Ralph Brewer, known as Dad Starting Over, introduces the REBUILD audiobook and his Help for Men Brotherhood community. He's mentored over 1,000 men through divorce, job loss, and identity crises, and built a 24/7 online space with forums, coaching, and courses. The audiobook excerpt explains how the community helps men find purpose and connection after major life upheaval.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting.
Introduction. Why this book exists. My name is Ralph Brewer, but most people probably know me as DSO, which stands for Dad Starting Over. I've been creating content under the DSO name for almost a decade now. You may have seen my bald but beautiful head yapping away in countless videos you can find on YouTube, TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, wherever your mindless doomscrolling may take you. You may also have seen one of my 4 other books I've written, or the hundreds of articles I've penned about my take on life as a post-divorce man. The Dad Starting Over name came from one of the absolute worst times in my life. I was in my late 30s, cheated on, divorced, and completely lost. The life I had built— gone. The identity I had carefully constructed around being a husband, a father, and a good guy— kaput. I had no clue how to rebuild from the wreckage that my life had become. I had spent 30+ years building up a structure that was, at its foundation, extremely fragile. Enduring infidelity, divorce, and being a single parent showed me what I was really made of, and it wasn't pretty. Once I paused, put the suffering aside for just a moment, and looked at myself for what I really was, It was nothing short of mortifying. I was weak in every sense of the word. Yes, I was nice, as many people loved to remind me on a regular basis, but I wasn't a man. I wasn't the kind of man people naturally turned to when things got difficult. I wasn't the husband who made the other women think, "That's the kind of partner I want." I wasn't the employee who made the executives think, "we need to fast-track this guy before someone else steals him." I was competent enough to keep my job, agreeable enough to avoid conflict, and reliable enough that people didn't worry about me. But I wasn't someone anyone particularly admired or wanted to become. And you know what? I knew it. Deep down, beneath all the pleasant interactions and surface-level success, I carried a quiet certainty that I was fundamentally disappointing. Not just to others, but to myself as well. That self-awareness was both my curse and eventually my salvation. Over the years, thanks to the success of books like The Dead Bedroom Fix, I've been lucky enough to be able to talk to and mentor men from all walks of life. I've worked with executives who got laid off after 20 years of loyal service. These were men who defined themselves by their titles and company parking spaces. Suddenly wondering who they were as men without a business card. I've coached business owners who lost everything in market crashes, fathers whose children died, and men who had heart attacks at 45 and realized they'd been sleepwalking through life. I've talked to veterans who couldn't find purpose after retiring from the military, empty nest fathers whose kids moved across the country, and successful professionals who woke up one day wondering if all their achievements were just expensive ways to avoid living. And yes, I've spoken to hundreds of men who heard the dreaded "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" and then were served divorce papers and probably found out about the wife's secret lover. Do any of these sound familiar to you? A couple of years ago, I expanded beyond my personal DSO brand and started Help for Men, helpformen.com. Our HFM organization has gotten me featured on mainstream press outlets like Forbes, News Nation, and New York Magazine. Though for some reason they always want to talk about politics, which is my absolute least favorite subject. Of all the important work we're doing to help men rebuild their lives, they picked the one thing I'd rather avoid talking about. Oh well, at least they help spread the word about HFM. But here's what matters. I've had one-on-one conversations with over 1,000 men. I've exchanged emails and messages with thousands more. Over at the HFM Brotherhood, our private support community for men, and you can learn more at help4men.com/join, we have lively discussions 24/7 on our private forums. We have also had over 1,000 hours of live member meetings over the years, all recorded by the way. So yes, I've heard a lot of horrible stories. While every man's story has different details, The themes are all the same.
