Mrs DSO and I Talk About Female Entitlement

Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Welcome to another episode of the Dad Starting Over podcast. This is DSO here with my partner in crime, the lovely and talented Mrs. DSO. This is where I would normally play a funny sound effect or some type of intro music, but we are not in my normal home studio with my fancy equipment, so I don't have that. We are doing this through one cheesy USB microphone. For techie guys, they're just shaking their head right now saying, "Oh, DSO, what are you doing?" Plugged in, we're sharing one microphone plugged into a laptop here in Texas. I need to get this all set up properly like we do in the Kentucky studio. But anyway, Mrs. DSO, howdy!

Hey, howdy! Is that what you say in Texas?

That's what we say. When in Rome, right?

Mm, if only we were in Rome.

Yeah, well, we will be, hopefully. Yeah, we're supposed to go on a cruise in July.

Yeah, maybe cruises. It sounds like a joke to go on a cruise in the middle of a pandemic, it doesn't it?

Pandemic schmandemic, let's be honest, it's all horseshit.

Is it though?

Anyways, yeah, it's not a good topic. Political there, so, um When we talk, when we try to decide on topics that you and I could talk about, really boils down to things that you and I talk about, like when we're sitting in the car or going on walks, we have periods of silence and we're like, what can we talk about? Usually it's when we just start going on and on about something and then we stop and say, that'd be a good podcast conversation. And recently we got into, well, I would share stories of I'll listen to some of the things some guys are saying in the group about their situations, and then you'll follow up with, yeah, and listen to what this gal at work said, or this friend of mine from, you know, back when, etc. And the grand theme of all— excuse me, I have a frog in my throat— the grand theme of all of these stories seems to be kind of this, for lack of a better term, kind of a female entitlement, if you want to call it that. Which is, I guess you could summarize it as, what the hell are these women thinking? What makes her think she can act that way, say that thing, not do that thing, whatever it may be? Why are they acting in such an unhealthy— by you and me, by our estimation, we just look at this as outside observers going, what are they thinking? And we've kind of boiled down to there's this overwhelming theme of entitlement. And I see this trend a whole hell of a lot when I talk to guys, because for those that are new to this podcast and listening Please go to dadstartingover.com. Part of what I do, and 6 other guys that work for me on the team, is that we provide what we call coaching services to men. So if you're in a marriage and you're like, my marriage sucks, I'd like to improve it, I can improve my sex life, or I'm divorced and I'm starting over in life, I just need someone to talk to, some pointers from somebody who's been there, done that, whatever it may be, we have guys on staff to help out with that. Well, sure enough, you start noticing patterns and stories, and one of the patterns is men saying something to the effect of, man, I'm putting a lot of work into this marriage. I've recognized that X number of years of not so good husband duties, and now I'm really ramping it up for the past year, 2 years, 3 years. And the wife's reaction is basically a big yawn.

And, um, maybe it's too little too late.

Yeah, exactly. Get into that. Are we talking that's too little too late, or is there just an overwhelming sentiment by the estimations of a lot of men for, um, quote-unquote Western women, that they're just kind of, uh, like, why bother? Why put in work? What's in it for me? But we're kind of putting— kind of getting ahead of ourselves here. Um, where to begin with this? What do you think when I just say to you, Mrs. DSO, wow, women in general— let's say, let's make it simpler, American women. We live in America. American women in general, boy, they sure are an entitled bunch. To that you would say That is true.

So I've lived in this country for now 9 years, guys. 9 years and 5 days. Not that anybody's counting.

Oh, because you just had your anniversary.

Okay.

I was gonna say, how the hell do you know off the top of your head?

And one of the things I noticed first was that it was really hard to make friends here with other females. And a lot of it was that I was intimidated by them, which is like, if you, if you really think about it, it's kind of stupid. Why would an adult female be intimidated by other adult females? But there was just something innately— I don't know if you can call it bitchy or just aggressive about a lot of the women. And I just tried to wrap my head around it for years. What, what, where does that come from? What is that? What, how do I define that bitchiness, that aggressiveness? And it can be summarized as entitlement. It's a lot of women are pretty much raised to, um, to not put up with stuff, to put their foot down, to speak up and complain. Like, you see that a lot in the service sector, you know, the women that aren't putting up with the wrong dressing on their salad and their demand to speak to the manager. You see that in the newer version of the Karens on Facebook. It's kind of all the same theme. It's, it's women that speak up a lot, which is great, for themselves, but also maybe sometimes take it a little bit too far, all the way down to, well, I shouldn't have to put up with this. I shouldn't have to go all the way to the store to replace this product. You know, like really nonsensical stuff where you would go, well, I mean, this is just how life is sometimes. Deal with it, Sally. And, um, so I'm thinking that, uh, that, that that's a very American phenomenon, and I don't really know where that comes from, but the longer I live here the more of an idea am I getting.

You know, you touched on something with the woman bitching about the salad and everything. That is such a stereotypical female thing where men will— a more extreme scenario of that will be, let's say you're in a bar and somebody bumps you from behind and you turn around like, hey, what the hell? And you spilled your drink or whatever and you turn and a man looks and sees, oh, holy shit, it's a guy who's 6'5", 400 pounds of rock-solid muscle. And you look him in the eye and you just give him the head nod like, hey, what's up? And you go back to drinking your drink, right? Like, I know better than to mess with that. It's not a big deal, it's just a drink. And I'm looking at the guy and I can size him up and down and say, he's bad news, let's just, uh, let's let that go.

While your woman sitting next to you says, hey, "Asshole," and you're like, "Ixnay on the asshole-ay." And then takes it further and demands to speak to the bar owner to have the guy kicked out.

Or, "You better watch it or my man's gonna kick your ass," or something. You're like, "Okay, can you not please?" And every man has seen some version of that, whether it's firsthand or secondhand, but I think what that is is that woman through course of her lifetime has never been punched in the nose.

Well, I think that's a good thing though.

But as a man, we recognize the inherent danger of a lot of scenarios in life, such as the guy who's 6'5", rock-solid muscle, and he's got tattoos all over his face, whatever, you know, prison tats, and you instantly recognize there's an innate danger here. While woman there says, I don't recognize the innate danger. In fact, I feel I've never had to back down anybody in my life. Everyone's kind of catered to me. I don't know if I'm not saying this properly, but they don't recognize the danger. They don't recognize the danger in the situation. They don't recognize the reality of the situation because there is no danger to them. There you go. They've never been punched in the nose.

Well, but I think you brush on a big topic that is very gender-specific in the— on the playground where, you know, we learn how to behave in society later on. Women do not punch each other. Women bitch and brag and insult, and maybe they'll pull some hairs and bite a little bit and scratch. But a lot of the fights that I fought as a kid were all about intrigue and getting people on your side and just calling each other names. So it's the bitchier you are, the more likely you're going to turn out alpha. Whereas you guys, you are, as you said, you get punched in the nose and then you know who is alpha. So I think that's, that's a big and important topic that I think it's, it's normal that we fight on a different level. Yeah, but what is not normal is the level that it has reached in the US, where, as I said, you know, the woman will ask the bar owner to kick this guy out just because he pushed her a little bit and she spilled a drink. Like, we just take it a little bit too far here. And I'm— I think that's to support your assessment. That is because women have been raised for the last 20 or so years in an environment of We need to protect these females, these poor weak women. We need to, you know, teach the girls to go into STEM fields. We basically are not saying no to girls anymore. No, nobody in kindergarten will ever say to a girl, hey, Sally, shut your mouth. They will say that to every boy when they just say a peep. But if a girl says something, it'll be like, yeah, good job, Sally, speak up. What do you have to share with the class?

Well, but that's— let's be honest here. And I agree with that 100%. And every guy right now is pumping their fist going, yeah. Tell them, sister. But where does that come from? Women typically have as a personality trait a high degree of what we call agreeableness. Go with the flow, whatever, which— nice, be nice at all times, which leaves you prone to some abuse from some less agreeable people. I mean, how many women have, you know, let's take the example of being in a romantic relationship. I was with this boy and I really liked him and I didn't want to lose him as a boyfriend or potential boyfriend, and he wanted me to do something sexual that I was not really comfortable with. Maybe it's something extreme, or I just didn't want to do anything sexual. I wasn't ready for that yet. I was going to wait until marriage, whatever it may be, but I don't want to lose him, so okay, whatever. Um, men tend to— not always, but we tend to not have as much of that as a personality trait. So I can see what you're saying is society as a whole has said Hey women, you need to be a little bitchier. You need to stick up for yourself a little bit more, especially if you want to get into the role of— you just briefly mentioned STEM fields, which tends to—

become the CEO of Pepsi, which are all traditionally male-oriented structures there.

So if you want to be in that structure, you got to play by some rules here if you want to get ahead. If you just want to play by the game, period, and that involves you have to stick up for yourself a little bit. So I can see where that is. So, but in turn, That combined with— and by the way, there's no repercussion if you take it a little bit too far, so enjoy, knock yourself out, sister. I think we're seeing an end result of that.

Well, and I think maybe one of that is that people don't really know what is the repercussion for a female that's too bitchy, because are you gonna—

that's a major thing—

are you gonna punch her in the nose?

Yeah, what's the end game here of going too far? And if you don't define that, then, well, you know, it's the old give them an inch, they'll take a mile thing. You know, it's two boys in the playground go at it Um, somebody says something wrong about the other one's mother. Well, here we go, it's bloody nose time. Um, that's the end result of that. But with women, it's what I'm going to— you women— there was a comedian, I think Louis C.K., had a funny thing, and I've mentioned this to several guys. Um, he talked about the difference between having boys and girls as kids. He said the boys destroy things in the house, they just destroy everything. And girls, on the other hand, destroy your soul. So boys use their hands and fists. That's what they've learned, the real basic caveman stuff of destroy, injure, while girls are, I don't necessarily have the fists, I can't compete with this guy at this level, what else can I do? And they realize those other little ways of getting under your skin and kicking you between the legs, figuratively. And so that's a major difference there. So I think that is a contributing factor to the entitlement as we see it amongst women.

And I mean, in theory, that's a good thing, right? We want— I mean, we have a girl, you have two girls now. You want your girl to not be intimidated and speak up for herself and say no when she means no and all those things. And society has done, I guess, the right thing by empowering girls, but it has just not found the balance yet. It's just kind of overshooting a little bit. And as you said, nobody has really defined How do we say no to the ones that take it a bit too far? Like, how do we just tell Sally, hey, now you really do need to be actually quiet? But then there's another aspect of being a female that I think can lead to entitlement because I myself have found myself to be a Karen at times. And I think a big part of that is that being an adult female who is working, has kids and a husband in the US is really really hard. And you can say that's BS, and I'm going to tell you why.

I haven't said anything, but go ahead.

In your face.

No, I didn't. Go on.

I mean, I have lived in both countries. Um, there are huge differences. You wouldn't believe how big some of these differences are between European women, European gender roles, European women at work, European women having babies at work. Like, all that stuff is so different. And a lot of it is about, like, in Europe you're very protected as a female, meaning if you get pregnant and you test negative for a certain virus, you are written off for 9 months. You're— and you get full pay and it is paid by the government. So a lot of people, unfortunately, I'm one of them actually, test negative for that virus and then they're no longer allowed to work in a healthcare setting. And then guess what? Who really hates those women that get pregnant and just don't show up for work 9 months? And then, oh, guess what? They take 6 months of maternity leave. Also, also paid. Um, so we feel very safe and protected in our jobs. We can't be fired in those 9 months plus 6 months of maternity leave. We don't get a lot of money, but we still get money to pay the bills and pay our rent and stuff. So we feel safe, we feel protected, we feel appreciated. We feel like, okay, you know, we're making a taxpayer here, we're feeding a taxpayer, we're contributing to society. So we kind of feel like, you know what, I think this is a fair deal. We get a couple thousand dollars a month You know, we pay the bills, we feed this little baby, and then we come back to work. And we get supported and we can't be fired. And when we go back, there's a guaranteed job. I think that's not bad. And I don't feel like people are abusing it in any way at all. And I think a reason why we have that in Germany is because we had one of the lowest birth rates for a long, long time. And I think they were just trying to get women to have more babies. Clearly not a problem in the US currently.

Yeah, we're seeing a return of— there's more incentives coming. I just saw on the news here today, I don't know where it was, Norway or somebody's paying everyone a ridiculous amount of money to have babies.

Yeah, yeah. But I mean, so I'm here now, I have had a kid here, and there is some protection, but dang, you get unpaid leave. You don't even— you know, the, the pumping room I go to at work, you're like legally entitled entitled to have a place to safely pump for your baby. It is an old patient room with all kinds of clutter in there. There's not even a sink, and you just kind of sit on a really uncomfortable chair between all these instruments trying to breastfeed. And you're usually really rushed because there's like 1,000 people running outside knocking on the door, and you're also sharing the room with like 5 other breastfeeding nurses. So it is not a healthy or safe or comfortable feeling place in any way. And It is hard to have babies, and you guys do not know how hard it is because you can't have babies. And I know you're saying, well, if I could have babies, I would have them. Or maybe you're smarter and you're saying, no, I would never have babies because that's really nuts. But I'm saying it is hard to work full-time, raise kids on the side, pay a lot for daycare, pay a lot for nannies, pay for your own healthcare, pay for your kids' healthcare. It's really hard, and you get very little support. So the response to that is Well, damn, I shouldn't have to work this hard to just make my family survive. Dang, I shouldn't be sitting in this really small closet between all these old beds and chairs while breastfeeding or pumping. And I think that's a— the entitlement in America is partially a response to how tough it is to be a woman here.

So that was a long, long monologue. So the toughness that you experience as a woman— well, take gender out of it. The toughness that you experience as a human being, to some people, in your opinion, it may be that that entitles them to crank up the bitch a little bit because, damn it, give me a break. Fill in the blank reasons. I'm not having the greatest day in the world, so the greatest week, the greatest month, the greatest year in the world, and it's not going according to plan. This is not ideally what I would like to do, so I'm going to be a bit of a bitch and I'm going to not do fill in the blank, whatever that you feel I should do as your partner, man. That's one example. By the flip side of that is then do you then say men got it a whole hell of a lot easier?

That's a tough one. Well, you do not have to give birth. That's one thing.

That's true.

You do not have to work an 80-hour work week. With a heavy pregnant belly. You do not have to breastfeed. You get more sleep when your kids are out.

Everything you said though is in, in the frame of a relationship and childbirth.

Yes. So really, so aside from that, it's, it's probably the same. I think there are points where it might be easier for women.

Well, I mean, let's step out of the relationship world and just look at the statistics between men and women. Far more men are homeless. Far more men die by way of suicide. Far more men are incarcerated. Far more men go to war, men die in wars. We could go on and on and on. So on top of that, men are typically the breadwinners in relationships, not always, and that pendulum is swinging big time here in recent memory. So it's tough being a dude. And there is a major sacrifice involved in saying, "I'm going to play the part of Mr. Parent and Mr. Husband, Mr. Provider, etc., etc." Even with all of that weighing on our shoulders, we still, as men— I'm sure this has not always been the case and this is not the case for everyone, but in the relatively small population of men that I speak to on a regular basis, What's interesting is, and I'm curious if I were to listen to like a Suzanne Venker, for example, she does coaching with mainly women who she calls Type A women, when professional women. I'm curious if she would see the same, which is what I see, which is very typical man scenario. They tell me, "DSO, let me tell you everything that I'm doing." And I'm listening to this guy and he recognizes I had faults in the past, but here's what I've done to try and correct. And this guy is telling me, I've worked on my physical fitness, I've tried to wine and dine the wife and take her out and do things for her, I'm praising her when she does wonderful things, I've stood up to her when she does not so great things, I've, uh, my professional career has taken off as a result of just feeling better about myself, so I'm making more money. So I'm even checking a lot of the provider stuff as well as some of the lover stuff, as we use in our vernacular. And the guy's just going on and on about everything he's doing And yet the wife's reaction is very, eh. So what I— where I'm getting with this is what I never hear from the man is much of a sense of entitlement. In fact, just the opposite. I have to be the one to coach these guys into, you know, you're a pretty awesome dude from what it sounds like. And they'll come back with, not really, you don't understand. For 15 years, I was this guy who was kind of a pushover, and I just said, yes, dear. "Okay, wow, you horrible thing. You were just kind of a pushover-y guy, but now you're trying to be less of a pushover-y guy, and look, you've actually improved. Wow, how terrible." You know, being sarcastic. And these guys will be like, "No, no, once again, you don't understand, and let me tell you why it's bad and why I deserve to be treated like shit." That's the general theme I get from men. "No, you don't understand, DSO, I deserve this." I have a feeling We won't hear— I bet if I ask Suzanne Venker, I bet the predominant theme from her women is, "Why the hell should I do that, Suzanne? Do you realize how much money I make? You realize what I do? I mean, Jesus, how much more do I gotta do? All I'm asking is that he just step up and go get a raise or something." You know, entitlement. So, case can be made either way, and we can go back and forth for years on this. So let's say, for sake of argument, because we're talking about women, that's the topic for this one, is female entitlement. In what ways do you, Mrs. DSO— we have agreed that, yeah, there's a sense of entitlement, whether it's in part right or wrong, it's there— what can women do, by your estimation, from what you've heard from friends and etc., to be better wives, I guess, to be less entitled? Crank that knob down a little bit? Can you give maybe some examples of where you've heard women— I guess maybe stories that you've heard that make you go, hold on a second, what? Or why would you do that? Or why wouldn't you do that? Can you give specific examples of that? Maybe that'll paint a better picture for what female entitlement looks like in your mind.

I have, I have two examples. One is the— it's a It's one from The Bedroom. I've heard that a lot on our wine nights. Um, a lot of girls mention oral sex and they say how much they hate it, but they—

they're giving—

yeah, they hate giving it, but they sure as hell expect receiving it. And that always makes me go, okay, so, um, why would you expect to receive it if you're not willing to reciprocate? And that is not even a thought process that goes through their minds. And they're actually just cackling about it. They're like, "Haha, yeah, I'll let him do that because it's fun for me and I know he likes it, but I would never reciprocate and he's fine with it." You know what's interesting is that there's a—

it's almost like a machismo thing that we've seen. You'll hear often older Italian men, for example, which is a very macho kind of culture, they are notorious for saying if they find out one of their buddies does that to a woman, performs oral sex on a woman, they'll look down on them. Like, you did what? But do they expect the wife to perform? Oh, hell yes. So it's almost like a flip of that. So that's a very power thing, isn't it? I'll receive all day long, but you expect me to tear down my ego a little bit and perform for you, mister? I don't think so. That's like, to me, one of the most unfeminine things I can imagine. You can give all you want, mister, but as far as you getting from me, forget it.

Yeah, and you're brushing on a big topic here, the ego. I think female entitlement is a lot about a power play thing, especially when it comes to marriages. A lot of women have been told other lives, you need to be more bitchy, you need to be more alpha, you need to be more powerful, you just stand up and you need to say yeah, no. And, and I think they have incorporated that so much in their minds that, um, that they just want to dominate the entire relationship and they want to call the shots on everything. And the, the second example I have of this entitlement story is this— the story of the academic female that is earning a lot, um, is very well traveled, well educated, looks pretty, um, and then expects her husband to be— her future husband to be the same. But not only is he required to be good-looking, academic, wealthy, he's also required to have traveled and he needs to be good in bed, he needs to be good in the household, he needs to want kids, he needs to be a good father, he needs to want to take paternity leave. And I'm just thinking, what makes you think that you're such a catch that you can ask for somebody who has to yet be born?

Well, I'll answer that. And I've addressed this in some of my writing and the podcast and stuff is that One of the most hilarious, but men hearing this will nod their heads, single men out there, go online to, uh, you know, online dating, uh, what are the— Match and all the others, and you will see an objectively unattractive woman. And I'm sorry, I know everyone thinks, well, attraction is a subjective thing. No, we know unattractive when we see it. So, and probably when I say an objectively ugly woman right now, you all have a vision in your mind of what that is. So let me just say she's 300+ pounds and very homely looking woman. And sure enough, you'll look at that and it's like, I'll be damned if this woman doesn't have a laundry list of what she expects out of a mate. And sometimes it's so over the top you just have to laugh. And men take screen captures of it and they put it online, and you can find dozens and dozens of these online where you look at this woman and say, oh my God, must be 6'3", $100K a year or more, or don't even bother. If you have kids and make less than $200,000, don't even bother. All this kind of stuff. And you look at this woman going, where in the hell does she think she can get off saying these things? And it's very simple, because in her mind, um, she's been rewarded for X number of years, months, whatever it is, um, for being exactly who she is. And she, well, she gets something out of it. And that something is, we have— and what we take this conversation to a whole different left turn— we have a lot of very The kids, the youngsters, use a term these days: thirsty. Very thirsty men out there. And men by nature, we all know this, it's a joke, and I don't mean to belittle men, and I'm— this is, trust me, this is not coming from a quote feminist perspective here by any means, but men will bang a knothole, right, if they're desperate enough. Men will have sex with fill in the blank here with any inanimate object if they're horny enough. Like, look at men in prison and so forth. They go to— they'll even have sex with each other if they get desperate enough. So you have a lot of men, you put millions of them online just looking for some kind of companionship, and here's a 300-pounder. And even if that guy is objectively like, he's not bad looking, look at him, he's all right, some of those men even like, eh, every now and then I'll just, you know, take one for the team, or I'll set my standards low and Whatever, I'm not going to marry the woman, I'm not going to be her boyfriend, but for a night of fun, whatever. That's fine. That gives these women a sense of entitlement, like, "Wow, look, I got a date and dinner with—

look at this guy." Plus, there's an overwhelming sense of, "Haha, men, they're just inferior altogether," that kind of is woven throughout the whole media. Whatever rom-com you watch or Nowadays, whatever Disney movie you watch, the men always come across as kind of like these goofy weaklings. They're always awkward.

So it's a cultural narrative.

Yes, the men are just somewhat inferior in every way.

Now, where do you think that comes from? Is that a reaction to men over the years being— you know, I've often told men when they ask me, I notice that my wife and kids sometimes make fun of me, and it makes me kind of like, what the hell, guys? You know, show me some respect here. I'm like, "You know, I can remember pretty much every job I've ever been in," and I've had a lot of jobs over the years, when the boss leaves the room, everyone kind of snickers or says, "Did you see his shoes?

Did you hear what he said?" Well, that's what I was going to get into.

It's like the paternal boss figure or whatever is just kind of prone to being poked at and made fun of.

Well, it's mostly to demystify them and make them less intimidating. I think that's why we approach it with humor and making fun of them. It could be that the traditional male role was just perceived to be too paternalistic and to be too intimidating, and that people have decided we need to debunk it and maybe have just gone over top a little bit.

Yeah, I think that's it. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's just a reaction that's gone too far.

But what that does is that it paints this picture of, oh, men are inferior in every way. And so women are like, well, then I need to really crank up my expectations. So not only do they have to be way above average, But they have to be basically superheroes and they have to be better than us. And since we are amazing, because society has been telling us that we are amazing, how— where are we going to find this man? And so my suggestion is that I think women need to just really take it down a notch and be realistic. And what I tell all my girls that are like, oh well, he needs to check this box and this box and this box and this box, I always tell them they really need to just check one box, and that is that they make you happy and love you. And if you love them back, then what else is there to talk about?

Well, it's a bit of a double-edged sword there in that this is kind of a fuel for discussion amongst a lot of the male writers online. A big subject line is basically pointing the finger at those women, like I mentioned, the 300-pounder on Match.com, and pointing and saying, "Look at these ridiculous silly women. Can you believe this?" And we all sit back and laugh, and I sometimes fight back a little bit and saying, what are we doing by saying— by fighting and laughing at this? First of all, I get it because look at this woman, you have to chuckle. But on the second hand, it's like, are we saying dummy there needs to lower her standards and settle, quote unquote, for men like me because I'm not perfect and you must be with me if you know what's good for you? Or, you know, what's the end game here for laughing at the your friend Kim who says, you know, I'm holding out for Mr. Right. If she were to sit down with me and tell me that, I'd be like, high five, sister, good, have at it. But on the same token, I hope you realize you ain't gonna find him. Are you cool with that? 'Cause the chances of finding this dude are 1 in 1 billion. It just ain't gonna happen. But hey, I get it and good luck.

But it's not about settling. The point is, I just said, he has to click 2 boxes. The one is he has to make you happy and the second one is he has to love you. But so is he gonna make you happy if you don't love him? No. So, but the problem is they're not even considering some people on their, you know, on their Tinder match or whatever. Like, unless they make at least so-and-so many thousand dollars, they're not going to even swipe right. They're just going to swipe left. And that's the part that makes me go, well, maybe you should give the person a chance, not just the salary. And, um, I think also a big part is to look yourself in the mirror and recognize it.

No, you're not—

you may check a lot of boxes, but Nobody is perfect. I mean, I'm near perfect.

Wow.

But I mean, I know I have flaws and I'm not a perfect human and I can't expect a superhuman to be my partner if, you know, if we live in a normal reality. So just look for every guy out there, give every guy a chance, go out with everybody that sounds interesting and that is friendly and polite and give them a chance. And I think the same goes for the marriage. If you're in a marriage and you feel entitled, well, sit back a second and look at what, what are you actually bringing to the relationship? And are you really, you know, doing all that much? Are you really staying in shape? Are you really, you know, working that hard in the household? Are you really taking that great of a mom? Are you really— I mean, I'm not trying to be criticizing people, but I think everybody needs to look at themselves first before they feel entitled to everything else.

You know, there's almost like, um, A common thing I hear from a lot of men is, uh, I finally got to the breaking point. This is the man talking. And so we went to couples counseling, and we sit down, and I really let it out. And I said, here's what's been bugging at me, here's some things that are happening and not happening, and it bothers me, and yada yada. And women have a weapon in their arsenal, which they realize because they know their husbands better than anyone in the world, and it's one to get him to shut up. And it's one of either shaming him or, "You know what you just did or said really, really hurts me. Now I feel very bad as your spouse and as the mother to your children. I feel bad and just coming here was a mistake, etc. I don't want to come here anymore. I feel terrible. I feel awful. You're being terrible making me feel this way." So I think an arrow in their quiver is one of my feelings and my sensitive nature as a woman and don't you feel bad, man, for, um, you know, poking me where it hurts. And I don't think we have as men that, uh, arrow in our quiver. If we do that, it's kind of like, you little weakling, geez, get over yourself, sensitive. Okay, let me crawl back in our little shame hole.

But any good therapist would tell the woman, um, listen, you are in charge of your emotions. He is not making you feel bad. Yes, you feel bad as a reaction to something he said, but that's really your emotion and your reaction, and it is entirely in your power to fix that. What I don't understand is this whole concept of, I don't like what you just said, so I'm gonna make you change your ways, instead of me maybe considering, huh, why didn't I like what he said? What am I doing with this reaction? Can I maybe change my ways? Can I change my emotional response to it? There are things that shouldn't be said. I mean, if somebody calls me an a-hole, I'm gonna be offended, and I think I should be. But if somebody says, um, you know, Maybe you could lose a little bit of weight because you have definitely gained a lot in the last 20 years. If I get offended by that, probably okay to be offended because somebody just told you you're fat. But think about it for a second. Why are you really offended? Because you know he's right, and because yes, you may have gained a little bit, and maybe yes, you shouldn't be eating birthday cake pops every morning for breakfast.

And you know, you talked about the, uh, women in America, the mothers being, uh not looked after— proper term here is not accommodated well enough within our government or whatever the structure is there. But where they are accommodated too much so is in the emotional realm, possibly within a relationship. I know that's argued whether or not that's true, but it's in terms of a lot of men are shut down by— let's use the 20 pounds example. Well, you know, let's say they sit down, the wife, you know, they're with a therapist, and the wife's like, you know, I get the impression that sometimes he's not very attracted to me anymore. The way he looks at me sometimes. I can tell by the way he looks at me, because women pick up on a lot of stuff way quicker than what us men think they do. And finally he goes, yeah, you know, ever since the baby came, you haven't lost that weight. And yeah, it bothers me a little bit. And I bought you that Peloton bike and nothing. You hung your coat on it. And I hear that all the time, by the way, the Peloton thing. And all she has to do is come back with basically, oh, okay, I see how you are, Mr. Shallow. It doesn't matter to you that I actually raised 3 kids over the last 20 years. It doesn't matter that I've been tending to the house. All you care about is that I've got some love handles and some cellulite. Great, how nice of you. And shut down. And, you know, look over to the marriage counselor. What do you have to say about that? And they'll be sitting there wide-eyed going, dude, you dug your grave. Enjoy it. That's all on you, man. And the guy says, yeah, maybe they're right.

Well, but then the answer could be of the husband, well, while you were doing all that, raising the kids and keeping the house okay, I was making all the money that you guys could get on vacations and, you know, that you could go to the— I don't know, when— whenever your kids were in school, get a manicure and go to the gym, and I paid for all of that. So I mean, if you start arguing on that level, tit for tat, yeah, I mean, that's— and that's a huge no-no in any kind of relationship. If you're having to whip out the scorecards as well, you're in deep trouble. So what do you think about my baby weight?

About your baby weight?

Yeah, I gained a lot.

You just had a bit.

You did. Yeah.

Okay, she gained a lot. I mean, how much weight did you gain during pregnancy?

Like, it's still like—

No, during pregnancy you gained that much.

I gained like 25 pounds.

You gained 25 pounds during pregnancy right away. That's probably below average, I would assume.

No, it's like about right there where you should be.

I would assume men would gain like 30, 40 pounds. Okay, so right around average amount. And now you are how many pounds above your fighting weight?

Like 8.

8 pounds.

Okay, maybe 9. Yeah, but I can't fit in most pants. I have a much more maternal figure.

Sweet cheeks, there are women out there who have gained 50.

Okay, so you're not—

And 6 months later, and 6 months later, they're 60 pounds over.

So you're okay with that?

You're not as tiny as you used to be, for sure.

Would you like me to be tiny again, to be honest? That's okay.

I like when you are more fitness-oriented, yes, but I also kind of like the extra pounds too.

You would just like the extra cups, cup size.

Maybe.

Okay.

Yeah, so being honest.

All right, so you do admit that you prefer if I was a little skinnier? I don't know.

Which do I like better?

If you had two women in a bar, One was me now and one was me 8 years ago. Which one would you ask out?

8 years ago?

You would ask the younger one.

Yeah, probably the 8 years ago one.

There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, but I'm not offended by that.

Yeah, because I'm like, I mean, we're going off on it. We don't want to go down that tangent. That's a good— another podcast is post-baby stuff and changes.

No, no, but I'm talking about you said something to me that would have upset a lot of women, and I am not upset by it because I know I'm in control over all of it.

But also the setting tone and everything was way different than—

that's true, not in the middle of a fight.

Yeah, exactly, with, with 20 years of baggage behind us and everything else.

Yeah, but what I'm, I'm going back to is the whole entitlement thing. This whole, like, you just have to go on Facebook, half of the comments there are angry women that are lashing out because somebody posted something somewhere that was offensive to them. Why do you have to engage in it?

Yeah, who gives a shit?

Just move on, walk away.

I know the term Karen is is overused, but damn it, it's perfect, isn't it? Karen. We all know when we first heard it, we all just nodded and laughed and said, "Yeah, I get it." But it's the generic term for the hyper-entitled, let me speak to your manager, middle-aged mom thing. That woman, Karen. That's what we're talking about.

So I think entitlement comes from a place of unhappiness in some way.

That combined with nobody saying, "Shut the eff up. Who cares?" When's the last time Karen heard that? Never.

But also, somebody may at some point just not have listened to them. That's another thing, because if they feel unheard, they may just be getting louder, and then they get so loud and nobody tells them to shut up.

You think nobody's listening to Karen?

I have a feeling that Karen at some point in her life— She gets 500—

She gets 500 likes on Facebook.

Karen was a 5-year-old once, and maybe Karen was a very sensitive 5-year-old and wanted to share her sensitive story. And so nobody listened.

And it all goes back to that, doesn't it? It all goes back to the childhood.

And no, but I think that there are two sides to the female entitlement. One is, as you said, somebody never just told them no. And the other one is that there is this rebelling little 5-year-old that may just need, you know, a little extra TLC from the government or from society and isn't getting it. And so she's just screaming out loud and stomping her feet to get what she wants, but she will never get what she wants, and she gets more and more upset every day and with every Facebook post. So I think there's two sides to that, but the, the common solution should be, you know, just calm down and take control over your own luck and happiness.

There's a hilarious internet video of a, uh, washing machine. I don't know if you've seen this. And it's like outdoors, and they have it turned on, and the door on the front's ripped off, but it's still operating and spinning, and it says "Women" above it. And then here comes a guy into the frame with a brick in his hand, and he throws the brick into the washer, and the whole thing just explodes. And the brick was titled, uh, "Calm Down." So this is what happens when you tell a woman, "Calm down." They just explode into a fury. So, hey woman, 'Just chill out.' I think it needs to come before that. I think we're seeing the end result of a lot of, you know, I hate to say it as sexist as it sounds, but with a lot of women, it's you give them an inch and they'll take a mile. And but on the positive side, it's if you reward good, you're going to see a hell of a lot more of it. I think it's just, that's human nature. But we really, really tend to see that with the women in our relationships. And if you let that little thing go, whatever that little thing is, you just notice in no time it just snowballs and snowballs and snowballs. And I think that's what you guys are seeing when a lot of this entitlement type behavior—

well, I mean, I'm just thinking about as we're raising a female, how to not raise an entitled female. And I think a lot of it has to do with don't give them the, um, the illusion of fairness. Like, don't tell them this isn't fair or this is fair. Just— that's complete BS. Where does that come from? Nothing in life is ever fair. And if you tell them, well, you know, if you do this, then you will get that because that's just fairness, then they will grow up expecting something for everything they do and then realize very quickly in life, oh, if I'm a good girl, I'm not getting rewarded necessarily. And then they feel entitled because they, they was raised, they were raised with the concept of fairness. So I think that's another aspect of all that.

And where does all that come from? Does it start in our schools? We're noticing that girls in school from grade school on are doing way better than boys. Now, some psychologist types that are smarter than me will point to that, that agreeableness that I talked about. Agreeableness goes— takes you very far in a structured environment like school. It also takes you very far in a corporation. Women are excelling in the corporate world. Now, women also don't tend to hang around much longer after their 30s because of the old baby-making thing. That's a whole other story. But where was I going with that?

So why are kids doing better?

Yeah, so our daughter, the Bean as we call her, will go to school and she's going to get bombarded with a lot of moments probably where it's, "Hey, Billie, sit down and shut up." "Okay, what were you saying, Bean? Go ahead." You know, "Quit running around and being hyper and destroying things." Billy. And, well, B, and I understand you said some mean things to that kid over there. Please don't do that again. You know, so it's, you know, I sound like one of those men's rights type guys, but there's something to it.

Doesn't your son say that all the time?

Yeah, my older son says he notices that all the time where the boys are told sit down, shut your mouth, and the girls are basically taken at their word for everything. And yeah, he's never heard any of that from me, but he's learned that on his own. Yeah, there's definitely a difference here between the genders and school.

Yeah. And so boys from very early on learn to literally just suck it up.

There you go.

Girls are never taught or told to suck it up. And that's where I'm coming from with the whole, you said something that offended me. They never really learn to self-regulate their emotions and their responses to things because they're just taught that they can act it all out and they can behave however they want it. They can cry and, and scream. Whereas boys, when they cry and scream, everybody's like, what's wrong with you, dude? So there's something about emotional regulation that is less expected in females than in males.

There you go. Just hit it right there, the emotional regulation.

Yeah. But then again, we are PMSing. You guys are not.

That's true.

Oh man, this is leading nowhere.

There is no real solution here.

No, there isn't. Other than understanding that it exists and that it's not necessarily healthy.

And checking yourself. Yeah. That's something a lot of women don't have is that skill to go, 'Oh, let me not say what I'm about to say.' This is the woman talking. 'Oh yeah? Yeah, alright, fine.' That's something you rarely hear out of a woman.

Yeah, I think recognizing where you are entitled and where you act entitled is important in the marriage. To realize, well, you can't expect fairness out of a marriage just because, you know, you are the woman, you are the person with the uterus. Things are just going to go differently for you in this marriage, no matter how— I think that comes along with scorecards, record keeping, all that. Entitlement is a form of toxic trait within a marriage that can just make things really, really hard when it comes to figuring out how to get over problems and marital issues.

And, um, but the last couple of guys coincidentally that I've spoken to told me the same thing about their wife almost verbatim, which is the wife finally kind of had an awakening on her own, which is Part of the awakening was, "Oh wow, my husband has done a lot." And that usually comes as a result of some type of third-party intervention, a friend or a marriage counselor, where they will sit and say, "Tell me, husband, what's on your mind?" And they will listen. And for the first time, they actually sit and listen to the husband telling somebody else, or her telling the friend, "Here's what's going on." And the friend listens to this and kind of gets wide-eyed and comes back with a big, "Oh wow, your husband sounds awesome." Or the counselor says, "Oh wow, that sounds great. So what do you think, wife?" And the last two guys I spoke to, the wife came back with, "You know what? I recognize it, and I feel bad that I can't reciprocate. I feel bad that I don't have the energy or the wherewithal or the whatever to be the good wife that he deserves. I recognize now I just feel more depressed than I did before I walked in the store." Talking about the marriage counselor. So now the guy's like, what the hell? My wife finally realizes that she has fallen short, and now she's saying, yeah, I don't have the skills to— What are you doing?

Smells really good.

She's smelling me like a dog while I'm talking. So that I don't have the skills that you need, and yeah, I've had some entitled behavior, but I know I should do, and it's not blank, and it's not necessarily sex. It could be, I know I should compliment you more, I know I should help you out more, I know I should be your cheerleader in life and at work, and I know I should stop nagging you, but I just can't not do it, or I just can't do the things you want me to do. I just don't.

So is entitlement also a defense mechanism then?

Yeah, seems like it, doesn't it? Because what I just talked about, it's a lot of work type stuff, isn't it? It is, especially for those people where that doesn't come natural. And, uh, we had a little bit of debate, debate on this in the, uh, one of the DSO discussion groups about what exactly— when we talk about everyone says marriage is work, what do we mean? Well, for some people, doing those things like, I better, um, compliment my spouse more, I better stay in shape, I better, you know, all those cookie-cutter good spouse things— for some people, this takes some effort for me to just continuously do this. It just doesn't come naturally to me. That's work.

Especially the communication part. And I think that's something that I can really give you credit for. Whenever I had a bout of entitlement, you put me in my place really well. Like, you pick up on something, let's say me nagging— oh yeah, that's a good example— me nagging about your house being, you know, when I come to visit, not perfectly in shape and cluttered.

It's our house.

It is our house, but you know what I mean. Yeah. And I nag about it and you at some point just had— you had had it. You're like, listen, I'm raising 3 kids here most of the time by myself. I have a full-time job, actually multiple of those. And, um, but— and you say, I'm traveling to, to you to visit you. I mean, I'm doing everything I can. I'm doing the best I can, and I can't also do that on top of it all the time. And you have to give me a break here. And I was like, hmm, he has a point. But you know, when you when you listed all these things you were doing, I was like, damn, this guy's busy. And I think a lot of guys just don't do that because they're used to— like, women do that a lot. We'll be like, I just did the laundry and I did this and I did that and I slept all day and, um, and I'm tired and I'm exhausted and you don't do anything ever. And, um, I would like for men to actually say, you know what, I actually worked really hard today and I come home and I still work and I still do the honey-do list and I do this and I do that and I put I put little Theo to bed and I took care of her. No, but I think men never list the things that they do because they just know that a lot of women will be like, oh, I'm gonna one-up you.

Nobody gives a shit.

That too.

That's a sad thing to say, and it's not true 100% of the time, but it's true to the degree to which men would just, it doesn't take much to get us going, it really doesn't, and we all just hunger for that pat on the back and that attaboy and that Jesus, do you know how awesome you are? What I just said, that was a good 15 seconds, not even, of speech. That's, ladies, that right there will last you months. 15 seconds will keep him floating high, but you can't even muster that. That's what we're talking about when we say we don't even hear that little bit of anything. We just, it's expected. You work, you take care of the kids, and, and, and that list of what's expected grows as, um, as we move on and in the time, because it used to be I go to my office and work 50, 60 hours a week, come home to a stiff drink, and please leave Dad alone, he's done enough. It ain't enough anymore, and that list keeps growing and growing, and we're pretty freaking exhausted. So to hear a big, hey, I appreciate what you're doing, that's awesome, oh, that's all we hear. We don't hear that. But we know, let's be honest, when that wife goes and sits with her friend and has wine, she'll brag on the man. So she appreciates it, she's just not—

We should be better wives by appreciating them in their face.

But we're kind of going off script.

Speaking of, I'm going to appreciate you by giving you a facial here soon.

Do you want to qualify that, what you're talking about? Because right now everybody's like, say what?

So I bought a face scrub. All manly products. Like a charcoal face scrub.

That wasn't where I was going with this. Where I was going with this was the dirty pornographic thing. When somebody says giving someone else a facial, it usually means something else completely. And coming from the woman, was doubly confusing. They're gonna think you're trans or something is what I'm going with.

You're getting a cosmetic face treatment.

There you go. Yes, I am comfortable enough in my manliness to say that I enjoy some of the more feminine things. Like, you have given me a manicure. I enjoyed that a great deal. You've given me facials, face scrubs and stuff. I also like that. What else have you done?

I clip your toenails.

Yep. I clip my toenails twice in the past 8 years. And you're thinking, "Well, your nails must be long." No, she does them for me. And it's just something that we do.

So see, I'm not entitled, too entitled to do that.

Now here's the thing though. Your doctor-y, partner-y types, let's say women, listening to this, they may pull you aside one day and go, "You cut your man's toenails?" Yes, I do. What are you, some 1950s fucking Stepford Wife thing? What is this?

I think I'm overcompensating because I am such an alpha go-getter wife that I feel like I don't want to lose touch with my feminine homemaker cookie baking side.

I like it.

Because I know deep down that you do not give a damn how much money I make, how educated I am, and all that.

Isn't the overcompensating compensating. Another way of saying maintaining your balance.

True.

Yeah, that might be.

Well, I mean, some people would argue, especially my female alpha male friend, alpha female friends, would say, why do you need to compensate anything? You're perfect the way you are.

Need to is the quote there. I don't need to do anything. I just do it because I like it. It makes him feel good.

Well, that too. But I also, deep down inside, I know that men just do not care that much about how much money their women make and how successful successful they are and what title they have at work. That is just simply not that important to you.

Oh, but let me say that— okay, again with the left turn to the conversation, but that's how these things go. If you're a first-time listener to this, we kind of jump all over the place. Do you think I would be your husband if you were a cashier at Walmart?

If I looked hot when you met me, yes.

You're wrong.

Really?

Yeah. No, I wouldn't marry you. I would date you. I'd plow the hell out of you.

What if I had been a really, really smart— you're saying that Walmart cashiers are not attractive?

I'm saying there's too— and this is again the left turn in the conversation— there's too much of a risk for a man like me to marry the Walmart cashier and make babies with them and everything else.

Why is that a risk?

Writing's on the wall. Because at any point that Walmart cashier could take me to the bank and say, "I don't want to be with you anymore," and there goes over half my whatever and half this and half that. It sounds horrible and shallow to say this, but No, your career, money, and everything else did not have any effect on me going, "Ooh, who's that?" None. It was just a, "Oh, how cool to know that about you. Now that I get to know you, that makes you more interesting." But it did in terms of, is this a person who I feel safer being with long-term? Simply because, and you can call it prejudice by virtue of all the people I've spoken to over the years, or you could call it wisdom by virtue of all the guys I've I've spoken to over the years has said, I mean, how many times have I spoken to the guy who's like, I married the cashier, I helped put her through school, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, da, da, da, da, and the end result was, thanks a bunch, dude, but I'll be going ahead and taking all of your 401, you'll see the kids every Wednesday and every other, and I'm just like, message received. As a potential partner to hear, by the way, that side's taken care of 'cause I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself, oh, good, it's good to know I don't have to worry about that side of it.

Okay, but that's the economical aspect. But if you were thinking about what made you be attracted to me, that was all my feminine ways, my cooking, my sweetness, the way I was with your kids.

But the intellectual thing is very big for me too.

Sure.

Some men it's not so big. Some men it's like, kind of like the Ditz, you know, she loves me and she caters to me and she's sweet and everything else. She doesn't need to be a brain surgeon. That's cool for them, but I can't handle that. I need that. Intellectual equal at least.

I'm sorry about that because that has gone out the window since the baby came.

That's not true.

All right, I think we've gone off on a lot anyway.

Yeah, so a little bit of tangent there. But anywho, so the end game here is what if— okay, let's put it this way. You're in an auditorium with 100 women who've all been selected and they've all said there's issues. All of us have been told by our husband at one point or another, you're acting like an entitled bitch. You're nagging at me all the time. I don't get it. Her friends have said you need to cool it with your man, blah blah blah, be nice. And they've heard that Mrs. DSO is putting on a seminar for how to be a less entitled bitch. And you get them all in. So are there bullet points that you share with them to say, here you go, ladies, this is— I know I'm putting you on the spot, but maybe it's one big thing. And go.

I think a big thing is just stop the scorekeeping and comparing what you do, what your husband is doing. Acknowledge that both of you are putting in a lot of work to make this relationship work, or at least both of you should be putting in a lot of work. And if you think you're already putting in all the work, maybe look at what he's doing. And, you know, look at— really go through his workday, go through his everyday. What is he— was he contributing? Because I think there's a lot of self-centeredness in relation— in relationships.

But, um, bring the microphone closer. But you're hitting on a, uh, one key point. I know this wasn't and the intent of it, which is a lot of the things that you mentioned in recognizing what he does and look at what he does are very financial or provider-y in nature. And life hits you between the legs a lot. And a lot of men I speak to are, I had a really good paying job, et cetera, et cetera, and the company folded. And I've been out of a job for 6 months. And guess what wife, whose wife took off? Guess whose wife said adios? So that's kind of a sense of, I guess you could kind of.

But that's an entitled woman that never got over it. Because I mean, if she, If this is a guy that got laid off, lost his job, and just sits on a couch and smokes all day, that's different from a guy who has really tried to find a job, who's looked around, who's interviewed, who's, you know, take— start Uber driving just to make, make a couple of dollars. There's differences here. Um, so I don't think that's the best example, but I think to tell those women in the auditorium, one big second bullet point would be you're not perfect, you know. Just think about all the things that he has to put up with on a regular day and just acknowledge that you're both humans that are trying to make this work. And at the end of the day, do you want to be in this relationship or not? And if you think that you're that great that you shouldn't have to put up with all that he brings to the table, then by all means, you know, see what else is out there. And I think you'd be surprised that you actually have a pretty good guy there in your, in your house.

Here's a good way to wrap it up. Should men be more entitled?

I think so.

That's kind of a slippery slope though, isn't it?

I don't think entitled. I think men should point the entitlement out more.

They should say, "Hey, Sally—" Where this goes negative is the men I speak to who tell me, "You know, I work this job and I make a lot of money," et cetera, et cetera. It really upsets me that my wife doesn't give me head every night, or something like that. And I was like, well, she doesn't really have to if she doesn't want to. And your job making $100,000 really doesn't push her must-perform-oral-sex-on-my-man button. It— maybe it's gonna take a little bit more to get that going. So that is kind of a form of entitlement on the man's part.

Why don't we delete all the parts that we just said and say to the auditorium, nobody is entitled to anything in life. Period. You were not born—

you're gonna have to work for it—

with an entitlement card of, hey, this is— these are all the things you're entitled to. You were born a little baby with absolutely just a lot of luck if you were born in the right family, but absolutely no right to any of the luck that you just happen to be born in. Like, is, is our baby more entitled because of the way that she was born and the family she was born in? No. She more— is she you know, a better person just because she wasn't born in Cameroon in a small village with no water. No, she's just lucky but not entitled to anything in life, just as like the baby in Cameroon is not entitled to anything in life either. But they know that from day one, whereas I think the Bean will think as soon as she hits school that she's entitled to all kinds of things. And I think that's, that's the big difference between a first world society and a second or third world society, is that people are raised to think that they're They are to expect all these things that come magically out of the faucets and out of their sockets.

Is this a manifestation of a lot of people who, you know, the first world— is this a first world problem? Yeah, it is. A lot of women sitting around going— like, I spoke to a gentleman this morning who was a physician and wife does not work. They have an excellent home that she always dreamed of with all the amenities that she always dreamed of in the place that she always dreamed of. And as I'm talking to him, he says, hold on a second, the pool guy's here. Literally, and this guy's in the pool. And she feels very unfulfilled, and she feels, I don't have— I've lost my sense of me. I've da da da da da da. Well, sometimes for women like that, you know what they need to hear is, I could get on the phone right now and call a million women from around the world who would come here and murder you and probably 100 other women like you to be in your position. So there's a part of it's gonna, you know, it's a case-by-case basis. But for her example, it does take somebody sitting down, taking her hand in yours and saying, sweetheart, you need to wake the fuck up. Yeah. Because this happiness and everything else you're taking out on everybody else and your depression and you're forcing everyone to bend to your will.

So you could just say as a fix for entitlement, get out of your bubble and look around. And see what else other people deal with and have to deal with.

It's kind of like, um, he and I— this, this doctor that I was speaking to— we were talking about where, um, his wife and women like her in her position are almost sitting back and waiting for an outside influence to fix this. Like, ho-hum, this really sucks. Oh well, I'll just sit back away. And those people are very affair-prone because all it takes is she's out with one night with drinks with the girl and some guy comes up with, "Well, hello pretty lady," and, "Oh my gosh, I feel amazing." This is— away they go. So it takes the work— there we come back to that, that word again— internal work on finding your own centeredness and your own happiness and your own sense of fulfillment and what it is that makes you tick and things to work towards, etc., etc., and stop taking it out on everyone around you. And you're a man.

That's the second bullet point. So the first one is you're not entitled to anything. And the second thing is you have to work for whatever you think you're entitled to. So if you want to be happy, nobody is going to make you happy. You have to make yourself happy. And I think that's a big key point that a lot of people don't learn anymore. They're just, they're just taught that everybody caters to them and everybody's responsible for their feelings, but it's really them themselves.

I think that's a perfect way to end this. So let's wrap this up. Quick plug. Website, dadstartingover.com, all one word, dadstartingover.com. Check out my book, my bestseller. It's— I keep saying the word bestseller, that's not right. That's actually a technical term. You are a New York Times bestseller if you make— if you sell like over a million copies or whatever it is. I haven't sold that many yet. It's my best-selling book of the three that I have written. It's called The Dead Bedroom Fix. Check it out. And check out our members-only group, the DSO fraternity, dadstartingover.com Join for all you men that want to join a group of men just like you looking to improve yourselves. Hit the old restart button on life and do it right. We have a great group of guys from all over the world. Mrs. DSO, any final words? No. All right, very good then. Simple enough. All right guys, we'll catch you on the next one.