Episode 260: Finding the Moments

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No need to whine and whine.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday. Our singing lady is upstairs exhausted, so no singing today. You can come sing. You can come sing.

All right, improvisation.

Do you remember the song? No need to whine, it's Winey Blue Zone Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on the Winey Blue Zone Wednesday with the Greene family. Cha-cha chicken. Thanks, cutie face. I try. Oh, she just had a super hard workout at cheerleading. Try to cover the ring light. Move your head. Cover the ring light, honey. Cover the ring light.

With my head.

Okay.

Yes, please.

I'll try not to move my head at all.

So I want to start out by giving you some awesome praise for yesterday.

Oh, okay.

So I don't look— I want you to know I don't look ahead in our calendar. Okay. So, so first, let's start there and let's make this clear. I don't look ahead to see that you took Tuesday off.

Yes, it's a random summer fun day off.

Okay, so I love that. I love when you take random summer fun days off. Like, you know, I love that. Yes, but you have to like give me a heads up. Like, say Rebecca, like, I know after our little getaway, after that, whenever in August you take a summer fun day, say Rebecca, I'm taking Wednesday off, just giving you the heads up. A, so that I don't make any plans.

All right.

Okay. And B, um, you know, unfortunately the kids have stuff.

All right. So I can do about that.

There's nothing. I mean, I still want you to take off and I still loved it, but it kind of sucked because I was like, well, Max has a driving lesson in the morning and then Max has football and Lily has cheerleading, but we have this window in between. So I love that you took the day and we went to Delaware Park and we found Hoyt Lake.

Yes.

And we rented a flamingo paddle boat and that was so much fun. And we took the dog and the paddle boat, but the dog went to the park with us and we walked around and you and I went in the pool together.

Yes. When we got home.

When we got home. And I don't know if you know this, but I fell asleep.

I did. You fell, you took a little pool nap in your float.

Okay. So you knew that?

Yes.

Did you fall asleep?

Yes.

So we both had a first, we both had our first pool nap.

Pool naps are good. It's like a flower bed.

So in the chaos, so the kids still have stuff going on. I tried my best to do less this summer. You did very much this summer. And I want to give myself a pat on the back. I did not sign them up for a million camps like I normally do. I really wanted a slower summer, wanted to enjoy the pool, wanted to find more summer moments.

Yes.

Okay. So yes. Did we drive the kids around? Do they have a lot of football and cheerleading at night? Yes. I'm happy they have that. But man, did we have a lot of good yesterday.

Yes.

And I loved that. Did you love that?

I loved it.

So I'm living your life. I'm in the throes of motherhood with you, with 3 kids in 3 directions. And, um, a wonderful mom tonight, we were talking about carpooling. Um, I need to do more of that. I need to do more of that to make— yeah. And I was like, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna figure out this 3 kids in 3 directions stuff, and I'm gonna get back to you on what way I can drive. So I am reaching out for help, which helps with, with the motherhood chaos. And I have changed a lot. And I don't know, Seth, I'm gonna explain this and you're gonna say if you agree or disagree.

Okay.

So Max is 16. Max is our oldest.

I agree that he is 16.

You know that's not what I'm looking for. So, man, did we get a lot of sun today. Sorry, side note. So Max is 16, learning to drive, and feels really, really old to me as a mother. As a mother, 16 feels like monumental. I don't know if you agree or disagree with that, but it's kind of like shaken me and woken me up, okay, to the fact of enjoying more moments. And I think that I was swept away in the— hi Melissa! Melissa, I miss you! So I think I was swept away in the chaos of motherhood too much, not enjoying moments as much as I could have been. Like, we all get into this like survival, like, next thing.

Yeah, like, it's like no roses smelling.

Yeah. Yes, yes. And the fact that he's 16 is like, whoa, like step back and enjoy this before your son flies away to college. Like just breathe and enjoy this. And I will go, duh, and college, and we gotta teach him this and we gotta teach him that. And Seth will be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, like today, like let's be present Today, let's enjoy this moment today. You are really good at bringing my whirlwind back to the present moment.

I try.

And I think that— I think I'm getting better.

Yes, for sure.

I think I still spiral.

Yes.

Oh my gosh, we— this is like the perfect example. We had laundry all over our bedroom. Okay, I know every single mother is gonna say they should be doing their own laundry, they should be folding I hate when you ladies say that, okay? I like being in charge of the laundry.

You know what the two most important words in that sentence?

In charge.

We all know it's secretly a control issue.

No, I'm happy to let them know this is what's gonna happen. This is what bugs the crap out of me. I'm gonna give them their laundry basket in their room. I'm gonna give it to them folded or not folded.

Don't bother.

They're never gonna put it away.

Just take it out of the laundry basket and put it on.

There has been times that I have put a folded laundry basket in Max's room and he'll be like, "Get out," in a nice polite way because he's in the middle of a game or whatever and he doesn't want me in there. I try to put his laundry away when he's at football, by the way. So there have been times where I have left him the laundry basket and said, "You better put this away," and he does.

It—

and it's not neat, which is okay. I can let go of that.

Okay, that's your progress.

And Ella will put hers away too. But anyways, I'm surrounded by laundry in our bedroom, and I'm like, oh my God, there's always so much laundry. And then I start folding it, and I'm like, this is so relaxing, this is so peaceful, I'm really enjoying this. And it's like, if we actually can be present and, and focus on what we're doing, we can enjoy it, whether it's cooking or cleaning or laundry or driving.

Mindful. Yeah.

Yes. So I'm driving the kids around all over the place, and you know, Max is a chatterbox and Lily doesn't stop, and I'm like, this is when they talk the most. It's like, especially if nobody else is in the car, right?

One car, it's car therapy.

Yes. And I'm like, enjoy this.

Like, that's your next book, Car Therapy.

Car Therapy. Well, and there's times where they're like, you ask too many questions.

Oh yep, there's the times they're silent.

There's the times where they like, can we not talk about anything? And I respect that sometimes, so we won't talk. But there are times where they just talk away, and I really enjoy that moment. I'm sure you do too.

Yes.

Did he talk on the way home from football, or was he silent?

Yeah, we talked about the football game.

What did he think?

I told you everything he said.

Okay, you'll have to remind me. I'll— I've done about 50 things since the football game.

I understand.

Okay, so get in the car to go pick up Lily, think to myself, I have to drive again. Then I backpedal and say, no, you can be all by yourself. And quite frankly, it's summertime, they're all home, right? I gotta enjoy any time I get to myself. There you go, right? Okay, let's start.

Could be your sanctuary.

Let's talk about the flowers that I'm about to go water.

Okay.

Okay, I don't know if you've noticed this, but I now have a reminder to water the grass and the flowers every night.

Yeah, it's on the phone.

It's on the calendar.

So you figured out the family calendar for that. You just don't get the ping when it says Seth off that day.

No, it doesn't ping me.

Well, anytime I create an event or you create an event, it pings me and tells me Rebecca just created so-and-so's birthday party.

Okay, do you know that I have to be looking at my phone No, we get a notification. Okay. I don't—

I'll look at your settings later. Anyway, you now have a reminder about the flower.

So I now have— it took me a while and that's okay.

Yes.

Hear me.

You're on your own journey.

I'm on my own schedule. We had a—

You're on your own schedule to master the calendar schedule.

We had a pool put in our backyard. We had our backyard destroyed. We laid 27 bags of dirt. Well, Max, slate it and we spread it.

Yes.

Um, we are not on our normal, in quote, schedule. So I literally just started potting flowers. Have you noticed that, that it's late?

I didn't know what, what time it was of the year. I just noticed all of a sudden there are flowers.

Okay.

And they keep multiplying. And it's not because they're having babies, it's because you're going back to the store and buy more flowers.

I will try not to, but listen, It's usually Memorial Day. Do you not realize that it's usually Memorial Day?

I do not keep track of what time of the summer you get flowers.

Okay. Well, it is July.

Well, I'm sorry that you went so long without flowers. I hope you're okay.

Right. But now I have to remember to water the flowers. And this was thought one. This was thought two. So you're going to be proud of me.

Okay.

Thought one was, oh, you made more work for yourself.

Which you did.

Now you got another chore to do every night.

You could have left it alone.

Oh my God, it's the best season of the year. Can we freeze time? Are you enjoying your pool, Melissa? Are you loving it? Are you getting lots of sun and pool time? This is the best time of the year. Okay, she's loving that. I see lots of pool time. Um, okay, so flowers. So I'm like, oh, you made another— you made more work for yourself. Now you have another chore to do. And I'm outside with my flowers going, oh my God, I love this. I get to stare at my flowers. So we just need to find the moments, the sun, the flowers, the minute of alone time. We have so many moments in our day to reset. And I was telling a mother that I reset so many times in my day. Like I will spiral and be like, blah, and then I'll be like, okay. It's time for you to reset. Do you do that at work?

I don't do— I don't make your sound effect. No.

Okay, okay, okay. Can you not?

Come on, you want— you set yourself up for this.

No, this is my question for you. This is very important.

I'm ready for the important question.

Do you have high adrenaline at work all day, or do you— are you calm?

Mostly. I am, I'd say 80% of the time I'm calm.

Okay, because I want to make sure you're not on high throttle.

No, no, no, no, I don't run like that. It's either, no, it's normally relatively flat. There might be a spike for something good, there might be a spike for something challenging, but generally my moodometer stays relatively stable most of the day.

Okay, because that's important to me.

Okay, and we're working on smoothing out your moodometer.

I am really taking more deep breaths, sitting down more. So I really, really pushed myself too much.

And Melissa says, I am high energy maintenance all the time, all caps.

Oh, that's not good.

Slow down, Melissa.

Melissa, we can't run full throttle all day.

Burn yourself out.

I I— you're younger than me. I guarantee that you're younger than me.

Um, once you are older, you'll understand. You'll be more tired.

No, no, I mean this. Okay, so in my 30s, I went full throttle, and in my 40s, every year I learn that that's not healthy for me. So for— I'm 47. Um, I'm going to guess Melissa's like 37, 35. I don't know, Melissa, I don't know how old you are, but I know you're younger than me. And, um, is she younger than that? I'm doing the math. Anyways, seriously, anyways, I'm focusing. I want to know how old. So I can't go full throttle all day. I have to slow down. I have to smell the roses. My friend, um, messaged, or or Facebook commented and said, I am so happy that you relaxed in the pool with Seth yesterday. And she was so proud of me because she like teaches me to slow down. She's so good at slowing down. I have to talk to her more about that. I don't know how she learned that. I don't know how she's able to do that as often as she does, and I really admire that about her. And she can sit down with her coffee and book. And I just like the way that she goes about life is just, um, oh, Melissa says, ooh, I just fell in love with you.

I hit 40s and it's like increased let's go chaos.

Interesting. So you're not finding the 40s are making you smell the roses more? You're in full throttle still. Um, I don't know, Seth, how was I when I was in my early 40s? Was I still full throttle?

I wasn't keeping track of what year it was. Okay, well, but I do appreciate that you are slowing down more and taking time to smell the roses and improving your emotional experience.

Yes, because going like on high adrenaline all day long doesn't work for me, and I saw that it wasn't healthy for me, and I I don't want to collapse at the end of the night, so I'm looking for the moments. I'm finding the moments. I'm living your lives. I know how chaotic it could— it can be. Melissa, I'm not living your life because being a single mom, holy moly guacamole, let's give her like 50 million stars for that. Um, Seth, I don't want to do that.

That's good, I'm not giving you that option. You're staying right here.

Oh, I was trying to figure out— Seth doesn't even know this because I didn't praise him for this. I was home figuring out— you are all going to understand this— how I'm going to feed everybody before they're stuffed tonight and get everybody where they needed to go. And I was trying to calculate, okay, what are you cooking? What are you making? What time are you taking who where? And I was like, I don't think I can do it. And then Seth shows up. I forgot about the pool inspection. I forgot he was coming home. I didn't know. I didn't know. I was busy. I was running. I didn't know that you were staying home. And you were like, I'm gonna take Max to football. And I went Oh my gosh, he doesn't even realize that he just swooped in and saved the day.

Oh, awesome.

How did I know that?

How do I take Max to football and Ella? Like, I was like, I don't know, 3 kids in 3 different— I was like, I don't know how to do this.

I—

you have to call in reinforcements, people.

And sometimes they're surprise reinforcements.

He surprised me and helped me today. And, um, I've also realized that my kids— you already know this, but I had to figure this out. My kids have to be flexible to the fact that they may have to go somewhere early.

Yeah.

And like, Max was texting me from his internship class and he was like, "I'm done, I'm early, come get me." And I was like, "Honey, I'm on my way to pick up Lily. I will get Lily and then I will come to you." So it's like, I'm learning. We're all learning together. I can't pick them up instantaneously. I am riding the chaos, enjoying the chaos more, smelling the roses more. So now I have to go water my flowers and smell those roses.

Yes, please.

Okay, so I want to tell you that this Friday on my podcast is Judy Herman, who we love. We love her. Um, she has taught us stuff about marriage. I told Seth that, like, Everybody needs marital therapy. The, the best marriages in the world need marital therapy. If we decide at any point that we want to do some, she's my lady because I love her so much. The title is You Didn't Marry the Wrong Person, which is like the best title ever. So listen to Judy this Friday and, um, I have to pick winners of the July challenge, which I meant to do before this, but I will do that and we'll announce it in my Whining Plus a Mom group. If you are not a member, find me and ask me for an invite. It's private, so you need to be invited. And anything else?

Go grab the app in the App Store.

Um, have— enjoy your summer, enjoy your moments. Find lots of moments in your day.

Tell her about the moments. Maybe she could use some of them.

I would love to hear, I would love to hear the moments that you find. I would love to hear your summer fun adventure plans because we, well, we love—

we'll get to do them. There you go.

I love new ideas and I have lots of old ideas that we can do that are lots of fun, but I love your new ideas. So So send them my way and enjoy your summer. Enjoy your summer moments and have a wonderful week and we will see you next week.

Thank you for watching Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Greene family.

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