In this episode of the Dad Starting Over podcast, the host first promotes the Help for Men Brotherhood—a community offering forums, Zoom meetings, coaching, and his books—to men feeling isolated, divorced, or stuck in dead bedrooms. He then critiques a New York Times article that claims women in former socialist Eastern Bloc nations reported higher sexual satisfaction, more orgasms, and less stress than women in capitalist societies. The host explains the article’s argument: universal healthcare, job security, and reduced financial dependence lowered women’s stress, leading to increased libido, citing a study showing East German women reported twice as many orgasms post‑reunification. He highlights the article’s omissions—lack of personal freedoms, scarcity, propaganda, and nostalgia bias—and argues that the real driver of female sexual desire is reduced stress, mental load, and financial anxiety. The host connects this to modern Western women, stating that safety, support, and low anxiety boost desire, while survival mode suppresses it. He warns against simplistic political interpretations and emphasizes that both working and stay‑at‑home women experience stress, especially financial dependence. The episode then offers relationship advice: men should alleviate women’s stress, create emotional safety, and build polarity, while recognizing avoidant dynamics where women shift “goalposts.” He advises men to understand anxious–avoidant patterns, avoid over‑compensating, and recognize that change requires both partners’ willingness. Throughout, he repeatedly promotes his book, The Dead Bedroom Fix, and the Brotherhood as resources for men seeking guidance. The episode ends with a call to like, subscribe, and join the community.
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Okay, if you're a frequent listener of the Dad Starting Over podcast and you find yourself saying, "Yeah, that sounds like me," well, you don't need another podcast episode. What you need is support. The Help for Men Brotherhood is where men go when they're done pretending that they got it all handled. You know, your dead bedrooms, your divorce, your loneliness, your rebuilding life. We have private forums, frequent live Zoom meetings, one-on-one coaching, courses, all my books at no additional charge. And yes, we get together in person. Real men and real conversations. So stop doing this alone and join the Help for Men Brotherhood today at help4men.com/join. I look forward to seeing you in the next member meeting. Hello again, guys. A follower recently sent me a link to an article that she— yes, a woman— thought that I would find interesting. The article makes the bold claim that women who are living under a socialistic regime had more sex, more orgasms, and more sexual satisfaction overall compared to women that live under a capitalistic system. So overall, the tone of the article is, hey, yeah, sure, oppressive communistic regime, but hey, great sex life. Okay, let's slow down a little bit here, shall we? This article is in fact the perfect example of how stress, mental load and emotional pressure can affect a woman's libido. Libido is another word for sexual desire. And before all you conservative guys go there, this is not a pro-socialism type of video. This is just a reality check. This article, like anything else that we can read, has a little something that we can learn from. The New York Times article basically argues that women who lived in the communistic, socialistic Eastern Bloc nations before the unification of Germany had universal healthcare, maternity leave, job security, and no, they did not depend on their men for financial security. And because they were less stressed out about life overall, they in turn biologically were more free to have orgasms. In fact, one study showed that after reunification, meaning after East Germany and West Germany, you know, joined back together after the wall fell down, the women that lived in the eastern part of Germany reported twice as many orgasms as those who live in the Western part. How interesting. The women who lived under the communistic regime reported less stress. Their life was simpler. They had less anxiety. They had to make fewer decisions. And yes, they had less of a mental load, to use a popular modern-day term. So the story isn't that communism equals better sex. The story is that women are extremely sensitive to stress and uncertainty, and yes, the old mental overload. Of course, let's not overlook the fact that the article misses some really important negative things that come with living under a communistic regime. You had no freedom to travel. You had no free speech. You had scarcity when it comes to basically everything in your life. Your consumer goods, extremely poor. Then you had the old government propaganda that you had to deal with. And then of course we have the old nostalgia bias. People looking back on their life that was will always look at it through rose-colored glasses. What a lot of people don't realize is when they look at what was, that usually going back in time had more energy, your hormones were different back then, and you had fewer responsibilities overall. So for a lot of those people taking their surveys, for example, it may not necessarily be that communism gave them more orgasms. It could be whittled down to youth gave me more orgasms. Okay, so as I mentioned, what is there to learn from such an article? What is there to learn from going back in time and looking at the way women lived back in the communistic eastern part of Germany? Well, women today in today's modernistic, capitalistic western world report that they feel more sexual when they feel safe, supported, not overwhelmed, not drowning in responsibilities, when they don't feel anxious about money, and when they don't feel like they have to carry the entire emotional load of the family. In other words, women's desire for sex plummets when they are in survival mode. You can think of it as Mother Nature's way of saying, you don't need to be making more babies right now. You need to focus on fixing this situation that you're in, this stressful situation that you're in. Now, what a lot of modern-day men do is take all this information in and say, you know what, this points to something that we conservative men have been saying for years, that women don't need to be out in the workforce. They don't need to be in the office and worrying so much about making all that money and getting that next promotion. Women need to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, gosh darn it. Well, guys, it's not so simple. Because guess what? Stay-at-home moms are just as stressed out as the old working woman. They're exhausted and they are burned out. And often with a one-income family, where the guy works and the woman stays at home, for example, there is financial anxiety. The woman is worried about having enough money to pay the bills, to buy the things that she feels she and the children need. And when we look at factors in real day-to-day life that influence sexual desire, financial anxiety for most is number one. Ask any guy who has a stay-at-home wife sitting at home and he will tell you that she often says, "Did you get that promotion yet?" Having enough money for the day-to-day life is frequently on her mind and she feels completely out of control of the situation. She's dependent on her dude to bring home the bacon. Very stressful for most. Again, the old mental load, which is another word for just being stressed the hell out about things in life, that kills romance between a couple. Desire lives within relaxation. And if a woman has a growing to-do list, even if we as men look at that to-do list and say, you know what, 90% of the shit on this list no one asked you to do, wife, it doesn't matter. It's on her mind. And that absolutely kills sexual desire in your average woman. A woman cannot be stressed out and sexual at the same time, period. If she perceives chaos, instability, tension, resentment, no support, if there's no polarity there, if the man is just entangled with her 24/7, which leads to more stress, then the sex life dies. Who sees this more than anybody else in the world? Married men, dads, men who are anxiously attached to their partner, which is most of you watching this. Men who say, "My wife changed after kids." Well, no shit. So this article makes a good point, but it didn't necessarily have to go down the old communist road to get there. The article could have been titled, "Women Have More Sex When Their Lives Are Easier." So you're the average dude sitting back and watching this and go, "Okay, message received, dude. I've heard this my whole life that my wife needs less stress, but what the hell am I supposed to do about it?" Well, first you need to better understand what's going on here. You need to understand the emotional stuff. The, the mental and physical dynamics at play here, which is literally why I wrote the book, The Dead Bedroom Fix. Check it out at deadbedroomfix.com. And it's why we also have a support community for men that we call the Brotherhood. And you can learn more at help4men.com/join. Men need a support structure, accountability, and guidance from other men. You need to learn how to build attraction and that very necessary polarity in a relationship. No, women don't become magically more aroused within a certain political system. That's nonsense. Women feel more sexual when the relationship feels more emotionally safe. How many of you have heard that one? When their life feels more manageable. You can do all of that without communism. You just need the right framework and the right plan in place. And it is not going to be that simple. Trust me, I know. I've been married. Twice. Second one's still going strong, knock on wood. But for a lot of you anxious guys out there, what you're going to discover is that your spouse, who is probably very avoidant, she does the old moving of the goalposts, doesn't she? For those that don't know the term, the woman will often say, "If you just did this, then I would feel more connected to you." And what most women, you know, point to is, "I feel so stressed. If you would help alleviate some of my stress,", then I in turn would feel more connected and attracted and safe and everything else with you, mister. And so if you're like the typical anxious guy, you jump to attention, you do more housework, you help out with this, you take over this duty, you take over that duty. Some guys to the point where they're like, hold on a second, my wife is doing nothing but sitting on her phone on the couch all day. And what she does is go, oh, I see that you did the 8 things that I mentioned. Good job. Um, here's 8 more. She keeps moving the goalposts so that you can't hit the you know, successful field goal, to use the football terminology. And what a lot of guys rightfully conclude is, seems that no matter what I do, this woman's always gonna come up with an excuse to not connect with me. Yes, that's avoidant woman 101. I have plenty of videos that talk about that dynamic between an anxious guy and an avoidant woman. Just search through all my videos, search for avoidant, you'll find it. Or check out articles at help4men.com. A lot of you're just beating your head against the wall and you're never going to get there. Not unless she, Miss Avoidant, raises her hand and says, "I need help. I'm putting up a lot of walls between myself and all my romantic partners, and it's getting me nowhere in life. And I'm setting a bad example for my kids and how two people are supposed to live together in a loving relationship." Unless she makes that proclamation, unless she finally comes to that realization, you have zero hope of turning this relationship around because it takes two people. And yes, as a guy in a long-term monogamous relationship, you're going to have to contend with a person your female counterpart there who is far more susceptible and far more sensitive to the everyday life stresses that you and I also feel. She feels it tenfold. Hell, probably even a hundredfold. Welcome to being a married guy in a long-term relationship. It ain't easy. Nobody said it was supposed to be easy. What you have to decide is, is it worth the work? And for some of you, it's flat out not worth it. And for the rest of you, you have a very good woman on your hands. You just need to yank your head out of your ass and get to work. That's what my book The Dead Bedroom Fix is all about. And that's what our support community, the Brotherhood, is all about. So check it out, help4men.com. Guys, thank you so very much for watching. I do appreciate all of you. Give me a like, give me a subscribe, and we'll catch you on the next one.
