone or computer and the browser history and see all kinds of pornography, there's evidence number 1 for what's going on. Thing 2 is we got a problem with the hormonal issues with men. We got a lot of men that are woefully out of shape. Obesity is a huge problem, especially here in the States. Men are not active enough. Men are eating like shit. And when you're not active enough and you're eating like shit, you get things like type 2 diabetes. There's a whole cascading series of issues which can occur, one of which is, um, deals with sexual dysfunction, inability to maintain an erection, your testosterone levels go down, all kinds of problems that can lead to a dead bedroom on the man's part. And thing 3, which no one wants to talk about, but this relates to both men and women, but we're just talking about the man with the problem at this point, is he's just not into you anymore. And sometimes the most nefarious version of that is there's somebody else. So he's getting his jollies met elsewhere. There's some cute little thing at the office that's caught his eye, and he comes home and you, wife of 20-some-odd years, are no longer as attractive as you used to be. You just don't fit the bill, not when there's, um, Plan B over here. Could be it. Or it could be that he's just grown unattracted to you. Have you gained a ton of weight? Is your attitude really negative over the years? And finally, he's just kind of had enough and said, I don't want anything to do with this woman anymore. But if he's like a lot of men, he's too chicken shit to say that, so he just, um, basically denies you any form of affection. So there you go, ladies. Now the question is, what can you do about it? Um, men are blunt creatures. Literally sit them down and say, hey, dumbass, I have needs. I'm your partner here. They're not being met, and this is weird. I'm sorry, but I'm a woman. If I said goodbye to you tomorrow, I could have sex with other people. What does that make you feel? That you are denying love and affection to somebody who so desperately needs it and frankly could get it from a bazillion other dudes? Doesn't that bother you at all? Don't you think this is something we need to work on? Maybe you should go get some help. I noticed the porn on your phone. How about we stop with the porn? Are you willing to work with me on this and kind of bridge the gap and come back together? And if he says no, again, ladies, you'll be fine.
