Episode 243: Mama It’s Ok

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza. Have some wine and join us on the whiny palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the whiny palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday. No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Winey Blues Wednesday with the Green Family. You gotta get the dog.

Okay.

Oh, Ella's kicking me.

Or instead of have some wine, let's have some Simply Spiked Peach. Mango Peach.

Oh, mango tonight.

You like some mango? Yeah, that was one of your top 2 flavors.

So when I go to the grocery store It has begun. And if they have new drinks, summer flavors, I will try them. And peach was calling me. So it's a, it's a variety pack of peach, different peach combo flavors. I forgot to tell Nikki she loves peach. I'll have to remember to tell her. Oh, I want to try some.

You weren't just playing Vanna White and modeling it.

I, I forgot. So, um, it has been quite the week over here.

Very busy. Lots of abnormal stuff.

Um, this is probably our busiest week in May, I would say. And, um, we had our pipes ripped up from our front yard. Tanner, please back up. We had our pipes ripped up from underneath our grass in the front yard and replaced.

Yes. We have beautiful new PVC pipe.

We have beautiful new pipes. We were having a plumbing issue and it was because the trees were in our pipes. Our pipes were 60 years old.

Yes.

And we needed new pipes. Tanner, back up. My dog is on top of me. So now my front lawn is a mess. So neighbors, if you see this, I apologize. My front yard is a total disaster and They are not waiting 2 to 3 months to fix that.

We had this conversation already, and I texted the owner of the plumbing company and I told you what he said.

Remind me what he said.

If you take the dirt away, that's going to sink and you have a 1-foot dip in your lawn and you will be more upset than you are right now.

Right, but what about the fact that the dirt is like—

it's going to sink a foot and be smooth across, and then they will come to topsoil and plant grass seed and it will be pretty again. Speaking of which, I have to remember to start watering the dirt.

No, we shall see what happens. But my front lawn is a mess, and guess what? Now my back lawn is a mess.

Yeah, but that's for a happy reason.

Have you looked at the backyard?

I did go in the backyard to check it out, but that is— it won't be a mess in a day or two, and you will be very happy.

Um, so we bought a kayak pool. Yes, it is big. Hopefully it is beautiful. We'll let you know tomorrow and we'll show you a video. They were supposed to build it today, but when they showed up and brought their equipment in the backyard and started, um, digging up the grass where the pool is going, um, he said that his equipment was sinking. Did I tell you that?

Yes.

So he's like, it's too wet. He's like, it's gonna dry out more, we'll be back tomorrow. So let's hope tomorrow when they show up that it's dried enough for them to actually build the pool.

Yeah.

So hopefully it will all be done tomorrow. But the front yard is a disaster. The backyard is a disaster. And I'm twitching.

Okay. The front yard is not a disaster. It has a long strip of extra foot high dirt. It's on one section.

I don't like it.

I know, but like the word disaster, like Hurricane Katrina is a disaster.

Okay.

You got an inconvenience of some dirt that's not pretty. Not to minimize your feelings, but it would make you feel better if you did not label it a disaster.

Um, our word choices are very, very important, and Seth is all over my word choice.

I probably didn't communicate that well enough.

My friends think that I have really positive word choices.

Okay, well, is disaster a positive word choice?

Um, that's not our topic. I'm hoping that It's not going to take the whole summer for my front yard and backyard to look normal again.

Your backyard's going to look normal in like 48 hours.

Did you see all the ruts and everything in the backyard?

There's going to be a pool there and you're not going to see them. It's going to be all perfectly smooth.

I'm not going to worry about it. You aren't worried about it. I'm going to stop twitching.

That's good.

I went in the backyard and I was like, deep breaths.

It's going to be all right. You're going to love it. It's going to be great.

It's going to be great. Um, so we just got back from school. Ella was inducted— is that the correct word? She was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society, which is like, I mean, we're just so proud of her. What a year she is having. We're so proud of her. And, uh, she's gonna be graduating from middle school and moving on to high school, so This is crazy. This happened to Ross and things were back to normal very fast.

Oh, thank you, Pamela.

Pam, I needed it. I need some reassurance that my front yard— I'm waiting for my neighbors to be like, uh, when is it?

When are you fixing this? They didn't pay for it, they shouldn't care. Like, seriously, I don't comment on their stuff.

So you don't care what your neighbor's houses look like?

Okay, other than there's one person who looks like he's got a junkyard— oh, in the garage, it's always— it's open and it's ridiculous. Other than that, no, I do not. And that house is not next to mine, so no, I do not care if they had work done. Okay, they're gonna— it's not my business to go over, poke my nose in and criticize them and go, are you gonna hurry up? They got enough stress.

Okay, well, I'm curious who that neighbor is, so I will ask you after the show next time we go on a walk. Oh, Oh my goodness. So, um, I, I labeled— I, I wrote a little letter to moms. So if you go to whinyplousa.com, you can read the letter to moms. It's, um, I labeled it Mama, It's Okay, because—

tell yourself—

um, because every mom I see is like, they're like, what? I'm not doing it again. Um, if you're listening, some people are going to listen to this and not watch it. Um, I made a deer. I made a deer in headlights.

I made a Home Alone face.

I mean, Emma, I am so proud of our daughters. I didn't get to talk to you. Um, my husband and daughter were ready to leave.

I wasn't chasing you out of there. That was Ella.

Okay, that was Ella.

Blame me for this.

Okay, I won't blame you.

I was eating the snacks.

Seth was eating the snacks. Ella was ready to go. I didn't get to talk to Anybody.

My God, you only talk to 2 people for like 2 minutes each. Like, I don't know how you are deprived like that and live with those conditions. You did not get to stay for an hour and talk to people that you saw 2 days ago.

Oh my God, will you stop?

Yes.

So anyways, I'm gonna have some more peach. So every mother that I see this month has the same expression on her face, and every mother that I have seen has apologized for something, and it's been stuff that—

girl, stop apologizing.

Yes, isn't that a book? I'm— that's what I should give out.

There you go. There's your product.

That should be our next book for our book club.

Margaret, girl, wash your face.

I don't—

stop apologizing.

I don't want to hear anyone, including myself, including myself— I don't want to hear any of us say I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I can't volunteer. I'm so sorry I missed that sign Stamp Genius. I'm so sorry I didn't see your email. What else was on my list, Seth? Um, I should have printed out my list.

You were late, forgot what you had to go from one kid's game to another kid's game.

Oh, I have mothers who, who are missing games because they have multiple kids in multiple directions. Um, the best was, and I love that she didn't apologize for this, when I got to the ceremony tonight, my friend was sitting behind me And I have to tell you, I had to pick up Lily late from school. I had to run home to make dinner for everybody before the ceremony. Max was like, where is my dinner? He could cook. I know that that's what's going to come back at me, but I made a super fast dinner and fed everybody super fast. It's like this super fast speed.

Yes, forget Rachel Ray, this was like 15-minute dinners.

And when I got to school, my friend was like We didn't eat dinner. We had some muffins and some donuts. And I was like, oh, I love that.

That's what you should have done.

Muffins and donuts.

Carve it up.

Max, that would not be acceptable to Max. No. So I love that she was like, eh, muffin. I say feed them muffins in the car, feed them bagels in the car. What can you feed them in the car from one thing to the next? So yes, do I try to feed them healthy? Yes.

That was a healthy, delicious, nutritious dinner you made.

I understand that, but I'm not prepared to do that tomorrow for multiple reasons. So we will order food.

DoorDash, baby.

So anyways, I want us all to just like breathe through May and stop apologizing. And we're all in the same boat. Like the whole— I'm trying to remember the stuff I heard today. It was like, oh my God, I was late for something. And I don't know how I'm gonna get from A to B. People, we are one person. We had pizza. Oh, that was so smart, Emma. I think that's what we're gonna do tomorrow. Um, tomorrow's busier. This is a crazy week for me, and you know what? I'm gonna do my best with dinner. I'm gonna do my best with the laundry and the dishes and the work, and some stuff can slide.

You know, I'll do dishes. Laundry can wait. They won't run out.

I did a lot. I did a lot today. Um, wait, what did you say? Laundry, dishes? There was something before that. Oh, so I had a neighbor stop by and talk to me, and she said, I am so sorry. She's like, first of all, I don't go on Facebook. Second of all, um, I miss everything. I miss everything. And She's had a lot of stuff going on, a lot of very important stuff, important stuff that is more important than Girl Scouts.

Okay.

Okay. So like, whether it's cheerleading, dance, football, Girl Scouts, sometimes we have more important things going on in life, like really important things that take precedence over— I'm— it's okay. It's okay. I've missed emails. Oh my gosh, so my friend calls me about Girl Scouts and I, you know, talk to her about the food drive and what we're doing this weekend and I'm gonna drop off a lot of food on Saturday to fill up our food pantry. Our local food pantry is pretty much out of food.

So I did not know this. Yes, can we write a check and buy them some food?

We can. Well, I'm gonna go to Aldi's or Wegmans and fill up some food, um, but Saturday morning I am bringing food. We collected lots of food for the food pantry. So you, if you live local, you are welcome to bring me food before Saturday at 10 AM, um, because I have to go bring it to the church before 11, I believe. So anyways, um, I was explaining to my friend the food drive and what we're doing, and we were talking about Girl Scouts, and she was ready to go, and I'm like, you are not leaving this conversation. I'm like, I know you're all caught up and we talked about Girl Scouts, but let's talk about dance because I missed all the dance emails. Didn't know tickets went on sale this week, didn't know it was picture week, didn't know I needed 3 different pairs of tights, which I did order from Amazon. Like, didn't know a list of things. And she was like, did you read your dance emails? No, people, I did not read my dance emails. Do you know how many work and PTA emails I'm doing right now. So no, I did not read my dance emails.

And it's also not entirely your fault 'cause they mistakenly went to junk. So you wouldn't have even known that you got them.

I get so many emails from dance and I ignored, I ignored every single dance email. And she was like, tickets go on sale on Wednesday at 9:00 AM and dance pictures are Thursday and Friday. And what else did she tell me? And all of Lily's dances are in one recital.

Which is a miracle.

You would think. Well, there's a flip side.

It's wonderful we don't have to go to sit through 4 different recitals.

But.

You gotta change her 5 times and you're gonna live backstage.

So I made the motherly mistake. Listen, none of us are perfect and we do our best. So repeat after me. We are doing our best. We don't always make the best decisions. I hemmed and hawed over cheerleading. I hemmed and hawed over so many decisions, and I decided to just say to myself, just make the best decision that you can. It doesn't have to be right, just make a decision so that there's momentum to move forward. So, um, what, Lily? About dance, you have to iron 5 layers. We know we have to iron 5 layers for ballet. Thanks very much.

You mean I have to iron 5 layers for ballet? Were you going to tell me this Friday night?

No, she did tell you this. Oh, it's for tomorrow. It's for tomorrow.

So I need to go do this like now.

So after—

I'm not going to see you tomorrow.

So Seth does not love— he loves a lot of things that I do. He does not love how I iron. So somehow ironing has become Seth's job. So Lily's ballet costume has 5 layers of tulle.

It does.

And they want Seth to iron 5 layers of tulle, so we will go do that. Um, I mean, we— okay, um, I will get the dress.

Oh yeah, you're doing your part, honey. You're handing it to me and saying fix it.

Well, I, I'm happy to give it a go. So ironing seems— tends to be your job, if we're honest here.

Yes.

So, okay, back to dance.

Yes.

So my friend did catch me up on how to look everything up, what is going on, when Lily has her dance recital. Do I know everything going on with the PTA? Yes. If you want to ask me a PTA question, I can fill you in. Didn't know anything about dance. I was not being a good dance mom. She caught me up. I have to go backstage and help Lily change 5 times for her dance recital.

5 times in a row.

Because your silly lady sitting here let her sign up for 5 dance classes.

Yes, she did.

Which was really stupid. And I remember when I signed—

It's a good thing that you've added more to your plate by doing cheerleading.

Well, and I'm not being a good example because I'm a great dance mom. I'm caught up now, so I'll be a better I'll be a better dance mom. But you know, when I signed her up for the extra class, she really wanted to add ballet, which was the last class that she added, which has the 5-layer outfit, which is the one you have to go iron. So when I signed her up for the 5th class that she begged me for, I remember thinking, all 5 classes won't be in the same recital, which—

because last time, last dance recital, we got lucky and they were all in the same one. Yeah. And there were people who were there for like 4 dance recitals over 2 days because they had 1 dance in each one.

Yeah.

And their wonderful parents had to sit through like, yeah, 8 hours of recital to see 4 quick enough 12 minutes of dance. So I love that all 5 are together and we only have to see 1. Sad that you'll be backstage working your butt off the entire time as the dresser.

I don't know if I'm gonna actually sit in the seat that I purchased, but we will find out.

You may not get to, but I'll, I'll, I'll take a doll or something in a pillow.

That's, that's real cute.

Symbolic of you.

So, um, 3 different tights, 5 different outfits, a bunch of different hairdos, shoes. I haven't even looked at— well, different shoes for each number or barefoot. And I didn't even look at the makeup requirements. I hope to God she can wear the same makeup.

Say, what are you gonna do, wash her face 5 times in between?

I'm going— I am not gonna be the best direction follower. I'm gonna do her makeup once and touch it up.

That's a good idea.

So, okay, so as I was spiraling, I was like, you know what, you're gonna take this one outfit at a time, one dance at a time, one hairdo at a time. So that's my life right now, is taking it one step at a time.

Baby steps.

We got through day one of pool along with a million other things, and let's see where, um, tomorrow's day two And just every day I'm just like, it's okay, you're taking it step by step. You're gonna forget things, people are gonna remind you of things. I was standing in the parking lot talking to Emma like I had nowhere to be, and Emma was like, didn't you just tell me that you have to take Ella to the orthodontist? Oops.

It's good of Emma to remind you of what you need to do.

What am I going to do without you next year? I'm going to come find her in high— at high school. School, but I'm gonna miss her at middle school, that's for sure. Um, so I'm forgetting things too. I'm, I'm trying to remind all of us that we're human and we make mistakes and we forget things and we have a lot of balls in the air. And sometimes we're not going to have the laundry, we're not going to have the uniform ready, we're not going to have the, the dishes all clean. Um, I'm gonna miss an email, I'm gonna miss the Sign Up Genius. Um, it's Teacher Appreciation Week.

That too.

So, um, Ella's wonderful— or Ella's wonderful teacher, Lily's wonderful teacher is on here with us. And I said to myself when I got home from Mill, it's Teacher Appreciation Week. Um, we need to appreciate our teachers this week. So we are doing a breakfast, but I want to do a lot more for these teachers because they're fantastic and they deserve appreciation.

For sure.

Um, my, um, old teacher— she's not old, but she was my teacher at, at Mill— um, made a post about how this is the only week of the year that teachers aren't criticized. Wow. And I was like, that's not good. I was like, oh my God, is that— is that how she feels? Because that's not how Seth and I feel.

We love our kids' teachers.

No, um, we are blessed. We are very blessed. Nikki, you missed. Where is the drink? We gotta show Nikki. Nikki, I started out, Seth brought out peach drinks.

Simply Spiked Peach.

Peach drinks from Wegmans. Go find a variety pack of peach drinks. Our kids and families are all the thanks that is needed. Oh my gosh, you are the sweetest person. And Emma says, I will miss the mail pickup too. I'm gonna come find you at South, you know that, Emma. We're gonna pick up at South. Your daughter cannot walk home every day because I will never see you, that does not work for me. So yeah, so we're gonna take— we're gonna keep telling ourselves that it's okay. So the next time that you're gonna go apologize to someone or you're gonna go criticize yourself, you're gonna stop and and you're gonna think of this and you're gonna say, "It's okay." So we're gonna say it to ourselves and we're gonna say it to every single mom that we see. And the next time someone comes up to me and says, "I am so sorry, I totally missed that event," or, "I totally missed your live," or whatever people apologize to me from, do not apologize. It's okay. I'm gonna say it's okay to you.

It's okay, Mama.

And you say that to me all the time. So I want to bring this to you before we wrap up and say that I think that part of why my thought process has gotten so much better is because you are so kind to me. And you— and you— your kindness to me has rubbed off on my kindness to me.

Oh, that's beautiful, honey.

So you didn't know that? You didn't know that?

It's awesome that I am positive. Ah, she's here!

Yeah, you're You're not allowed to apologize. No, I'm not gonna— I'm not gonna let you apologize for anything. Um, and no, I'm sorry that I called. I want to talk to my friends. Don't apologize. I'm gonna say that all day, every day. Don't apologize. It's okay.

It's the title of your next book.

Why do we say I'm sorry so much?

I don't know.

God, are we hard on ourselves.

That's why.

So thank you for saying it's okay to me a lot. You say that a lot.

Yes.

Oh my gosh, I scraped car, and I came home from Wegmans, and I was like, oh my God, I just cost us so much money. I just scraped a brand new car. And you want to know what this man said to me? It's okay, it's okay. So this is why when I go in the Wegmans parking lot with my son, I am like— because, um, someone was coming at me in the Wegmans parking lot. And I scraped a car getting away from the other car. And the Wegmans parking lot is insane. So my advice to you is we all need to park far away. I, I am not getting as close as I can anymore. Do you know that?

Yes.

I'm like, no, no, no, I'm staying away from the crazy people. So I told Max when he was driving in a parking lot, I was like, my Anxiety over the parking lots have nothing to do with you. It has to do with all of my encounters in 30 years of driving.

Yes.

Of parking lots and crazy people. I'm going to guess that driving in a parking lot is the most dangerous place to be. Abby, I don't know.

You should look up some statistics on that.

I don't know the statistics.

Maybe for having minor fender benders. There are probably more minor fender benders that happen in parking lots. You're not going 65 miles an hour.

That's true. We hope they're not going 65. But when I make a mistake, whatever the mistake is, yes, you always come back with, it's okay.

Well, first I asked you if you were okay. Yeah, you said yes. I said, did we hurt anybody else? You said no, everybody's okay, but the car is not. And I said, I don't care, you're okay, that's all that matters. It's okay, cars can be fixed.

So whenever any— whenever I am self-critical, yes, you say it's okay.

Yes.

So I'm learning to say it's okay.

Awesome.

Um, parking in a store is on the UK driving test, so that makes a lot more sense than parallel parking. Doesn't that make a lot more sense?

You are more likely to be in a store parking lot than you are to parallel park. I honestly think you need both though.

I haven't parallel parked since the children were in nursery school.

Right, but you know, I parallel park all the time.

Well, that's your work situation. My work situation is right at our house in my driveway.

Maybe I'll just put up a— get a sign put up and say, this is my spot, and then I won't have to worry about parallel parking anymore.

Emma makes fun of me at school because I won't parallel park at school. I would rather park far away than parallel park between those crazy people.

Oh, there's crazy people everywhere.

There's crazy people in every parking lot. Have you tried driving through the school parking lot recently? And did you notice the crazy people?

There were some people, yes.

Oh, so you have to do a parking lot and you have to parallel park?

Yes, that's what she's saying.

Okay, well, we're gonna find out more details about the driving test right here. Yes, we have— how many more months? We have 3 more months. We've got to get him practicing.

Yes.

We've been slacking. And reserve around a corner. What is that? Reverse. Oh, did you mean reverse around a corner? You have to reverse around a corner?

You gotta back up, right?

I mean, I back up all the time, but I don't back up around a corner.

Well, they're more serious about their driving over there in the UK, especially since they're on the wrong side of the road.

So the driving test sounds like it's a lot more involved and a lot longer.

Sounds like it.

Okay, so the homework assignment for all of us is that we're gonna keep telling women everywhere that we know that it's okay. We're not gonna let them apologize. We're gonna tell them that it's okay. We're going to empathize and understand and give them grace, and we are going to tell them about our own stuff, like me missing every single dance email.

There you go.

So, um, this Friday is my wonderful mother-in-law on the podcast for Mother's Day. Um, what a treat to get to interview her. And not only did I learn stuff about her, Seth learned stuff about her.

She told her stuff I never heard about.

She started talking, like, one of my first questions, and I was like, you never told us that. Yes, you gotta interview people more often. Um, I think we should interview all of our parents. Um, my— I don't know that my dad wants to come on the podcast, but I think I'm gonna interview him off of the podcast because I can't believe what we are learning from interviewing people. You are right, right?

Correct.

Um, what else? Okay, so we talked about the podcast, the challenge. We just did a Mother's Day May Challenge. And not only did Alex Rodburn comment on like every single day, she also invited her friends to join the group.

Oh, that's awesome.

Um, so Alex is our winner, so I will bring her a prize.

Everybody invite people to join the group so you can win.

Well, I'm so close. I'm so close to 500.

Oh, let's, let's help her get to 500.

Um, interview Marlene and Phil together. So I interviewed Marlene. I don't know if you ever heard it, Pam. It was Mother's Day either last year or the year before. I should make my mother come on every Mother's Day. I'm sure she would love that so much. I don't think she wanted to do it the first time.

She did not.

My dad said no. I don't know if I've told you that, but I did ask my dad and he said no. People do— people do say no. I mean, I've had a couple people I know say, I'm not comfortable. I don't know if they would do it together. That's an interesting suggestion. Maybe just get the audio from your dad. Oh, that's a good idea. Jamie, I cannot believe what we just learned from Seth's mother. You guys are gonna like her podcast. And I told you the challenge winner. What else do I— oh, Mother's Day. Yes, I want to wish every single mother a very happy Mother's Day. Please, for the love of everything, do something. Do something even for 10 minutes for yourself. Some mothers tell me they want to be with their family. I want to be with my family on Mother's Day. Some mothers tell me they want alone time.

Solitude.

I want you to have what you want. I want you to take a moment for you. I know that people have told me that taking a day off of grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning just adds up to more work the next day. But you can take some time on Mother's Day for yourself. We all need to use our village these next 2 months. There's a lot going on. Every single mother I have seen this week looks like a deer in headlights. I cannot believe it. Uh, we all feel the same way and we definitely need our village.

Yes.

Happy Mother's Day, Pam. Thank you. Um, Mother's Day, one more thing. So my mother-in-law's request is to eat outside somewhere. So if you have a good restaurant suggestion— we might be too late, it's already Wednesday, not planning ahead. I've had lots of other things that take priority over where we're eating for Mother's Day. But if you have a suggestion, I do not want to grill. But I have thought about the kids cooking, not me, but I would love a restaurant idea for us to eat outside. I would love to hear what you want to do for Mother's Day. Please don't be shy, please tell. I know we want our families to be thoughtful, I know you want your families to be like, this is what we're doing today, but I don't want you to be disappointed, and I want you to just tell them what you want to do. Think about what you want to do, tell them, don't be shy about it, and don't let them say no. I have also had mothers tell me that their kids or their husband will be like, I don't want to do that. Well, guess what?

It's about you.

Mother's Day is not a choice. You do not get a choice. If I want to go— what if I want to go to Griffith Sculpture Park? In— to Griffith Sculpture Park with my family I'm not asking. I'm saying it's Mother's Day, and I have had whining. I have had whining of, oh my God, you always make us walk outside and it's hot and I don't want to go. I'm not asking. It's Mother's Day and you're doing this for me.

Amen.

So, um, have a wonderful Mother's Day. Happy Teacher Appreciation Week to all the amazing teachers and staff at school. Seth and I and our kids appreciate you so much. We love our teachers, and that's all I got. Where's Ella? Ella's gonna come and sing us out. We're gonna survive May, I promise. I promise next week, next week I will look a lot calmer, I think. Love you. Love you, Jamie. Okay, thank you for watching Whiny Blues Wednesday with the Greene family. Thank you everyone. Have a wonderful week.

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