Episode 262: So Many Milestones

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No need to whine and whine.

Welcome to the Winey Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everybody, happy Wineyplousa Wednesday. No need to whine, it's Wineyplousa Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Wineyplousa Wednesday with the Greene family. Thanks, honey. Bye. And thank you for all your wonderful support for Winey Palooza today. My daughter read my blog last week. Ella, the one who just left, read my blog last week. It was called Finding the Moments, and she said she loved it and it was amazing, and it touched my heart, and I will never forget that text message. And then I said, do you have any ideas for what you would like me to write this week? And she said, how about all of your children's milestones? Wasn't that a good idea?

It was a great idea.

And then she read it and she approved. And she told me that my writing voice is nurturing.

It is nurturing.

I was going to ask you if you agree with that.

I do agree.

So she likes my writing voice.

That's awesome.

So I'm gonna keep writing for Ella. I think you should, and some of the other folks, and everybody else who reads it and enjoys it.

Millions of people watch you around the world.

Thank you if you have read my blog. If you haven't, you can— I write it every Wednesday. I pick a new topic and I write about, about the topic at wendypluza.com, and then I go live at night to talk about it. Yes, so let's talk about it.

Let's talk about it, talk about it.

I want to start with the fact of telling you this was not in the blog, so this is going to be a surprise to you.

I love surprises.

I know you do. Added content, baby. You help me to handle milestones in a more positive, happy way.

Awesome. They should be celebrated, you, in my opinion.

You're an excellent role model for milestones. Okay, you don't get upset.

Why would I get upset? We're doing something awesome.

Okay, so we're gonna go back to the old Rebecca. Yes. And then we're gonna come back to the new Rebecca who's learned a lot.

All right, flashback, folks, and then we'll come back. It's just like Breaking Bad. We start at the end, we go back, and then we catch everybody up. Try and keep up.

Um, I'm trying to think how I've gotten here. I think there's a few ways that I've gotten here, but I used to cry a lot.

Yeah. And I would be grieving and be like, every birthday, every school year, beginning of every school year.

Oh my God, I'm so different now. Do you see?

Congratulations.

But do you see it?

Yes, I have been celebrating.

Okay, so the old me cried and grieved.

It's so sad they finished the school year. It's so sad we're starting another school year. Oh, they did something wonderful. That's so sad. Because they're never going to be that age again. Every day they're going to get older. It's terrible. I need a baby.

No more babies.

That's my very bad impression of you.

Okay, but how many times have I asked for a baby?

Today?

Just in general.

In the last week? One or two?

In the last 20 years.

Oh, a lot. Doesn't mean I said— you only— I only said yes 2 times, but we got 3 kids. Thankfully I didn't say yes the other 2,742 times. Oh my gosh, pregnant 20 years in a row.

The third one was a maybe.

Uh, you were, you were there. I was not there yet.

He was getting there, slowly, or slow, slower than me, right?

So I wasn't— not right now. And somehow right now happened.

That was not my fault. It takes two to tango.

No, it was completely your fault. You tricked me.

I did not. Okay, that is That's so untrue. Do not tell the world that I tricked you.

I thought— okay, well, you brought it up, not me.

Okay, well, I would never in a million years trick you.

Okay, you accidentally tricked me.

Okay, this is what I'm gonna—

back to your topic.

This is what I want to tell the public. This is what I want to tell—

don't go there—

all of you. This is what Seth and I have learned.

Oh, I have learned this too. We'll see if this is true.

Yeah, there is no safe day. Oh yes, that is true. There is— oh my gosh.

Karen says, OMG, I love you. So happy to know I'm not the only one who gets sad and feels grief at those life moments. I hate them getting older. We're going to talk about that in just a minute.

So Karen, I have changed significantly with this.

We've brought her along.

Okay, so, um, I guess what I have realized is that all these milestones— okay, so Lily went to middle school. Yeah. And that's awesome. Adjusted awesomely. Um, Ella finished 8th grade and took high school classes and, and joined the musical and, and was president of her chorus and joined National Honor Society and just had—

join that, she got in.

Yes. Um, just like an amazing year for Ella.

Yes.

And finished middle school. Yes, finished middle school. Lily joined, um, middle school, and Max had an awesome year as a sophomore.

Yes.

And, um, with Max, Max is learning to drive.

Yeah.

Which is like, you know, if you're watching, like, this is a huge milestone.

I think there was license in like a month.

I think 2 weeks.

Oh my God, it's even sooner than I thought. I forgot about the date.

I have to do the math. I think it's in 2 weeks and we've got to get some practice in. We have to get some practice in and he has to actually pass the test.

I'll pass the test.

So, um, I remember the feeling of getting my license. Do you remember the feeling? Sure. It was like freedom and independence. And anyways, I'm seeing how Every year they're just growing and becoming these, these amazing people. And, uh, do I miss the babies? 100%. 100%. I was listening to a couple today talk on a podcast, and the wife was like, oh my goodness, like, how did this all go by so quickly? And the husband was like, he is so much more fun now. Like, the women love the babies, and the men, and the men are like but they don't do anything, right? So, so what have I learned and how have I changed? And hopefully I can help you. Yes, stop grieving. I don't want any of us to be grieving, and I want us all to be celebrating. So interesting that I think it's because Max is in high school, and I think it's because Ella is so excited, but I don't know about you, but I don't feel sadness that middle school is over.

Well, we're celebrating for her. She's very happy to get to high school.

I think middle school is the hardest years. Yeah, I am so proud of her for getting through them. That wasn't easy. There were so many bumps. Um, academically, did she kill it? Yes. Um, emotionally, kids can be mean, and middle school kids I think are the meanest, don't you think?

Yeah.

And there were bumps, and she She got through it. And Max had bumps this year and he got through it. I mean, think about it, he had like his first relationship.

Yep.

Um, and learned so much through the process.

Yeah.

So, okay, so celebrating and not grieving anymore has shifted me emotionally in ways where I'm not crying all the time. And I used to cry a lot, and Seth was so good, so steady and calm, and this is good, Rebecca, this is wonderful, she's going off to high school, this is fabulous. I mean, you— I don't think you've had any tears over any milestone change.

Well, if you think about it, grieving is you're looking backwards and you're thinking about what you don't have anymore, what you're gonna miss. Yes. If you're excited, you're looking forwards and you're celebrating because you're looking forwards. So I have always looked forwards up until, you know, last couple years. You've always looked backwards.

Yes. So I've always grieved the babies, right? I've always—

a lot of baby barking— go, she was so cute! And I'm like, it's beautiful now.

Like, I mean, I miss the babies. I'm not gonna lie, I'm always gonna miss my babies. They're still my babies, but they're—

you need to wipe a butt, I can find somebody, honey. I know, I was being funny.

No more diapers, no more sleepless nights, right? But I liked that stage more than you. Yes, more than you. You like this stage more. You're— this is your jam.

I, I have liked every stage where they were able to walk, talk, wipe themselves, feed themselves, have a real conversation.

I will never forget me being in awe of Max and you being like, he doesn't do anything.

Yeah, he's a baby, correct. I was like, what am I gonna do here, sit here for hours and just stare at him, right? Yeah, that was your jam.

Yeah, I will, I will hold him and stare at him all day.

He just lies there. I can only shake the rattle for so long before I get bored.

What did you do all day? I nursed him, I held him.

Yeah.

Okay, so I want us to always acknowledge and feel our feelings. Like driving— sad— no, not sad— scared, terrified, worried, happy, excited. Like, name a feeling, I'm probably feeling it about Max driving.

Probably.

What about you?

I'm happy for him. I am happy that you'll have less driving to do.

Oh my gosh, I drove Max all day today. He's like, Mom, we've been in the car all day. And he was like, I just want to drive myself. And I was like, you're preaching to the taxi right here, who wants you to drive yourself. So I want us to feel our feelings. I want us to acknowledge our feelings, but I want us to celebrate. I mean, let's— like Seth says, let's celebrate and look forward. They have so many awesome things ahead of them.

Yes.

So As you've heard, I had all day with Max today. All day in the car, this place, this place. He was all over the place and he was like, Mom, I'm so excited for college. He's gonna be a junior. He needs to slow his roll.

Does he?

Well, for me, a little bit.

You need him to slow you.

Okay, he doesn't need to slow his roll.

I like that he's actually doing stuff.

He's like, well, because we were like, you have to actually do your research, you have to attend things online. Now colleges want you to attend things, open your emails, read your emails. Like, he needs to be an active participant.

Yeah.

So we were lecturing him about this, and I think he listened. He's taking it seriously. And he said to me, I'm so excited about college. I'm doing all this research and it sounds so cool. And did you know I could take this class and this class? And I was like, all I felt was excitement for him.

Awesome.

So I think that if— if—

when—

is when better?

Yes, it's not a question.

Okay, well, you haven't even let me finish my sentence.

I'm sorry.

Okay, when he goes away to college, when he loves it, I'm gonna feel so much happiness for him. We just want our kids to be happy and succeed. So So when he goes away, I hope that he loves it because when they're struggling and not loving something, that's when it's harder, right?

Yes.

Don't you think?

Definitely.

Okay, so—

Especially for an empathic person such as yourself.

So we're celebrating their achievements and their milestones.

Yes, and looking forward to more.

And we're not comparing them because my friend's son is taking time to figure out what he's gonna do next. After high school. And I want to say, I'm sure that he will go to college and be successful in whatever he does, but some kids are not academic. Some kids are going to go a totally different route. Some kids aren't athletic. I get so frustrated when I hear people comparing each other's children or the siblings. Um, my 3 kids could not be more different. So they have taught me that we can't compare them to each other or to anyone else. Max will be like, "Why are you so hard on me?" Well, there's reasons for that. There's reasons that we might be a little harder on him. Wouldn't you agree?

I would agree.

I would agree. Okay, so what I find is what helps me go through milestones is I talk to parents who have already been through the next phase. And that helps me, like when Max went to high school, I talked to a ton of people about high school. When Max goes to college, I'm gonna be talking to a ton of people about college. We've been, all of my friends who have kids the driving age, we've all been talking about driving. So it helps me cope, it helps me see that I'm not alone and other people are going through the same feelings. And other, other parents always have good advice. So keep talking to people and asking questions. And if your kids are going to a new school, you're not supposed to go in knowing anything. You're gonna learn. We learned a lot with Max, and it's been a good ride so far, right? So when there are bumps, we have to realize that we will help them, and we will help them overcome the bumps, that they can do it, that they can come up with ways to overcome the bumps. They're so much more resilient than we give them credit for, don't you think?

Very resilient.

I said something today and then I retracted what I said and I said, no, I am not going to underestimate her. I don't like what I just said. I'm like, I need to give her more credit than that.

Yes.

So not underestimating our kids and realizing they're resilient they're going to overcome things and that we're going to support them through it when there are bumps. Because when does anything go completely smooth, right?

The only people with no problems are in the cemetery.

Oh, I don't like that. Okay, I guess, I guess it means we're always gonna have bumps, right?

You're, uh, you're there. Our illusion is that we think we shouldn't have any, but that's how you I would agree.

We grow more from the bumps than the successes, I think, from my experience, right? And from watching our children.

Pressure turns coal into diamonds.

That is a good line, right?

You like diamonds very much.

I like diamonds very much. So I want to tell you something that you may not know, okay?

I'm ready.

And if you know this already, forgive me.

So repetition is the mother of skill. When our I would be upset.

When our kids have a new milestone, we have to set out what our expectations are. Okay?

Yes.

So expectations at college.

Yes.

Expectations for driving. So I've started talking to Max, and I don't know if you have, but he can't just like leave the building. He can't just be like, peace out, and not say anything. Mom, can I go to Sean's? Like, he's 16.

Oh, you're okay. I'm sorry, I thought we were on college. Yes, driving.

Oh, driving.

The building is in— he can't just leave the house and take the car and not ask us and tell us where he's going. Yeah, yes, I agree with that 100%.

Yeah, like, he needs to ask. He needs to tell us where he's going. Like, bye, Mom, I'm going to football practice. See you after practice. Or, Mom, I'm not coming home, I'm going to Chipotle with my friends. Right? Like, I want updates and I have expectations. You agree?

I agree.

So you're gonna help me with that?

I'm gonna help you.

So we're all gonna get through every milestone. Yes, our kids are gonna get through it. I'm really excited for Max to go to junior year. I'm excited for him to drive to school.

Yeah, cuz I believe what you just said.

I'm more, uh-huh, excited than nervous, but nervous—

how you communicate—

nervous is right behind excitement.

The way you're communicating, the nervous is winning.

Okay, so parents who have children who are older than mine, how did you cope when they got their license and started taking off by themselves? Did you just have faith? Did you just like— how did you, how did you deal? So Max says to me today, ah, after a week you'll be fine.

I think Max is optimistic. Sorry.

Oh my gosh, there is— it's such a responsibility. So I have faith he's gonna do it. He's gonna do a great job in junior year. He's gonna do a great job driving. Ella's gonna love high school. Faith, trust, and wine. Oh my God, thank you for the advice.

Say faith, trust, and pixie dust.

Thank you for the advice. Yes, uh, very stressful. And, uh, Lily's off to 6th grade, and I think she's gonna love it like she loved 5th grade. And I can't believe how old they are, but I want to celebrate it. I mean, this is what is supposed to happen. So, so there is no other option.

They're not going to get younger.

I went to the doctor and we were talking about her kids and how old her kids were and where they were and what was going on. And she was like, I guess it's a result of successful parenting.

There you go.

And I was like, what a, what a healthy perspective. I mean, when your kids are meeting these milestones and getting older and doing things they're supposed to be doing. I mean, what else shows you success from your parenting than that?

There you go.

I think that's the— so somebody said, look at someone's kids. Where are they at? What are they doing? If you like how their children are, then you seek advice from the parents.

Good to check the validity of your sources. Yes.

Listen, if your child is struggling, I am sure you can still give good advice. I'm just saying that was advice that was given to me.

Yes, it was.

So anything else you want to say about milestones?

Bring them on, baby.

I love your healthy attitude. I love that you balance me, and I love that you don't grieve.

It's not something sad to grieve about.

Well, I think as kids get older, it's harder for moms than dads.

Okay, I'm gonna agree with that statement.

Let me know if I'm right, but I'm doing much better.

Yes, you have significantly improved. It's a huge difference. I'm very proud of you.

I'm not crying on every birthday.

You are not. That is very nice, a nice change of pace.

But I used to. Yes, you did. So anyways, um, this week on the podcast is Michelle Harmon Malone, and it's The Parenting Playbook is her topic. And she actually wrote a book called The Parenting Playbook and talked about it. And she's a fascinating lady who taught me some awesome stuff, so you're gonna love her. And we had winners to the July challenge. And if you listen to this, uh, due to a very busy woman who is taxiing her children around all day. I'm gonna go over to Amazon and I'm going to send you some stuff from Amazon.

So Jeff Bezos will be delivering your prizes.

So I will get your prizes to you. If you want to join the Winey Clues and Mom group on Facebook, it's free, it's supportive, it's wonderful.

It's private.

It's— ask me for an invite. And anything else you want to share, honey?

No need to whine.

Are you gonna end it?

I didn't— I don't know, that was just what I had.

Okay, well, thank you.

Thank you for joining us on the Whiny Palooza Wednesday.

Little Ella, do you want to sing us out? Your father is like not doing the best job. What? Dad.

Dad, thank you for watching Whiny Palooza Wednesday with the Greene family.

That was so much better.

There you go. I just need another take.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for joining us. I hope you're enjoying your summer. Have a wonderful week.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

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