Post-Nashville DSO Fraternity Roundtable Discussion

Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Welcome, gentlemen. This is a meeting of the attendees, if you will, of the DSO fraternity live member meeting that we had in Nashville, which was affectionately referred to by some of our guests. I think actually one of the attendees' wives called it sarcastically Bro Fest. So that's what we called it, Bro Fest. I'm wondering if we should give that, make that the official name from now on, Bro Fest 2022. Oh, pretty good name. Um, anywho, this is a, a wrap-up meeting, if you will, to get everybody's thoughts on what you thought of the meeting, to give— maybe share some little stories about the meeting, what you liked about it, what you didn't like about it, how we can improve it. And I'm going to put this out there for the world to hear, to show that, hey, this is a real thing. We got guys from all over the world on this. We have officially over 800, going on 900 gentlemen that are members of this group. And approximately 30 of us got together in Nashville, Tennessee on the weekend of September 10th, 2021, and had a heck of a good time, at least by my estimation. We got together at a very nice hotel, good dinners. We had good conversation, fun on the town, and then we had some actual formal presentations that our DSO team put together, myself and the other gentlemen on the team. So Let's, let's talk about it. Where to get started? Who wants to get started and maybe give their little overview, what they thought? If you want to use your— raise your hand there on Zoom, or how we want to handle this. What do you guys think? How best to start this? Should I call on somebody? Who, um, let me see who's on here. Excuse me while I check out the list. Let me maximize my thing here. Um, well, here's a one of the team, Scotty G. Hello!

Yeah, how are you? Doing great. I would say, um, the biggest thing with the meeting, um, was the joke that I kept telling guys when we were there is that we've known each other for so long, you know, in this group now. I've been in the group for about a year and we know each other by our Facebook profile pics, you know, um, so, uh, we kind of knew each other's faces but we didn't really know how they sounded, you know, their voices like that, that was what was, it was really kind of throwing me off when I was talking to people. Cause like, like you would think of a certain face would have a certain voice, you know, like yours, like, and the other coaches, people understand, you know, they, you know, we all know each other's voices, but you know, some people have higher pitches voice than you were thinking and some have lower, but I kept telling guys that, you know, I'm looking at Facebook profile pics with feet right now. You know, it was surreal. I would say probably I'll start out with the bad. The bad part, how I felt when I first got there. It was, you know, people kind of were trickling in and you felt, everybody, I think, I'm sure everybody else felt the same way that you kind of felt kind of lost a little bit right when you first got there, 'cause it was so awkward of a situation where, you know, we've known each other for so long and then you've got these 30 guys coming in And you really didn't know what to expect because this is the first time we did it. The coaches knowing each other, you know, I've, I've, I've talked to you before on podcasts. I think that helped a lot. But that transition was really strange. So that was probably the only bad thing about the trip, honestly, in my opinion. There were so many good things. Honestly, the best part of the meeting for me was when Mike did the icebreaker for the seminars. That I had—

I—

did you know he was going to do that?

No, I had no idea. He just said, can you give me a few minutes before the meeting starts? I want to say something to the group. I'm like, well, all right. And I honestly thought it was going to be like this heartfelt I love you guys thing, you know, or something. Yeah, which in a way it was, but it was, uh, yeah, very cool icebreaker where he gave little gifts to all the DSO team, and it was very thoughtful. I loved it. It was awesome.

It was awesome. He had this little grocery bag with him and it looked like he was gonna hand out fucking bagels, you know, like to the group, you know? I was just like, "What are you doing, man?" And he got up in the front and he presented me with the gift first and totally caught me off guard, totally, you know? And I was sitting next to Jack and, you know, he was just like, he was floored too. Like, you couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces when he did that. It was so awesome. And it really set the tone for the entire Saturday. It really did. Like that, that 2-minute thing set the tone for the entire session. And the seminars were great. For me, I became a Coach, you know, really, really not that long before this. So I was only a Coach for about a month before this whole thing started. My presentation, I put some effort into it, but I got to give you credit, TSO, that your presentation, the way you did it, It blew me away, man. You got so personal. I saw the emotion in your face, and when you started talking about your wife, and that, it honestly affected me. It really, it really did. And, you know, humanized you. You know, everybody's got this, this idea of as the author, as our leader, as almost godlike, honestly, you know, when you have so many good things in your life to be thankful for. You know, we do the work, but you provided this little road map. And, and when you did your presentation, I would like— you became human to me, man.

Um, thanks, I appreciate that. Yeah, that was the whole point, was that, you know, uh, practice what you preach type of thing. And when I do one-on-one talks with guys, you know, I do the armchair psychiatrist thing of, well, tell me about mom and dad and your past girlfriends and all that, because that really paints a picture for how the hell you you got here. And I've never really dove deeply into that about myself. I've just talked little blips here and there about mom and dad. And, you know, you guys know the ex-wife story. I probably shared a little bit too much of that. But, um, yeah, so that's what I said. I think it's time to, uh, yeah, let's, let's open up and share here so you can see who you guys are dealing with.

And it's really—

it's funny you mentioned like the, you know, the godlike status or whatever. Um, I can't tell you how many guys you know, when they first join up, send me a little message on Facebook. And I got my phone on me 24/7, so I'm able to just go, "Hey, how you doing? Thanks for reaching out. Yes, no, whatever." And they're like, "Holy shit." And it's the fact that I wrote a book that a lot of people read, that's it. That gives me this cachet of, "Oh." And to me, that's silly. I mean, I'm just Ralph. I'm just some dude.

I'm just Scott too.

I'm literally in my basement in middle of nowhere Kentucky. And it just happens to be that I made something that a lot of people like. You know, Jerry Seinfeld had a bit about you put anything and everything on TV and, you know, everyone's like, "Oh, is that so-and-so over there?" And he's like, "If you just put an orange, like a piece of fruit on television every night and then put it out in the public, people will be like, 'That's the orange, you know? Is that the orange?'" Same kind of thing. And yeah, I had some guys that I could tell were a little weird coming up to me and stuff and Oh, you're— it's like, yeah, sorry to disappoint, but this is it. So he's like, okay, yeah, I knew you were bald and I knew— it's like, yeah, thanks.

That's a good story, man. I got to interrupt you. When I met you for the first time, it was funny. We were in the little smoking bar, the little cigar bar.

Oh, that's right.

You walked in. Yeah, I walked in. I totally wasn't expecting to see you, man. So I walk in, I came up with a couple other guys, you know, I saw the other guys over there and you know, starting to drink and then what it was is you were sitting in this chair, this really fucking tall chair like a throne, like a Godfather, you know, like chair, you know? And I didn't see you, you know, because the back was turned to me so I didn't see you and then I literally turned around to say hi to Nur or somebody and you scared the shit out of me, you know? So I walked in there like, "Hey!" Yeah, like I was like, "Holy shit!" You know, like, "It's DSO!" You know? And it scared the hell out of me. Like, it totally— I didn't expect to see you there. So, it was funny! But you're totally in The Godfather chair. It was so funny!

Perfect!

Perfect! So, yeah! Thanks for sharing that! Appreciate it! I didn't mean to interrupt with my, you know, but chipping in on the weirdness factor. There is that awkward thing. Now, let's address the awkward thing. I think it'd be less awkward if we were a bunch of dudes getting together talking about race cars or something like that, you know, to use your past thing. What we're talking about in this whole relationships and what we bring to it and self-improvement, and we all get really vulnerable in these groups and stuff, it's— yeah, we're putting ourselves out there. And then, hey, it's me, the guy that was just sharing my really embarrassing story last week. Remember me? So That's— I think that's the undercurrent of some of that awkwardness you feel. Not to mention, it's just weird meeting people for the first time and all staring at each other going, "Well, so what do we talk about next?" Because that's another thing. What do we talk about next? Because we've kind of already shared everything, haven't we? So, yeah.

That's the thing. Like, that when people— like, I think that's what the bond was, honestly.

When you—

Y'all know so much about me that only a few select people on the planet know about me, okay? Um, and some things that, that not one specific person even knows, you know? So there's so many intimate details out there that we've shared with each other, and that was the bond. I think that it just— when we actually got to talk and, and, and, and shake hands and, and have a beer and just hang out, you know, just be guys, just, just, just screw around and just have a good time. It took a little time for us to get really comfortable with each other, but Saturday night when we went to Broadway, when we were all just hanging out, holy cow, that was awesome. Like, you know, people like me and Jack with the experience and newer, like, you know, we were players in the day and we were, we were teaching some of the guys that were single, um, you know, after Chapter 7 and, you know, teaching them proper ways to approach women, you know, and to like doing on-the-job training, you know, like that, that, that was so much fun. And yeah, I just had such a good time. I mean, I got home, I don't know, it was late, you know, and, um, it was, it was a great venue. Like Nashville was, was perfect. Um, and, um, yeah, it was, it was pretty awesome. So, and then working out together too, like in the, in that, that Saturday morning was pretty awesome too.

So yeah, that was very cool.

Very cool.

The gym was awesome. Yeah, for those that don't know, the, the, this, the stage of events went, um, we meet all each other at Friday and we went to a cigar bar, cigar slash bourbon whiskey place, just the ultimate manly, smoky, dark area, you know, just what you think of. Then out to dinner. Um, next morning we all went to the gym and worked out, which was really cool, and some of them, some guys went on a big run. Very cool. And, uh, but we started the day off right, active, which is kind of what we preach and all this. So, um, and then after that, met up at the hotel and had presentations all day long, and then took a break, and then, uh, went to dinner, which was a big, very manly, uh, protein-filled buffet. And then, um, after that, we went on the town, and some guys were out till, what, 4 in the morning at the latest, I think. Yeah, I called it too. My body said, "You're done, you're an old man, go home," and made the long walk. I did a lot of walking too. I don't know how many guys there lost weight during that weekend because I know I did. I lost a few pounds just, I guess, from walking. I don't know.

Drink a lot of beer, man.

I didn't know all that much. Well, everybody kept handing me drinks all damn night, and eventually I'm handing them off to other people going, "I can't, it's impossible, otherwise you're gonna have to drag me out of here." I hit my limit. And yeah, I was feeling it the next morning. I am not the party animal like some of you guys are. 4 AM? No, I don't know about that. I think Mr. KF, initials KF, I think he was out till a good 4 in the morning. I don't know, were you? He says, "Yeah." Yeah, all right. So cool. Now, one cool aspect to this that I noticed was I had, and maybe it's by virtue of being the man in the situation was I had a lot of people kind of like, would you mind if I pulled you aside and chatted with you one-on-one here for a little bit? I'm like, that's fine. And, um, uh, Nora and I had a very nice long conversation from, you know, he left with me at 2 AM. We left the, the bar and had the giant long walk back to the hotel, and we yapped the entire way there about his situation. Really good one-on-one. And Scott is making a gesture. Yeah, we saw almost a couple of our guys almost got into a fight with somebody on the street. That was kind of interesting. Hey, that's what happens when you get a bunch of dudes together, right? So, um, but those good one-on-one chats, I, I really like those. Very valuable. You know, you get lost in the chaos and the noise of a big crowd of guys, and you know, that's great, but then when you pull somebody aside, that's when I thought it was really valuable. I wish I was able to do that with all 30 guys, and as this grows and grows, that's going to be even tougher. But we do have, I suppose, the one-on-one sessions and the, and the forums and stuff for that. But can anybody else attest to that, or anything else that, uh, sticks out, please speak, and what stuck out about the whole weekend, what you liked, didn't like. Open the floor to anyone. Scott M., would you like to chime in?

Sure, man. I absolutely loved it. I'm still recovering from it, as you can hear from my voice. We had so many cigars, had such a good time, and me being a consummate smoker, always doing my meetings with a pipe. Yeah, people were shoving cigars and drinks down my throat. I ended up with an upper respiratory infection and I am still recovering that. In fact, you were talking about that one-on-one time, Scott, and we got a lot of that with a lot of guys. And that's really, I think, what we needed. One of mine was probably one of the loudest that I ever had with another SM here. Him and I were yelling at the bar Saturday night, just having a good old heart-to-heart honest discussion in the middle of this party town. And it was one of the most, most surreal things that I've had in a very long time because it was somebody from a completely different background that I normally would not get the chance to interact with. And oh my God, my eyes have been opened so much.

Yeah.

Um, it, it, it expanded me and I cannot imagine any other way that I would have got it, gotten it. And I've sought it out pretty much all my life, and finding this group has really allowed me to do that, to just connect with other people of other walks of life and realize that we are all the same.

Um, we had a pretty good diverse group, we really did. And as we grow, that's going to grow more and more diverse. And the, um, the gentleman you're referring to, the other SM, if you're listening— I know he's busy working right now I'm going to pick on him for a little bit here because he's the first person I met of the entire group. And so he texted the group. We had a little Facebook group chat amongst each other and he said there, "Hey, I'm downstairs." I'm like, "Well, I am too." So went out to where he said he was. My first thought was, "Okay, what the hell?" Because the other SM, initials SM, not sadomasochism, he He has, and I think he will be the first to admit this, has kind of painted himself within our discussion group as the somewhat neurotic and not very good self-esteem dude. Not like he is the one, but that's what— that's the, that's the image that he painted. I see this man and he stands up and I said, get the fuck out of here. The guy's like this tall, dark, and handsome, and I'm like, okay, seriously? And we're talking and I'm like He's the most normal, good conversation, down to earth. And I'm like, okay, if this man were single, I'd be like, all right, come on, we're just gonna take your pick, whatever woman you want here, there you go. He was one of those guys and just totally blew me away. So that was my very first impression of, wow, how different internet dude versus real life dude is, and how much putting that, um, you know, how you paint yourself on the internet and well, with whomever, however, how much that matters. Putting that first impression out there, he had to really battle that first impression and me sitting there with him for the first hour going, "This doesn't compute. This does not equal the guy that I chatted with online all these months, if not year plus." So yeah, very interesting.

That really speaks because I felt the same way about a lot of guys. And what I realized about halfway through the meeting is that I wasn't seeing the masks that everybody puts on every day when they go out to work and they interact, that we actually have a group where people don't have to put on the mask and they are truly themselves. They are vulnerable. They, they speak their problems and look for honest, solicited feedback like you would with your bros around a fire, you know. It's just, we are not local and we have the ability to just open up and talk about what's going on, give honest, helpful feedback, and just watch each other improve. And when I realized that the person that we see in our fraternity is definitely not the person that we interact with, and knowing that there is that dichotomy, uh, It really opened up because then there was no boundaries. You know, we talked about the most amazing things that I never thought we would have in a public discussion forum, let alone, um, anywhere else. I know I've had a couple of conversations that were extremely enlightening.

Well, good, good. And I— you guys can attest to this— there was a definite energy after this event. You could tell it from the online chatter and so forth. Everyone's very keyed up and hyped up by this. And from what I heard from the guys in the middle of all this when we had the event was, I would ask some, do you have anything like this? Do you have anything like this ever in your life elsewhere? You know, you and a bunch of dudes getting together doing stuff. Way too many guys said, nope, not at all, nothing whatsoever. Um, occasionally maybe, and this is my story, occasionally maybe, um, some dude will have a free weekend away from kids' stuff, fingers crossed, and we're able to have a beer for a few hours. Or I'll have to schedule something months ahead of time with my buddies from Illinois and we get together and go do something. Other than that, regular dude time, it's super, super rare, unfortunately. So a lot of guys were thrown into this. Not only was it super awesome dude time, but there was purpose behind it. There was this Everyone's there, you know, hugging and having a great time and it's awesome! And it was just almost too much to take in for a lot of guys and when they were done, they were just like, "I'm ready to run through a brick wall!" And you saw that the positive energy came from this where some guys were like posting online pictures of themselves, "Hey! Some accountability!" I saw a bunch of guys that were in pretty damn good shape and the positive energy from this, so... "Here's me now. I'm gonna lose so much weight later!" or "These are my goals!" They're listing their goals and that's what I took away from— that's what made me say, "Damn! This is awesome! This is really awesome!" And it's just filling a hole that a lot of guys have in their life right now. Unfortunately, it's sad to say— good for us that we have a group that is able to fill that hole for a lot of guys! And can anyone attest to that or expand on that at all? Scotty G?

Yeah, for sure! That's one thing I noticed especially when we were talking at the very end of the seminars. So when we started doing the Q&A a little bit, the back and forth, how people were talking back and forth, I could tell for sure. I could feel from some of the guys that they've never really seen us like a real confident man. So like, you know, that's not an asshole. So like somebody that cares, somebody that actually has lived, lived that. And that energy that they were building off of that, I know of a couple specific guys in the group that were talking more confident and probably never have talked that way in their life. And the questions they had, it was just, that was pretty awesome. And I can't really put it into words really. How I felt when we were up there talking and just doing just the brainstorming about what we're going to do next and it was so exciting, man! Like, it was— you could tell that the people were touched and really, it was sinking in and it was soaking in and you could tell people had changed, you know, from that morning to that afternoon. I mean, I saw it!

Yeah, for sure! And we've had some gentlemen on the discussion groups before express the sentiment of, "I've never really been part of a buddy group and that is very intimidating to me." And all these years I have assumed that that meant bullying. I'm going to be ostracized. I'm going to be shoved aside, cliquish, you know, whatever. So for some of those guys, I'm sure some of those guys were in that group over the weekend that were like, "Huh, this is kind of new to me." And wow, holy crap! It's Pretty awesome! And boom, the energy from them, and you can, like you said, the metamorphosis and the change overnight for sure.

Yep, especially, you know, we interacted, like we went to dinner, um, you know, and, and it went out, you know, and, and, and just went out into town. And that's— it was funny because it was, it was almost— it almost felt like not real, uh, when we went out originally, like when we first started going to Broadway, like, um We all went out and it was almost like all the energy from the seminars all of a sudden, like, it was— we scattered all of our sticks to the wind. Do you remember how that happened? Like, we went out there and it got really busy and everybody lost each other, like, immediately. Like, like, let's go, you know? And all of a sudden, like, people ended up at like 4 different bars at once. So like, we had—

let's paint a picture here for people that don't know and aren't familiar with the world of Nashville. And by the way, We're in the middle of a pandemic.

Yeah.

Yeah. But picture this, an ocean of people filling a street shoulder to shoulder. How many masks did you guys see?

Zero.

None.

None.

Now, you guys realize now where I'm at in Kentucky and everything, big deal. And then I spend part of my time in Texas, doubly big deal. Like, whatever, masks, schmask, who cares? There are parts of this world like in Maine where my wife used to work, where they are still holed up in their apartment and they don't go to the grocery store. They don't go out to— they don't do any of that stuff. So, you know, I tell people like that, and some people listening to this right now, we're recording this, they're going to be like, "I'm sorry, what? You're shoulder to shoulder ocean of people?" Like, they had no idea this exists. So there may have been some guys in our group that are seeing this going, "Well, holy shit!" And so it's very easy to say, "Hey, 30 guys, here we are in this ocean of people." Yeah, pretty quickly you're like, "I just lost 25 of them! What happened?" So we learned pretty quick and then like, I don't know how many of us ended up at that one bar, the one that I ended the night at. There may have been like 20 of us at that.

That's pretty much where everybody landed. You know, we went to— I was with Kenny originally and he needed to take a leak. All he was doing was looking for a restroom.

He's like—

so we pretty much just piled into one of the bars that had a toilet, honestly. And that's how we got lost. So everybody else just went everywhere else, and our phones started blowing up on the Messenger, like, you know, where's everybody at? And I figured we'd probably end up at Kid Rock, and that's where we ended up because there was a group of guys that went there the night before.

So Nashville is doing well. Oh yeah, every place was packed with lines around the block. Again, in the middle of what's supposed to be a pandemic that keeps everyone home and scared, everyone's like, eff this, I'm going out and having fun. And so it was interesting to watch. Yeah. Um, gentleman has his hand up. I'm going to start— I'm looking at my screen here. Uh, D initial, first initial D, you have your hand raised, sir. Would you like to chime in?

Yeah, I was just gonna expand a little bit, um, on what you're saying about, uh, a lot of guys coming back energized, or maybe Scott was saying that. Um, that's exactly how I felt. Um, Probably about a month, 6 weeks, uh, before the trip, I had kind of fallen off the wagon a little bit as far as self-improvement. Wasn't going to the gym consistently, consistently, and, uh, fell off the wagon on my diet and everything. Um, but since I've been back, I've been— I mean, balls to the wall diet, exercise, work, relationship. I mean, all self-improvement stuff that I had had been doing for months. I mean, I just jumped right back on the horse like I had never, never left. And it just kind of made me want to be more active in the group, you know, give advice and try to help other people get to the point where I'm at. I feel like my marriage did a complete 180. I was to the point where I was ready. I was about ready for divorce. Had the healthy talk with her and everything. And just from, you know, the self-improvements and everything, it's, it's completely different, night and day, from where I was a year, year and a half ago. And Kenny and I, or KF, whatever, we, I mean, within a week from when we got back, we talked to a friend of ours and got him to read the book. He read it in a day, um, and he's— he was like, man, it's so simple and it's so, you know, eye-opening. Um, just— you just have to do it. Um, and then I gave my cousin, uh, for— he just got married last weekend, and I, uh, I gave him the book for, for his wedding. I'll probably start doing that for basically everybody I know that gets married. Don't let yourself fall into it, you know?

Yeah.

Another thing from the trip that I mentioned in the group was, you know, it was just crazy to me that we had, you know, 30 guys there and everybody got along. Like, everybody was happy to meet each other, happy to talk to each other. There was no kind of animosity or anything except for a hot dog vendor that we didn't know. But other than that, I mean, I thought the whole thing was great and it definitely got me right back on track.

Good.

Yeah, that's the other aspect of being in a— sorry, I'm going to let someone else in here who's coming in late. Another aspect of being in, what do you want to call it, a tribe or whatever you want to call it, is holding each other accountable. And sometimes it's enough just to say, "Damn, that guy looks pretty good, man. He's older than I am and he's got how many kids? Shit, I better step up my game." Or, "That guy's doing well in his career. Maybe I should just go pull him aside and say, 'You got any tips?'" It keeps you energized. And when you're holed up in your house away from everybody and all you can talk to is your wife and kids, you don't get that same kind of energy for sure.

Yeah!

So, totally tell— I can totally relate to what you're talking about. Absolutely! Thank you for that and Kay, next on my list. Mr. Kay!

What's going on guys? So, I'm gonna go back to the get-go of all this, right? Like, I remember in a lot of the Zoom meetings and stuff like that, we guys were craving, um, the actual like in-person interaction with each other. Like we all wish we could just sit around, hang out, and talk to each other face to face. I personally walked into the— I walked into this thing not knowing what to expect. Zero expectations, and I think it came out to be exactly the way it needed to be for everybody. Like we— like it's been said already, um, everybody got along. There was no tension between anybody. Um, it was develop— further developing healthy male relationships which a lot of us, especially the guys who are, you know, recovering nice guys, that's a, that's an area of our life where we struggle. And, um, I'm definitely one of the guys that walked away from Nashville pumped up, ready to go. Um, like Dee had mentioned, like, I had fallen off the bandwagon big time with the gym. My diet, everything like that. And since I've been home, there's a whole— I don't know, rekindling might be a good word— of desire and determination for my self-improvement. Um, it was fucking— man, I'm still in— there's still a shock factor to the whole few days that we were down there for me. And I don't know, man, it was just— if we could do more than one a year, I'd make every single freaking one of them, I'll tell you that much.

Good to hear.

Good to hear.

Well, you know, who knows? We're already talking about what are we going to do, where are we going to go for, um, next year. And I'd say what we're thinking is, uh, for now, what we're thinking— nothing's been arranged at all— but, uh, April is what we're thinking in Texas. We'll see. So springtime Texas. So big, big nod from KF there. And who has his hand raised? So perfect segue. Mr. KF, sir, what would you like to say?

All right, here I am.

Sorry. There you go. No, just— I think I'm probably going to touch on a lot of points that the other guys made, but, um, but yeah, it was bizarre to me to get this many people together And for us to just— we kind of hit the ground running. I mean, I felt like when I was walking into the lobby of the hotel, I could kind of look around besides knowing sort of what some of you guys look like, and you could point out who was, who was here in this group. I felt like, um, the hotel was, was great in my opinion. I think it was, was really nice. Um, at the cigar bar, I think we ended up pretty much taking that place over. I think all, probably all 30 of us ended up being there at one point. And I didn't feel like there was a single person in the group that I couldn't walk up to and just have this meaningful conversation. Um, so I think the first night I elected to get to bed fairly early because I knew that I wanted to make the gym the next morning with everybody. And I think that was a good experience too, you know, We have more than half the people, or I feel like close to half the people go to the gym and you had other people running. So everybody was kind of the same mindset as far as the physical fitness stuff goes. And I felt like everybody, uh, you know, went pretty hard at the gym just because the environment and the group kind of what that called for. Um, the presentations, I have sat a lot of hours in those hotel room conference rooms but it's been for a whole lot more boring stuff than what we were doing. And I know we were in there for a little while, but I feel like every coach's presentation drove points home. Everybody had a different one that I felt was very important. And Saturday night obviously was a blast. I mean, we— Scotty G mentioned that we got separated, which— I think after a couple of minutes of walking in downtown Nashville, you're like, yeah, 30 of us, it's impossible for us to at least stay together until we figure out where we're going. So I, yeah, I had to, I had to take a leak and I needed a beer. That was my two things on my priority list. And we found a spot and made it happen. And, uh, we then we got in the group chat and Kid Rock was, was awesome. And I had a, I had a large time.

So And just so we're clear, um, for people listening, we didn't actually get to meet Kid Rock. He had a— he has an establishment, like a big club there that's like 3 floors, and it's called Kid Rock's something something. I don't know what it's called.

Although I felt close to everybody before, before we got there, you know, I've shared some pretty, some pretty intimate stuff with, with these guys, you know, in the, in the posts and through Messenger and, and things like that. And so I Honestly, I threw awkwardness out the window before this trip even started. I, um, I knew that I was gonna be able to, to open up and talk to these guys because we were pretty close. Um, but I feel like I left Nashville with a heightened sense of that. I've made, um, even closer friends, you know, than we were before with some of the people. And we talk, you know, I try to keep in touch with, with, uh, there's at least a half a dozen of you or more, so Um, D— Devin mentioned that, um, just coming back and, and carrying that momentum with you is a big deal. Um, we have a Spartan Race coming up that, uh, this past week, you know, I've really tried to focus on what I need to do to get ready. So, um, just house projects, I've been knocking things. I just kind of felt some momentum, and I still do.

Good deal, good deal. So we can see the importance of doing these on a regular basis. Keep that momentum going. If we just do it every couple of years, you know, if we do it once or twice a year, that'd be awesome. Um, we have—

I think so.

Yeah, yeah, thank you for that. Thank you. Uh, Mr. RH, I see your hand is up. Would you like to, uh, say hello?

Hey guys, can you hear me?

Yes, we can.

I said I'm fairly new to the group, and Nashville was, uh, was kind of new to me. Uh, I was introduced by my brother, but I do want to make one quick note. Walking down, uh, in Broadway and walking into those clubs with not an ounce of intention of hooking up or looking at other women, even though it was flocking with chicks, like, oh my God, it's everywhere. But the fact that we didn't have that in our mindset kind of made us stand out, and that pumped me up. You look around, you see all these guys drooling, and we're hanging out as guys and just enjoying.

We were probably the guy—

we're probably the group that had the most fun in the entire Broadway section over there in Nashville, just because we had no expectations of taking some chick home or whatever. It is awesome having that off my shoulder, man.

Well, good. So, so typically for you going out on a town like Nashville, you would be preoccupied with 'Can I get a girl? Can I get a girl?' 100%. Yeah!

And this trip kind of changed that, that my— the way I walk in life in general.

Interesting!

Walk around.

Yeah!

And that's what I took away.

And what's funny, any guy will tell you who has luck with women, the more you give off that, 'If I get a woman, great. If not, that's great too.' The more that vibe you have, the luckier you're gonna get. It's interesting how that works. That's why, that's why, um, you often hear people compare women to cats. You know, that cat that you're just like, you know, the— when you see the cat, you're like, oh, come here, kitty, and it runs away from you. Like, what the hell? And then you go sit down and you're like, oh God, here comes the cat, and the cat's just rubbing all over you. Same kind of, same kind of thing. Um, had another gentleman, uh, Scott M.

Hey, I had to interject actually. Um, I, I need to speak directly to KF. Um, Friday night I was taking my wife and son out to a steak dinner, um, going out on a date, family night, enjoying myself, driving along. I get a notification and, uh, at a red light I look at my phone and he has one of his challenge coins sitting on his bookshelf with other military coins. And, um, it touched me so much I had to pull over because I could not see because of the tears in my eyes. You, you just don't know how touching it is to be put in that place of, in my opinion, respect and honor. And I can't thank you enough. It was worth every moment just to see that, man. Thank you so much.

That's awesome.

That's awesome. And for those that don't know, we had these— and thank you, Scott— we had these little challenge coins, these heavy metal challenge coins, which is a kind of harkens to a military tradition where they have these little coins that they trade and do these challenges with. And we had some made for this event. We're going to have them made for all the future events too. And guys grabbed a handful of them and passing them out to others and so forth, and which follows along with that military tradition, which I'm not a part of. Somebody else can better explain it than I can, maybe. But thank you for that. Yeah, those, those were huge, and it's good to leave with something tangible that kind of shows like you're kind of part of the club, so to speak, and something there. And they're very good quality too. Scott M. was— he had the connection to get those made, so thank you for that. Somebody else had their hand raised, and I apologize, I didn't, I didn't call on you, and the hand went away. So if you do want to— Ah, there he is! Mr. M, hello, sir!

Hey, uh, just my perspective. Uh, I, I think I was the oldest guy in the group, and, uh, when I first got there, it was a little awkward, uh, because I know a bunch of the guys are a lot younger than me. But I guess the first thing that got me was when you walked in and are you gonna give me a hug? And just at first, it was like awkward hug because you're talking guys you've never met before. You know the voices, probably seen the pictures. But presentations went well, great meetings, a lot of great conversation. I was able to share a lot with other fellow brothers and don't feel ashamed sharing stuff. They did the same to me, give some great feedback. Uh, the workouts, uh, Jack killed me, my deteriorating body, but that's fine. But, but I just gotta say, as you know, pretty much didn't want the night to end. Just had a really great time, enjoyed the cigars, the beer, the fellowship. Uh, and, uh, and I pretty much tried to stay up all night, uh, to watch the sunset. I think Mike was around because there was some dude fucking up a tree, some drunk dude that Jason and Andy had to help out. But other than that, it was an outstanding trip. I got back a lot more energized. Although I was, I had been working out on a regular basis, when I got back, I was more determined. My workouts were longer. I was actually, you know, so I set some new goals and I've been hitting them. And I just want to thank the group because I really couldn't have done it without actually having attended this, because otherwise it would just be the plain old me just going through my daily routine. So, I appreciate the energy that I got and I'm looking forward to the next trip.

Well, thank you. Thank you for coming. Appreciate it. And AM, sir.

Hey, freaking, one of the, uh, the, the best parts that I enjoyed about the trip was really seeing a little bit of backstory. Again, for the listeners, I recently got divorced, you know, just a few months ago, and starting to get out there into the world and, uh you know, being a single guy again. And, uh, you know, like I said in my Facebook post, uh, it was a really— it was just perfect timing of a good chance to see where I'm at with, uh, you know, getting out and being on my own again. And, you know, definitely identified some shortcomings, but all the shortcomings were just in my head. And Scott Jeetske, doing that on-the-job training right there with, you know, some of the guys that this comes more naturally to, it was just an invaluable learning experience and really revelatory of how we can help each other out beyond just bitching about stuff on Facebook.

Sorry, I need to unmute my mic there. So not to pick on you here, but I'm surprised to hear you consider yourself personally to belong to the camp of guys that the flirting, the picking up women and stuff is somewhat foreign to you. You're not very good at it by your estimation?

Yeah. Yeah, I would say that.

I mean, am I alone here in saying that kind of surprises— I'm surprised to hear that. Um, I pegged you as kind of being one of the ladies' men amongst the group, to be quite honest with you.

Uh, a lot of it— I've improved a lot. So to where I am right now, yeah.

So what we're seeing is not the AM from like 6 months ago?

Definitely not.

Okay, cool. Interesting. So I can vouch for that.

I can vouch for that. Yeah, he's come a long way, buddy.

So there's still getting there. There's still some of that residual old you lurking in there that's kind of infecting your, your body and brain a little bit. Where a guy like me from the outside who just met you, I instantly said, well, there's one of the guys that's gonna leave with a girl tonight. And which, by the way, again, not to pick on you anymore, I did see you flirting and grab-assing with women at the bar. I mean, That's not— yeah, yeah. So I guess this— I'm putting you right alongside with, uh, the other gentleman, SM, where I'm like, really? I don't see it, you know. So interesting. So it's just a few short months. This time next year, what you're going to be?

Oh yeah, hopefully, uh, needing a life ring, but, uh, you know, that, you know, that's part of the— just the real value of the trip was to have that kind of immediate feedback of, dude, why are you missing all these easy layups right now? And, uh, yeah, it was good.

Very cool, very cool. Well, thank you for that. Anybody else need to, uh, would like to chime in at all? Didn't say anything. Uh, let me— if not, let me open a one question to everyone. How can we make this event next time better? I'm open to any and all ideas. Anyone? Going once. I guess that's it. Yes, Mr. MG, go right ahead.

I was curious if we should make it mandatory that we have to bunk with another dude.

I'm gonna say no to that one. Oh yeah, I see, uh, Scotty G is saying, uh, no, he's doing the cutthroat. Yeah, I'm of the, uh, I like my space. I don't know about you guys, but I like my little space. When that door shuts, I know the rest of the world's gone. So if there's a somewhat strange dude in there with me, even if, even if I consider him an online buddy or whatever, yeah, I don't know, I'm not going to be able to unwind. But that's me. Um, I don't know, what do you guys think? No, nobody knows on that. I'm sorry, but hey, matter to me either way.

I just thought it would be another icebreaker for—

well, I mean, you know, that's not an unusual idea, right?

There are other groups that you go to where they're like, you know, they pair you up with somebody and that's your buddy for the event type of thing. So that's not unusual.

But yeah, for me personally, I don't know, you might have like an extrovert and an introvert in the same room and that might help to kind of break the ice for the rest of balance each other out.

Yeah, good thinking, good thinking. Uh, anything else?

I actually did bunk with somebody, uh, was going to during the meeting, but immediately after, uh, spent 6 days with my best friend who was actually at the meeting with us. Um, and by the time we were done, we were ready to get rid of each other. So I'm gonna have to nix that idea.

There you go, there you go. Any other ideas? Anyone at all? Yes, sir. Scott.

Yeah, I have. I just thought of something that, uh, one of the best parts about the meeting too. Um, you know, this is really not— it's not constructive criticism or anything like that, but it was when we were sitting at the dinners, you know, the— especially the barbecue joint on Saturday. Um, we— I don't know about the other coaches, but we basically had these little impromptu coaching sessions with other guys. And I, I did a little coaching session within my table with about 3 or 4 different guys at the same time. And I don't know about the other guys, but I, I felt that there was a serious amount of knowledge being transferred, um, just over dinner. And it was— that was a really special thing to me to because you could really see the light bulbs coming on where guys, they may not have ever had coaching sessions before and they didn't really realize the benefit of that where, you know, instead of just exchanging Facebook messages and, you know, a lot of that stuff gets lost in translation and you can go over so much material in a short amount of time when you're face to face like that. And I'm assuming that the guys that were with us, at least on my table, they could probably say that they took away a lot of information. Just like I said, just— we were just hanging out, you know? And I just wanted to add that there.

You know, there was— and I believe MG at the event suggested— when we have these seminars, would it make more sense to instead of here's one seminar for everybody and you all have to sit through the next 4 or 5 seminars, what if we had little breakouts of, all right, A little mini seminar over here for 30 minutes about dating after divorce, a little mini fitness seminar with a personal trainer Joe Blow over here, whatever. Does that make more sense? And then we could have one big or two big, you know, everybody sit in a room kind of intro outro thing, but otherwise it's broken up. Now logistically, I'm sitting here thinking it's a bit of a nightmare having different rooms, different locations, different people running these things, but it's definitely possible. This is not a completely foreign concept. What do you guys think of that?

That's a great idea, man. Where, uh, like if we had signups, uh, for certain coaches, you know, like if you— because you can't have too many people in the room because it's just going to be too many people. But like maybe like 10 at the most, do like a workshop, you know, sign up with this coach saying, you know, this guy that fits my, you know, fits my story more. And you can do an hour workshop with that one coach and like in a separate area. That's a great idea for sure because you know, then that way you really focus on their particular stories instead of just doing this just general, you know, once-over seminar that we were doing. So, awesome!

And in that same vein, so right away my brain's crunching with, well then we're going to need people to put on these little mini seminars. What about bringing people from outside of the group have no, you know, affiliation necessarily with the fraternity, but, you know, famous authors. If you want to come and give a speech and promote your book or whatever it is you're promoting, you're welcome to come and give an hour or two presentation to whatever group it is. So, hey, we'll have this author talk about this. Yeah, go ahead.

I vote for Kiminami.

I want to That would be interesting.

She's mine. She's mine. I'm all over that one.

You could put on a demonstration of her, uh, of her special skills there.

Can we get her and Venker to debate?

Oh my goodness, can you?

Oh boy, that, that would be crazy. That would be crazy.

What can we do to, uh, and kudos to everybody, by the way, that came for having the courage to come to this meeting, but what can we do to assure other gentlemen that, you know, this isn't something to be scared of and there's no judgment involved and, you know.

Yeah, I think things like this help because, you know, that's why I was pushing for, can we get some video testimonials and audio testimonials? That means a lot more than just some text on the screen that frankly I could sit here and type and just say, yeah, Joe Blow from Cincinnati says the fraternity is amazing. Who cares? But if they see a face and they hear a voice saying, Guys, this is a legitimate group and it's really great. And this is what I think, the more we do these type of things and the more meetings we have, this is just going to grow exponentially. Right now we're adding them at a pretty good clip, you know, uh, it's gone up there 50 to 60 every single month. And as you can see, we don't have that much activity in the forums and stuff. We're not seeing 50, 60 new guys at the forums, or in it, you know, it was, it wasn't a struggle, but it took a while to fill up 30 seats for this event that we had. I think that's indicative of Um, a lot of guys aren't really quick to jump the gun and say, yep, I'm there, whatever it is. Even if it's an online thing, I'm getting involved. People are kind of reserved, especially when it comes to this personal talk type of thing. They just kind of want to sit back and just observe, lurk if you want to call it that, not really get involved. Um, I have a lot of guys in the group who I think they believe so much in this whole Dad Starting Over thing, and they love the content, that they're almost like just giving me money every month as a thank you and they don't do anything. They don't download the audio, they don't log in because I can see there's a good chunk of people who have never ever log in, who never look at the audio or nothing. They're just like, here you go, thank you. This is— and some of them have bluntly emailed me, this is just a big thank you. I would love to be more involved, but I have no time. So we're always going to have those guys. But how do we get more and more guys to feel comfortable with this? It's It's a sales pitch, isn't it? And I'm a marketing dude, and I know that if you want somebody to go to your website and buy this product or learn more about it, it's going to take a lot of touches. Um, you know, 12, 14 touches. They see a little ad on Facebook, they finally join and read some posts, they listen to 12 podcasts, etc., etc., and finally they go, all right, now I can pull the trigger. What's interesting is that we have, you know, with the nature of the internet and what it is and everything, I can— I have a lot of stats that show me definitively the actions that people take before they go, "All right, I'll join the fraternity." And most of those people come from purchasing outside of my website, like Amazon and Audible and so forth. So I'm no dummy. I realize I need to promote that Audible and Amazon side of things more because that— I think buying from a retailer like that gives it more cachet and more importance and it looks more legitimate. So those people are more apt to join the group. So that, that's on my shoulders.

I—

that's my responsibility to promote that, those channels some more. So that's what we're doing. But as far as you guys, just keep spreading the word like what you guys have been doing. You know, I love hearing these stories of, I told my brother, my cousin, my friend, one, one little guy at a time, and then it just kind of snowballs from there. Boy, I see a lot of activity, um, I say, "I see." For those that are listening to the audio of this, I'm on Zoom. We're all on Zoom and guys are using their cameras. One guy's emptying the dishwasher. Got another guy on a walk and we lost several there. I know we got one guy out working right now. And so, and there's another guy on his porch and— Oh, and RH, you're at work right now. I see that, right? Yep. He's got a store, so that's cool. So very cool. Anything else before we wrap this up, guys?

Does anybody have a universal definition how to get past the title of the book where you're trying to not offend somebody passing on the book?

Yeah. That's the double-edged sword is the fact that—

I love the title personally.

Yeah.

That's what caught— I wouldn't change it.

There you go.

But you represent the majority, and those are the people that I think like, oh, a book about sex, right? That's, that's what gets people in because I'm a dude and that's my biggest pain point right now is I'm not getting laid and it really bothers me. Oh, look, there's a book about it. Like I always say, if I, if I called it Hey Dude, Become a Better Man, it wouldn't have sold anything because it's just a gazillion books. So how do you get past that? I think some guys have done a really good job of selling it as give this book a chance. It really has helped shape me in my life and it's about more than just sex. Trust me, just give it a shot. Thankfully, it's a quick read, relatively quick read. So, we're not— it's 40,000 words or something like that. So, we're not talking about a giant novella that they have to sit down and devote weeks to. So, that helps. The audio version also, that's my biggest seller is the Audible and it's cheap. It's like $6.95 or something like that as of now unless they bump up the price. I have no control over that, unfortunately. So, um, yeah, I don't think it's, uh, that difficult of a sale to get over that hump. And well, here's another way of looking at it. If it's a guy who's like, I'm not going to read a book, or I don't want to have a book around me that's about that, I don't know if they're necessarily a good candidate.

I would agree.

We can't appeal to everybody. Just— this group ain't for everybody. So there you go. Anything else? Anyone? Oh, I see SM!

Hey!

There's his pretty face! And anyone else?

I just want to say, yeah, it was absolutely terrific! All expectations were blown away! Any preconceptions I had about meeting other people were completely incorrect. So, as they were about me as well, as you said in the beginning, and anyone, I would really recommend anybody join the frat! There's a lot of good information there. Again, it's a lot more than just about your relationship. It's about fixing everything and basically just, uh, un-messing up everything that's messed up in your life and get a new start. That's what I wanted to add.

Thank you for that. I appreciate it. Thank you. And just to reiterate, for those that aren't familiar with what the hell we're talking about, it's a members-only group. Go to the website dadstartingover.com. I apologize if you've heard this sales pitch before, but we have a members-only group called the DSO Fraternity, and, um, it has member-only articles, member-only, uh, podcast. We have live meetings, and we record all of these live meetings, of which we're approaching 200 live meetings that are recorded, and each of those are an hour plus. So you can see, just in the meetings alone, that's a lot of content to catch up on. And while you're in the middle of trying to catch up on old meetings, we just keep adding content on a weekly basis— new podcasts, new articles. New meetings being recorded, and also these books that I'm talking about, one of which is The Dead Bedroom Fix, the other book called Now What?, and the other book called Red Flags. You get access to all of those in PDF format as well as audiobook format. And here recently we added the ability to listen to all of the audio that I'm talking about right from your telephone's podcast app. Pretty cool stuff. So there's really no excuse not to listen to all this new cool stuff that we have going on. Oh, and I failed to mention the online discussion groups that we have as well, which are very, very active. All these guys on this call, they're very active in those groups, and we're all talking and comparing notes, uh, 24/7 basically. You can wake up at 2 in the morning and check the phone, there's a new conversation going on. So pretty cool stuff. So join us. Shortcut to get there is to the dsofraternity.com domain, dsofraternity.com, or you can go to dadstartingover.com and click on the DSO fraternity logo, and that'll get you there. So join us, we would love to have you. Worst case, check it out and you're out $14.99 for the month. If you don't like it, uh, no, no hard feelings. It's not for everybody. But if so, we would love to have you. There's also annual and then lifetime membership options as well. So there's the sales pitch. DSO fraternity, check it out. And we'll see if we can get another live meeting going in the spring, possibly in Texas. Fingers crossed. We'll see what what we can do. Um, does anybody else have any last words of wisdom before we hang it up?

If not, well, the only, the only thing I want to add—

yes, sir—

other than what, uh, everyone else has already said is that I've never met a group of guys that were so legitimately concerned for one another. I, when someone in one of the meetings took off their shirt, I almost stood up and took off mine and asked everyone else to do it. I mean, we have put in a lot of work. And everyone is really, really proud of everything they have achieved in their journey.

Every—

I have nothing but positive things to say about everything that happened over the weekend in Nashville. My favorite part was definitely going out to the cigar bar with Scott and a handful of other guys. And just like everyone else, the feelings are mutual.

Excellent.

Thank you.

Thank you for that, Mr. G. Appreciate it. And if that is all, guys, I'm gonna say one last big thank you to all of you and to all the DSO fraternity members that are, uh, listening, weren't able to join us. Thank you, guys, and look forward to seeing you on the groups, seeing the live meetings. And in our next, uh, big Bro Fest meeting though— oh, what do you guys think? Should we call it— should we make that the official name, or is that too hokey? Is that too, eh, douchey? Yeah, I'm kind of on it. MG says let's do it. Bro Fest. RH, what do you think? Bro Fest, thumbs up, down?

Bro Fest is good enough, man.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Good. Oh, KF's kind of— yeah, I got 3 is and okay. All right, we'll think about it. All right guys, Thanks so much. And for those of you listening, dadstartingover.com. We'll see you on the next one.