Why Some Wives Hate When Men Take TRT and Viagra (from a DSO Live Event)

Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Um, let's say a dude is like, um, goes to the doctor. I'm not feeling too good. Doctor's like, dude, your blood pressure is pretty high. And he's like, oh shit. He's like, yeah, um, if I may be so bold, Mr. Patient Man, you need to lose like 50, 60 pounds. You're overweight. The guy's like, oh shit. Yeah, um, I'm gonna give you blood pressure meds, uh, I'm going to, um, uh, strenuously suggest that you hit the gym. And change your diet immediately. Here, I can refer you to somebody for the nutritional help. Go join the gym, do some cardio. At your age, let's say the guy's like 55 years of age, right? 55, 55 years of age. It's important you do like resistance exercise, strength exercise. Every study seems to show that the more resistance training you do, the healthier it is for you as a man, etc., etc. And then he— and the guy goes, I ran your blood tests Your serum cholesterol is way too high. I'm going to put you on a statin for that. Diet and exercise will help with that as well. Maybe then we can wean you off the statin. And by the way, Mr. 55-year-old man, your testosterone is really low as well. That may be as a result of your weight, maybe this and that, but if you'd like, if you got like one of these really liberal progressive type of doctors, and not politically in terms of medical care, this is not that usual, Not that normal, by the way, but every now and then you'll get a doctor that will say, "If you'd like, I can prescribe testosterone to you as well." And then the guy's like, "Anything else we need to talk about here, Mr. Patient? So I got the blood pressure med, you got your statin, how about some testosterone? You're gonna go lose weight, right? Right, okay, anything else bothering you, Mr. Man?" The guy says, "Well, actually, on one of the rare occasions that I'm able to get it on with my wife, what she will allow," Again, typical average dude. Um, I have difficulty, the old Johnson's not working like it used to, erection quality is like down. And the guy goes, eh, not unusual for an overweight 55-year-old man with blood pressure problems. That's pretty normal. It will probably improve with your weight loss. We get your blood pressure under control, all this other stuff. But if you'd like, I can also put you on a low-dose Cialis, Viagra, something like that. On a daily basis. It's perfect for you. It probably actually help with the blood pressure and everything else, and that will help with the erection thing. So guy goes home with a pile of stuff. He's got his testosterone and his blood pressure meds and his statins and his Viagra, and he done, and he comes home and he's like, look, wife, look what all I got. What do a lot of wives— and this is something that Dr. Sykma hinted at, not hinted at, hit at in one of her posts. The reaction by a lot of Y-ups is, "I don't like that." And the guy's like, "What do you not like?" "Testosterone." "Mm." "Viagra." "Mm, definitely no." "Well, why not?" "Those two things are just gonna horn you up, dude." The distance between you and I libido-wise is like you're up here and I'm here, the woman is saying. Testosterone, Viagra, it's just going to do this. It's going to grow the, the distance between the two of us. Not healthy for our relationship. And the guy's like, huh, I don't know if I like that. That sounds kind of controlling. It sounds like a wife who's like succumbing to an old age or whatever it may be, and I am wanting to fight that. I want to be healthier, I want to be more virile, and yes, more youthful, and I want to feel good. And this doctor says my blood pressure is high, and I don't see any problem with any of this? Are you trying to say, wife, that if there was a female Viagra equivalent— which there's not, by the way. The men and women are different in how we work sexually and biologically. There's no such thing. If anybody ever tells you this is the female Viagra, it's bullshit. They're way more complicated than we are. But anyway, if there was a female Viagra equivalent, are you saying, wife, you wouldn't take it? And a lot of wives are like, no, I don't give a fuck. I don't want— I'm cool with the way things are. I don't want to take that. The guy's like, huh, that doubly sucks. So there's no right or wrong here. I'm very biased, obviously, as a dude. Here's my thinking as a 50-some-year-old— I'm not 50-some, almost 50-year-old dude. I'm jumping ahead in the future there. Let's say I'm a 55-year-old dude. If I'm a 55-year-old dude, which ain't too far down the line for me, I'm gonna inject, take, whatever, as long as I'm healthy in the process. To stay as virile, energetic, healthy, live long, do whatever, be strong, and all that stuff. And yes, if it has the ancillary side effect of increasing my libido, so be it. Part of me, my knee-jerk reaction is, that's a wife problem, not a guy. That's not a me problem. You're unhappy with that I'm improving myself because it may have the ancillary side effect of increasing my libido, which you have a problem with? Mm, that don't sit well with me. Now, if the end result is, but I want us to stay together, the case could be made, well then, wife, I'm here, you're here, and I'm going like this. Maybe you should— novel concept, right? Maybe you should kind of catch up with me. If it's a race, so to speak, it's not fair, it's not nice. A lot of this stuff is not nice, is it? It's not lovey-dovey, wholesome, sweet, safe, secure, comfortable. I'm likening back to, or hearkening back rather, to what I talked about. I got a little timer here that shows me 30 minutes ago or so. I mentioned when familiarity, comfort, safety come in the front door, what goes out the back door? The eroticism, the over-the-top sexuality, and everything else. You are saying as a dude, let's bring some of this back, and she's saying that She understands it innately. That means that this comfort, security, that goes out the front door a little bit, doesn't it? A little bit, yeah. Let's be honest. Let's say 55-year-old, 50, 60-pound overweight dude suddenly loses 60 pounds, suddenly literally has the six-pack abs, and his testosterone goes from 190 or whatever it was to a total of 800-something. That dude's gonna feel a lot better. That dude's gonna be running through walls. That dude's gonna be ready to take on the world. That dude's gonna be horny as shit, and she's not. And that is not, quote, fair, and that is not good for the relationship, meaning it's gonna cause the disparity to grow even further between the two of them. A lot of people have the mindset of kind of, welcome to the real world. It's almost like a sexual capitalism, isn't it? You know, some people complain that the wealthy just keep getting wealthier, that there's a growing disparity between the haves and have-nots, and it's not necessarily fair. And if you ask the people over here with— that are working really hard, and like a, like a CEO, serial entrepreneur type that just sold his company for billions of dollars and he's working on the next company and he's got another company and he's working on this deal and he's working on that deal, he's investing millions, you know, one of those kind of guys. Not necessarily healthy, but there's some people wired that way. If you went to him and said, you need to cool it with all the work and you need to come down here to catch up with— so there's less disparity between the two of us, he would tell you, go fuck yourself. Excuse my language. He would tell you, go fuck yourself. Um, versus those people down here are like, no, no, no, I don't like the disparity. And so the woman is kind of the the have-not in that scenario. And then, and the man in that scenario was the CEO that just sold his company for billions of dollars, and he's ready to do the next deal, the next deal. And she's like, this is not fair. Ask him, he says, I don't care. Ask her, and she says, but I can see you, we're distance, we're growing apart. Okay guys, enough of me talking. What do you guys think about all this? Am I making sense here? Is this from a guy's point of view, from a gal's point of view? Ladies, if you are on with me live here today, please do not feel afraid to talk. I do not hide made any— I'm— this is not anti-woman by any stretch of the imagination. I'm hoping you listen to this and say this is a valuable perspective from a guy that maybe you hadn't thought about before. Um, I did a, a chat with a gal, and I will be doing another— I will be on her podcast next week. Monica, last time I spoke to her, she has her own YouTube channel, podcast, and so forth. She is of the— you know, we talked about the up here and down there— she's up here. She's shooting whatever into her body. She has, you know, she went to the doctor and said libido's down, I don't feel so good, and they put her on the hormonal replacement therapy and she's like, I ain't going back, new me. And she said what a lot of women say when they go on those kind of therapies, I finally get it. Get it meaning what my husband, his thought process when it comes to all this stuff. She is now more on team dude. She feels it. And she's like, I understand now, and I'm not going back. And her whole mindset has shifted in terms of what it takes to keep this relationship machine running. It's not so much resignation as it is active work. And some of that active work is kind of shallow and not so nice, and it involves the physicality and staying in shape and working out and injecting this and taking this pill and da da da da. And yes, some of that may result in libido going up and oh, 'Can't have that.' Well, she's like, 'I like that,' and she's— she is better attached in a stronger way to her husband as a result. Is that bad? Is it bad because this woman over here says, 'I don't want to go down that road of shooting and injecting and all this and medical interventions. I just want to be me'? That's not bad either. She has every right to say that. God bless her. I always say I love the comfortable, sweet grandma. My comfortable, sweet grandma didn't inject things and go to the gym at 50, 60-some years of age or whatever. She was baking cookies and pies. If that's you, that's you. Cool. But it may not be your hubs. And is that bad? I don't know. Interesting to think about.