Episode 261: The Parenting Playbook

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No need to whine and whine.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast.

I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am so excited to introduce you all to Coach Michelle Harmon Malone. Michelle, thank you so much for being here with me today.

Oh, you're welcome, Rebecca. It's my pleasure.

And she is a wonderful lady who's going to teach us a lot about parenting. Coach Michelle loves collaborative problem solving. She enjoys helping families build strong biblical foundations while teaching them to overcome parenting challenges. She offers them strategies, resources, and tools to aid them in their parenting journey while restoring peace, joy, and order to their homes. We all need this. Well, that sounds absolutely fantastic. And I would love to start by learning, um, what inspired you to become a parenting coach?

Good question. Well, for anyone who's read this book, in the introduction I share a little bit, um, about what led me to this. First of all, it took a while. It was a circuitous journey to get to this point of actually putting those words out of my mouth, um, because I am not a parent. I didn't give birth to any kids. I have two stepkids who are adults now, but I didn't give birth. And so I struggled with putting that title as what I do. I'm a certified life coach and I work with children. I've been working in education for almost 30 years now and with parents by default. And so in the, my current role, I'm a disciplinarian, uh, assistant principal. And so A lot of times when kids get into trouble, I help them figure out, you know, what are your next steps when you come back from your suspension or whatever it is. And I always invite the parents in, and not just the custodial parents. If the parents are divorced, I invite both parents. If it is a collaborative group of a blended family, I invite all parents. And so I just want to make sure that we're all on the same page. And what I realized later on is that this is a system. Not everybody's doing this. And not everybody can command that that happens. And so I have one of those gifts where I know my calling is to repair the breach. And I have a strong, strong passion and a fire for bringing families together, whether they're single parents or not, bringing them all together so we're all on the same page. Wow.

Well, that is not what I thought you were going to say. And that is amazing and fascinating. And you have a lot of experience. That I didn't even know about. So I learned something new about you. Well, and you have a concept that I'm so curious about. I think this is really going to help us as parents. You say that we should begin with the end in mind. Can you explain what that concept means? I love it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, number one, I got to give credit where credit is due. I stole it. I'm an educator. And so that's what educators do. We borrow stuff from other people and we use them. And forgive me, Lord, I think it's Stephen Covey. He tells us to begin— yeah, begin with the end in mind. End in mind in education when we're educating kids. And so as I was drafting this book last summer, outlining it— I did all this last summer, and, uh, because I'm an educator and I'm usually off in the summer— but what that means is, what do we do beyond the baby shower? What do we do beyond the gender reveal? You know, this little person is coming whether we are ready or not, and what do we have planned for him or her? You know, there has to be a place where we are planning to get this young person, uh, because we've taken charge of that responsibility. Train up a child and the way they should go so that when they are old, they won't depart from it. So what are we planning to pour into this little person to make sure that he or she meets his or her full potential?

I'm going to laugh and say that I think the parents would probably say, I have no idea. I think parents would say, I have no idea. I mean, any advice of where parents can start? How do you start with that?

Yeah. And there's no shame in that. There's no condemnation in saying, I don't know. I don't know. Because we try. We do our absolute best. This is not about guilt or shame or pointing the finger at anything. You start where you are. You can't go to Disneyland from nowhere. You have to start where you are and track it out, map it out, and then get there eventually. So for parents who have no idea, number one, pay attention to your kid. Look at the kid in front of you. Parent the kid in front of you. This is not a one-size-fits-all thing. We all have gifts, talents, and abilities that we come here with. So see what he or she is really interested in, does well at. Like for me, I'll just give you an example. My mom, she was on autopilot, and she just, you know, she did the best that she could, and I think she did a good job, right? But she noticed that I like to read. I'm an only child, my mother's only child. And so, and I liked attention, and I liked the stage, and I liked all those things. And so she just followed along with that particular bent, whatever it was that she saw with me. I come from a family of basketball players. Everybody's talented. The men, the women, everybody's talented. In my hometown, when you hear that last name, you know they all played basketball. Well, guess what? When Michelle came through school, you know, tall and lanky and skinny, that last name Harmon, which is my maiden name, and everybody thought, you know, ooh, she's going to be the next up-and-coming baller. We're excited. Guess what Michelle played? The piccolo.

Oh my gosh, that's so funny. So you shocked everybody.

Everybody.

I have no basketball skills. But the good thing is that when parents know what their kids are good at, that's what you pour into. You pour into those gifts, not the deficits.

I love that advice. That's really good advice. And I like to observe and see what my kids are doing with their downtime to see interests. I like to— You know, I, I call myself the parenting detective sometimes.

I like it because you have to be.

Yes, we have to pay attention. We have to pay attention. And I, and I want to make sure we, we tell everyone that your book is The Parenting Playbook because I don't think we said the title. And I know in your book you address the unique challenges of raising children in today's society because today's society is very different for many reasons. So can we talk about that?

I think part of the problem— and there are lots of issues— but if we get down to whatever the root problem is, is that we don't do the basics anymore, not with consistency. You know, how many times a week do you sit down to dinner together at the table? No devices, no television. You know, you go back to 1960-something, Families ate together. They weren't going out to dinner. Either they couldn't afford it, or it just made more sense because mom was a homemaker. Whatever the case was, you know, it— a lot of the problems are solved right there at the dinner table. I think Ronald Reagan said that a million years ago, and I held on to that because I'm like, that makes sense. You get to find out how each person's day was. You have an opportunity to talk because you have a seat at the table. And if you're not at the table, you don't get to share. And so I think that is one of our unique challenges. We don't know how to communicate with each other anymore because all we're doing is we're texting them. It's a quick communication rather than let's linger together. We don't have any other place to go but to shower and to bed after dinner, right? But we're so scheduled. We're overscheduled with a lot of good things. But sometimes too much of a good thing is not a good thing.

I couldn't agree more. I love when they don't have cheerleading and football are both at 6 o'clock at night during the summer, during the summer. And as they're excited to go, which makes me so happy, but it really changes the whole dinner dynamic. So I agree. And I really treasure when we can all sit down together.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know you're spot on there.

And they'll look forward to it, by the way. If you institute that, they will look forward to it.

Oh yeah, they're very chatty at dinner, which is very interesting because, you know, I, you know, I have teenagers and they're not always chatty. Well, and you have practical tips and strategies for parents. I mean, like in their daily lives. Can you give parents some just daily tips that they can use?

Absolutely. One of my favorite is another one that I stole from education because it works. It's a guaranteed It's a guarantee. It's called I Do, We Do, You Do. And so if you're expecting kids to do something, whatever the task is, keep in mind, you have a vision for them. And in order to get them to that vision, there has to be a vehicle that gets them there. I call those vehicles missions. And one of the missions that I taught when my, my stepkids were little and they were at the house is Number 1, we all help out. No one is superior. We're all equal. We all help out. And so the little one, Aaliyah, at the time, would come in and she would help me. And sometimes it was just conversation. But they're watching me do the work. Markie was the same way. He would come in. And even when he got older, he would come into the kitchen when I was preparing stuff and just hang out with me, spend time with me, which is my love language. I love it when people sit and linger with me. So I do, you watch me do it, we do, we're going to do it together so that you learn it, and then eventually that gradual release of power. You do. I do, we do, so I can model it for you. We do it together, and then you do it on your own.

That's it.

Any new thing that you want them to do, you need to, number one, model it. You have to be doing it for them to see it done properly or done well or to your specifications, and then allow them to do it on their own. I love one more thing about that, though. We have to let go of some of the control. If we're perfectionists, or, you know, I'm real funny about my dishes, you know, at my house. And so, oh my God, if I think of it in terms of a Likert scale, I want the 5, you know, scale of 1 to 5. I want it done to perfection. But I got to modify my expectations, and I'll take a 3 if everything's clean. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be clean.

Oh man, you are a smart lady. It is so funny, even my husband, he jokes with me about the dishes. It's been, I don't know, 19 years of him joking with me about the dishes. And he's like, he's like, if you criticize how I do the dishes, I am not going to want to do the dishes.

Mm-hmm.

So I think it's funny that you brought up the dishes.

Okay, that's a divine word right there. Girl, cut that man some slack with those dishes. Let him do them.

You know, it's a puzzle. It's a puzzle. And I have perfected the puzzle.

You know, we have to talk offline about that puzzle, right?

Oh my God, I have to let go. I, you know what, I've been much better. If they put away their laundry and it's not neat, it's put away. If we want them to do things, Let them do it. Let them do it. It's one less thing I don't have to do.

Mm-hmm.

Look, oh my gosh. And I'm listening to you say, I do, we do, and you do. And I'm laughing when I, when I yell at my youngest and I'm like, stop yelling. I literally, I literally wrote that down. That I'm yelling, stop yelling. I mean, come on. Come on. I do.

I do.

We do.

You do. Mama's doing it.

Mama's got to model how to stay calm.

It's hard. It's hard. No condemnation here.

I know. Listen, it's a daily learning curve. And I'm learning every day.

Mm-hmm.

So you approach parenting different. From traditional parenting methods. And this is so fascinating to me. I want to learn about this.

You know what, old school folks will know exactly what I'm talking about. You know, before The Parenting Playbook, there was the Holy Bible. You know, it has Proverbs, Psalms, great stories, all these different things. And even families back in the day, so to speak, would read the Bible together. You know, they'd have Bible games, kind of like the same stuff that teachers do in their classrooms with the competition, like, oh, who can find this verse first? And, you know, and they're just flipping through when they find it. And again, that's a lost art form, kind of like when we make memories and take actual pictures and print them out and put them in a scrapbook. That is a lost art form. So it's a lot of things that we've just kind of discarded because we don't think we have time for it, or the pictures are on our phones. Well, guess what? One of the great things that I enjoy doing in terms of making memories when I go back home to Louisiana to visit my folks is my mom has old photo albums with all of us in it, all the cousins, all the uncles, the great-grands, and all that. And I love looking at those pictures. So I take pictures of the pictures of— this was me as a baby, this was me at 2, this was me at my kindergarten graduation. We don't do enough of that anymore. So back to the question. Yeah, mine is, is not— it's not new. There's nothing new under the sun. It's really just following biblical principles. So what I share in this book, and everything is based on Proverbs 22:6, train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is old he won't depart from it. And what I did is I did a deep study of that one verse in different translations. So in one translation it says to guide your children in the way they should go. Another one says point them in the right direction and they won't depart from it. Another one says, start them off in the right direction and they won't depart from it. And what's lovely about that verse is that there's a give and a take. If you do this, and this is what's gonna happen. So you know that there is a promise on the other side of the pointing and the teaching and the guiding. Uh, so if you want the second part, you gotta do the first part. And it doesn't say, do all that stuff for them, girl, they'll figure it out through osmosis. No, it doesn't. It says, point them in the right direction, train them up, teach them, because you're their first teachers. Before their first grade teacher is you. So take that responsibility seriously and know that that's your one job.

Absolutely. My son is 16, and in 2 years he wants to, you know, go away to college. And he's talking about college and he's looking at colleges. And I'm like, you know what, I have, I have 2 more years, but I'm like, I have real— he's a wonderful person. He's 16 years old. And I'm like, you know what, we've really focused so much on parenting him and we have to hope, we have to hope and pray that in 2 years when he goes away that he's going to fly off and still follow, you know, the beliefs and the values and, and follow the path that he's on. We just have to hope, you know, that we've, we've done a good job and they're gonna keep going in the right direction.

And you know he will. You know he will.

Gosh, I hope so. I'm certainly not going to stop parenting him from far away. That's—

you cannot. You cannot. It doesn't end as long as you're both here. That's that's still your charge. It's a covenant, you know. I've agreed to do this.

I tease my children that my, my parents still parent me so that they know that it never ends.

It doesn't.

Never ends.

Run to when you have a problem. I just want to say that. Who do you run to when you have a problem?

Oh, absolutely. I call my mom. Mom.

Absolutely.

Mom, what do you think of this?

Isn't that cool?

Oh my gosh. I hope my kids do the same thing. I can hope.

They will.

So the self-importance of self-care, and I'm not going to laugh, but I think I've finally realized the importance of self-care. How does that affect us in being a better parent if we take better care of ourselves?

Oh my gosh. So many obvious answers to that. We know that there's— oh, that's wonderful. If we're rested, we're excited, we're reinvigorated, we get away, we come back ready to do the work. Well, many of us don't do that. We don't even take the time to go and get a massage or get our nails done consistently. And self-care means consistent care. Consistent care. You know, you love it.

I'm writing that down.

Yeah. Consistent care. And not everything has to cost. You know, it could be as simple as, hey, I need to get out in nature. So I'm going to go, you know, on a trail. And I'm going to walk for a couple of hours. And I'm just going to sit. I'm going to take pictures. I'm going to be by a babbling brook. And I might record the sound so that I can play it at night. I mean, you have to do things that bring you joy and take you out of that hamster wheel. You know, like free the hamster. Get out of that hamster wheel and do— I don't even know where that came from.

Oh my gosh, but I am never going to forget that.

Free the hamster. You have to, you have to let them free and go out and explore something different other than that continuous wheel, because you get exhausted. And I'm sure at some point that hamster just passes out because it's just, it's too much. I'm tired. I'm just a hamster, you know. I'm not a super hamster. And Lord help me, I cannot believe that happened. But number one, It's important to do that because if you think in terms of the I do, we do, you do model, if mama's not taking care of herself, well, why do I have to do it? I never see mom, you know, taking a weekend with the girls or a day trip to the beach by herself with a book, you know, with her cell phone notifications off. I never see mom do that. So it must not be a normal thing and it must not be okay. 'Cause my mom, my first teacher, is teaching me that I don't have to do that. See how it all goes back?

I do not want them to learn that. And, you know, mothers are gonna relate to me when I say that I used to think I had to work nonstop from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed. And, you know, and I don't wanna teach them that. I wanna teach them to slow down and smell the roses. And I think that we just need a really good balance of work and play. You know. And we can get so stuck on the work all day long.

Oh my God, yes indeed. And the play is important because again, they're watching you. And the play doesn't always have to be happy hour, you know. And I'm not a prude, I, you know, I like a good martini or a good whatever from time to time. Um, but play could be backyard games. You set up the backyard, and notice I bring everything back, back to the home, because if your home is comfortable, you'll want to be there and you'll want to invite people over. Cornhole is huge now. You know, those oversized Jenga games. Oh my gosh, so much fun. Music, food and drinks. That's it. That's all it takes. And a couple of dogs running around, maybe even a cat or a hamster, you know?

Just— Hamster.

I'm going to overdo it with that. Or an African Grey. One of my girlfriends has an African Grey. I'm like, oh my goodness. Yeah. That's living. That's living.

Yes, I know. My brother was posting pictures of them in the Bahamas, and his wife wrote, "Work hard, play hard." And that line stays with me because they work so hard, but I also see them take time for play. So, you know, you're, you're right about everything you said. Makes us better people in general.

It does. It does. And that's what you want to teach your kids. And you, you can't just tell them, you have to— it has to be an action.

Yes. Well, let's go back to your book because you talk about so many wonderful things in your book. And I know that, you know, you help parents and children at different developmental stages in your book. So can we talk about that?

Right. So The Parenting Playbook: Beginning with the End in Mind is actually just the first of a series of books because I'm still writing, you know.

Awesome.

Yeah, definitely. I'm not saying I am the expert, but I am an expert. Um, and so I particularly focus on middle schoolers, teens, tweens, and also high schoolers, because that's the area where we can make the most impact. Middle school, every day there's a crisis, a drama, there's something that, you know, they're just not equipped to handle, but you are because you've been there before. And you can tell them a thousand times, oh, I'm being bullied at school. Really? Are you being— tell me, tell me about that. Well, you don't understand. Tell me about it so I can understand. Make me understand. And once you hear from your child what's going on, you're like, okay, I know exactly what to do. Now they will try to caution you not to do it, like, don't call my school, don't go.

Don't snitch on me. Yep.

All of the above. But the second book is all about your relationship with the school and the powers that be. So you must go into the school, you must be an active parent, you must volunteer. I talk to parents all the time at my current school when they come in to sit at the greeter desk. And so the greeter desk was instituted to welcome late students to school. It's a walking community. We have a lot of, you know, like 32, 36 buses, but it's still a walking community and it's safe to walk in this community. So kids sometimes roll out of bed once their parents are at work at NSA or wherever, and they stroll in late. And so there's a person there to write them a pass to class, welcome them. Hey, it's an A day. Hey, it's a B day. Have a good day. And those are parents. And so if we're not welcoming parents into our schools, they will not know that they belong. And, you know, so I think it's important that we reinstitute some of those safeguards and seeing a parent, oh, that's Ms. Rebecca. Oh, that's Ms. Michelle. Hey, Ms. Michelle. Hey, Markie, how are you? It builds that relationship. It builds community. And that's how we strengthen our homes. We strengthen our communities. We strengthen our world.

That's wonderful. Everybody who knows me who's listening knows that I'm super, super involved at school. And I will tell you, I talk to a lot of parents and sometimes it feels like they think it's parents against the school. And I mean, any advice to them? Because I, because obviously I want it to be like a team approach.

Yes. Yes. And that, that's exactly what it is. That's what the second book is about. It's a partnership. So we all have the same vision. We wanna see this person make it to his or her full potential. And whatever my little part is in it, I'm gonna do my absolute best to get them closer. Cuz education is also the vehicle that gets them closer to the vision. Right. And so if we don't have a good relationship with our teachers, our teacher's aide, our bus drivers, our custodial staff, our cafeteria workers. We're missing, we're missing the boat, you know. I love it when parents come together and say, hey, let's bless the, um, the custodians this week because they've been working in the school building getting it beautiful, and they show up with lunch or breakfast or snacks or cold drinks or whatever. That's a beautiful thing. That means you have taken the thought, taken some time to think about that particular group of people, and you want to bless them. And what does that do for them? It invigorates them. That means, oh my God, they see us. They know what we do for this school. And it makes them motivated. It's like, y'all, you are the hype man or the hype woman for this group of people. And so we have to go back to just saying thank you for things, even a handwritten note. When I look at all my handwritten notes from this past year, from parents, from kids, and they, you know, they sent big stuff too, like Edible Arrangements and flowers. They know I like flowers, and you can see some in the background. But that's their thanks. And they know that I'm a relationship person and I don't want anything other than give me a big old hug. Can I get a hug? Because that is my particular bent. That is my particular gift or ability. And I lead that way by knowing kids' names. And so it's important that even if these kids are not necessarily in my care, I know their names. And like, oh yeah, Miss Malone knows everybody. No, I don't. I forget some days. So I say, hey, homegirl, how you doing? Hey, hey, Fast Stepper. Like, yeah, she calls me Fast Stepper because I don't remember your name. I'm 53. You know, but we have to get back to those things where the school is not our enemy. You know, it's not a Jericho. We can come in and out freely. And we have a service to perform. You know, we want to support the school staff so that my kid and other kids can get closer to the vision we have for their lives. See how it's all connected?

All connected. I love it so much. It sounds so pretty when you say it. Oh my gosh, let's get back to parenting because you talk about communication and collaboration between parents and kids. So let's, let's jump into some tips on that.

Do you think we all speak the same language?

Oh my gosh, no.

So we have to learn each other's language. And it doesn't mean that you have to completely assimilate. And you know, if your kid says, hey mom, what's for dinner? And you say, IDK, you know, number one, we sound ridiculous. Doing that, you know. We do, we do. So it should be a fusion of going back and forth, you know. They make their communication short and sweet. Well, you need to tell them, hey, I expect that we have whole sentences, you know, no grunts, no weird body language. But we have to learn how to communicate with each other, with each kid, based on our bent and our expectations. So Mom, if you expect a complete sentence, you got to be using complete sentences too. And if your kid expects, you know, IDK and LMK, let me know. Well, you can respond that way too, in a jam, you know, but making sure that you're all on the same page in terms of how you communicate. If you tell them what's unacceptable, like no grunts, then eventually, if you're consistent and in that expectation, it'll happen. And I know it sounds beautiful on the front end. It's not beautiful. It's hard.

No, I'm laughing because this week I have told my kids that they cannot do yo mama.

Oh.

And they cannot do dude. I'm not dude. And I'm not bro. Bruh. I can't even say it. I'm not dude. And I'm not yo mama.

Oh my— I'm sorry, OMG.

I'm like, no, no, no, mom does not accept those labels.

Nope, you are deaf at that point. Whenever you hear that, you're like, nope, not even listening, and walk away. And walk away.

Oh my gosh, dude, do not call your mother dude.

They think it's cute. They really do think it's cute.

They do. They think it's heartwarming. And I'm like, you know what's heartwarming? Mom. Yes, Mommy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And eventually when they're older, sometimes they will call you Mommy. Isn't that cute?

Oh yes. Oh my gosh, when they break out Mommy, they can have whatever they want, and they know it too. I hope they don't listen to this and hear that.

I hope they listen to this and hear this.

Oh my gosh, let's, let's jump to a topic that I need, okay? Discipline and boundaries. Not my greatest strength as a parent. So let's give everyone some discipline and boundaries tips.

Consistency, consistency, consistency. And you have to know where the boundaries lie, right? Like you just said, no yo mama, no bruh, no— what was the third one? I forgot. Dude.

Dude.

Yeah. That's a boundary.

Yeah.

And you have to be consistent with it. Don't respond when they say that. And it's not ignoring them. You are teaching them that that is a boundary. If you don't want swear words in your home, that is a boundary. Every time I hear it, we're going to have a conversation. You know you don't want to have a conversation with me. We're going to have a conversation. It's not going to be, stop using the F word. It's going to be, come on downstairs. Let's have a conversation. And so they know when they say it, you may not even have to say, come downstairs. They will come downstairs like, mom, did you hear what I said? Yep, sure did. Sometimes that's a lie because you didn't hear it. But as that detective, you have to pretend sometimes that, yep, I heard it. And I'm offended by it. Why am I offended by it? Because we have the opportunity to bless and curse with our tongues. And you have chosen to curse in this home. And you have taken away the peace, the joy, and the order just from those words. Now, how do we fix that? Well, let's speak some life into this family. Let's speak some life into this situation. And what caused you to respond so coarsely? All right, let's look at that. Let's talk it out. So if everything's going to be a conversation, that's going to limit the use of those things that you don't want them to do. Everything's teaching. You are a teacher. Whether you're certified or not, you're a teacher.

Oh, well, we're their teachers in life, but I don't want to teach them math.

Girl, can we do a virtual high five on that one?

I learned, you know, when they were, when they were home during the whole pandemic and I was trying to help them with stuff, my oldest, I was like, you need to come down here and do math with them because I am not equipped for this.

And there you go. That's back to basics right there. Come and help your brother and sister.

Yes.

Come down back to basics, girl. I can only imagine what remedial math those kids would be in if I had to teach them. I'm just saying.

Well, and it's also different than when we were taught. So I'm like trying, I'm like, I can't, I can't even, I can tell you the answer. I can't tell you how I got there. Yes.

So many different steps and they do it so quickly. And I'm like, I'm like, this is bananas. It's Greek to me. I can usually get the answer, but, uh, yeah, not with those steps.

No, no. But, but life, we, we're parents, can teach life. I'm gonna leave the teachers to the other stuff. I would love to know the answer to this question.

Okay, I'm listening.

Okay, in your opinion, what is the most important aspect of parenting for long-term success? What an awesome question. That's your question.

Yeah, I know it's my question.

Michelle gave me this amazing question.

I'll tell you what. Number 1, being a safe place. Being a safe place to land. And if you're doing all the things in the home, they will always come back home. I'm 53. I mentioned that before. When I go home to Louisiana, my blood pressure goes down. Oh, you know, I live in the DC area, so it's always move, move, move. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fast. It's very fast. And when we first moved here, I'm like, oh, I can't catch up, you know. I'm like, I want to go back down south. Um, but it's about creating and establishing and cultivating that safe place, whatever it looks like. And so my mom has a small apartment in South Louisiana, but man, I love going there. I got my own space, she has her own space, but we watch TV together, her shows. I don't even complain. It's all Westerns all day, and I'm like, oh Lord. So all the old stuff, she watches, um, uh, MeTV all day. So it's Andy Griffith. Oh my God, it's Columbo. It's just all those old shows, The Waltons, you know, Big Valley. And so, and we eat, we talk about things, we eat, we eat together, um, we laugh, we tell jokes, we look at magazines, we pray. I mean, it's all those little things. And I think back to those years when she was raising me, I'm like, man, who on earth wants to raise a teenager? Because we're flipping the mouth, We don't want to communicate. When we do communicate, it's not nice. We cry all the time. We're afraid of everything. And, um, but we, we got to celebrate our parents because we— you still do it. You still do it because you love them and you're in covenant with God. You are training up a child and you're planning to get them all the way to the finish line with every breath in you. And so making sure that your home is a safe place to land, and they will always come back to it.

Oh, that— I, I love that answer. I was so excited to hear what you were going to say. That's perfect. I— we can do that. We can all do that.

I know it. That's easy. That's easy. And it does— it doesn't take money. It doesn't take a lot of money. No, just simple stuff. Let's bake some cookies one night and watch a movie.

Yes.

You know, let's have a salty sweet night. Let's bake Let's do some popcorn and some chocolate chip cookies and watch a movie.

I love that. Cookies, cookies fix everything.

They do. 90% of the things, the cookies do.

You know, it's funny that you say cookies because my mom told me that my brother— I mean, my brother always had friends over, always. And she said she was always baking cookies. So isn't that cute?

Yes, it is cute.

So I would love to know the best piece of advice you've ever given or received?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Best piece of advice that I've ever given is just be present. Mm. Fully present. Not checking your cell phone, not looking at your watch. Because when you do that, that body language tells the person you're with, they don't really have time for me. They're just kind of squeezing me in. I mean, turning everything off and eye contact. Hugs, whomever. It might be your husband, you know, because he needs it too, you know. Wives, come on, you need that time with them.

Absolutely. Oh my God, absolutely.

Best piece of, best piece of advice I've gotten, because I am a reformed Type A personality. I love it. I just spoke it into existence, hoping the Lord will heal that. Uh, but Michelle, you don't have to know the full blueprint, and you don't have to figure out the entire blueprint. You can come up with this piece and the next piece, and guess what? Just walk it out.

Yes.

Yeah, just walk it out. That's it.

I totally agree. I know we, we will never have it all figured out, and that's okay. Yes. Yes. I know.

I know.

Well, I mean, I asked you so many questions and learned so much from you. Is there anything else that you would like to share?

Oh my gosh. Just that this is my passion. Okay? This is a passion. And it took me years to figure it all out that this is what I wanted to do with my life. And now that I do it, I'm just on fire. Everywhere I go, I'm like, hey, I'm going to do a workshop. Oh, I'll do this. I'll do that. I partnered with one of my associate pastors and we did this, this course, 6-week course called Parent Talk. And yeah, and so we used my book as the, as the text, and we went to 2 different campuses that our church has. So one week we were at one campus, the next week we're at the other campus, and it was in person. And we use this tool called the OWL, O-W-L. And so it records you in real time so that you— it can be broadcast to the folks at the other location. And it was the most fun working with him because he's an amazing pastor. He's an includer, uh, he, he's just an amazing pastor who sees his people and they feel the love. I felt the love. I'm like, dude, I'm gonna start coming to your church even though it's like 4,000 miles away from my house. I'm gonna start going there every Sunday. I'll leave on Saturday, you know, just to go there because he has created a safe space. For his people. And, uh, so yeah, that's it. That's my passion. That's what motivates me. If people are saying, well, how can you do this? You're not even a parent. Guess what? It was divine. The Lord put me on this course, and I am not going to say no to him.

Well, and the fire in you and the passion in you just shows that you're on the right path.

Thank you.

Right. Well, tell everyone where they can find you and your wonderful book.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. So, The Parenting Playbook: Beginning with the End in Mind. Forgive mine because it has tabs all over it. Oh, I love the COVID Isn't that adorable? Yeah. Do we match? Yeah, we do match.

Yes, you match.

Oh my God. So you can find it on Amazon. Um, go to Amazon, get it, get copies for, you know, your friends, your family. I love it when ladies read it in community. As a small group and they discuss the chapters and they implement them and they come back and they hold each other accountable. I love community. And you know, that's what the Lord wants us to do. He doesn't want us working in isolation. He wants us working together and holding each other accountable. I ain't mad at you if you drink wine as you're reading it. I'm not mad at you, just saying. Um, but yes, there. And of course you can always go to my website. It's called principlemichelle.com. And principal based on biblical principles, P-R-I-N-C-I-P-L-E michelle.com. Uh, and I have lots of blog posts there. You can just go through some of them, and, and I pray that they'll bless you.

Oh, well, you are such a pleasure to talk to. I knew I was gonna love you.

I knew I was gonna love you too.

Sweet. Well, thank you for taking time to meet with me today and to share your wisdom with everyone. I really appreciate it.

You're welcome, Rebecca. You are just pure joy.

Oh, thank you. And you are pure love. I want you to know you just radiate so much love across the screen. We're not even next to each other and I feel it.

I know. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This is Rebecca Greene reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

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