In this solo episode of the Dad Starting Over podcast, host Ralph Brewer opens with a promotion for the Help for Men Brotherhood, a private support community for men navigating divorce, loneliness, and life rebuilding. He then reads a listener submission from John, a recently separated corporate accountant who dreams of selling everything and traveling the country in a van. Ralph frames John’s impulse as a common “midlife crisis” trope, describing the “family machine” that can drain personal passions. He validates the desire for van life, emphasizing the therapeutic value of travel for self‑discovery, personal growth, and future relationship readiness. While encouraging John to pursue the adventure, Ralph acknowledges practical constraints such as job obligations, financial timing, and retirement proximity. He offers a “stamp of approval,” urging John to report back and join the Brotherhood to share his journey. The episode blends philosophical reflection, practical advice, and a strong call‑to‑action for community support.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. A post-divorce midlife crisis. Is it always a bad thing? Let's talk about it. Hello everyone, we have a new Dear DSO entry on the website and you can submit your own story or question at deardso.com. Fill out the form and if it's a good one, I will create a video out of it for the whole world to see or for the podcast listeners to listen to on the Dad Starting Over podcast available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you may listen to your podcast. If you're watching this on YouTube, do me a favor. Click on, click on subscribe, click on like, share this, leave a comment. Everything helps me out a great deal. I really appreciate it. Now on to today's submission. This one comes from John, and the subject line is Post-Separation Midlife Crisis. He says, separated from my ex for a few weeks now, so this is still relatively new. He says, it was my decision, but it still hurts like hell. Thankfully, there are no children involved. I've always taken the safe path in life, he says. Corporate accountant, homebody, people pleaser, etc. I've always had this dream of running away from society to, quote, find myself, parentheses, and examples, selling everything to buy a van and travel around the country. And now, ever since the separation, this has turned from a dream into a need. I literally cannot stop thinking about it. Curious what your thoughts are. Well, John, good one. Um, this is— I mean, this is like an old Hollywood trope for a reason. There are countless movies out there about the guy who's just had enough with his substandard, boring, you know, marriage and his boss who treats him like crap and his kids who don't seem to like him at all. And he's just like, he gives the middle finger to all of them and does his own thing. I'm like, I'm trying to think of, um, The Kevin Spacey movie American Beauty talks about this, and just countless movies about this for a reason. It's a very, very common thing. And this isn't necessarily a gendered thing. I call it the family machine, and it's something that a lot of us really get lost in. The family machine takes, you know, putting a lot of money into it and a lot of time into it and a lot of energy. And when you pump so much time and energy and emotion and everything else into this machine, you have very little time for other things such as your interests, your passion, your craft, your whatever it may be, and you quote, lose yourself. And there is probably not a man alive who hasn't dreamt of exactly what you're talking about— get in a van or whatever it may be and just get the hell away and do your own thing for you for once. But a lot of us, we have this fantasy and it comes in our mind and quickly leaves. Why? I can't, dude. I got a family, I got the kids, I got all this other stuff. And you just sit and you smile and you think about what that would be like, and you say, well, maybe after retirement, maybe after the kids are house or something, the wife and I can pursue something like that as a couple. But as far as me and my independent bachelor life, and that's just got to remain a fantasy. It is what it is. But you, my friend— hello, wife, bye-bye. Oh, you must have the kids to— no, no kids, dude. Get the damn van and go on an adventure. Discover yourself. Find yourself. Discover the country. There's so much in this United States. I assume you're in the US. Huge. There's, you know, people don't realize just what a gigantic country this is and how many different climates and different people and all the cultures and just the wonderful people you can meet and things you can learn. And don't stop there. Get, you know, plane tickets and go all over the world. You know, people like myself who have traveled quite a bit will tell you there's so much more out there, dude. But, you know, people hear me say that, will say like, Ralph is is demonizing, you know, family and kids and everything else. No, no, dude. Some people get their sense of accomplishment and their mission and everything else is wrapped in this, this frame of, I'm a family man and I want to raise good children, and, you know, I want to, uh, be a good father figure and a good husband, and I want to do all these things. And then when I die, I can look back and say, I did it, I was a good man, I did that thing. Well, others say that sounds very stifling to them, it sounds very limiting. Well, that's noble and great. That's not all there is to life. And therefore, some people are able to juggle both sets. They become a very independent person, but at the same time, they take care of their family, and they're a good romantic partner to their, to their wife, and they're a great father to their kids. But, you know, everybody knows dad has his alone time and he does his thing, the thing with friends, whatever it may be. Dad's going away for a weekend, you know, I don't know. Some people are able to juggle that world, but that, from what I've seen relatively rare. You are not, um, constricted by the kids thing, the wife thing. You are literally a single bachelor who has the whole world at your fingertips. The world is your oyster, my friend. Take advantage of it. Have fun. The irony is, is that the more you get out there and discover things about yourself, learn things about yourself, learn things about the world, appreciate the world, appreciate all these people around you make new friends, make new connections, whatever it may be. If the world of a long-term relationship is something that you wanna pursue later in life, by virtue of all these things you've learned about yourself in socializing with a wider group of people out there, you will arguably be a better long-term relationship candidate. You'll be a more interesting person, potentially a more empathetic person, just an all-around better, happier, healthier dude. Far more interesting individual, that's for sure. Like, all the, you know, life experience that you're going to be, you know, experiencing here over the next few years— because I'm saying like, dude, go do it. Um, why not? That's, you know, let's look at it from that direction. Like, why not do this? Because maybe you have a job that really needs you, the career thing. Maybe you're only a few years away from retirement. Maybe you need to hang on for a little bit. I mean, those things all could make, you know, rational sense. But if you've been a corporate accountant and being a good boy all this time, you probably are sitting on a nice little nest egg of money, am I right? Have fun with it, dude. You ain't gonna live forever, all right? So you have my stamp of approval. Get out there. My only, uh, my only requirement is that you report back and tell us about your adventures as you go through this. In fact, why don't you join the Brotherhood group And tell— we can all live vicariously through you. There's a good plug, huh? The Brotherhood. Learn more at help4men.com/join, or go to help4men.com and go to Brotherhood in the menu. Navigate to, you know, Brotherhood in the menu there and learn all about a private support community we have for men only. There's plenty of guys that would love to do what you're doing, some guys that have done exactly what you're talking about here before starting up another family or whatever it may be. So join. We would love to learn more from you I'm sure you can learn more from other guys in the group. So check it out. John, others, the Brotherhood, help4men.com. And thank you, Mr. John. Thank you. Make sure I have the name right. Thank you so much again for sharing your story and a great question. Really appreciate it. And guys, thank you for watching, and we'll catch you on the next one.
