Interview with GS Youngblood - Author of "The Masculine in Relationship"

Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Alright folks, DSO here and welcome back to another episode of the Dad Starting Over podcast. And with me today is a gentleman that many of you will know, or know of I should say, especially guys that are in the DSO fraternity group. He is the dude with probably the coolest name in the business and author of a very popular book that you may have heard of. Called The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman. Now that's a book title. I love it. No wonder it's popular. Welcome, Mr. G.S. Youngblood. How are you, sir?

Hey, thank you, my friend. It's good to be here. And I feel great.

Well, good, good. Thank you for coming. Um, I've had several authors, popular folks on the group, and I say the same thing. How the hell I found you? Let me tell you. I have the group, as you know, DSO Fraternity, and you probably know this better than anyone. Guys that are in this state of flux, change, something happened, divorce, they suddenly had an awakening, I'm going to become this man that I always wanted to be. They don't just stop with reading G.S. Youngblood's book or my book or one other book. Oh no, they keep going and they build a library of books. And YouTube videos and seminars and all kinds. Men love to learn, learn and soak it all in and keep probably a little bit too much. So if we're being honest, but I see the discussion forums in our group and guys say, I've read the following 19 books. What's the next book I should read? And the number one book that comes up all the time is Masculine in Relationship. So Kudos to you. You did— you created an excellent product that all these guys are saying, stop what you're doing and read this thing. So what I thought would be nice is to understand— would be interesting is to learn how you got to this point, how you became the G.S. Youngblood that we all know. Um, the Genesis, the, the, the superhero origin story, what got to this point. Now obviously I've read the book. Excellent, by the way. Very well done. Very well written. Um, but you allude to at the beginning, you were married before and it didn't go so well. You want— maybe that's a good place to start, say the least.

Yeah, it's— and of course, I love hearing that men in your community are enjoying the book and are impacted by it. Hopefully it's helping their life. Um, my experience is that The reason that it touches so many people, the reason that it resonates for guys is because I've been there. I've been down that road and back. It's, it really, my journey started with the end of a 10-year marriage, and this was about 12 years ago. And it ended in a ball of flames. It ended in ways that were very, very painful for me. And I was unequipped or ill-equipped to handle the emotions of it back then. But I was clear that I was very intent on finding out why things didn't work. I knew there had to be a better way because I didn't feel in my own power in this relationship. And I was, at the time, I was married to a very powerful woman. And so it was challenging for me to feel in my power, to feel my own desires and directionality. And a lot of that came 'cause I didn't know about these dynamics, these dynamics of masculine and feminine and receptivity and directionality.. And that is the path that I got on right after the divorce. And as I say, I think in pretty much every podcast I do, failure was my motivation. I was very motivated to find a different way. So for me, it started out with getting involved in what was called the authentic relating community, for lack of a better term. It was pretty— there was a pretty strong contingent of it here in San Francisco and studied with somebody who I consider to be brilliant, a guy named Decker Kunoff. And really, that helped me get in touch with my emotions, even discover that I had emotions, and learn how to relate in a way that was more real instead of something that was constructed or a facade to put on to kind of contain the emotions or realities that I felt inside of me. And that was great, that was great evolution for me. And I studied with Decker and others, of course, but in that community for about 5 years. And then for me personally, it started to feel like a lot of feelings. And in the, in the sort of vernacular of masculine-feminine energies, it was more in the feminine energy of feeling and relating. And so I hungered for something more, something more— I didn't know the word at the time, but something more masculine. And that's when my therapist gave me The Way of the Superior Man, and she said, read this. And it blew my mind. You know, David Deida is the luminary in this field, and we're all, you know, connected to him in some way. And it really— his book really blew my mind. I didn't have any idea about this masculine-feminine, but it really fit a lot of the dynamics that I saw in my own relationship and the ways that she was constantly dissatisfied and irritable. And what I, what I learned through starting with, starting with David and then going on with my teacher John I learned the ways that I wasn't leading. I learned the ways that I was not grounded and solid. I learned the ways that I didn't help her feel safe. And over the, over the years of both studying with guys like David Deida and also being in relationship with an extremely powerful woman after the marriage, somebody who had a really strong feminine and a strong masculine at the same time, she got She got both from each of her parents. And so really being in relationship and seeing what opened things up and seeing what shut down connection, what shut down love, what shut down sexuality. I mean, it was a, it was a real-life daily laboratory, uh, being in relationship with this woman. And there's no past tense about it. I'm still in relationship with her. But it was, it was through my studies and then real-life relationship with a very powerful woman that I really started to observe and codify these principles that you see in the book. And then after about 5 years of taking notes, I realized I had enough material that it could become a book. And so I wrote for several years after that. And the culmination of that is what you spoke about earlier. It's the book. It's everything that I've learned, usually the hard way, but also by succeeding as well in real relationship. And that's my offering to the world. So that's, that's kind of what the story is that brings us to the present day and what I'm out in the world doing.

You know, there is a, it's a relatively small contingent of men that I run into who read some of this stuff, like what I write and what you write, and respond with, well, duh, who doesn't know that? And I always come back with, you'd be surprised that masculine feminine It's foreign like it was to you and like it was to me. It just— when we— it's like we go down a rabbit hole. And when we're exposed to this information and men just eat it up, we just love it. Like, oh my goodness. I write in my book how men love repair manuals. We're not so much with—

how-to manuals.

How-to manuals. It's not so much of the let's explore feelings and so forth. It's just like the engine's broken. What do I— how do I fix it? What's the proper oil to put in? That didn't work, let's try it again. Um, so when men see this, these nuggets of information, as, um, holy crap, this is something that could fix what I'm experiencing now and prevent it from breaking in the future, they just jump right in completely.

Um, yeah, I constantly get that feedback that it's like, oh, and now, like, I read David Dada and it sounded cool, but I didn't know what to do. And I read your book and I knew more of what to do. And part of that is because everything I write about, I've been through it. I've been through it either through my clients, but mostly firsthand in my own life. So I've lived what I write about. So I have a compulsion to make it very practical.

I know my reason for lacking in that knowledge, the knowledge that a lot of men say, well, duh, going, rewinding the hands of time, can you pinpoint what in your growing up, in your adolescence or young adulthood, what was lacking there and that, that required that you have this epiphany later in life?

So you asked me, I think what you asked me is what is it sort of in my past, probably more towards childhood, that may have led to the situation I was in, my— in the marriage that I refer to. Is that— is that the question?

You got it. You got it.

Yeah, very, very clear for me. When I went to therapy after, after the marriage ended, I think I spent the first year telling the therapist how great my childhood was and how perfect it was. And then as we, as we went along and I brought up certain anecdotes, she was like, whoa, wait a minute, what did you just say? And so there were some things that not really through fault of my parents, but just things that arose. And I mean, I'll give you one of them. One is my— when I was born, my mother, two weeks later, was diagnosed with really late-stage skin cancer, melanoma. And so she had to have a massive surgery two weeks after my birth to remove the cancerous tissue. And so she was laid up for four months, barely could get out of bed for that time. And, you know, I had a I had a brother that was 3 years older at the time, so of course I sat in my bouncy seat or crib and didn't get the attention because my dad's not going to be able to do everything, you know, support the family at work and care— cover for 2 boys. And so yeah, of course I went wanting for, for that human touch of my mother, who literally could not raise her arm. And so the wound that I've dealt with over the years is an abandonment wound, you know. And so if my woman's moving back from me or shutting down because of her own emotions, that would really set off a threat state within me. So it took— it's taken me many years to come into relationship with that dynamic inside of me and the ways that I would compensate to, you know, to protect my, my psychology, um, and the ways that those had, uh, dysfunctional impact on my relationship. So for me, it was pretty, pretty clear. And, and I do this with my with— I don't try to be a psychologist, but some of these things are pretty easy to spot. And so I, I go into childhood with my clients and really try to discover what some of those dynamics would be to help, without over-indexing on it, but to help inform kind of the, the things that we do. Yeah. And here's the last point I'll make, and I don't want to keep going on, but if you've got some habit and you're like, why do I keep doing that? I know I shouldn't do that, but I just keep doing it, it's probably childhood wound.

Yep. Yep.

So just know that, like, we all have it. And if you just keep doing that stupid thing again and again, it means it's down below your nervous system. And you need to work with somebody that understands how to get down to those, to those levels.

You got it. And it always surprises me, and you identified it yourself, how many men are completely ignorant of the fact that their childhood lays the foundation for all this, this future behavior and and how they process things and how they cope. You know, some men—

So true. And I—

Yeah, go ahead. I'm sorry.

I just— I say to those guys, guys, you've got a key to really unlocking something within you. So don't, don't, don't give us the— I don't talk to me about that childhood shit.

Yeah.

Like, actually, it's an opportunity for you to be more free, to be more powerful, to be more grounded, because you're going to free yourself from something that is controlling you. But you don't know it. And that's not strength.

So a person reads your book, they— which, are you finding that people that read your book have gone through some type of a trauma within a relationship, and that has springboarded themselves into discovering this more masculine role? Like, that's typically how people find me, is via, um, I've discovered my wife had an affair, for example, or my wife has asked for an open marriage, or something that really strikes to the core of the who they are as a man. And so they run out looking for answers and start Googling and Facebooking and everywhere else. Is that similar to yours, your customer base as well?

Yeah, it really is. And it, you know, the same was true for me in that marriage I talked about 12 years ago. I had to encounter catastrophe in that relationship to actually woke up. And I, you know, I actually woke up in my mid-30s.

Same.

And same. I'm not sure. Yeah, exactly. And I'm not sure I would've woken up without the catastrophe. So there's a little bit of a blessing wrapped in with it. And yeah, that's, that's, um, it's pretty common. Guys come when they're— the pain is too great. We tolerate a lot of pain and we just shut that shit down.

Yeah.

And so we'll tolerate a lot, but it's usually her that wakes up first and says, this isn't— this is fucked, this is not good anymore, and we're not going to do this. And, and then she either gets super irritable and closed sexually chronically, or she steps out and has an affair, or she becomes insulting and abusive, like she's going to act up in some way and she's just expressing the pain of us being asleep at the wheel in terms of leading the relationship. You know, that's, yeah, that's been my experience. When they're at their worst, it's usually because they're in response to our way of being, which is great because it's not about blame. It's about— this is— it makes you powerful because what that says is if you change your way of being, if you become a more grounded, directional, uh, leading man, she's going to change in response to your way of being changing. So it— all the power is in the, in the hands of the guy who wants to really inhabit this masculine core. And the book is my offering of how guys can do that.

One criticism that I get in my book, and I've seen some of the chatter within our group when talking about your book as well, similar criticisms, is that it places a great deal, if not the complete onus or responsibility for the tone of the relationship upon the shoulders of the man. And I myself, in my book, I spell that out where I say, well, this is— what's the problem? More than likely it's you, which is good news. You have the— you caused this, so you can probably fix it. But I'll tell you, GS, I've spoken to probably over 1,000 men one-on-one now. And there have been quite a few men who've convinced me like, dude, it ain't all me. And I say, yeah, you're right. Because I hear some horror stories. Usually it revolves around the woman's past. Yeah. Women can bring some pretty serious baggage to a relationship, much, much like the man can. And, uh, to a lot of those men, they will rattle off, this is what I do, this is what I've been trying, and I've been at it for a year, 2 years. And I say, yeah, it's not all you. It's a dance. It takes two to tango here. And she's bringing an awful lot to the table. Unless she raises her hand and says, help, I need help with this, and she's willing to break down some of those walls and get help, it may be time to move on. Where do you find that distinction between You know, where's the tipping point where it goes from, dude, come on, to dude, you need to run for your life?

Yeah. Two things come up for me. One of the quotes in the book is as follows: you may or may not be the problem, but you are the solution. So I think people's attention naturally goes to like, who's to blame? Who caused this?

Who's the problem?

And I say, don't even worry about that. Doesn't matter. You're the solution. So you tell yourself, I don't know what is happening here necessarily, but I'm going to lead us to a better place. That means I'm going to get more brave and name the dysfunction. I'm going to start to actually share, you know, my inner state instead of withholding it. I'm gonna stop getting defensive when she is upset at me. I'm gonna reach, I'm gonna do the research and find resources that we can tap into either as individuals or as a couple that can actually help us in our relationship dysfunction. So you may or may not be the problem, but you are the solution in this worldview that I have of the masculine core. So I really want guys to get focused on less on the blame and more on who's going to step up. Because what guys do is we go into the blame game because we want to take the path of least resistance. So if we can tell ourselves it's her fault, then it's like it relieves us from the harder path, which is actually to take the lead. Not take the blame, but take the lead. And that's the distinction I want guys to really start to understand. Little boys wallow in blame and little boys wallow in whose fault it is and protecting themselves. Men step up and say, I don't know what's going on here, but I'm going to fix this. I'm going to do my damnedest. So that's the first thing that comes up for me when you, when you say that. And I'll pause if you want to comment on that before I make the second comment.

But no, please go on.

Yeah, and women— the feminine is responsive, the masculine is directive. And so the reason I'm saying that is because her way of being is often more a response to our way of being. And so when we change, she'll change. And I think you already referred to this, like, there's the power in that, because now you actually don't have to sit around and wait or hope for her to be different. You actually be different, and then she's going to respond to that. And that's an age-old dynamic. I've rarely seen it to not be the case. And so that's, again, live the blueprint for about a year or two, like genuinely. Don't be like half-assed and then say to yourself, oh, I tried that. Because I have a lot of guys who say, I tried that, I tried that, and then I dig into how they did it. I'm like, well, you didn't really try it.

Mm-hmm.

And what I say to guys is, if you're thinking about leaving a relationship, you know, because you're like, this chick is crazy, like she's got bipolar disorder, or, you know, whatever, I say, look, that may be true, but it's probably more likely that she's responding to your way of being. So I want you to leave it all on the field, you know, to use a sports reference. I want you to actually bring this masculine blueprint for, you know, a 6 months, a year, 2 years where you really bring it. So it means you got to go and train in this first and really bring it and bring your best. If at that point she's not opening up, it— as you said, it may be time to leave. But until you bring your A-game and leave it all on the field, it's premature because I've seen way, way, way too many situations turn around. And I'll give you an example in a second. But I've seen the situations turn around when the guy changed. So given the pattern there, it's probably smarter to actually try to bring your A-game for a while and then assess whether it's time to leave, not just leave because you feel really frustrated and hopeless about the whole thing. I had a client come to me and his— I'll give this quick. Sorry to interrupt you, Ralph Brewer. But yes, I had a client come to me and his wife, gorgeous woman. Wow. And about 10 years younger, came to him and said, "You've got two choices. Either I can take another lover or we can get a divorce. You have 30 days to decide." And the dude was floored. So he comes to me and we worked together for about 2 months because he was able to show enough progress that he got an extension. And then, and after a few months, she retracted the offer because what we were— because the thing was he wasn't bringing it in the bedroom. He was kind of a classic nice guy. He was a big, tall, good-looking guy, but he was kind of a nice guy, and he wasn't bringing the darker aspects into the bedroom. And so that's what we worked on for 2 months, and he started to bring it. And lo and behold, a few months later, she retracted her very— I mean, when she made that choice for him, she would— there was no question in her mind those were the only 2 choices. But he turned it around, and she started to respond to his way of being. And that's, that's kind of my most fun example to quote about that, because I think I think a demand or ultimatum like that would freak the hell out of pretty much most guys.

I think there's a case, though, to be made for— it depends on the situation. In that guy's situation, I think myself or anybody would pull him aside and say, you need to stop being such a wuss, and you need to man up a little bit and amplify more of your lover qualities. And, you know, you got the provider stuff down pat. It's time to, you know, dip into the other side a little bit. For some guys, I think the resolution is, sweetheart, what you just said there was very toxic. And yes, that's a direction I think— I think your writing and mine appeals to a subset of men who I'm trying to— maybe codependent is the wrong term. It's the only one that's coming to me at the moment where it is.

They are very appeasing men.

Don't have much of a backbone. Yes, dear, happy wife, happy life type of guys. And to hear there's a possible blueprint or a remedy here, and it involves— and I feel comfortable with it because a lot of it in their mind is kind of submissive in terms of my wife is doing XYZ toxic behavior. 'But hey, she's a woman. And it is what it is. And I got to kind of live with it because that's what a strong man does. We just go, oh, and go to the other room and not deal with it and just say, phew, I survived that one.' That's not good. I always tell men, you know, some men will come to me and say, 'My wife said this,' and I'll be like, 'That's not that bad. Sounds like a, you know, stereotypical kind of test from a woman. Let's see what you're made of type of thing. While some men say, my wife said this to me yesterday, and I'll raise my eyebrows and go, oh, holy shit. Um, that's where you say, why would you say that to me? I can't imagine ever saying something like that to you. Um, what's going on with you? What's up? That— because that's really bad what you just said. Um, some really toxic stuff comes out of the mouth of a woman who feels like she's cornered and trapped in a relationship. She can't get out. She's overstressed, whatever. I think there's just as much emphasis should be put on— you're a man, have boundaries. You know, hey boss, no, I'm not coming in this weekend. Hey wife, don't talk to me that way. What's wrong with you? Um, any thoughts on that? And do you see men, a lot of men that you're talking to, leaning more on the codependent nice guy type of behavior?

Oh yeah, yeah. They just suck it up. They stay silent when she gets cutting. As you said, go into the other room and silently steam. And then she asks him, are you mad? And he's like, no, I'm not mad. I'm not mad. And then he spends the next 10 years with resentment leaking out of him, which is going to kill the relationship. And when your woman— our women, they all get cutting because they just blow a gasket because they can't— you know, the emotions are too much. They're emotional creatures. That's just biology. And so you're— I want to teach guys how to be discerning magicians. And the magician is your ability to kind of really handle any situation. So it could be like, like, you know, you're just an asshole. Like she says something like that. I don't know. And your response could be like, I'm an asshole. Oh, baby. Like, damn, I didn't know I was an asshole. Shit. You know, so you sort of go with the humor route where you kind of— it's the Aikido of you. You get a fireball and you kind of dodge it, and then you direct the energy back in a playful way. Or you could amp it up a notch and you could be like, you know what, baby? Ouch. And then you just pause. It's one of my favorite words when my woman gets toxic is ouch. So you're not like, you can't talk to me like that, because that's kind of a weak response. Like, you can't. But it's just like, ouch. And then you, you sit here, I'm grounded in the earth, eye contact, in connection with her. That didn't feel good. Or that you could take it up to more of a hard boundary. It's gonna sound like, you know what, baby? No, we're not gonna talk to each other that way. And I'm not okay with that and I'm not gonna stay in conversation with it. So you've gotta make that choice. Mm-hmm. I love you. And no. Mm-hmm. So if you notice how I'm doing it, I'm putting up a pretty clear boundary, but I'm also staying in connection. You know, it's even the use of, we're not going to talk to me— talk to each other that way, as opposed to like, you can't talk to me that way. It's the, I'm here, I love you, I'm in contact and not okay. So let's try this as a team, baby.

That—

all those are very different than sucking it up like a Stoic, getting all pissy back yourself. Or really any other number of toxic ways that we can respond, or weak ways that we can respond. So yeah, boundaries are absolutely part of this, and there's an art to how an actually powerful man can set a boundary. You know, it's not just like give her the Heisman in the face and break her nose with it. You can do it with love, but it can be very damn firm about what your boundary is and the fact of what you will not stand for.

I, I, what I'm seeing here recently in the group is that is, that is the number one thing men are struggling with. My wife said this, this guy over here tells me, big deal, dude, she's a woman. Eh, so what? Well, this guy over here tells me, you better squash that now because if you give her an inch, boy, she's going to take a mile later on. Um, so, and it really is a case-by-case basis, understanding the tone behind it. I find a lot of guys are kind of tone deaf when it comes to this. Um, on a side— on a side note, I don't know if you've experienced this. I'm finding not a lot, but more than I anticipated, men telling me that they are on the spectrum, autism spectrum, and they have a very difficult time navigating these little nuances of emotion and the undertones and so forth. Very, very difficult for them. And, um, the default for those guys seems to be just, I don't get it, I don't know if this is bad or not, let me just pretend it didn't happen, basically.

And, um, yeah, because they don't have any tools to deal with it, they don't know what to do. Yeah, it's baffling to them. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you're on the spectrum, it's going to get a lot harder for you. And yeah, um, I have a lot to say on that. I have a family member who's on the spectrum. Oh, interesting. It can be hobbling. Yeah, hobbling.

Absolutely. So just curious, I noticed, um, rewinding back to what you said earlier, I believe it sounds like the, the last two women that you had relationships with have very much what you would call a masculine presence to them. Very strong women. Um, do you find— and by the way, I relate to this completely. My ex-wife, um, was a big professional in the healthcare field. And my now wife is a surgeon. Um, so it seems, you know, part of me says, well, I like smart women. Um, if they don't have that intellect, if there's not— if I can't reach them at that level, I'm not interested. I, I've always been the type that I never got, um, these men who are able to be with the, the dumb bimbo. Um, you know, hey, look at her, man. I, I can't see past the dumbness, or the— that's a horrible thing to say. There has to be more there, more substance there. Well, probably if, if I sat on the psychologist couch, they may say, um, no, I think you like a strong female presence in your life. And through introspection over the years, um, I think what I'm doing is, is I never had a strong maternal figure in my life. My mother is the most loving sweetest human being in the world, but is very anxious, very neurotic, and is, is not the matriarch of the family, so to speak. She's basically my kid, and, you know, if you want to look at it that way, she comes to me for advice and for therapy and so forth, and that's not a very healthy dynamic. So no, I am going out in the world and looking for that strong female, um, person to take that role, I suppose. I hate to say I'm looking for my mother because I don't want to go there, but, um, have you explored that? And what is it about those women that appeals to you? I—

let's see, how do I put this?

I—

look, I've been to, you know, highly ranked schools. I worked in Silicon Valley for pretty hot companies for 20 years. Like, I've got a high bar for the kind of intellect and engagement with the world that I want, you know, in a partner, you know. Otherwise I'll get bored. And that's kind of one of my greatest fears. It's like, greatest fear number one is being lonely. Greatest fear number two is being bored in relationship with the person I'm connected to. And so I can't live without somebody that's got a lot of like horsepower to them. Here's what I realized though. My— not throwing any shade whatsoever, but my wife, you know, in the marriage way back then, she kind of had a really strong masculine side and she was fun and cool and all that. But she— nurturing and compassion were not her strong suits, like pretty big weakness. And I suffered. I didn't know that. So I was really attracted to like how awesome she seemed and awesome she was. But she missed these other things. So my current relationship, I discovered how much nurturing and feminine radiance is actually essential for me to stay lit up in relationship. And so while this woman, you know, runs her own medical practice and she's got fucking direction in life, she also has this awesome feminine side to her. She's radiant, she's expressive, she's receptive, she's playful, she's nurturing, knows how to take care of me. And when you combine both of those, she also sees right through me. And this is the challenge of women like this, is, man, they know us better than we know ourselves.

Oh yeah.

So for me, I just like the challenge of taking that on. And when I can get her— not that I'm taking full credit for it, but when I play my part in getting to her and her little soft kitten energy, like, I love that. I love that. I feel like a virile, powerful man when I can shape the relationship and shape the interaction that she'll soften into her soft feminine side. And then, I mean, it's awesome. Loving the sexuality, the play in the world is off the charts because she brings that and it's up— I consider it up to me to set the table to bring that out. Now she's got her part to play in that, and she's got her own childhood wounding. And, and, you know, I'm fortunate she takes it on and she's working on her stuff, and it's a continual lifelong process for her as it is for me.

That, uh, you, you were very similar in that regard, where same thing with the ex, didn't have much of that feminine side, so to speak, that the soft, nurturing, sweet was very lacking, and it always hurt to be in that relationship because I hungered for that. And, uh, yeah, wife number 2 has it in spades. Boy, she knows. Yeah, that— what's interesting though is when I talk to a lot of men, they will say— they will attest to their wife having that super over-the-top feminine validating, um, set of behaviors early on in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Um, which if you look at it from like an evolutionary or biological perspective, however you want to put it, um, yeah, I'm trying to attract a new mate and retain that new mate. What better way to do that than show all the super positive? Us men tend to be more masculine and more fit and more whatever, and they tend to be more feminine and soft and validating and so forth. But as the relationship goes on, and if you don't steer the car right, you go off the road and bye-bye femininity, bye-bye softness, bye-bye everything else. Well, I've been 8 years now with my now wife, and she's just maintained that level. And we have the next— we have the next challenge in our life, though, is we just had a baby 4 months ago, which is a stressor. And as a— and as you know, stress, that's one thing that can take that softness away pretty quickly. So it's up to us men It's up to us men to lead and help Garner make her feel safe.

Yep.

Make her feel appreciated. At the same time, showing the boundaries and allowing that softness to still bubble up when it needs to. And it's important.

Yeah, I think, I mean, I think you used the word leadership and I really think that's my take on it as well. It's like, look, if she's, if she's not open sexually and she's kind of irritable and just in general kind of low energy. Like, you can either bitch about it or you can do something about it. And something is leading the two of you. So maybe it's leading you by looking up a therapist and saying, I've got an appointment for us next Tuesday and we're going to go into therapy. I mean, it could be like that, or it could be, you know what, baby, you've been so stressed lately, I booked you a day at the spa, or I booked us a day at the spa, you know. And nope, no questions asked, just be ready by 9 AM and I'll get you there. And so that's leadership right there. And it can be smaller things. You don't have to treat her to things, but it's just you taking the lead and setting some structure to bring, you know, either address dysfunction or bring more fun into this. And a lot of guys sort of just sit around and wait for her to plan the fun. That's what I've seen. Yeah, I heard a guy the other day— actually, it wasn't the other day, it was a while back, but He's just like, yeah, you know, in my marriage I just kind of, I just stay in the background and let her tell me what to do. And I just, I was like, oh dude. And of course I don't say anything because I'm not his coach. But it was illustrative because it's the attitude a lot of guys take. So yeah, if you're complaining that she's not feeling as sexual as she used to, sexual leadership. There's a whole chapter in the book on this, and you bring the leadership back into the bedroom. You learn how to lead her into her own pleasure. And I mean, it's one of my favorite topics to talk about, but guys, quit bitching if things aren't as exciting as they used to be. Change it. Take the lead. That's what we're talking about here.

Yeah, there is a, um, the predominant thought amongst a lot of men is What do they say? There's a joke about— no, I can't remember how it goes— that there's some tried and true item out there that will for sure lower the libido of a woman. And I can't remember the punchline is, is that it's wedding cake. So that as soon as a woman commits to you, she's done. She doesn't have to put in the effort anymore. Yeah.

Yeah.

I— that is a stressor. And that is introducing a level of domesticity and comfort and familiarity that, yeah, may in fact lower libido. And you know, you don't have that new relationship energy anymore. But there's a growing contingent of men that are basically saying, "Geez, what you're talking about is work. And damn it, as far as I'm concerned, I already go to work 60 hours a week. And as far as I'm concerned, I should walk in the door and my wife should drop to her knees and, you know, do whatever right there on the kitchen counter, as far as I'm concerned. And just by virtue of me being just this awesome provider, just by virtue of being her husband, she should respect that. She should perform sexually. She should do all these other things. And there is talk about this growing contingent of men with that attitude. They take it the next step, which is— I don't know if you're familiar with this group called MGTOW, M-G-T-O-W.

No. Oh wow.

Well, I just introduced— I just— you're going to go down a rabbit hole if you go research this later. Um, the acronym means Men Going Their Own Way. It's this loosely organized group of men online that have basically said, well, we've either been hurt by women badly in relationships, or we've never been able to crack the code and get into a relationship.

Yeah.

And you know what? F relationships. I'm out. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

And what's sad is that basically society has said, all right, that's cool. Which pisses them off even more because these men, because basically the men are like, we're the key that holds society together and we are bowing out of this whole game. We're done. And I run into these guys a lot. Because what we're talking about, I'm talking about, what you're talking about is work. And they just kind of laugh and go, no, I don't see the reason to put in the work. The juice ain't worth the squeeze, as they say. Yeah. And again, society as a whole has said, that's cool. If you want to be a single bachelor for life, have at it. But the fact that these men complain so much, is illustrative of the fact that we all still hunger for that pair bonding, that partnership, going through life with somebody. And for a lot of these men to hear this grand epiphany, if you will, of, wait, it takes work? Wait, there's this masculine-feminine? It's such a mind F for them that a lot of them are like, no, I'm out. Any thoughts on that, or a message to those men?

Yeah, I mean, you know, the inclination to— I'm just talking about like an impulse that arose in me. Like, there's that impulse to like mock a person like that. But actually what comes up really more from a deeper place is compassion for a guy that feels like they really need to bow out. And they're probably right in a certain way that the juice that they've experienced is not worth the squeeze. But you can get better at extracting more juice. And I— and, you know, to guys like that, I would say, look, I have compassion for you. It can be better. You can be more successful in relationship. And look, I'm just resting on biological imperatives. Like, as you said, we like to pair bond. And even if it got crappy and we've decided to bow out, it's still good to pair bond if you can do it successfully. So guys like that, I say, great, come to me, read my book, come to me for coaching, and I can help you. I mean, you can too, Ralph Brewer. Like guys like us, we can help these guys. Learn how to get more juice out of the squeeze, learn to be more successful in relationship. And this is important in society, you know, like, because this is a little bit like incels, you know, involuntary celibate, I think is what it's called.

Yeah.

And but those are referring to like young kids. So like these kids are starting early to bow out because they just feel so hobbled relationally. And, you know, this is where the worst behavior comes up. When you feel lonely, you, you're either gonna you know, drink a lot or eat a lot of sugar or just play video games. Or it can go different ways where you're, you're committing violent acts.

Yeah, they strike out because—

yeah, because you've kind of like really like fermented in the darkness of your own, their own world you've created yourself. So I just say to these guys, I've got compassion for you. It can be better. There's resources out there like the two of us and many others who can help you. Please tap into those resources. Things can be better.

And I think it's important that we stress that a lot of that work for your incel type of guy, or whoever it may be, a lot of it is working on you and what's between the ears up here. A lot of these men are so hungry for a relationship because basically, let's be honest, society as a whole has told them a relationship one-on-one with somebody forever is the pinnacle. It's the— that's it. That's the sangha law of everything. And if you don't achieve that, what kind of loser are you? Um, so when they get a taste of that—

shame around it.

Yeah. So when they get a taste of that, such as this girl finally gave me attention, and yes, she may be a very toxic person and she may have a lot of bad things going on, but finally I'm getting attention, and they will jump right into a very toxic relationship and so forth. Men who have their head screwed on correctly— yeah, men who have their head screwed on correctly know when to say no. They know when to recognize red flags and say, this isn't relationship material, thanks but no thanks. But a lot of those men don't, and so they go from your incel type to your more MGTOW-y type. Or a lot of weird internet buzzwords we're saying here, um, but it's sad, and unfortunately it's happening more and more. And thank Thank you, internet. They're all talking to each other and they're all comparing notes. And the notes that they're comparing isn't, hey guys, how can we get better? The notes are, this really sucks, doesn't it? Yes, it does. And it's nothing but doom and gloom from here on out. That's right. We have no hope. No, we don't. And it just amplifies and amplifies. And to those guys listening, if you identify with that at all, there's hope. This isn't a hopeless thing. There is a 400-pound man out there somewhere who is in a very happy, fulfilling relationship with a woman, and they're going to be married for decades. And you're going to look at him and go, "Him?" Some guys look at a very superficial level like that. He's not wealthy. Look at him. What does he have? He just got lucky. No, there's something to be learned from that guy and other guys like him. Um, you know, it kind of goes with business. You'll have a lot of people when you're an entrepreneurial person will tell you, why bother? It's just a lost cause. Don't, don't start your own business. Go get a job somewhere, dude. 80% of businesses fail. Forget it. Yeah, but somebody's making it work. What, what do they have that I don't have? That's the attitude I put into it. What that guy's got, that guy's where I want to be. What's he doing? I'm gonna go ask him. I'm gonna go learn from him. And learn from who he learned from. Same type of thing with relationships. Right now there's some old couple that's in their 80s and they've been playing grab ass and they've been crazy about each other for decades and they've had a happy, healthy sexual relationship and they are crazy about each other. They have something. Learn from it. And I have a feeling if you've sat them down and dissected, what do you have that these people don't have? It's probably along the lines of your teachings. There's probably very much a masculine-feminine. They have their roles. He may lead, setting the tone and so forth. Um, which kind of leads into a next line of question I have, where how much pushback are you getting, if any at all, from people that this is kind of an antiquated Neanderthal very politically incorrect way of looking at relationships. Do you get much of that? Yeah, because I know I do.

You know, I really don't. I, I really don't. I thought I would. I thought all the women would get upset. It's actually the women who are most enthusiastic about the work. Um, and I'm careful to, to really choose my words carefully. And, and, you know, there's nothing like when we say the feminine, we're not saying that women are supposed to be like this. We're saying that's what feminine energy looks like. We all have a mix. And then I express like, and this is what I prefer. It's just my opinion, but it's what I like. And I think I'm representative of a lot of guys. So there's nothing compulsory about how the woman should be or the man should be here. But man, I've experienced so much enthusiasm from the women who have seen the work or been exposed to the work. And a lot of them reach out and say, Thank you. Thank you. They either say thank you, I'm going to— how do I get my husband to read this? Um, or they say thank you for giving me the words for what I always craved but didn't know how to put into words. I now have an understanding. So women who are dating will, will often now be able to go out and know what they're looking for and be able to search for it more effectively. Or in relationship, they now know how to express their, their longing, their deepest longing in relationship to their partner. Mm-hmm. Um, so surprisingly I haven't hit a lot of that backlash and, uh, you know, it's great because the goal here is for people to have more fulfilling relationships and we don't want to get caught in anybody's, you know, battle in their mind about, you know, preconceived notions about when we talk about masculine, that it must be toxic, you know?

Yeah.

Let's not get into that. Let's take a fresher look at this. And I, so far I've been fortunate enough. I'm sure it won't last forever.

Very good. Well, I, um, You and I spoke to a lady by the name of Suzanne Venker, who is a very conservative podcast host and author, and she gets much of the same. And she talks about the polarity quite a bit, as most do in the— don't want to get into politics, but I tend to also attract those who come from a more conservative background. And I think it's— I don't consider myself a conservative. I'm one of those rare people that is like, I don't like labels. Probably right down the middle if you had to label me. You know, call me crazy, I see positives and negatives on both sides. But I think the reason that I attract more of the conservative types is because they tend to be more open to the idea of roles, of the polarization, of whatever. And I think that's kind of where the leftists have lost themselves, is that they say equal, equal, equal. It's like, eh, not necessarily. Um, because when you say not equal, it means, well, one must be worse than the other. No, no, it just means that we're just wired differently, and let's start from there.

Yeah, yeah, it's like different but equal. Different but equal in terms of the validity of our needs, but we're different. We, we operate differently, and, and anybody who says otherwise— I mean, actually, I probably should refine that. Masculine energies and feminine energies are different. There should be no dispute about that. Each of us is a mix of masculine and feminine energy. There really shouldn't be any dispute about that. Now, the conjecture I'd say is I think men in general have a higher percentage of masculine, you know, like, I don't think that's a stretch. And so really just that three-part statement kind of justifies what we're talking about here, is we're different but we're equally valid, you know. And I mean, I can tell you this, in my book I talk about having directionality. I even talk about domination. I mean, if you met my woman, you know this is a powerful fucking woman. Like, there's no way I'm steamrolling her. Now, I can be the magician and really, and really, um, put her into very kooey states and get her— put her into a very surrendered, open state. But I don't steamroll her. She's powerful. So anybody that thinks this is about steamrolling is, is really projecting their own wounds onto what we're talking about here.

Yep, there you go. Very well put. The book again, let's put it out there. The book name again is The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman. Available Amazon. Is it also other retailers as well, I assume?

Just Amazon, actually.

Just Amazon for now. Okay. And here's the big question though. Is there an audiobook coming? Because everyone asks me that.

Nobody ever asked me that.

No, there will be. Well, good, good.

So let me— I'll, I'll share what I said to you earlier before we started recording, was, uh, I'm working to get this in this online embodiment course out. And I wish we'd had time to talk about that, Ralph. A daily embodiment practice, you know, to the guys out there, a daily embodiment practice is the number one thing that you can do to build your masculine core. And I could go on and on about that, but I've got an online course, of The Art of Embodiment. It's in beta form, so it's almost done, but you can get it on my website for a discount until I launch it a few months.

And the website is—

go to that— gsyoungblood.com.

gsyoungblood.com. Again, coolest name in the business. And Masculine and Relationship is the book. Any plans for additional books?

Yes. Well, the, the— so the online course I'm working on now will be done in about 6 weeks, and I'll launch it then. But you can buy it, the beta form now. And then I'm taking the handbook and I'm going to blow it up a little bit and turn that into a book that I'll publish on Amazon next. And that'll happen here in the late winter.

Okay.

And then after that is the Audible book. Very cool. To answer your earlier question.

Very cool. Do you plan on doing the narration?

Once that project is out the way.

Do you plan on doing the narration yourself?

What's that? I'm going to do it myself.

Very cool. Very cool. That's the way to do it. Somebody else reads it for you, it never comes out quite right. Yeah.

Exactly. Exactly.

And you will be attending our DSO fraternity members meeting, which we call Bro Fest, coming up in April of 2022 in Austin, Texas. So we're looking forward to having you and presenting to the gentlemen there. And they're all super excited about meeting the G.S. Youngblood. How does it feel to be somewhat of a celebrity?

I don't get wrapped up in it. I love helping guys. That actually gives me a really deep feeling. And as much as I want to help people, I am going to put in a shameless plug, please, which to your audience is, guys, if you've read the book, please do an Amazon review. They really help me.

Yes.

So do a written review with a write-up, and then also click the helpful button on some of the other good ones. Yes. Being transparent, I've got like one bad review, and it's somehow Amazon insists on putting it first. So I'm trying to address that.

Of course, it's in the world of Amazon reviews. If it's negative, people will click helpful. I don't know why, but they will. It could be the best product in the whole universe, but helpful. Yeah, I get the same thing. If you go to my Audible, like the first one you see, you're like, huh? And then after that, in my Audible ranking, I think it's 4.8 out of 5 total, but the first one they show is that old 1-star deal. Just the way it is.

Yep.

What can you do? What can you do? That's right. GS Youngblood, thank you so much, brother. I appreciate it.

Hey, it's my pleasure, and I'm really looking forward to April in Austin.

Alrighty, very good. We look forward to it too. Have a good one, buddy. Thank you.