Gentlemen: Your Scarcity is Killing You!

Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. All right, a lot of you guys need to hear this. I'm going to pick on you a little bit. I'm not trying to be mean. Please don't misinterpret this as some kind of feminist thing or anti-man thing or whatever it may be, or what's the term they use, simp thing. This is coming from a guy who's just about 50 years of age, been around the block a few times. I've also been fortunate enough to talk to hundreds, if not thousands, of men that have been through a lot of life problems. Wife cheated on them, they're having a hard time starting over after divorce. Et cetera, et cetera. Been there and done that. But a lot of you guys out there do your damnedest to prove to the world that you have a very real sense of scarcity in life. This probably permeates all aspects of your life, but what I'm talking about specifically is the scarcity when it comes to the world of relationships. You don't like yourself very much. And you make a point of telling the whole world about this repeatedly. And I know this because I see you guys in the comments on my videos, other people's videos, articles, whatever. You like to tell the whole world, I'm a loser when it comes to this relationship thing. I have no hope. And then they'll take that a step further and say, and if you're some guy out there that feels like you have some kind of hope in this world, you are just woefully mistaken. You're probably a loser like I am. Not a good mindset to be in. Some guys are very overt about it, such as saying, "Nobody wants me. I'm 5'9". "I don't make so much money, etc., etc." "So no woman will ever want me, so why even try?" Which is bullshit. Sorry, I know I just took away your victim card and you don't know what else to do with yourself, but it's bullshit. But then there's kind of a subversive, kind of subconscious scarcity mindset that I see with a lot of guys out there. And that is they will get very, very upset at women for doing certain things. For example, let's say that somebody posts a video of a man and woman, like at a marriage counseling session or something, where both sides are giving their side of the story as to why they're upset about the relationship. Sure as shit, you'll get on there and you'll see in the comments, Man takes man's side, woman takes woman's side, and they start clashing, right? And then you'll have some woman that'll say something to the effect of, "Women just need to realize that we don't need men, we don't need relationships, we don't need marriage. We are much happier single with our cats, et cetera, et cetera." So let me just say this. What is my reaction to seeing something like that? I honestly just say, "Good for you, lady." I hope you are happy. But from what I've learned in my relationship talk sphere that, you know, I'm a proud member of, that's relatively rare. It seems like as far as the vocal people are concerned on the internet and comments on videos and so forth, the reaction for men tends to be, "You dumb, awful, horrible human. You're gonna die alone. You're going to be depressed." In other words, it's like these guys are putting a gun to the woman's head saying, 'You need to be in a relationship, damn it.' I never have ever gotten that sentiment, meaning I don't understand it. She doesn't want to be in a relationship. She's been hurt, whatever the case may be. She has determined that for whatever reason she wants to be alone. And so these men are basically saying, 'You dummy, you don't know any better. You need to be in a relationship.' Why would the men be so upset about that? If you're a man that has an innate sense of abundance when it comes to relationships, Karen from Nebraska getting on a YouTube video and saying women are better off without men wouldn't even be on your radar of things to be upset about because it's one woman. I don't care if it's 10,000 women or 10 million women, it's still a fraction of the population. And besides, what those people are doing, what those women in the comments are doing, is advertising to you and guys like you, I'm off the menu as far as women that could potentially be a mate to you, a partner to you. So in other words, so you should be thinking, oh, well, thanks for letting me know. And you, you know, take them off the table as far as potential mates are concerned. Good to know you're not interested in a relationship. Thank you. But instead, the men get really, really pissed. Men with a scarcity mindset when it comes to women in relationships get really pissed at number one, when the women overtly take themselves off the market, such as, I don't need a man, I don't want to have kids, I don't want to get in the marriage game or whatever. And they also get really mad when women talk about their love life, their sex life being very abundant, possibly like casual in nature, like they're not in serious relationships, but they're having fun sexually with more than 1, 2, 5, 10 men or whatever, these men will get really, really pissed at that. If you have a sense of scarcity about fill in the blank, like for example, if you have scarcity about money, you've determined that you're always going to be broke, you have no chance in life, you're, you know, dead-end career-wise, entrepreneurially, you don't like business, you don't like any sales stuff or whatever it may be, you're destined to a life of minimum wage. People with that mindset tend to be the ones to bitch about the rich people more than everybody else. They're the ones that say, oh, look at that guy, I'm sure he inherited all his millions so that he could afford that Ferrari. I'm sure he's stepped on a lot of necks to get there. I'm sure he's a crook and he stole all his money. While a guy with abundance says, oh cool, a Ferrari. He must work really hard for that. Or Ferrari, not for me. I'm happy with my Toyota, but cool. I like cars. You see the difference? Same thing with guys, your sense of scarcity in the relationship game. You see someone, God forbid, a woman having fun on the sexual marketplace, as it's called. And you lose your marbles. Why? Because you weren't invited to the party. That's why. Let's be honest. Guys that get a lot of nookie tend to not be too concerned with how many guys this chick has been with. This chick on YouTube says she doesn't want to be in relationships anymore. People that are mature, people that have good relationships, People that, yeah, have a lot of sex, they're not concerned with that kind of stuff. They don't have that scarcity mindset. They realize that life is short, and at the same time, in the short amount of time that we have on this planet, there's a lot of positive things in abundance. If a healthy sex life is important to you, go get it. Oh, but I'm too short and I don't have enough money. "Look at this over here. It's a short, broke guy getting laid like tile." "Oh, but he's an anomaly." Guys, cut it out. Yeah, he's an anomaly because he's charming. He's an anomaly because he has something about him that women like. You're being a victim for the sake of being a victim. You're making no effort to improve yourself. You're a crab in the bucket. Somebody's trying to crawl out of the bucket and you're pulling them down saying, "Not so fast. Don't you realize how bad you have it?" Let them go. Watch them flourish. Same with the women. Let them go. Let them have fun. They're not for you anyway. Who cares? There's gonna be a lot of people out in the world doing stuff that's gonna make you go, "Huh?" Let them go. Let them do their thing. They have their reasons. You have your reasons. Don't worry about them. Worry about yourself. And certainly don't allow something like, "A lot more women are bowing out of the relationship game," and Women are having more sex than me. And don't let that stuff deter you or take your eye off the prize, so to speak, which is leading a happy, healthy life. You, my friend, you don't need a long-term monogamous romantic relationship to be happy. A lot of you haven't quite, you know, taken that in yet. You don't believe that. And I think that because you're reacting so viscerally to a lot of this material. Because if it truly wasn't that big of a deal, if you truly had a sense of abundance in life in terms of friendships and hobbies and interests and your craft, your career, your children, whatever it may be, if you truly had a sense of abundance about yourself and a sense of self-worth, then that other bullshit wouldn't even be on the radar. But instead, you get on your keyboard and go, "Damn you, Karen from Cincinnati! Don't you realize you're gonna die alone with 12 cats?" So the fuck what?