Ralph Brewer was fired from his remote job that paid 75% of his income while on a family road trip. His employer cited COVID, but he knows his divided attention toward his growing Dad Starting Over business made him a less attractive employee. The firing freed him from steady paychecks but intensified stress on his marriage and his need to prove the business works.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. My day job was different from most. I worked from home 90% of the time, 100% during COVID and I worked for several different companies at once. I was on the payroll for one company, and they accounted for about 75% of my pay, and then there were several other little companies that paid me by the hour for my time. I did pretty well, especially considering that I could do the work from home while in my pajamas. Nobody questioned my time or made sure that I worked 9 to 5 every day. They just wanted the work to be done and to hit certain deadlines, and everyone was happy. I was the go-to guy for getting shit done in a timely manner with no drama. And this is a rarity in the creative field that I've been in for over 20 years. It's no secret that the DSO world has taken up a great deal of my time lately. 2021 has seen a huge boom with the DSO Fraternity, book sales, coaching, the podcast. I got a whole lot going on. And some days it was absolutely way too much work alongside the old day job. But I somehow managed to make it work and kept everyone happy. Well, out of the blue one day while I was on a road trip to Texas with the wife and baby, I get an email from the boss of the company that paid me my 75% And in a nutshell, it read, "Due to COVID and other assorted nonsense, we decided that you're not really worth the extra expense of your salary anymore. So your last paycheck is going to be in one week. Thanks for all you do." Ouch. I'm not going to lie, that stung a little. Now, keep in mind, I have been mentally weighing the option of dropping my day job for quite a while. I told myself that when I get to 1,000 paying DSO fraternity members and X number of total sales dollars every month, that I can comfortably finally call it quits. Well, I guess Mr. Bossman beat me to the punch. After the sting of that email wore off, I was left wondering what really happened. Was it really COVID or just strict financial decisions? Well, to be honest, that's not the complete picture. Basically, I was dumped. Like with any relationship, there are two sides to the story. On my side, I'm saying that the quality of my work has never suffered and that their financial situation really wasn't that bad, not as far as I know. In fact, I was there for this company through several severe financial swings, some way worse than this. And it was only months ago that this company was bragging that they were not adversely affected by COVID because much of their work that they did was considered, quote, necessary, and employees were allowed to leave their homes and come work on the factory floor since day one of the COVID lockdowns. While everyone else was cutting back, they were putting out help wanted ads. So that doesn't really jive with because of COVID we need to let you go. I think if they were honest, they would say you're just not that attractive of an employee anymore. Why? Well, because of the DSO world. My attention was elsewhere. Pre-DSO me would get an email asking if I'd like to attend an employee meeting. I was on the payroll, but I wasn't really there for the day-to-day stuff like most. And old me would be there 30 minutes early before the meeting. Of course, I would just sit there and stare and say nothing for an hour. And then I leave saying to myself, well, that meeting could have been an email. The new post-DSO me though, he gets that email and he replies right away with, is there anything for me to contribute to this meeting? Because if not, I'd prefer to stay home and attend via Zoom. That's a 2-hour round trip. And I have a lot to do that day. The same work is produced, same quality, same attention to detail, but obviously I'm not as gung-ho about being part of the team as I once was. There were lots of other little examples like this that I interpreted as, you know, good for me. I'm not taking as much bullshit and I'm still getting stuff done. But they probably took it as, yeah, we're losing him. He's not all in like he was before. And you know what? They were right. Like a bored housewife who starts flirting with her hunky CrossFit coach, or the guy at work who gets a dirty text from his sexy secretary, coming home to the old ball and chain just doesn't have the same appeal. Something else is getting all of my attention. Something more rewarding and something quite a bit sexier than the old reliable day job. You know, that's great for me, but not so much for my partner/employer. Nobody likes to think that they're playing second fiddle to somebody else. And you know what? I would probably fire me too. They can spend all that money elsewhere and get somebody else who is just happy to show up for the meetings, willing to play the corporate game and be an all-around better team member. He or she will probably make everyone feel better about that paycheck that they send out the door every week. That's just not in my wheelhouse anymore. I've turned the page on that guy. So things just got real for your boy DSO. The cord has been cut. I have removed the golden handcuffs of a regular paycheck and benefits. Now it's up to me to get this DSO thing amped up a few notches. Now, before any of you yahoos email me with, "Yeah, but your wife's a doctor, dude," men, have I taught you nothing? Because that means absolutely nada. If I were to say to her, "Hey, I'm going to take some time off and stay home with the baby," you'd be able to hear the audible click of the marriage countdown clock beginning. She's with me in part because of my ambition and my hard work ethic. She loves this DSO thing and the fact that I'm so passionate about it. Now it's just a matter of proving to her and to the world that this is not just some cool little side gig, but it's a sustainable business that may be something that I can pass down to my sons. With my drive and passion for this business being so high, The sudden urgency for more success has taken my stress to even higher levels. As any entrepreneur will tell you, I can quite literally fill every single hour of every single day with work. There is always something more I can do. That is not a great recipe for a guy who needs to take his stress down a few notches. I may see it as good stress, but it's stress nonetheless. The brain isn't meant to be churning away 24/7. But mine has been for a while now, and I'm feeling the effect with less sleep, less patience, and an inability to be still for more than 5 minutes. And that's no bueno. If you could do me a favor, if you haven't yet, try out the DSO Fraternity. This is the best way for me and for us to grow the DSO world. You can join us for online discussions, live meetings, DSO Fraternity podcasts, articles, discounts on coaching, and the live in-person BroFest. Thanks so much for listening, guys. I appreciate it. Have a great one.
