Episode 253: My Birthday Special

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza. Have some wine and join us on the whiny palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the whiny palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is the Whining Blues a Podcast. And I am Rebecca Greene, your host, and today is all about me because, because I am turning 47 years old on June 25th, which is an honor and a privilege. And my wonderful husband, Seth Greene, and my wonderful daughter, Lily Greene, are going to ask me some questions about turning 47. So take it away.

That's right. We're flipping the mic and interviewing you. So since this is your birthday special, I'll kick us off. Why are birthdays so meaningful to you?

I think that birthdays are a wonderful time to reflect on the year that you have had, what went well that you want to keep doing, what are your goals for the next year, uh, what What did you not like so much in the past year that you want to change? And it's, you know, it's a milestone. Every year is important and every year is a privilege. So I feel privileged to be able to have another birthday.

Amen to all of that. And you segue perfectly into Lily's first question.

Okay. What do you think you could have done better this year?

I think that I've made a lot of progress in what I am going to say, and I think that I still have work to do on it. I think that I am a very busy person, and I love to be busy. I've noticed I'm learning more and more about myself, and I really do like to be busy, which I think is why I am so busy. Um, and I think that I am learning that I'm not so good at relaxing. I think I'm starting to own that. I think that I have learned that I need to just own the fact that I like to be busy and that I'm not the best relaxer. And I think in the next year I'm going to work a little harder on making sure that I have more relaxation time because I think that I need it and I think it's good for my health and my mental health.

100% agree with that. In addition to being a better relaxer, what are some of the lessons you learned in the past year?

Oh my gosh, I have like lists of lessons. Um, I learned that, um, I need mom friends. I, I think that mom friends helped me through so many things. Um, what else did I learn? I learned that I need to use my works more. I think my whole family gets credit for this. I think my whole family is starting— my kids are getting older and starting to chip in more, and I'm learning that everything is not on me, and that you and the kids help me a lot more. Like, we just had that major gardening project in the backyard that the kids helped us with, and you helped with, and it wasn't all on me to do it. So I'm learning to use my supports more. I'm learning how helpful my children are. You know, as your children get older, life changes in really good ways, and that's exciting to me. You know, I talk all the time about missing our babies, but it's kind of exciting to see them grow and become like these people who have these awesome thoughts and awesome ways to help. And What else did I learn this year? I can't believe how much I come alive in the summer. Like, I feel like a different person. The weather is warm and I'm really starting to see that I'm like a different person when the summer rolls around. Um, I'm not supposed to say, um, while I'm thinking. What else? What else? I have lists of what I've learned, Seth. I have lists.

I have another question. Um, what was your favorite part or like memory of this year?

Oh my goodness, that is such a hard question. Well, our trips are so memorable. We have got to make more vacation memories because I think they might be the most special to me. And I'm trying to think about why, but we went to Florida and we went to Orlando and we did so many fun things together. And those memories still make me smile. So I think that might have been one of my most favorite parts of the year.

What surprised you most about your 40s so far?

I think that I am becoming more confident in a way of being okay not knowing things, being okay with needing to try something new and learn how to do something new, and caring less and less about what people think.

Okay. I just thought of a question. What do you think you would want to tell your, like, self when you, like, first turned 46? Like, what would be something you would want to tell your, like, behind.

So that's really good.

Like from, like from a year ago?

Yeah.

I would want to say to myself, hold on, hold on tight. It's going to be a ride this year and it's going to be a great ride. So enjoy it and embrace it and know that you are all going to come out the other end when you turn 47. In a better way.

What have been some of your favorite podcast guests in the last year?

Oh my goodness. I didn't go over— that's a really hard question because I didn't go over the list of who I've had the last year, and it's been over 2 years, so they've all kind of molded, melded together. I love when my family and friends come on. Like, I love— I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the experts. I mean, I have some awesome experts on. Who I learned so much from. But when I have my friends and family on, it's, I think, the most fun for me. I'm trying to think if there's been any guests that really stand out.

What about lessons from the summit?

The summit is on my list of things to write about because I am going to write about 47, and I'm really proud of the summit for so many reasons. I really pushed myself to do something that I was uncomfortable with, and I think that we all need to learn that it's okay to try something new that you don't know how to do, and that you are probably most likely going to surprise yourself and do a really good job. And if you don't, that's okay. Because you're going to learn a lot to make it even better the next time. But I loved it so much. I love communities of women and communities of moms. And I think that I see a future in building more mom communities because when you bring moms together, it is pure magic. That was magic. That summit was a highlight of the year.

I like mom magic. I think we should use that for something.

I don't have a pen to write it down, but Lily's got it. Lily's gonna write down. I just think when you bring moms together, it's magical. My friend and I threw a party today for Lily and her friends, and we've been texting since— bless you, Seth— we've been texting since the party, and I was telling her, you know, it's fabulous to throw parties, but it's even more fabulous to do that kind of thing with someone. And I think when you do things with other moms, you feel support, and you have just— it's just so much more fun and so much more meaningful when other people do things with you.

Okay, the next question is, what do you want to accomplish in the new birthday year?

Um, what do I want to accomplish? I did so much this year that I hope that I can impress myself as much next year as I did this year. Um, thinking, what do I want to accomplish in the new year? More work, more family time, more friend time, uh, continuing to balance it all, adding new things that make me grow, keeping up with what I'm already doing, which is a lot. How was that?

That was great. What did you want to do in the last 12 months that you didn't get to do?

I haven't done any. I have a group, a community group, the Whiny Flu's a Mom group on Facebook. So please, I would love for you to join. Ask me for an invitation because the more moms, the better it is. And it's supportive. It's a supportive community. And I'm happy that I did that, but I haven't done like a virtual Zoom moms group for to get moms together to talk about issues and problems and solutions and support. I didn't do that. I didn't see any clients virtually or in person. What else didn't I get to? Hmm. I have some— honestly, I have some home projects that I would like to get to that have nothing to do with work. I'm continuing. I'm, I think that what Seth has realized about me and hopefully has just embraced is that I will always have ideas to improve our home. And I have a list. So there's a lot of home things that I didn't get to yet, and I'll probably get to more in the next year.

Okay. I also just thought of another question. What is something you would want to tell someone that was like, when you turned 46, when you made like all of your podcasts and books and stuff, what do you think you would want to tell someone that was like just starting making podcasts and stuff?

Hmm, that's a really good question. I thought you were going to say something else, so I'm going to answer the question that I thought you were going to ask, and I'm going to answer that question too. So to answer your question, if you are just starting out in anything, if you're just starting to write a book, if you're just starting a podcast, first of all, have patience with yourself. Grace, understanding, and patience with yourself. Those are the 3 words that I wish every single mother would embrace. And it takes consistency and time. To have success. So it takes consistency and time to grow your numbers for your podcast of who's gonna listen. It takes consistency and time to build business connections through your podcast. And if you're writing a book, be consistent with working on it every day and do a little bit every day. And don't be like me and think that you can binge things. If anything, Seth has taught me that little bits every day lead to success. So even with our basement, we laugh about the basement. If your basement is overwhelming, or your book project is overwhelming, if anything is overwhelming, just start small and do a little bit every day, and before you know it, you'll be done with your book. Your podcast will be successful. and your basement will be clean. And don't give up. Just keep pushing yourself to do a little bit more every day. And enlist help. Enlist help in everything you do. If you need help with your book, if you need help with your basement. And Lily, what I thought you were gonna ask me, I thought you were gonna ask what I would tell someone entering their 40s. So I wanna speak to, to women entering their 40s because I think that they go from 39 to 40 and they're like, oh my God, like, I'm old and 40 feels so big and so old. And they think that like the best years are behind them. And what I want to tell you is that I think every decade actually gets better because I think that you come more and more into yourself as a person and, and feel more at peace with yourself as a person every decade. And I think that your love and understanding and patience for yourself grows. So the 40s, I like myself a lot more than I liked myself in my 30s. So I think it gets better. And that's what I want to tell people.

That's some really insightful advice. I'm processing.

You're processing. I understand. I understand.

What do you say to the moms who say, I'm, you know, I'm overwhelmed, I can't get it all done, I don't know how there are any hours in the day to add anything new or do anything differently, and I'm just living in reaction?

I think that when your kids are little, especially You have to understand that it's a lot of survival mode and you can make the best plan every day and your little kids can change that plan. So I think that flexibility is the key with mothers. And I think that we can put a plan together for our day and we can do our best. I have this mom who I used to follow, who I need to get back to, And she keeps a planner of what she's gonna do every day. And then at the end of the night, she goes over it to see what she didn't get to, to plan her next day. And she plans out every day and every week and every month and what she wants to accomplish. And I think that that sounds all roses and sunshine and perfect, and we can make the best plans, but kids don't always follow your plans. So be flexible. And, and be flexible with yourself because just because you didn't accomplish something doesn't make you not good enough. Or what we accomplish isn't what is making us good enough. Just being a good person and trying to be good in this universe is what makes us worthy.

You are much better at me than me at rapidly changing your emotional state. How do you do that?

A lot of times it's a realization. It's, um, like I will instantly think— a perfect example is I, like, I was super cranky to you the other day and I was like, this isn't about Seth. Like, you're cranky about something that has nothing to do with Seth. You're taking it out on him and you're taking it out on the kids. And it's like this instant realization that I don't like how I'm acting, so let's be different. And why does that have to take time? Like, realize it and snap the button to change your state. I realize I'm cranky. I don't wanna be cranky. Let's not be cranky. Let's be what we wanna be, you know? And for the record, we do not have to be happy all the time. Being happy all the time is unrealistic. And it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be cranky, but don't live there. Let yourself feel it for a few minutes and then get yourself out of it and say, okay, self, it's time to move to a better state. How do you want to feel?

That's great advice.

Okay. I think you've improved a lot this year, but what do you think you've improved this year?

Oh my God. Lily is Lily is so fantastic. She is one of my greatest teachers in life, and the things that she says would just crack you up. She's 10 years old, and she is so smart, and she'll say to me, you're a social worker, pull it together and act like a social worker. And I'm like, Lily, I'm a mom right now, and I'm not feeling very social worky. You know, there is the social work voice and there is the mom, and sometimes the social worker and the mom marry perfectly and do a fantastic job. And Lily, I think I've gotten better at that. I think I've gotten better at the social worker and the mom meeting and cooperating together. But sometimes the social worker is saying, you need to da da da, and the mom is saying, go away, I don't want to do that right now. So I, I am going to tell Lily that I will never be perfect, and you deserve, you deserve a calm, rational mom, and I strive for that every day, and I think that I've improved a lot due to awareness of how much you need that.

That's beautiful.

Thank you. What do you think, Lily? Am I getting better?

Yeah.

I mean, you don't have to say you're a social worker. Can we, can we do, can we do away with that line? Because I don't really like that line. Maybe what you could say instead, okay, so parents and children, if something isn't working for you, you can nicely tell your husband or your kids what is not working for you and what you would like instead. So I'm going to show you this, okay? I'm going to do my best right now. And I don't always do my best, but I'm gonna try right now. So I don't like when Lily says, you're a social worker, act like a social worker. It really hurts my feelings. And I'm telling her that it hurts my feelings and I don't like it. What I would love for you to say instead is, Mom, I would really love for you to be calm and rational right now. I really need you to do that for me right now. Or whatever it is you need. Instead of saying, you're a social worker, act like a social worker, take that line away and tell me what it is you need from me. And tell me nicely because I want to give it to you. So try to tell me, Mom, what I need from you right now is for you to try to calm down because you're making me stressed out. Or, Mom, I really need you to help me through this. Can we talk through this right now? You tell me what you need, and then I'll wanna try to give it to you. And if I can't give it to you, I'll say, Lily, I'm in a bad state right now, so I'm gonna walk away and I'm gonna come back and give you what you need.

That was beautiful. Doesn't get better than that live on air, social work in action.

Well, and it's the same with my husband. I'm trying to think of an example. If I don't like something that Seth is doing, don't just tell— we need to not just tell people what we don't like, you know. Seth, I don't like when you get prickly. Okay, well, what do you want from him? Instead of saying, Seth, I don't like when you get prickly and being all rude to him. Say, honey, I would really like my sweet husband right now. And if I ask for what I want nicely, he always wants to give it to me.

Yes, you have done that many times. And when you— most of them, not perfect, but most of the time when you point out that, hey, you'll say, I need my sweet husband right now, or I need you to just listen to me and not give me your opinion and not try and solve it, or you'll tell me, I need you to not react. I know what you're gonna say, don't say that. Like, those are all very, very helpful and usually are state changers for me and get me out of myself and get me to go, okay, this is what she needs right now, really focus on giving it to her. So it's great advice.

I, I just think that we're all really good at telling each other what we don't like, you know, but we're not always— we don't always move to, well, what exactly are you looking for? Because the people that love you usually want to give you what they want, what you want. And if they don't, if they reject you, which I think people are afraid of rejection. If you say to your spouse or your kid, what I need from you right now is X, and they don't do it, that's okay. They're not in the state to give you what you need. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means that they're not, they're not capable of it in that moment. And And you planted the seed, and you planted the seed of what you're looking for. So they will take that with them and hopefully will give it to you at a later date, right?

Absolutely. Is there anything else you want to share that we didn't think to ask you yet?

Well, I mean, let's talk about my year. What do you two see over this last year of Maybe what I would love to hear feedback of what you think I did great and what you think I should work on. I would love some feedback.

Um, I think you did really good on like talking to me and like when I wanted to talk to you about something, you always like were there and I could like talk to you. And I think you did really good on, again, what you said earlier, like, um, handling things.

I think you have improved significantly on staying, being more patient, staying more calm, um, and most importantly, like, responding as opposed to reacting.

Well, and I think that so that I can help other people improve, because, you know, I still have a lot of work to do every year. I think that me being more patient and understanding with myself leads to being more patient and understanding with other people.

Amen.

Right. So what do you both think that I can work on next year?

Um, maybe like—

you can be honest, not gonna hurt my feelings. I would love feedback.

Maybe like— I can't really think.

I would— my suggestion Keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job. If you were going to work on anything other than what we've already talked about, I think definitely working on being a better relaxer and little bits.

Well, and you have made a tremendous impact. For those of you who don't know, before I met Seth, I was a huge binger. I still am and want to get projects done yesterday. Like, I want to get things done. Like, if I had a paper for college, I typed out 20 pages and just sat and did the 20 pages. So I think that Seth has really taught me to do little bits every day. And, and I think that my body is giving me feedback that my body doesn't want me to do too much every day. So it's like the reinforcement from my body, like, you did too much today, your back hurts. Your hip hurts, like whatever hurts. Like, I know I pushed myself too much, so I'm getting that kind of feedback to do little bits. And I think that me owning that I like to be busy and that I'm not the best at relaxing is going to help me work on that more because I think I didn't really own that until this year.

Yeah, and I just thought kind of what Dad just said, like Um, and like improving on—

what's it called?

I keep losing my thought. Um, what's it called?

You have a different word for what you're thinking about, and we'll figure out the other word.

Yeah, just describe what you're look— what you're looking for from me.

You're looking for like not reacting to things as like—

yes, responding The goal is to respond and not react. And I think the key to that is to not take it personally. So if we can all work on not taking things personally, I have said to Seth so many times, can you tell, like the other day I was like, can you just tell yourself that your wife is having a hard time and that it's not about you? Because Seth cares so much that he takes everything I'm doing so personally.

Yes.

And I think that if, if the two of us could take things less personally, I think we would be a lot less reactive. And I want to say that I want us all to celebrate our birthdays. Mothers tend to say, oh, birthdays aren't a big deal. Oh, I don't want to do anything. No, I want you to take the time to celebrate yourself. I want you to think about the year and give yourself some pats on the back. I'm proud of myself for accomplishments this year, and not just work accomplishments and not just volunteer accomplishments. I'm proud of where my kids are and where Seth and I are right now. I think it was a tremendously wonderful year. I think we've all grown a lot. I think we deserve to celebrate ourselves. And we deserve to reflect. And don't reflect on everything that you didn't do. Reflect on what was wonderful and what was great. And then maybe think a little bit about what you want the next year to look like.

Well, we greatly appreciate your time. We know it's incredibly valuable. Thank you for letting us do this birthday special with you.

Yeah.

Thank you both for taking the time to ask me your very thoughtful questions. I absolutely love when we get to do this together. It means so much to me. Me. Thank you for spending this last year with me. Thank you everyone for continuing to listen to the podcast. And, um, I love when you share things, comment, review, subscribe, all of those fun things. It's so appreciated. It helps me to get the word out to more moms because we want to help every single mom we can. So I hope this was helpful, and, uh, thank you so much, Seth and Lily.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is Rebecca Greene reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

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