A dad talks to men rebuilding after divorce about why porn becomes a problem: it's addictive, warps what sex actually looks like, and he's seen teenage girls traumatized when partners try extreme acts they learned online. He's pushing his Brotherhood community and his book for young men.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Uh, Fight for Better Now says toys and porn are cheaper and waste less time. Well, I'm not necessarily a huge fan of pornography either for a variety of reasons. I understand it. I get it was created out of a need. This is something that a lot of women struggle with, is that the world of pornography and sex work and so forth is a response to the market, the demand within the market. It's not like some men got together in an office somewhere and said, "I got an idea for a product, it's called porn." They're like, "What? What is this?" Like, "Yeah, hear me out. Pictures and videos of naked people doing stuff." Why the hell would we do that? I don't know, I just have a feeling it will be a big hit. It's like, no, that's not how that worked. Thousands of years ago, somebody started drawing pictures of naked people doing stuff on pottery in ancient Greece and Rome, and this stuff's been around forever. And sex work is the world's oldest profession. So, but I get it. It doesn't necessarily mean it's the healthiest thing in the world. It can become addictive for a lot of men. Let's say you do that for like a year or two. And then you're like, time to go out and meet some real humans. What a lot of men realize is, oh shit, I've kind of short-circuited my brain and I have a difficult time performing with a real human. I'm so used to going from A to Z in a matter of minutes or seconds with videos and toys and so forth that when the real human is in front of me, oof, no worky. That's not good. Uh, not to mention a lot of the psychological things is it, it It, um, paints human sexuality in a very unnatural light for a lot of people. Um, it shows you a very unrealistic view of sex and sexuality in humans. Um, it's showing you a fantasy. It's showing you a hyper-sexualized fantasy world that 99.99% of us will never ever experience in your life. And it shows that that is the norm, and it's not. It's an exception to the norm, that kind of activity between to human beings. I'm talking about the really extreme stuff out there. There's some really out there stuff. And I talked about in another video how a lot of, um, oh, social workers and clinicians and so forth who work with teenagers are seeing the repercussions of pornography and teens, uh, where a teenage girl will say, you know, I've had my first sexual experience with this kid. It was his first as well, and it was— I felt very uncomfortable during it because he tried all these crazy out-there porn things with me. We did 1,000 positions. He was putting things in places I didn't want him to put, and I left that experience very traumatized. Like, I didn't like this. I didn't feel safe. I felt like I was this plaything for this guy, and he didn't take my feelings into account, and it was a very pornified thing. So we're seeing that with our youngsters. So I wrote a book, by the way, for young men called Real Talk. You can find it on the Help for Men website in the books. Go to Amazon. "Real Talk, No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men." And in that book I talk in part about porn and other things, and sexuality and puberty and girls and all that other stuff. For whatever reason, women really like that book. A lot of single moms out there, you know, dad no longer with them for whatever reason, she's struggling on how to talk to her teen boy about the old sex, and she finds this book and said, "Here, read this." And it's done really well.
